April 14, 2006
FD/MM/FM February 2006
[ ] "Man Looketh on the Outward Appearance, Part 2," ML #3125:44-80, Vol.24
[ ] "Mama's Memos!—No.11," ML #3253:1-72,78-79, GN 858
[ ] "Fight for Life, Part 1," ML #3390:205-207, Post-it GN #6
[ ] "Fight for Life, Part 4," ML #3393:1-2‚11-25‚145-237, Post–it GN #9
[ ] "Exposing Bacchus," ML #3402:153-174, Post-it GN #4
[ ] "Shooting Straight, Part 7," ML #3506:57-75, GN 1095
44. (Mama:) Now that we're on the subject of beauty and trying to look nice and attractive in our dress, appearance, makeup, etc. (I'm mainly talking to the girls here)‚ I'd like to touch on the other side of trying to look too nice or attaching too much importance to it. Well, maybe some of you girls feel that there's no way you could look too nice, and that you never look nice enough. But maybe that's just because the members of the opposite sex don't tell you enough how lovely you really are. Or maybe you've gotten so overly concerned with looking nice that no matter how good you look, you feel that it's not enough. It can be a real problem, and we've had some girls in the Family get so obsessed with their looks and their weight that they stopped eating altogether so that they could be slimmer and fit into the smaller-sized clothes that they wanted to wear‚ because of their misperception that they were fat!
45. It's pretty normal for most women, especially as we get older‚ to feel a little self-conscious if our hips start getting wide and our thighs start growing. There's nothing wrong with any of us trying to do vigorous exercise every day and watch that we don't eat too many fatty foods in order to keep our weight in check if we find that we easily gain; in fact, it's a good idea. But if you get too concerned with it, especially when you're still a teenager or young adult, it can get to the point that it becomes dangerous and a burden rather than a blessing.
46. And of course some girls are just naturally a bit on the heavy side and battle with feeling fat—not because of a misperception, but because they are bigger than some of the other girls. But we're all different‚ and there's nothing wrong with being a bit heavier than other girls if that's the way the Lord made you. And there's also nothing wrong with trying to stay fit and healthy through eating smart and exercise. But when it becomes such a monumental concern and is on your mind all the time, that's when trying to look nice becomes a problem and even dangerous! In fact, if you stop eating properly, regularly skipping meals in a desperate effort to keep slim and trim, it could end up costing you your health, or even your life! Or, if you later find out you're pregnant, it could cost you your baby's life in a miscarriage, or severely affect his health, strength and intelligence once he's born.
47. On the other hand, maybe there are some girls who are truly overweight and need to watch their diet and do more vigorous exercise in order to get down to a healthy level. For them it's not imaginary, but a real problem that they struggle to overcome, God bless them.
48. Since overzealous dieting to stay slim and trim is a problem some of you girls have experienced, I thought you might be interested in reading the following message from beyond that we received from a Christian girl named Mary Kemper, who was anorexic. She tells her story and what caused her anorexia, leading her to an early grave. While I don't think many of you girls have as serious an obsession with beauty and appearance as this girl did, nevertheless you may find this warning about the ultimate consequences helpful in warding off this attack of the Enemy, by which he tries to hinder your usefulness to the Lord.
49. (Mary Kemper:) There's a saying that beauty is only skin deep. Have you heard it? Many folks know that real beauty lies not on the surface at all, but is inside you. Real beauty, the beauty of the Lord, is much deeper than your outside shell. It's real and lasting, deep and eternal, and will last forever. True beauty goes much deeper than meets the eye. But though many people realize this‚ they unfortunately still base a lot of their decisions about their appearance on skin-deep beauty instead of the true beauty within.
50. It's one thing to take care of your body, obey God's natural health laws‚ and have a nice, neat, pleasant appearance. There's nothing wrong with looking nice. But today things are getting way out of hand. Folks look to the outward appearance and go to extremes to adjust their looks, just so they can be what they think is more beautiful. It's gotten so far out of hand these days that in some places it's even fashionable to use plastic surgery or dyes to snip it, tuck it, inflate it‚ deflate it, color it—you name it! People don't think anything of it! It really is horrifying, because all these adjustments and attempts to beautify your flesh are designed to destroy you. How smart of the Devil to make it fashionable and the accepted "in" thing.
51. If you only knew how Jesus sees you, you wouldn't want to tamper with your body at all! A normal amount of body care and staying in good health and good shape is good‚ but tampering with your body and trying to change things that don't need changing is another ballgame.
52. Real beauty is more than skin deep, and all these new and fancy ways to achieve a certain look are extremely dangerous. Fashion is mostly designed for a purpose—to destroy you. Watch out for fashion; it just might strip you of your passion—the passion of love, the passion of the Lord‚ and the passion to get out there and love the lost at any cost! When you get so bent on all these self-improvement kicks, and so immersed and obsessed with fashion and false looks, it can grow and grow until that's all you can think about!
53. Unless you stop it while there's still time‚ a process begins inside you of being overly concerned about yourself and how you look on the outside. It's the process of elimination, and the target is you. The Devil's trying to eliminate you! He wants to destroy your real beauty so you can't shine and help others. He'll try to hurt and harm your body with all these falsities, all the while making you think you're improving it. He projects these false images and wrong ideas to trap you in his snare, to take you past the point of no return.
54. The physical and spiritual are deeply interconnected. Physical beauty is only skin deep, but that physical beauty is often altered from within. That is why it's important to do what you can to take good care of your body. Your physical appearance can shine, glow and radiate, or it can be dull, haggard and wasted. The spiritual affects the physical much more than most folks think.
55. I never realized this until I finally came Home to Heaven, and that's why I'm here to talk to you now, so you can hopefully learn from my experience. You might be thinking, "Plastic surgery, breast implants, I'm never gonna go that far! Come on now, I'm not that stupid." Maybe so, and I certainly hope not. But you see, it's still out there. There are temptations, tricks and decoys all around you to entice you if you're unaware.
56. It's all around in many forms, surrounding you in ways you don't even realize—through advertising, fashion magazines, newspapers, the people you see in the movies or on TV—all constantly trying to influence, to mold your thought patterns and tear you down. Movie stars, sports heroes, musicians and rock stars‚ that beautiful girl on the billboard or that hunk of a man you see in a commercial. Some are genuinely beautiful—God's creations, the way He made them—but many are false images, unreal, synthetic, not natural.
57. When you pass over to this side, you will be seen as you truly are—the way God made you, the beautiful real you. Over Here everyone is the way God made them to be, because that's what beautiful is. Only the way God made you is gonna shine forth, because He made you a certain way for a reason.
58. God designed each person in a unique way. Wouldn't life be boring if everyone was the same? It's true that some people do gain or lose too much weight because of their lifestyles and ungodly habits, or they are affected in some way because of wrongful living. But if each person would live right, eat right, exercise right, and follow the truth of God's Word, if everyone would follow the instruction manual of their Maker, then even on Earth they'd be beautiful, just the way God made and intended folks to be. God likes variety. He is the Creator. He made all the shapes and sizes and colors‚ tall and short, hefty and lean, black, white, yellow and red; all are beautiful in His sight.
59. I never personally got into some of the extremes they have nowadays. I never changed my nose or inflated my breasts. I never even colored my hair. I'm guilty of something much, much worse—I starved myself to death!
60. It started out because of fashion ideas that were implanted in my head. It seemed so innocent at first, and I didn't have sense enough to brush it aside, so it grew and grew into a vicious cycle. Because of my pride and my unyieldedness and refusal to get help, my refusal to admit that I was wrong, there was no stopping place. After a while I hardened my heart. I yielded to the wrong voices, the wrong spirits, and I took the long, hard road.
61. I was not really overweight, although I admit there were a few times when I went overboard. I'd go on a binge of eating too many sweets every once in a while, after which I could afford to shed a few pounds, or even 5 or 10. There were a few times in my junior high days when I overdid. I ate too many sweets—cakes, pies, jelly-filled donuts, ice cream, and oh, candy bars! I just loved candy bars! Yeah, there were a few times when I genuinely could afford to lose a few pounds!
62. My sweet binges were relatively few and far between, though. I couldn't afford to overdo too often. For the most part, as an active teen, I was doing fine. I was pretty average all around—not too tall, five foot five inches—and my weight went up and down between 115 and 125 pounds (52–57 kilos).
63. My best friend Sally was different altogether. She was tall and thin—the boys called her skinny. Sally was just made that way, though. It wasn't because she didn't eat; as a matter of fact, she always had the appetite of a horse! Not only that, she could eat all those lusty sweets I craved so much and she never put on a pound. I never did think that was fair. Sally and I had different figures—she was tall and slender and I was shorter, more built, and I definitely had a little more padding in the buns!
64. Have you ever heard of a model named Twiggy? She was popular when I was in school. The Twiggy look became the rage. I didn't know then what I know now, and that's how the Devil uses fashion. He creates new trends with a purpose. He'll send out his thought patterns through fashion.
65. Fashion is one of the vehicles that the Devil uses to project false images in the form of a certain look or style. He attempts to shape the thoughts of those ignorant of his devices. His images project certain thought patterns that move people to act or think or strive for a certain thing, or a certain look, a certain thrill. It's all very subtle, but very real.
66. Twiggy was the rage‚ and Sally, my best friend, certainly had the "in" look more than I did. "It wouldn't hurt to shed just a few more pounds to be in vogue," I thought. With the Twiggy look all around on the billboards, on the TV, in the movies, and my dear best friend Sally staring me in the face day after day, I thought, why not? Besides, I always wanted to shed my extra padding on the rear end and thigh area.
67. So in an attempt to be "in‚" I got a brainy idea: Why not just stop eating for a while and shed the pounds quickly? Crash diets were also the trend, and quick results were what I was after. So I simply stopped eating. I never really stopped to think about long–term effects in those days. All I really wanted was to be able to wear a smaller size and cram my fanny and thighs into a designated favorite pair of pants—the skintight ones. I never once stopped to think about what it was doing to my body on the inside—all I wanted was results on the outside.
68. So I started skipping meals. It was subtle and very gradual at first. The Devil is sly. He gentled me into it with a gradual cutting down of my meals until I was able to get used to it more and more, to where I could go for long periods of time with no food at all. The thing is that I never really missed eating so much. I didn't miss it because I yielded to this driving force that was egging me on.
69. After a while you just sort of get to the point where you hardly feel it any more—at least you think you don't feel it. Your stomach shrinks and you don't feel so much. You can't see what is going on inside of your body until you get past the point of no return. It was downhill from then on, until I was a confirmed, full-fledged anorexic.
70. Although I was no expert on the subject of food and health‚ somehow I knew in my heart that to abuse my body by just not eating was wrong. But I was driven with the desire to be fashionable, and the more I yielded to that desire, the more I lost conviction.
71. I never meant to stop eating altogether, forever. I never meant to kill myself; in fact, that thought never entered my mind. All I knew at first was that I wanted to look a certain way. It seemed innocent in the beginning‚ but my point of reference was all wrong, and this is where I got way off track. I was getting hit with all the wrong input around me and I soaked it all up. I started actually thinking I was fat, when I was never really fat at all. I thought I had to be like someone else, instead of just accepting I was me—the way God made me.
72. With my clouded vision, I convinced myself that I was fat‚ I was too heavy, and I wanted to be skinny. The more weight I would lose, the more I wanted to lose. Deaf to all the good intentions of loving family and friends around me who would prod me to eat, I just couldn't see it, because I was blinded. When I looked in that mirror I actually thought I was still too fat, because I couldn't see the real me. I saw an image that was planted in my mind—the image of how I thought I needed to be—skinny!
73. If you don't receive the truth‚ you get strong delusion and you believe the lie. I didn't receive the truth of Jesus, that He made me the way He wanted me. So in my rebellion and disobedience to God's natural laws, I received strong delusion. Every time I looked in the mirror, that's what I got—strong delusion. Truth resisted loses its power over the mind, and that's what happened to me. I rejected the truth of God and received the lies of Satan.
74. I believed the lie—the lie that I was too fat! Too fat by whose standard? What I was seeing was the Devil's beauty. I listened to his lies and I was deceived, until I became a pitiful deformed figure of bone and flesh—a distorted, distraught, shallow shell with sunken, empty eyes. That's the beauty of Satan. I was deceived into thinking that the ugliness of Satan was okay. My eyes had no sparkle. They were empty and dark and glazed over. I was the sad state of what Satan has to offer. Empty, pale, exhausted and worn, I simply wasted away and silently passed into the world of the spirit way before my time. Mary Kemper, dead at age 17. A sad, sad tale.
75. Do you know what the word anorexia means? Maybe it has little meaning to you, but watch out, because the name is derived from its author—Orexis. He's out for keeps. Just as Oplexicon seeks to stop the life-giving flow of the Words of life, Orexis, his companion‚ seeks to stop the life-giving flow of fuel to your body. Orexis seeks to bottle up your body fuel and the nutrition that you need to keep you going, vibrant, and alive. Orexis seeks to starve you and destroy you and your usefulness to help others.
76. It could have been different for me. I could have received help and been delivered from this disease of anorexia. I could have lived a while longer on Earth and helped others, instead of causing so much grief and pain. But I made a willful decision to listen to the wrong voices. I listened to the lies of Orexis. I let the dark voices in. I just gave up. I didn't hold on. I didn't ask Jesus to help me. He could have. He would have.
77. Don't let it happen to you! Remember that God made you the way you are, and He is not the author of extremes. If you are on the thin side, but you eat enough good balanced meals and you put enough fuel in your body, then don't worry about it if you're a little thin. If you're on the heftier side, but you eat smart and cut out unnecessary fat and fluff, the grease, and too many sweets and empty calories, and you don't stuff your gut with the Devil's poisons, then don't worry about it if you have a little padding that others don't have.
78. If you get enough good exercise, proper sleep and fresh air, if you live, eat, exercise‚ and sleep right and obey all God's health laws and rules for good living, then don't worry about the way you are! He's the maker of the tall and slender, the short and hefty. He shaped you with His Own hand and put all the curves and handles in the right places! Stay fit and take care of your body by obeying His health rules! Live according to His health laws and you will be beautiful. You'll shine the way He made you to shine. The only beauty that will last forever is the beauty of the Lord‚ the way He made you and the way He wants you to be.
79. Jesus has healed me now. I'm delivered. It hasn't been easy, though; going before your time never is. It's been a hard and long recovery. It would take too long to tell you of the grief and pain I caused others, and that I've had to endure myself. You wouldn't want to go through the same. That's why I wanted to share my story with you. Won't you please take my advice? Beware of the fashion lies! Don't fall for the tricks of Orexis! Go God's way! Take care of your body, obey His loving laws and enjoy life. (End of message.)
80. (Mama:) Like this girl said, each one of you girls is God's creation, and He made you just the way He wants you to be. You're beautiful in His sight and He delights in you just the way you are! If you find you're having a problem with always being negative about yourself and your looks or your weight, or thinking that you're overweight when you're really not, call out to the Lord for deliverance, and He will help you! Like this girl testified, she could have been delivered and able to eat that very day had she called out to the Lord. Nothing is impossible for Him! And remember that while it's natural to like to look pretty, and even beautiful‚ it's pretty insignificant when measured up against the more important values of life, like your love and your beauty of spirit.
Is Skinny Beautiful?
1. (Mama: ) Not long ago, I received the following heartbreaking letter from a senior teen girl. Not only does she talk about such things as gossip, ostracizing people, and some young people's bad attitudes about sex, but also about a serious eating disorder called bulimia that is reportedly fairly prevalent with young women in the Family‚ at least in some Homes or areas. This is a serious problem in the world today, along with another common eating disorder, anorexia. Together these conditions are causing serious health problems or even death in many young people through self-imposed starvation. Here are this young woman's candid views on the subject:
(From a senior teen girl: )
2. Some of the stuff going on amongst the teen group and even quite a few JETT girls on this field is quite off. People have this mentality that you have to be so skinny to be beautiful. They will go to almost any length to get that way. The hard, ugly truth is that most of these girls, some as young as 12, are becoming bulimic—they chuck up everything they eat. Even though this is very hush-hush and the shepherds, parents, and anyone else wouldn't have the slightest idea it's happening, if you're a teen girl, you know!
3. A few months back I went through a time when I was always worried about my appearance and what people thought of me. I was never thin, and I'm more your average "Plain Jane." I'd get really discouraged and down on myself, because no matter how hard I tried, I was never accepted or thought of as "in" or "cool." I think what caused me to feel that way was the way people judge or segregate. There are all the top, beautiful "queen bees" and their little boyfriends, and then there are the low, ugly little nerds like me, who they all talk about.
4. Gossip is major big—like way, way too much. The boys will freely make fun of us ugly ducklings and size up different girls as to who's the prettiest, the thinnest‚ who are the fat and ugly ones, who's had the most sexual experience, and those with lack of it, etc. You can never live up to their expectations. They have this high standard of a super thin‚ firm, toned, Barbie doll. It just gets sickening after a while.
5. I don't even know where to start as far as what the girls talk about. It seems to me, from my past experience, that they want you to be miserable and make you feel lower than the dirt under their feet. That's how gossiping can make you feel. The Devil would constantly hit me with negative thoughts like, "Oh, I'm so ugly and good for nothing. Nobody likes me. I'll never be used of the Lord in any great way. I'm so fat, I might as well keel over and die!"
6. It got to the point that all I'd think about was how I looked, the exact amount of calories I'd intake, how many more kilos I just had to lose in the next week, and so on. I was miserable. It was a total bondage.
7. I don't want to come across as Miss Perfect or self–righteously point a finger here, but thank the Lord I finally had enough of all that. I figured, "Look, this is the way I am! I'm definitely not perfect‚ but this is the way the Lord made me! I can't change the way I am‚ so I won't try. If anyone has a problem with that, well, they can go knock themselves out!"
8. Letters like "I Love You—Just You!" and the '98 Feast mailings on jealousy and comparing were an absolute lifesaver—just what I needed at the time. Comparing was my middle name. It was very real, and totally took me over. Anyone I saw I would compare with.
9. The From Jesus—With Love book was so timely. I can remember sitting out on our balcony and crying bucketfuls over different things that were being said about me. But that book was perfect! I would flip it open and there would be something totally relating to the situation, as if it were written, packaged, and sent just for me! It was wonderful! I felt so loved.
10. Then little by little, I started trying to get prophecies for myself, and the Lord was so encouraging and wonderful, I really flipped out! I found myself in this whole new world where petty things like what people thought and said about me didn't matter anymore. I just wouldn't let them get to me. All that mattered was the Lord and the Family. I was just happy to serve Him. Whale or no, for the first time in a long time I was truly happy!
11. I grew a lot closer to the Lord through the whole thing. Thanks to the Lord, the Letters, and some very loving, understanding adults, I somehow got the victory!
12. I'm very concerned for the junior teens, JETTs, and anyone else who might be going through the same things I did‚ because people don't always accept you for who you are. You feel you have to carry around this image. People have their different looks: The boys are really into their clothes, brand names, and wearing their pants so low their butts hang out. If you mildly suggest they pull up their britches‚ they look at you like, "Hello, welcome to the twentieth century—it's my style."
13. I guess because teens want to be accepted‚ it's like, hey, anything to get laughs. I don't think the teens realize what an effect we have on the younger ones, especially if you're "in," "cool," or "beautiful." Teen girls get together and talk about how "fat" they are and the different diets they try, how so-and-so is fatter, thinner, prettier, and so on. Ugh!! It starts to grow on you until you can never lose enough; you'll always be a little too fat. If you weigh even a little over your standard unattainable "twig," you really must starve yourself. It's simple, "If you want to lose weight‚ just don't eat. And if you do eat‚ just get rid of it; chuck it up!"
14. I can understand how you feel if people are telling you this kind of stuff and you're surrounded by it. The more you think about it, the more "desperate" the situation seems, until you're stupid enough to try almost anything to get quick results.
15. People have come up to me and said, "Try living on liquids for a couple of weeks. It really works. I'm telling you this as a friend‚ but you really need to lose some weight." Gee, thanks a lot! I'm sorry, but common sense tells me that if these girls are throwing up after every time they eat, there's bound to be some irreversible damage to their insides! And what about when you get pregnant? Your kid might turn out with something wrong with it—that is, if you don't lose it first! Am I right or am I right?
16. I'm sorry this has turned out to be such a gruesome tale of woe, but maybe if you print something on the subject, they'd be more inclined to have second thoughts. When I tell'm, they look at me like, "Yeah, a lot you'd know, Fatty." The JETTs and juniors here are a real sweet bunch of kids, but it's really sad that they feel they have to try to be something they're not, just so others won't label them as geeks or dorks. Most people probably don't mean to be this way, but no one will buck the tide or stand up to anyone.
17. Please don't think I'm painting the whole picture black, I really quite love everyone here. The adults especially are great, I love'm all. They're always there for you through thick and thin, and God knows where we'd be without'm.
18. I'm really sorry if this has been a bit of a bummer for you to read—I just had to dump it on someone. I love you heaps and pray for you often. Thanks so much for everything you do for us. Even if it sometimes seems you've run into a brick wall with us teens and our trips‚ know that it's not in vain; someday, by God's grace, we'll get the point. (End of letter from senior teen girl.)
19. (Mama: ) I'm so saddened to hear that some of you girls are suffering from this terrible bondage of the Enemy, and trying so hard to be thin that you damage your bodies—not to mention the terrible effect that putting so much emphasis on the outward appearance has on your spirit, in many cases making you plain miserable and depressed!
20. I'm so happy for this dear girl, that the Lord helped her to find freedom and deliverance by just accepting the Lord's love and accepting that He made her the way she is!
21. This problem of eating disorders affecting some of our young people was confirmed by a mother in another Home, who wrote us shortly before this GN went off. She had no idea we were addressing this topic, but her comments echo those of the teen girl above. She wrote:
22. For some time now I have been very concerned about the number of young girls in our area who have eating disorders or are borderline. Some of my own daughters have had battles with both anorexia and bulimia. What helped one of them get the victory was when she read about the dangers of bulimia. She said it scared her so badly that she found the strength to get desperate and stop.
23. In just the past couple of months another one of my daughters has become anorexic. She was overweight and did need to lose some weight, but it went too far and now she is so thin she looks like a skeleton.
24. In thinking, praying and discussing it with some other moms, we realized how many of our girls‚ from as young as OCs through SGAs, are almost obsessed with a desire to be skinny. A few of the girls here are very thin, to the point of looking sickly. Then the girls who are normal weight feel fat and piggy in comparison, so go through big trials and begin dieting. Sadly, it filters down to the children, who then worry about their weight (although they usually keep eating).
25. I can honestly say that it has been the minority of girls that I have met in the past few years who are not worrying about their weight and what they are eating. Many girls I have known throughout our area go on diets ranging from vegetarian to I don't know what. Of course, most of them can't get the special foods they need to follow these diets correctly, so I'm sure they end up being deficient and having unbalanced diets. In some cases their periods stop and you know they are not going to be in good shape to bear a baby in the future unless they really turn around.
26. Funny thing about it is, many of them, no matter how vigilant they are about their weight, are not averse to eating junk food. Or some only want to eat seafood (some of it being unclean), since it's low fat. There are numerous diet "trips," but the underlying theme is "get skinny"!
27. It seems like a real sign of the times. The word "anorexia" was coined only 12 years ago according to some research we did. It seems like another trick of the Devil to try to destroy life, or if not that far, destroy health and trip our girls off by getting them so engrossed in their bodies and diets. (End of comments from mother.)
28. (Mama:) Lord bless and keep our dear precious young people who are suffering from such eating disorders! Here's a message we received from Dad after reading the letter from the teen girl above. I pray that this will help others of you who are caught in such snares of the Enemy as this girl described to see the light of the truth, to be able to accept yourself and others the way the Lord made you, and to enjoy and be happy with it! Ask the Lord to open your eyes and help you learn what true beauty is all about!
29. (Dad:) What a sad story! This is a real tale of tragedy! If only you girls who are into this trip would realize the road you're going down! What delusions of the Enemy, what blindness he's sent your way!
30. This business of barfing up your food or of starving yourself—bulimia and anorexia—is a quick path to self-destruction! Bodies weren't meant to run on air—or just water‚ coffee, juice or a few minimal raw vegetables—they need fuel! You have to eat healthy if you want to be healthy, folks!
31. I shouldn't have to get into all this‚ because I've said it before. You can read it in the Letters. You can read it in the Childcare Handbook. For goodness sakes, you can read about it in the newspapers and hear about it on television—and you should! You should read about some of the gory facts, and maybe that'll wake you up and shake you up and help you see that this "thin" trip just isn't the way to go.
32. There's nothing wrong with being thin if you're that way naturally, but there is something very wrong with going to ridiculous and unhealthy extremes to make yourself skinny if you aren't that way naturally—or to make yourself even skinnier when you're already a twig. Why worry so much about what you look like and what weight you are? I know you girls want to keep yourself attractive, but you are. Getting so into your appearance just makes you self-centered rather than Christ-centered and only serves to lessen your attractiveness.
33. This trip down the road of destruction starts with some real screwed-up attitudes about what's beautiful and what is sexy. True beauty starts with the spirit, not the flesh. It's the spirit that gives life and joy and beauty and happiness! Have you girls read "Revolutionary Women"? If all you remember from that Letter is that I said I'd prefer 200 pounds of curves to 100 pounds of nerves, you'd do well to read it again, because you're missing a lot. There's a lot in there about what true beauty is, and it's not just my opinion but the Lord's as well. If you have any doubts about that, why don't you ask Him yourself?
34. You know, it's not just me, your old Grandpa, who feels that way about women, who likes some curves and flesh on those bones. Even some of these young teen guys who say they want their girls all twiggy‚ I'll bet you anything a lot of them just say that because that's the accepted thing to say.
35. If they're honest with themselves, most guys will admit that true beauty, sex appeal and attractiveness are not at all based solely on whether a girl is thin or not. Everybody has their own ideas of what "thin" means, of course, and a very overweight girl is not usually what turns a guy on. But for goodness sake, there's quite a range between the super skinny and the overweight, and if you're anywhere in that nice medium range, you've got great potential!
36. God made you the way He likes you, and He gave you a certain body type and general weight range. It's one thing if you've messed yourself up through improper care—which, sad to say, some of you have—but in most cases‚ He's made each of you young women and men beautiful and healthy. Now I know some of you folks are probably going to say, "But the Lord didn't make me the way I am. I'm fat, and I made myself that way! So I need to lose weight and I want to take drastic action to do so." Okay, let's talk about this.
37. First of all, who says you're fat? Are you really overweight‚ or has the idea just been drummed into your mind by your diet-crazed peer-pressuring friends or the media? If you're not sure, find a friend or older adult who you know will be honest with you and ask them to let you know, with all love and honesty. After all, some people simply have bigger bones and larger frames than others, and the extra weight may just be in your mind. If you're still not sure, ask the Lord. You know He'll tell you whether it's in your mind or not.
38. But suppose it's not‚ and you do need to lose a few pounds. Well, you're not going to shed those pounds overnight, just like you didn't put them on overnight. You'll lose them gradually, and the best ways to do so are the old tried and proven methods that have worked for thousands of years: Eat less, especially of fattening foods, and exercise more. If you're not sure you can control your eating, have a friend make your plate for you. And if you're having trouble being faithful with your get-out, have someone remind you of that too. Please, don't starve yourself, folks! Those of you who starve yourself for the sake of a rail–thin look are going against His plan, and in the end you're neither beautiful nor healthy.
39. If you quit eating altogether or keep the nourishment from getting through in one way or another, your body is eventually going to just shut down. You're not going to see the results immediately, and if anything‚ at first you'll think you've gotten great results. "Wow‚ I'm skinny and beautiful now, and all the boys like me. I've got a cute boyfriend and I'm just having a real high time!" You've got to realize that you can't just live for the moment, though. That's a common problem with young people. Even just a few years down the road, you often really regret some of the decisions you made or the things you did without even thinking about the consequences.
40. You may think that it's going great guns now and you may see no need for concern. You may think you'll last long enough, and you may not even be concerned about the health of the children you might have in the future—either because you may think you won't be having any kids anyway, or because you're just so selfish you don't care. But you've got to start growing up a bit and thinking ahead, realizing that the way you feel now and the things you enjoy now aren't necessarily the things that are going to be your priorities for life.
41. You know what the saddest thing about this trip is?—That most of you who are so into it are so into it that you're not into anything else! Let's face the facts here: What are we in the Family for?—It's for Jesus, for souls, to reach the lost with the Gospel. Anything that gets you so wrapped up in yourself that you get your eyes off that goal is dangerous. That's why the Devil sends these worldly attitudes and devices your way.
42. Besides this obvious problem with your eating habits, these worldly attitudes about beauty and looks reach their tentacles into other areas as well. It all turns into a very cruel and cutting game, when those of you who think you are really "hot" or "cool"—however you put it—start preaching your lifestyle to others and even pushing it on them. When you do that, you're hurting people in one way or another. You're either getting other like–minded kids to join you on your merry way to self-destruction, or in other cases you're really hurting and making life miserable for those who don't fit into your little mold—those who you consider not "thin" enough or "beautiful" enough, who you look down on and even gossip about or criticize and mock to their faces.
43. It's really a pretty disgusting attitude that some of you young people have toward your peers. If only you could have the Lord's love and see others the way He does. Maybe they're not your ideal of beauty, good looks or charm, but every person has something very beautiful, very valuable, very unique and precious about them. Sometimes you have to look below the surface, but that's where the most precious treasures are.
44. Right now, some of you think of life as fun and games, even looking at sex and relationships as a game, and other people's hearts as toys. You may not even realize it, but if you'll step back and look sensibly at how you're acting, if you'll stop thinking about yourself for just a few minutes and put yourself in the shoes of those around you, you'll realize that you've stepped on and squished a lot of people. It's time for it to stop, and also time to apologize to those you've hurt.
45. Folks, there's real freedom in humility. There's so much fear and bondage and such a weight and cloud over you when you're struggling to live up to the ideals that you think are expected of you by your peers. You know who the happiest people are?—Those who just accept themselves the way God made them, who learn to be happy with what they have and to not care what others think.
46. If you were honest‚ I think you'd admit that you really admire people who have the guts to be themselves—to live right, live healthy, and have their priorities straight. Of course‚ those who make such decisions and take such stands often face loneliness battles and a feeling of terrible isolation from others around them, which is really sad. It's tragic and pitiful that within our own Family there are these cliques or clans that shut others out, especially on the basis of their looks or their style. Lord help us to be the Family of Love that we're supposed to be!
47. Those of you girls who are entrenched in these unhealthy habits, I want to let you know that the best time to get set straight is now. The longer you wait, the harder it is to recover. If you've been abusing your body by not feeding it, then the longer you wait, the more damage will be done to your insides. There's only one way to lose weight safely, and that's slowly, by eating smaller portions, by watching it on the sweets and snacks, and by exercising. Any dieting beyond that is hurting your body and is a problem that needs to be remedied.
48. If you've been into this trip for a while already‚ it's going to be difficult to overcome and start eating healthy again—but it's not impossible. You should ask for prayer and help from your shepherds and others in your Home. The Lord can help you. He can give you the strength and the guts to change your lifestyle and to forsake these habits that have gotten a grip on you.
49. Bulimia and anorexia are vices, nervous disorders, addictions. They're like drugs or smoking—hard habits to kick. But nothing is impossible for the Lord, and He can do it if you put your will on His side.
50. You need the Lord's help to overcome these problems, because bulimia and anorexia are more than just physical eating disorders. Even the world recognizes that‚ and they call them psychological problems or mental disorders. But they're even more than that. Overcoming these addictions is a spiritual battle, a battle against the Enemy.
51. The Devil is not only the enemy of your soul, but since the Lord has put you in this earthly body and made it His temple, the Devil is also the enemy of your body, and he and his demons are out to damage and destroy it however they can. This is one way in which the Devil has deceived and deluded thousands of young women around the world into throwing their lives away. You may think you'd never commit suicide, but really, if you get obsessed and oppressed with these eating disorders‚ you're embarking on a form of slow suicide.
52. So don't go foolishly throwing your life away over some worldly trip‚ but give your whole self—spirit and body—to the Lord and His service. You're the temple of the Holy Ghost and God's Spirit dwells in you, so treat that temple in the way you know the Lord wants it to be treated, amen?
53. I've spelled out the rules for healthy living from A to Z, and so have zillions of health experts around the world. But all our talking doesn't do any good if you don't listen. So please listen!
54. I beg of you, for your own sakes, take heed to the advice and counsel of your elders, of those who have seen the results and bad fruits of unhealthy living, and who are proof of the benefits of a Godly, healthy lifestyle. (End of message.)
55. (Mama: ) Please do, dear Family! You're very precious to us, and we can't bear to see you, our loved ones, weakened or sickened by such eating disorders. You're beautiful to us just the way you are. Please don't compare your weight or your appearance with others. Here's another message Dad gave along those lines, to another teen girl who wrote us:
56. (Dad:) You know, I didn't like the way I looked either. I thought my nose was too big and that I was too skinny and ugly. I had quite an inferiority complex about that, especially when I was young, and it took me a long time to get over it. Part of it was pride‚ part of it was comparing. But then as you grow older, you realize it really doesn't matter. You understand that the Lord made us the way He wants us, and made us the way we are because He loves us.
57. He loves you the way He made you, and we're all beautiful in His eyes. We're all unique and special. In His eyes there is no ugliness no matter what we look like. The only ugliness is in trying to destroy what He has created. But if you want to please Him and make Him happy and me happy, then you have to do everything you can to take care of yourself so you can win others.
58. You're one of my precious teen queens and I have none to spare; no, not one. I need you and the Lord needs you there, not Here, at least for now! And there are some pretty lonely teens out there who need you too, and who are waiting for you to help them. So do it for them and for Jesus, okay? You're gorgeous! I love you! (End of message.)
59. (Mama:) Please take heed to Dad's wise counsel in the messages above. You're each beautiful in your own way, and you need to ask the Lord to help you appreciate yourself and your body and be thankful, even if you think you have some imperfections. "In all things give thanks." Dwell on the positive, not the negative; the doughnut, not the hole. Pray against comparing and negative thinking. The battle against bulimia and anorexia isn't just a physical one; it's spiritual as well, and can best be won with the Lord's help and strength!
60. Here's some wise counsel from Dad on appearance and self-esteem which he gave several months ago in the "Law of Love" series:
61. Building self-esteem also often has a lot to do with your relationship with the Lord. The closer you draw to Him and the more at peace you are with Him, the more content and at peace you'll be, the happier you'll be, the more relaxed you'll be…. If you're close to the Lord, you're handsome and you're beautiful, because His love and His light shine through.
62. We really don't have any ugly folks in this Family. There's nobody that's unpleasant to be around or to look at when they're close to the Lord and they're clean and they're happy and they're content. In fact, that's the most attractive sex appeal there is—just letting the Lord shine through you the way He made you!
63. You know what I'd suggest you all do? Sit down sometime and let the Lord speak to you about yourself personally. If you can't do it yourself, then have someone else do it, and let Him tell you how He sees you, what your inner beauties are, what your inner strengths are, what those gifts and abilities are that He likes to bring forth‚ that He likes to see shine for others. Let Him encourage you, and then be encouraged by Him. (ML #3209:291, 293-294, 297‚ GN 812).
Some Facts and Figures
64. (Mama:) I'm very sorry for those of you who've gotten caught up in being bulimic or anorexic. It's a very common problem in the world, and of course, since we're the Lord's children‚ the Devil will try to use this weakness to hinder and harm us‚ because he's out to get us however he can. And while it's usually girls who get into such dieting crazes, boys can be affected as well.
65. I'd like to supplement Dad's talk with some facts and figures we've researched about the serious physical results of bulimia and anorexia, and the diets and attitudes that lead up to them.
66. It's reported that eating disorders are often foreshadowed by "innocent diets." Once dieting careens into an eating disorder, a girl (or boy) faces serious health problems‚ including stunted growth, menstrual cessation, even heart problems. Five to ten percent of long-term anorexics actually die from the disease, giving it the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric illnesses.
Bulimia can:
- impair mental functioning
- lower your resistance to infections
- result in permanent organ damage
- cause heart attacks and severe muscle spasms
- erode teeth enamel, and cause gum disease and mouth ulcers
- result in death
- Those with anorexia suffer many of the same problems as those with bulimia, in addition to the following:
- fatigue and muscle weakness.
- headaches, fainting spells and dizziness.
- irregular menstruation or loss of menstruation.
- Over time, vital organs such as the heart, liver and kidneys are damaged. Without intervention‚ there is emaciation, wasting, shrunken organs, and death.
67. Besides the obviously bad effects on your body‚ these illnesses—because they are spiritual, as Dad said—have a very negative effect on a person's mind and spirit and their attitude toward life. One research group found that pessimistic thinking is reported in 71% of bulimia nervosa patients, impaired concentration in 60%, lassitude (weariness, diminished energy, or listlessness) in 51%‚ sadness in 51%, sleep disturbance in 35%, inner tension in 35%‚ inability to feel (blunting of emotions) in 28%, and suicidal thoughts in 17%.
68. As the dear girl who wrote me brought up‚ it's common that bulimics attempt to hide their problem. They may eat normally with other people, but binge and purge in private. Observant family members, roommates, or friends who suspect bulimia should look for warning signs: a chronically inflamed and sore throat that bleeds, decaying tooth enamel caused by frequent exposure to stomach acid that results from induced vomiting, and swollen salivary glands in the neck and jaw which makes the face look puffy.
69. If you personally battle one of these potentially life-threatening disorders‚ please follow Dad's counsel to ask for prayer, which is the key to overcoming these serious disorders. Ask for and accept help from your shepherds, parents, and friends, too, who love you and want to help you be happy and healthy.
70. Also remember that we're our brother's keeper, and if you don't battle such problems yourself but you have a friend or sister or brother who does, it's your responsibility to reach out to them and do your part to help them be delivered from the clutches of the Enemy. Please let their parents or shepherds know. Encourage them to ask for prayer, and also tell them how beautiful and special they are‚ and how much they mean to you.
71. Do what you can to help others feel loved and appreciated for their good qualities and pleasant attributes, rather than awkward or out of place because of whatever physical lacks or imperfections they might have. Nobody's perfect, but everybody's beautiful or special in one way or another.
72. Let's be a loving Family and take good care of each other, and good care of ourselves so that we can be of some use to the Lord and others, amen?
When Food Is Your Enemy
Awake! Jan.22, 1999
Reflecting on her teen years‚ Jean vividly recalls being a target of teasing and ridicule. The reason? She was the tallest and largest girl in her class at school. "Even worse than being big, I was shy and socially awkward," says Jean. "I was often lonely, wanting to fit in somewhere, but most of the time I felt like an outsider."
Jean was convinced that her size was the cause of all her problems, and that a lean, trim figure would fix everything. Not that Jean was obese. On the contrary, at six feet tall and 145 pounds, she wasn't overweight. Nevertheless, Jean felt fat, and at age 23 she decided to lose weight. "When I'm thin," she reasoned, "other people will want me around. At last I will feel accepted and special."
"That kind of foolish logic led to a 12-year trap named anorexia nervosa and bulimia," Jean explains. "I got thin, all right—so thin I almost died. But instead of building a happy life‚ I ruined my health and created more than a decade of depression and misery."
Anorexia and bulimia are the two most common eating disorders. Each has its unique characteristics, yet both can be dangerous—even deadly.
Anorexia—Self–starvation
Anorexics either refuse to eat or eat in such small amounts that they become malnourished. Consider 17-year-old Antoinette, who says that at one point her weight may have dropped to 82 pounds—very low for a teenager five feet seven inches tall. "I ate no more than 250 calories a day and kept a notebook about what I ate," she says.
Anorexics are obsessed with food, and they will go to extreme lengths to avoid gaining weight.
Susan strenuously exercised to keep her weight down. "Virtually every day‚" she says, "I ran eight miles, or swam for an hour, or felt terribly anxious and guilty. And every morning, I got my greatest pleasure, usually my only real pleasure, by getting on the scale to confirm that my weight was still under 100 pounds."
How does anorexia develop? Typically a teenager or young adult sets out to lose a certain number of pounds. When she reaches her goal, however, she is not satisfied. Looking in the mirror, she still sees herself as fat, so she decides that shedding a few more pounds would be even better. This cycle continues until the dieter's weight falls to 15 percent or more below what is normal for her height.
At this point‚ friends and family members begin to express their concern that the dieter looks extremely thin, even emaciated. But the anorexic sees things differently. "I didn't think I looked skinny," says Alan, a five-foot-nine-inch male anorexic whose weight at one point dwindled to 72 pounds. "The more weight you lose," he says, "the more your mind becomes distorted and you can't see yourself clearly."
(Some experts claim that a 20 to 25 percent loss of a person's total weight can induce chemical changes in the brain that may alter his perception, causing him to see fat where there is none.) (See ML #3125:49-79‚ Lifelines 24)
Over time, anorexia can lead to serious health problems, including osteoporosis and kidney damage. It can even be fatal. "My doctor told me that I had deprived my body of so many nutrients, that two more months of my eating habits and I would have died of malnutrition," says Heather. The Harvard Mental Health Letter reports that over a ten-year period, about 5 percent of women diagnosed as anorexic die.
Bulimia—Bingeing and Purging
Bulimia nervosa is characterized by bingeing (rapidly consuming large amounts of food, perhaps up to 5,000 calories or more) and then purging (emptying the stomach, often by vomiting or using laxatives).
The sufferer may not be unusually thin, and her eating habits may seem quite normal—at least to others. But for the bulimic, life is anything but normal. Indeed, she is so obsessed with food that everything else is unimportant. "The more I binged and threw up, the less I cared about other things or people," says 16-year–old Melinda. "I actually forgot how to have fun with friends."
A 17-year–old sufferer named Lydia describes her condition with a vivid analogy. "I feel like a trash compactor," she says. "Shovel it in, smash it, throw it out. Over and over, the same thing."
Bulimia is extremely dangerous. For example, repeated purging by vomiting exposes the mouth to corrosive stomach acids, which can wear away the enamel of the bulimic's teeth. The practice can also damage the sufferer's esophagus, liver, lungs‚ and heart. In extreme cases, vomiting can cause stomach rupture and even death. Excessive laxative use can also be hazardous. It can destroy bowel function and can also lead to ongoing diarrhea and rectal bleeding. As with repeated vomiting, abuse of laxatives can, in extreme instances, lead to death.
What Can Help?
Eating disorders are not just about food. Let us examine some of the deeper issues that typically need to be addressed when someone is being helped to recover from anorexia or bulimia.
A Balanced View of Body Image
"I stopped buying fashion magazines completely when I was about 24," says one woman. "Comparing myself to the models had a very strong and negative impact." The media can distort a girl's concept of beauty. Indeed, one mother of a girl with an eating disorder speaks of the "unrelenting publicity in our newspapers and magazines and television advertising to be thin‚ thin, thin." She says: "Both my daughter and I like being slender, but we feel the constant barrage turns it into the most important thing in life, ahead of everything." Clearly, recovering from an eating disorder may require adopting new beliefs about what constitutes genuine beauty.
But what if you truly do need to lose weight? "Perhaps the wisest course‚" concluded a survey on body image, "is to get plenty of exercise—and accept yourself the way you are rather than try to mold yourself into a narrowly defined and arbitrary ideal."
One woman found this approach to be helpful. "I've had one simple rule," she says. "Work on improving what you can realistically change, and don't spend time worrying about the rest." If you take a positive view of life and supplement this with a healthful diet and reasonable exercise program, likely any pounds that need to come off will.
Living without Eating Disorders
As part of recovery, the anorexic or bulimic needs to learn to live without an eating disorder. This can be difficult. Kim, for example, estimates that in her anorexic phase, she lost 40 pounds in ten months. Yet, regaining 35 of those pounds took her nine years! "With great difficulty," Kim says, "I slowly learned to eat normally again, without counting every calorie‚ measuring my food, eating only 'safe' foods, panicking if I did not know the ingredients in a casserole or dessert, or eating only at salad bars."
Clearly, recovering from an eating disorder is challenging, but ultimately it is worth the effort. That is what Jean believes. "Returning to disordered eating," she says, "would be like going back into a padded cell after living free for a while."
A Challenge for Parents
If you have a child with an eating disorder, it is only to be expected that at times you will feel frustrated at her stubborn behavior. But be patient. Never stop showing love. Emily, whose daughter suffered from anorexia, admits that this was not always easy. Nevertheless‚ she says, "I tried to always keep touching; I tried to hug her; I tried to kiss her ... I thought, 'If I stop being warm to her, we'll never find our way back.'"
One of the best ways to help your child recover from an eating disorder is to communicate with her. In doing so, you may need to do more listening than talking. Resist the urge to interrupt her with statements like, "That's not true" or "You shouldn't feel that way." When there is open communication, a youth will have somewhere to turn during times of distress and may be less likely to resort to unhealthy eating practices.
78. (Mama:) Most everyone in the System agrees that eating disorders are difficult‚ or in many cases, nearly impossible to get over—and that's true, if they don't look to the Lord for help. But we do, and there is tremendous power and supernatural help available to us through prayer. So if you have any problems along these lines, the Lord is able to give you complete and total deliverance through united prayer.
79. Maybe you've tried to correct your eating habits on your own and have failed. Why not try the Lord and united prayer? When nothing else can help, that's when the Lord is able to show His strength and deliverance most clearly. So ask Him! Don't live with these problems when the Lord is more than able to deliver you, and help you to be fit and healthy for His service!
205. (Staff member: ) Our comments really do affect people and children. I've heard many testimonies about how girls who had anorexia, it started when they were little children because someone called them "little fatty" or something like that, and it enforced those feelings in their minds.
206. (Mama:) All of us need to think about that with the children. And men, please‚ please be prayerful about the comments you make to women—even, "Oh, you're looking so slim and nice!" You don't say those things because you're trying to hurt them; you do it because you're trying to help them and encourage them. But to many women who maybe have just lost a few pounds, your saying "you're looking so nice and slim" reinforces the idea in their minds that you don't like them if they look another way, see? So it's very important that you're prayerful about the comments you make to women about their appearance. Pray and ask the Lord what to say. Tell the Lord, "Please seal my lips, Lord, unless I'm going to say something that is going to be right and helpful."
207. I don't mean that you can never tell your wife or sweetheart or anybody that "you look so nice and slim." Maybe she's really been trying to lose some unneeded pounds, so you need to tell her, ha! But the whole point is to ask the Lord and make sure you're saying the right thing, okay?
1. (Mama:) This GN is directed to those of you who are caring for someone or love someone who has an eating disorder. Please know that Peter and I are praying for you—and it's really through prayer that the battle is won. So the more you can draw on the power of prayer and the power of the keys in your fight to help the one who is going through it—pray with them, pray for them, and encourage them to ask others to pray for them—the better. That is the key!
2. It's often a very long-term and strenuous fight for victory once someone has fallen prey to an eating disorder, and it's literally a matter of life or death. The Enemy is trying to kill them; he's trying to end their life and usefulness. In yourself, you will not have the strength to endure and the love to see them through, but the Lord has it. And that's why I'm stressing how important it is to avail yourself of the power of prayer. That's the only way the victory is won—through prayer, through the power of the keys, and our strong and wonderful Deliverer.
More About the Enemy's Attack On the Family Through Eating Disorders
11. (Jesus: ) The Enemy goes about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may destroy. He is destroying many through these demons of anorexia and bulimia. These demons and their minions are prevalent throughout My Family. I have allowed this to be brought to your attention through the suffering of one of your members of WS.
12. Why do men sin? Why are they tempted? "Every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death" (Jam.1:14,15). That is the power that these demons of anorexia and bulimia have. They have power to bring forth death to those who are possessed or oppressed by them.
13. My children have Me, and therefore they cannot be possessed by these demons, but they can be oppressed. This oppression can be serious—so serious that if My children do not yield to Me and forsake these demons of darkness‚ they can lose their lives. Their lives on this Earth will be snuffed out before their time, by their own decision. What a loss—that Satan would snuff out your life of service‚ your testimony‚ and all the lost souls you are destined to win for Me! If he can't get you to deny Me, he works to destroy your usefulness for Me.
14. As there are spirits of gluttony where people eat excessively, so are there spirits of anorexia and bulimia that afflict people. The Devil goes about to devour and destroy mankind. He is the destroyer. He is for destruction. He is for death. I came to give man life—not just life on Earth, but life eternal. I didn't come to destroy men's lives, but to save them! This shows how diabolical these spirits are! They are the direct opposite of My Spirit! They oppose Me and all that I stand for! These spirits of anorexia and bulimia encourage a worship of the flesh! They come and afflict My children subtly, enticing them with words that are pleasing to the ears. Empty promises is what those words are!
15. With some people, the Enemy uses fear—fear that they will become overweight. There may be members of their family who are overweight, and they fear they will become overweight as well. So the Enemy gets in through fear. With some the Enemy uses negativity—one negative thought that they accept, which leads to accepting more. Sometimes it's because they're not aware of the Enemy's devices and need to be shown.
16. I told you that in the Last Days many would come in My Name, saying, "I am Christ," and deceive many. I told you to take heed that no man deceive you. I tell you now that not only will many false prophets and false Christs come, but the Enemy will send many of his minions‚ who will come trying to deceive you and turn you away from following Me, from obeying Me, and from fulfilling My will for your life. (End of message.)
17. (Dad: ) Honey‚ these afflictions of anorexia and bulimia aren't a figment of someone's imagination! They aren't some psychological diseases! They are spirits—spirits that are straight from the depths of Hell‚ and what the Devil is using to destroy lives!
18. The Lord has promised that He will protect His children, and He will, but folks can't just assume that because they are members of the Lord's Endtime Army that they are immune from the Enemy's attacks! They are not immune! They are prime targets of the Enemy's attacks! They are the ones the Enemy wants to get at the most! So the Family would be wise to wake up to the fact that it's not going to get any easier when it comes to fighting the Devil—it's going to be more intense!
19. The Lord has given our folks all that they need to be victorious, to defeat the Devil. But they have to fight! They have to do something! They can't just be passive soldiers. They have to be fighting soldiers! There's no victory without a battle. And if our folks are tired of fighting battles, then Lord help us! They've lost the vision! They've lost the fire!
20. What does the Bible say is the reason Jesus was manifested? "The Son of God was manifested that He might destroy the works of the Devil!" (1Jn.3:8). You don't destroy something sitting down. It takes effort! I'm not talking about the energy of the flesh, but the Spirit! But sometimes you have to get up off your derrieres and take action, and that action involves your flesh!
21. Jesus has a lot of compassion. He knows that your spirits are willing but your flesh is weak—but that's not an excuse to cop out and do nothing! Folks need to wake up and realize that being a Christian isn't a comfortable calling. I'm proud of our Family. They have forsaken all to follow the Lord and preach the Gospel, and they've been faithful. The Lord is well pleased with their dedication and loyalty and love. They are His chosen people! He loves them! He has manifested His love and faith in them by blessing them with the gift of greater faith and the keys to the Kingdom. They are the Lord's men and women for the hour!
22. But in order to fulfill what the Lord has for them, in order to nip this problem of anorexia and bulimia in the bud, they are going to need to fight! Take action! Some of these folks who are afflicted are so weak they can't fight on their own anymore! They need help! They need their mothers, their fathers, their sisters, their brothers, their mates, their friends, and their shepherds to fight for them! Give no place to the Devil!
23. You can keep these demons from infecting more. The Family can take a stand! United we stand, divided we fall! Have the whole Family take a united stand against these demons! Cast them out of your midst! Call for a cleansing of those who are in need. Unite against the foe. Help those who are sick! Put it on your worldwide monthly prayer list! Raise a standard against these attacks. Ask the Lord to cast this plague from your midst. Commit to be sober and vigilant, to resist the Enemy, steadfast in the faith! Lift the banner high! (End of message.)
24. (Mama:) As the Lord and Dad bring out in the preceding messages, there is a desperate need for shepherds, parents, friends and mates to help raise a standard in the spirit for those who are being attacked in this way. It's not something that goes away all by itself in time or eventually just "gets better." The Enemy is trying to kill or debilitate some of our children, some of our laborers, and we've got to do something about it!
25. Helping someone recover who is in a [serious] state … requires a tremendous amount of prayer‚ counsel, fortitude, support, and attention. It also takes faith, perseverance‚ unconditional love as well as "tough" love, not to mention prayer on the part of other Home members. It's not something that can be done "on the side" while you proceed with business as usual.
145. Following are testimonies from recovered anorexics, which shed further light on the thought processes and intimate workings of this disease and the Enemy's attack. One is from Tamar, another is from one of our dear young women on the field‚ and the last is from the spirit world, from Karen Carpenter.
Tamar's Testimony of Her Experience with Anorexia and the Lord's Deliverance
146. I joined the Family at the age of 17, but anorexia began in my life at the age of 15 with a few passing comments by the boys—comments like, "Hey, look at those thighs!" or "You're getting kind of chunky, aren't you?" and the worst of them all, "Didn't you used to be nice and skinny?"
147. I was a shy and insecure person‚ a bit of a loner. I was also studying art, and because of this artistic preoccupation with how things look and wanting perfection, the outward appearance meant everything to me. Even though I had a very negative self-image and mindset‚ I was at the same time obsessed with improving and perfecting my self-image. Those comments devastated me‚ and immediately propelled me into a crash diet‚ a diet which slipped subtly into the disease of anorexia—which was to control my life for close to three years.
148. In those days, little was known or publicized about this illness. My father was the only one who confronted me with the idea that I might have this strange eating disorder he'd been researching about called anorexia nervosa. It's no wonder he noticed something wrong, as I was losing weight very rapidly. I was skipping breakfast, either throwing away or giving away my packed school lunch, and then making a token appearance at the dinner table, only eating a very small amount of food—just enough to not really sound the alarm bells too loudly.
149. I believe I slipped across the fine line between extreme dieting into the domain of anorexia when I began feeling that I was in a war against food. Food was my enemy, and anyone who tried to make me eat was then also the enemy. I became deceptive, secretive, and outright lied about what I was eating or not eating and how much.
150. Because I couldn't stomach making myself throw up, I'd drink whole bottles of laxative at a time, in hopes that it would purge my body quickly of any food I had eaten without it being digested. All this deception didn't matter to me, so long as I reached my goal. Food and the avoidance of it at all costs controlled my entire life. I didn't attend social events, school functions, or even simple outings with family or friends if it involved food. I always had an excuse to avoid eating.
151. Then I left home for art school. For me it was freedom, but freedom in the area that mattered most to me: I was now free to eat what I wanted and as little as I wanted without anyone watching or questioning. I was to spend the next 1½ years in an all-girls hostel, in my own little room, attending art school during the day.
152. It was then that the voices started, and from that point on I continued to hear those voices all day long. Wherever I went, they went. They told me that I could achieve happiness by being very thin, that this was the key to a successful love life and the love and acceptance of others. I heard those voices every time I looked in a mirror: "You're still too fat."
153. I lived on a crazy diet of fruit, vegetables, and thin soups. I kept a notebook and faithfully logged every calorie I ate. If I "sinned" and ate too much (like an apple and carrot instead of just a carrot!)‚ then I would exercise for hours, or eat nothing for days at a time, until I felt I'd paid for my indulgence.
154. It got to the point that no matter how much I continued to lose weight, almost getting down to my desired weight of 6 stone (around 80 lbs) all I could see when I looked in the mirror was fat; that's truly all I could see. Any tiny little bit of fat, wherever it was on my body, meant I wasn't winning this war and I was failing, so I had to keep losing more.
155. The worst part of my lonely existence was how loud those voices were at night. Because I was almost always hungry, I slept very little and sporadically, and in order to drown out the voices, I'd turn on my radio real loud and put it on the pillow beside me. Sometimes when the voices were too loud, I'd get up in the night and do extreme exercises for two hours, all because I'd eaten a late night snack of a carrot before going to bed, and needed to work it off and do "penance" to ease my guilt.
156. I hated the control those voices had over my mind‚ and yet I was caught in this vicious cycle in which I was their prisoner. I was a slave to those voices because of my vanity, obsession with self-image, and my very low self-esteem and feelings of negative self-worth. I had opened the door and invited them into my life. For me, in my warped spirit of anorexia, I thought I was merely listening to the voices of inner conviction, voices that I really believed were there to help me achieve happiness and a feeling of self-worth and self-perfection.
157. Because I didn't have the Word or any sort of standard of truth in my life, I was unable to step outside of myself or this disease into reality, to see things as they really were. My mind and perception on everything had definitely been altered. It's as if I were looking through the mind-altering glasses of anorexia, because what I saw and believed to be so was different from everybody else.
158. Over the next six months I yo–yoed in weight, up and down continually, even getting back up to what I originally was when I first started dieting. I even stopped my extreme dieting and started eating the meals that were served, but still the voices were there coaxing me back into extremism. So I moved from one compulsive extreme to another, from binge eating to then purging myself for my overeating by fasting for days and days. I was still caught in this yoke and cycle of bondage.
159. It's important to know that you can be a normal weight, even slightly bigger than other girls, and still be anorexic. You don't have to be super thin to be an anorexic, and the same goes for bulimia. That's what I came to know years later when I realized that I did indeed have anorexia. It's all a matter of the control this disease has over you—how much you have yielded to it, to the point where it has complete control over your thinking and eating habits.
160. Thank God I met the Family and I was immediately delivered from the grip of anorexia. Of course, I wasn't even aware I had anorexia, and I hadn't told anyone about my eating habits‚ so it wasn't until years later that I realized that I had been delivered in a truly miraculous way—an overnight miracle. When I joined the Family I was so overjoyed at my salvation and my new wonderful life serving Jesus and winning souls that I didn't care about food anymore. I ate what was set before me gladly, not even paying attention to what I was eating. Food was no longer a preoccupation for me, because the Lord had filled my life and heart and spirit with all the important things. Finally I had found my true security. I felt loved unconditionally as I never had before, and had a true sense of self-worth in being His and following my destiny as His disciple.
161. You might wonder why I asked for prayer against the spirit of anorexia and this temptation in my life when Mama shared Kristen's prayer request with the Home. The Lord showed me that even though He did deliver me from the grip of anorexia when I joined the Family, because I had caught and then harbored this disease within my body for a few years, it was like still having a few strains or threads of anorexic "bacteria" in my blood. Even though at present these bacteria are dormant, because I have this weakness in my system, this makes me more susceptible than others to this disease. In my case, having these bacteria doesn't make me immune to the recurrence of the disease; in fact, my resistance to it is lower.
162. It is definitely something I'm going to have to stay on guard against, similar to how an alcoholic can't go into a bar or touch one drink. These strains of anorexic bacteria within me are not enough for the disease to resurface so long as I don't yield to this weakness or temptation within me—so long as I don't allow my train of thought to dwell on or go down that negative‚ anorexic path again. This is my part of the bargain in order for the Lord to keep me free and delivered.
163. Because I've had temptations—even going on quite strict and what you might call extreme diets from time to time over the years—I know that this battle with anorexia is no light thing. It can resurface again after many years. But with me, the key to keeping the victory is in the yielding factor: Will I yield to past thought patterns and my weaknesses along this line, or will I resist them and yield to the Lord? Because I have a weakness toward comparing and negativity, and knowing the grip and power anorexia has over the mind, I know that this is probably going to be an ongoing weakness I'll have to continue to resist in my life to some degree or another.
164. But thank God for the wonderful and miraculous deliverance our wonderful Husband gave me many years ago, almost like a package deal along with His free gift of salvation and the infilling of His Spirit. The Lord told me that because I didn't have the Word or any spiritual weapons to help me in the fight against anorexia, He made it easy for me and was able to do this wonderful miracle in the spirit because of my yieldedness in forsaking all instantly to follow Him. He told me that when I was filled with His Spirit that any other spirits that were not of Him had to flee, and so at that time the spirit of anorexia had been bound and cast out. So thank You, Jesus, our wonderful Savior and Deliverer, for Your unending mercy and power to deliver!
A Living Death—Story of an Anorexic
(All names in the following story have been changed. This is the true story of the life of one of our young Family teens who suffered from anorexia from age 14 to 15, written November 2000.)
165. "Susie, time to wake up!" Katie's voice softly echoed as I struggled into a sitting position, after having been lying in bed awake for the past half-hour. My room instantly became a blur, as I strained to focus. "Thanks for waking me up‚" I mumbled, as Katie left the room. "Well, I'd better get up," I said to myself, as I jumped into a standing position. The room began to spin and grow dark. "No you don't," I said, as I steadied myself and began to walk. I made my way to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water. Cup in hand, I sat down to read a GN. After 45 minutes, I threw the GN down in frustration‚ having only read two pages.
166. To our poor befuddled reader, this may just sound to you like Susie seriously needs a pair of glasses. But no, sadly, this is a typical day in the life of Susie as a developing anorexic.
167. My day went on in like manner. At lunch, I gingerly cut myself half a slice of bread to put under my scoop of vegetables‚ while I took small bites to make it last longer. As I brisk-walked to my mom's place a few hours later, my mind raced ahead to what I would eat for dinner that night. "I hope it's nothing she's already made," I thought to myself, "as then I can't see what she puts in it." As I started up the flight of stairs leading to my mom's door, my head spun, and I reached for the nearby railing to again steady myself. "Don't worry‚" I tried to reassure myself, "when you get up the stairs you'll get to eat and sit down."
168. Dinner was a five-minute affair in which I nibbled some cheese crackers and a few carrot sticks. Conversation was the prime way to get the attention off my dinner plate, but to my dismay, I had grown increasingly crabby.
169. "Why don't you chew with your mouth closed!" I angrily snapped at my little brother. "It's so disgusting how you slurp up those noodles! I can't believe you have friends who even sit with you at the table!"
170. "Just shut up!" my brother yelled back.
171. The conversation continued on in this way for a few more seconds until Mom walked in and quieted us both. I sat in silence, lost in my thoughts for a few minutes, after which I excused myself to go to the bathroom and began to violently vomit. "Stop it!" I inwardly screamed at myself. "I don't WANT to throw up this time!" Tears came to my eyes as the stomach acid scorched my throat. "What am I doing?" I asked myself, as I gazed tearfully out of the small window. "I never meant for things to get like this. I never thought it could be such ... hell!" "But no," I reminded myself, "anything's better than feeling fat. Now at least I feel loved by my friends‚ and that's all that matters."
172. I slumped down to the floor, my head buried in my hands as I cried from exhaustion. I stayed there until I heard the sound of someone knocking at the door. It was my brother. "Are you all right, Susie?" he asked.
173. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
174. I stood up, washing my face, and flushing the toilet behind me, as I pasted a smile on and opened the bathroom door. "Sure, Simon, I'm cool," I said as confidently as I could, hoping he wouldn't notice my puffy‚ red eyes, or the fact that I took his hand to keep my own from shaking. As I lay in bed that night, my thoughts drifted backwards. "I wasn't always this way," I reminded myself, as my mind drifted off to past experiences:
175. "Oh my God‚ Susie! You've got such a big butt!" Sandy said loudly as we piled into the van after get-out.
176. "I do?" I wondered out loud, hurt, and curious to know if those bifocals I'd never needed were now a necessity.
177. "Yeah, and your legs! If you like looking chunky, or what do they call it now ... 'sporty,' you're fine, but if you ask me, you should try and lose some weight!"
178. I winced as similar scenes replayed themselves in my head. Finally I could take those thoughts no longer. I sat up, threw on a bathrobe, and stepped out onto the balcony where I could see the lights of the city blinking bright. Despite the warm breeze, I shivered as I took in the fresh air. "No, Susie, there's no way you're gonna let those things get said about you ever again!" I said aloud as I turned, and with fresh resolution, headed back to my bedroom.
179. Weeks later ... "Susie, you awake, sweetheart?" Auntie Rose softly whispered. I'd lain in bed awake for the past hour, but kept my eyes shut, as if that would somehow block the day from playing itself out. Finally, I opened my eyes, and with a plastic smile, confirmed to Auntie Rose that I was indeed coherent.
180. I took in my figure a few minutes later. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror smiling with pleasure, as I turned from side to side. "Lordy, thank You for letting me be this way!" I thought to myself. "Now I don't have to feel self-conscious when I wear clothes like these!" I finished quietly to myself as I slipped on a small tank top. "Time for breakfast," I added, leaving the bathroom door slightly ajar.
181. My food was a hastily gulped down apple, as we were in a hurry to get to the Teen/YA fellowship on time. The two-hour bus ride was a gray blur of meaningless shapes and figures. The thoughts that had always been a part of my once-active mind were long gone, as I lacked the energy to even focus my eyes‚ much less hold any patterned thought. In my case, the absence of thought came as blessed peace in comparison to the morbid fears which I relived daily.
182. I had resisted the thought so many times that perhaps what had been said to me months before were not as things truly were, so my fears of getting fat had become surprisingly real to me. They were my reality, and my every waking moment was spent in its grip.
183. Arriving at the house for the fellowship, I was greeted with hugs, smiles, and the cheery voices of my friends. As we sat and talked‚ for a moment I was able to forget the dizziness that was fast descending like a cloud on me.
184. Finally‚ it was lunchtime. As we made our way to the table‚ I excused myself from my friends and stumbled into the bathroom, where I collapsed into a messy pile of tears. In place of the long-gone hunger pangs, my head had now begun to ache, as if something was attacking it and causing me to have to momentarily close my eyes to even see straight. The next ten minutes of my sobbing apparently hadn't done much for my now equally sad makeup job. With shaking hands, I hurriedly tried to fix myself up and straighten my tangled mop of hair. My now familiar fake smile magically reappeared as I stepped back into the circle of friends.
185. That lunch was a drawn–out affair, the majority of which was promptly disposed of in the toilet. I brushed my teeth for the fifth time in the space of the past five minutes.
186. As I glanced up from my toothbrush to my reflection in the mirror, I jumped at the empty, dark-circled eyes that stared back at me. "If I hadn't known who this was, I'd think I was on drugs or something," I thought. Surprisingly, the thought of it didn't faze me. "It's not entirely my fault I'm this way, anyway," I told myself. "Those girls I used to live around were constantly bitching to me about my weight, if not in front of me, then behind my back! And what about my friends?" I distinctly remembered one of my "good friends" after my constant badgering to "tell me the truth," how she had replied with, "You don't look bad or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds."
187. This memory hurt worse than all the rest, as it was coming from one that I would actually consider a friend. While the comment in itself wasn't so bad, my mind had blown it up, due to my refusal to believe the people who were telling me otherwise. "I was asking for it," I told myself, between gulps of water. With that I left the bathroom to join my friends that were headed for the hoops.
188. "Susie, you've lost so much weight," one of my girlfriends whispered quietly to me as I tied my shoes. "Are you feeling all right? You're not getting sick, are you?"
189. "What makes you think that?" I answered, maybe a little too quickly.
190. "Well‚ just every time I see you, you're smaller, and …"
191. "Hey‚ it's okay," I cut in, "I'm fine! Ask me again next time you find me convulsing on the floor," I joked with a smile.
192. "Okay, that's all I wanted to hear," Shelly laughed as she stood up. "Let's just get on the courts, whaddaya say?"
193. "Fine by me," I answered with a smile.
194. Two weeks later ... the days had become a spin for me, along with the majority of their events. My morning weigh-ins had become one of the day's few high points. As my eyes met the number on the scale, I stepped back in disbelief for a second. "43 kilos! That's my least (or best) ever!" (Those two words held similar meanings for me these days.) "I look great, though," I told myself. People around me seemed to have a different idea.
195. "Susie, you're so, so skinny!" Auntie Rachel remarked. "You look sick as well!"
196. I could tell she was thinking "sick" as in terms of the word "hospital," but I pushed the thought aside as quickly as it came. I mumbled some lame answer, and left the dining room to put on another layer of clothes—not to cover myself as much as to try and warm my icy fingers and toes. "Maybe a walk will clear my head," I tried to tell myself.
197. The next few days blended into one endless ritual of waking up‚ exercising frantically‚ resting, and occasionally eating. I can remember snatches of events here and there ... growing more and more detached from people and things than ever. Walking down the road trying to hold back the tears that threatened at any time to spill ... bumping against a moving shadow, or was it ... a person? Because of my increased detachment from the world around me, my personal appearance had taken on less importance, and I allowed my now sunken eyes and colorless cheeks to escape without the usual foundation I used in an attempt to try and conceal them.
198. It was October 6, 1999‚ when I hopped on my bike to go for my customary hourlong exercise.
199. But there was something wrong. I couldn't describe it, but it came as a sinking feeling to my stomach, a passing whisper to my barely coherent senses. "Don't go out today..." I paused to consider my options. I couldn't run, the exercise video was out, and the only other exercise vigorous enough for me was my bike. "What if you just miss this one day?" came the whisper to me. "NO!" I said, nearly growing hysterical at the thought. "I can't ... I won't!" I finally said, as I pushed off the kickstand.
200. The road swung ahead. The passing movements‚ known to others as cars, barely registered. A twelve-year-old kid on his bike whistled. I took it in, but with disgust for myself at what I had become. My thoughts went back to simpler days when life was pure joy. In those days I had no need to hide behind a plastic smile or fake kindness to somehow delude myself into escaping life's problems. "I want to get away," I breathed, pedaling faster as I gained momentum. I raced down a hill, pedaled some more, and turned in the direction of the house, hoping no one would notice my being gone an extra hour.
201. As my bike spun forward, I thought of the people who'd made remarks in their clumsy attempts to make me stop the harsh lifestyle I'd inflicted on myself. People's concerned comments had grown in number, as I'd come closer to attaining "the ideal weight" for myself. My mind raced on. "They're more than ready to point the finger at me now, but what about when I wanted someone's help? Where were they then?" The small feelings of respect I'd once held for the "interfering types" was now replaced with a dull hatred for them. "While I was still relatively 'healthy looking‚' they said nothing," I said between clenched teeth.
202. Now I had made a decision—one which I daily renewed with increased fervor, as I even now said to myself with a tone of finality: "God, it would take something like a car accident for me to ever stop living like this! Now, I wonder how many calories I've burned in comparison to the workout video?"
203. October 9, 1999. Opening my eyes slowly, I was immediately met with the harsh sunlight streaming through the open curtain. For a short moment I eyed my surroundings suspiciously. "This isn't right," I thought to myself. The flowered wallpaper of my bedroom walls was replaced by a comparatively plain white paint. The room smelled sterile and the faint odor of some undetectable substance hit my nose shortly afterward. I looked down at my body, which was now covered with a makeshift gown. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. My attention was now drawn to my seemingly immobile arm, which had begun to ache with a dull intensity. A fat needle was inserted squarely into my vein, which was obviously being pumped with some sort of a dark fluid. "MOM!" I screamed hesitantly at first. And again, with renewed volume, "Someone! Anyone!"
204. Upon hearing the patter of footsteps I immediately stopped, for fear of the unknown if nothing else. It was Mom.
205. "Where am I?" I asked, albeit a good deal quieter.
206. "You don't remember‚ sweetheart?" my mother asked‚ a little bewildered.
207. "What don't I remember?" I asked, my suspicions mounting steadily.
208. "You were in a car accident, honey," she replied. "You've been in here for the past few days healing up‚ as it was pretty serious."
209. "I should say so." I answered indignantly. "What's this doing stuck in my arm? And why can't I move my upper torso?"
210. "You've had several breaks in your upper body region," Mom answered firmly. "And you are going to be here longer than we both hope you are‚ if you don't take it easy."
211. "Okay, okay," I backed down. "I just don't remember anything."
212. Mom then proceeded to fill me in on the events leading up to my hospitalization. "There was a driver ... on a suspended license ... hit you ... smashed the bike ... called 911 ... paramedics ... questioning me ... the ambulance ride. …" I searched my memory in hopes of finding a faint recollection of that day. I could find none.
213. Mom's voice continued… "The doctor operated on you‚ but you now have two metal plates holding the fracture in your skull in place," she finished as she carefully readjusted herself on the hospital bed.
214. "So what now?" I asked, as I took a sip of the water next to my bed.
215. "Well, the doctor will be in to check on your bones and their healing.…" Mom's voice trailed off, leaving room for the next question.
216. "But what?" I asked seriously, lowering my voice.
217. "The doctor says you are seriously underweight, and has scheduled you to visit a specialist in eating disorders like yours," she added softly. I only nodded my head in acknowledgment. Too tired to protest‚ I smiled faintly for her benefit, as my eyes slowly shut.
218. Eating over the next couple of days was one of the hardest things I'd, till then, been asked to do. Not only was I expected to take in a comparatively enormous amount of food compared to my usual intake, but I had to do it having my jaw wired shut, due to the injury. My food was therefore liquefied. Yuck, yuck! The eating specialist, or "shrink" as I later came to know her, was straight and to the point. She explained to me the details and problems anorexics face, and more importantly, told me in no uncertain terms just where the mind frame I'd allowed to become a part of me would take me.
219. "You've been walking a fine thread, Susie," she said, looking me straight in the eyes, "one that has been steadily unraveled the more you gave in to the anorexia. Before now, you watched the thread unravel, choosing to place the blame on the girls who 'drove you to it.' But the choice is yours. Susie, you are the only one responsible for what you are today, and you have the power to change that mind frame."
220. That statement hit me like a thunderclap. I knew the truth of what the "shrink" had said, and being faced with the realization that, yes, I was the one to blame, was a hard saying. Fortunately for me, I accepted it and began the baby steps that eventually put me on the road to recovery.
221. By the time you read this, it'll have been a little over a year since my accident. It's been a year of recovery for me, both physically and mentally. I had become so fearful of life, and people's love, that learning to open my true self to others and begin reaching out again is something that I am, even now, learning how to do more fully. All I can say is‚ it's a miracle that I have come this far in a year, as anorexia had become a way of life for me. And as I'm sure you know, those lifestyle habits can be some of the hardest to kick.
222. What continues to amaze me is the ability I now have to put this on paper, as my previous attempt four months ago was met with buckets of tears, and not a little hyperventilating (imagine imaginary grin).
223. In closing, I'd like to add this last statement. It's been a long and difficult road, and I've spent the past year of my life retracing the steps I allowed myself to take in the wrong direction, which almost led to my death—not only through the car accident‚ but through a cardiac arrest, and another time where I was nearly hospitalized again due to a weight drop.
224. I understand now that there is more to me than the outward appearance, and that my outward appearance will never compensate for what's missing inside. Now, although relapsing is a battle I'm sometimes faced with, I see it for what it really is: A pathetic cop-out on God's greatest gift to us all—life!—Susie (16).
225. P.S.: Upon writing this, I thought it might be useful knowledge for you, the reader, if I went into a little more detail of what we as anorexics/bulimics face, and some of our outlooks. While every case is different, there are some typical "no-no's" that do exist if you're trying to help someone who you suspect is dealing with this.
1) It's better not to make the table a battleground, and better not to approach the subject in public at all. Drawing attention to the dinner plate [in front of others] only makes us feel more justifiably self-conscious and can end up in a lot of tension on both sides. Rather, try to get to the root of what is causing the apparent change in behavior, and don't stop until you've reached the bottom of it. It's not enough to peck at the weed itself; if you never dig for the root, it'll be there still.
2) Talking about subjects such as diets, fattening foods, who's fatter, thinner‚ or even more popular can be a real stumbler for a recovering anorexic, as these were the very subjects that fed my reason for being anorexic. It gave me a sense of control, as I felt I had an edge on other people.
3) Be supportive. Be a friend. Let them know that you love and accept them for who THEY are, not for what they LOOK LIKE. It's easy to assume that you know the answer to our problems. We need to feel LISTENED TO and be able to pour out everything. When I was first slipping into this problem, I secretly wanted someone to be there to just comfort and reassure me. So in my awkward way, I went around asking people who I knew if they thought I was fat. Sounds stupid, I know‚ but I thought that by doing that, it just might increase my chances of being noticed and approached in a loving way about my concerns. I wanted someone to listen and to be there for me during the battle, someone that I felt comfortable approaching for prayer when needed. As it was‚ I grew to hate adults and SGAs that asked me about my problem when I was rail thin, as I felt that they figured I was all right as long as I looked healthy. Please be aware of this. We're supposed to be a Family of Love. Does our love reach out even at the expense of our own individual schedules?
4) If you are helping someone to recover‚ you can't expect them to get over it in a day. I remember freaking out at the large plates my mom would put in front of me right after my hospitalization, and puking up what little I had eaten as a result. A gradual change of habit, I found, worked best for me. We're not used to having lots of food in our stomachs, and too much at one time can provoke an automatic physical reaction of throwing up, so please be mindful of that.
5) Chances are, we probably already feel like all eyes are on us at the table, once the subject of an eating disorder has been brought out‚ so try not to add to it with thoughtless comments about our problem. That only serves to alienate us more.
6) Last, but definitely not least, try taking the time to read something with us. You never know what a difference you will have made unless you try, and I can say for a fact that the Word and my connection with Jesus is the only thing that has kept and is still keeping me from letting go all over again.
7) Don't give up on us. We need you, and are desperate for your love and acceptance, even when we seem to be hopeless cases. Your prayers can still change things for us.
A Message from Karen Carpenter
Karen Anne Carpenter (1950-1983) and her brother Richard dropped out of college in the 1960s to form a group and play music. Their first album wasn't a success. But the group's next single, released in 1970, went straight to number one and became their first gold record. A string of hits followed over the next six years.
But as the decade progressed, Karen developed anorexia, an eating disorder. In 1975, with her weight at eighty pounds, Karen became too ill to perform.
In November 1981 Karen moved to New York City to get treatment for anorexia. A year later, proclaiming herself cured, she moved back to California, but three months later‚ having spent the night with her parents, Karen was found by her mother passed out on the floor of her bedroom. She was taken to the hospital‚ but could not be resuscitated. Her death was attributed to heart failure due to anorexia nervosa.
226. (Karen Carpenter: ) Some of you may have read about my problem with anorexia in the Free Zine some time ago (Zine 32), but I hope you don't mind if I expound a bit more on the subject. The Lord asked me to share some of the lessons I've learned, having been an anorexic, in hopes that it might help some of you who battle this affliction or are tempted with it.
227. I can sum my lessons up for you in two words: self-perfection. I was one of those people who likes to get things done right. Not just right, but perfectly right. You can ask those who worked with me during my singing career. I had a gift, a beautiful gift, but I constantly wanted to be sure we got it right. There's nothing wrong with getting your work right. The danger is when you become obsessed with it and it becomes an all-encompassing work of the flesh. You constantly see the flaws, the imperfections, the parts you got wrong, and you strive to get it "right."
228. Thinking of yourself and what you do in a constant critical light doesn't help matters. Then no matter what you do, no matter how "perfect" it is to others, it's never good enough to you. It's like you, yourself, take on the full responsibility of what you do‚ your actions, the way you look, and pretty soon you're caught in this downward spiral of bondage to the Enemy. He's the ultimate in letting you know just how imperfect you are and that you must strive to be perfect—with the emphasis on you doing the striving, not with anyone else's help, and especially not anything to do with the Lord's help.
229. The outcome of this kind of lifestyle is that you end up miserable, never satisfied with yourself or anything you do, and constantly striving to get it "right." Either getting it right in your work, or getting it right in making your body "perfect," and then you start looking at those around you, thinking how "wrong" and "imperfect" they are or must be. All the while this demon of anorexia has you chained, and he's pulling you to the brink of destruction—death—and no matter how hard you try, you just grow weaker and weaker and weaker until he wins and you lose.
230. That is one reason all of you who know the Lord and have the privilege of being educated in His Words should be very thankful. The Lord and His Word can break the chains and free you. Not only that, you have prayer and spiritual help that is available at your bidding and which the Lord is happy to give you. He can totally transform you, renew your mind, transform it, and help you learn new habits to replace the old ones.
231. I wasn't happy with the way I looked. Sure, I heard unkind and unloving comments and they didn't help, but the bottom line was I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I saw myself as so plain, and the women around me as so beautiful.
232. Now that I'm no longer on Earth‚ the Lord has revealed to me something I hadn't noticed and that the Enemy did his best to make sure I didn't notice while I was there—that the majority of the people on Earth are not what the System portrays as "beautiful" or "handsome." They are not all stunningly beautiful women or handsome men who fit the System image that is plastered all over the magazines and in the movies and TV and on billboards worldwide, making people think it must be the "norm"!
233. It's not there! It's a fallacy! It's a farce! It's a direct and concerted campaign against God! How's that for a piece of truth?! Those images you see as "beautiful" and "sexy" are a big bunch of baloney! They are few and far between and they aren't natural. Because their standard is the standard of man—man's opinions and man's viewpoint, both of which have been thoroughly influenced, flavored, and dictated by the Devil. Man looketh on the outward appearance, and so does the Devil. A lot of the "outward appearance" you see isn't even real! It's made to look perfect through the help of cameras, computers, and touch-ups, perfecting those imperfect images so what you're seeing isn't necessarily the way it even looks in real life!
234. The Devil is going to make sure you concentrate on that outward appearance too! Because God looks on the heart, the spirit‚ the real you. The more you try to perfect yourself in the flesh, in whatever way you do it, the further you get away from the spirit and the way God intended you to be.
235. That's not to say God intended for people to be unkempt, by any means. But have you ever noticed that some people that you wouldn't necessarily classify in your carnal mind as "attractive" or "beautiful" or "handsome" are that very way to you? The secret is the Spirit. It's the Spirit that makes you truly beautiful and attractive and handsome. But it's hard for men and women to see that, because you live in a physical world and the ways of the spirit aren't that "visible" to you. You in the Family have some of the most exposure to the spirit world and the ways of the spirit, and you are some of the most spiritually minded people on Earth, and yet you struggle.
236. I have come to learn that it's because the flesh wars against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh. It's a constant struggle for humans to yield to the spirit, and it can only be done through the miraculous power of God. You have to desire it; you have to take steps to make it part of your life, to pray and ask for the Lord's help. But it is possible, and you who are called as the Lord's Endtime Army are a privileged group of people. You have been given so much truth and insight and access to the power of God that you possess the means to truly be as God wants His children to be.
237. I wish I could have understood that I didn't have to be perfect or look "perfect"—the way I perceived perfection. I just didn't get that point until it was too late. But you in the Family don't have to get to that point. You can be "perfect" today, this very moment! His grace is sufficient for you! His strength is made perfect in your weakness. His grace will make you perfect! Please accept His grace today. Forget the works of the flesh and be set free! Thank you for letting me share these lessons with you. God bless you all! (End of message from Karen Carpenter)
Dieting and Keeping Extremes in Check
153. (Mama:) One of the manifestations of Bacchus's influence is in extreme dieting and eating disorders. Both Pan and Bacchus play a role in creating false illusions in the minds of those who are suffering from these conditions.
154. I urge those of you who are struggling with eating disorders to seek the Lord for His counsel on how you can be delivered. Ask Him to expose the devices of the Enemy in your life! The Enemy is out to kill you, or at the very least make you so miserable and wrapped up in yourself that you're no good to the Lord or His service!
155. We love you and need each and every one of you, and can't afford to lose even one of you to this horrible device of the Evil One! Please, folks! It's not a game! Recognize the Enemy for who he is, and start fighting!
156. (Jesus:) The desire to run back to your crutch of dieting to make you feel better about yourself is one great way in which Bacchus works in your life. Pan gets it started by making you feel depressed‚ and then Bacchus calls you. He pulls you with his tentacles back into the muck and mire of dieting and the vicious cycle that it is. You have been cutting his tentacles‚ fighting and praying, and you must continue to do this.
157. But the true victory lies in overcoming the hold that Pan has on you, and then you will be able to stay away from Bacchus completely. Bacchus has strong power over you in the area of dieting, but only when you open the door to Pan, for Pan comes in first in your life. Then when you open the door to Pan, you start feeling the tentacles of Bacchus weaving their way around you. If you don't fight them, you're caught again. The longer he holds on, the stronger and thicker his tentacles grow, until you're overpowered again.
158. You've come this far by faith—don't let him in! Keep Pan at bay through prayer and the laying on of hands, and then you will find that full victory will come to you because of your faith and willingness to ask‚ seek, knock, and receive My healing power for you.
159. It is your natural inclination to take anything to an extreme, to hold on to the thing that you want and do it and do it and do it. This is also something that Bacchus uses in your life. It starts out as something that is part of your nature, which, when turned to good use, is a great tool in My hand, for you have spirit, fervor‚ and drive to do what you're told or what you know I want you to do. You do it with your whole heart. But at the same time, when not turned to good use but when turned to self-destruction, it is a great hindrance in your life‚ and makes your walk with Me, your physical health, and your life a misery.
160. So you must always pray over each new decision that you make, to be sure that it is in line with My will, and that you will not take something too far, for extremes are your weakness. You do not know how to keep something in check. You saw this clearly in your anorexia: Once you decided to diet to an extreme‚ it took only a few short months and you were nearly dead.
161. You must be prayerful that you do not allow Bacchus to play upon this area of your life—of putting your full will and energy and time into any given thing—which I would like to use as a strength, but which he would use to destroy you. So keep your heart stayed on Me and check all of your actions, thoughts, and deeds by Me to make sure that you're not taking anything too far to any extreme, and I will help you and keep your actions in check by speaking to you or making it impossible for you to be extreme in the wrong direction.
Recovering from the Grip of Bacchus Addiction to an Eating Disorder
162. So far you have held on to some Huddersfield in your heart. You have not yielded fully, and thus you have not been able to grab onto and receive the full victory I had waiting for you. All My promises are not without conditions. Just as you want the full power of the keys to avail yourself of My full resources from the spirit world and to receive My full angelic force to help aid you in this battle, you must first make the step towards yielding and receiving. That is the condition of the power.
163. You have been plagued by these two impostors [Pan and Bacchus]. These two demons, though they come in sheep's clothing, have been ravenous beasts, both on your spirit and your body. Your mind has been viciously attacked and filled with these two, and you let them in freely. You did not notice them at first, and therefore did not fight to get help and cleansing right away.
164. Your mind was clouded by the ways of the flesh and you entertained them, for they were deceiving. They didn't seem so bad to you; at the time your convictions were weak.
165. And because you were weak in My Word‚ they took advantage and have done so for a long time now. Other little things allowed [this problem] to grow much bigger too, other influences or others' views. Others' ways have also added to this. But you failed to weigh them up right away and compare them with My Word, discerning right from wrong. You fed on each thought, each idea.
166. You drank in each doubt, and they eventually became a part of you. And so there is no question as to why it is now a much more difficult fight in the spirit. All these spirits you have let in now feel they have the right to be in you and a part of you, distorting your vision‚ confusing your mind.
167. Yes‚ even now at times you will feel like you want them to stay because it feels good to you. The Evil One works deceitfully and very cunningly; that is why you must be so on guard and aware of his tricks and evil plans. You have become so confused and don't even know what to believe anymore.
168. You can't see clearly what My standards in healthful living and keeping a healthful balanced diet are anymore, for you have been seeing as they see, how the world sees—things so distorted and contrary to how I have created and made life to be, and your bodies to be—a living sacrifice‚ holy and acceptable unto Me, your reasonable service. That is why you encounter periods when you don't want to eat for fear you will gain weight. Then one moment later you can be stuffing yourself and feeling totally out of control.
169. You're not your own, for these beasts have taken over parts of your life that have been off guard and full of pride, full of self, self-consciousness, self-mindedness, self-effort and selfishness.
170. You have to take what is My will by faith and by the faith and instruction and counsel of others for now. This is your complete healing and your complete surrender. Will you now yield and just let go? This is the total yielding that I have been talking about.
171. You must now fight to see as I see, and be willing to admit you need to gain weight and regain your strength by taking extra time to stop and rest, and also by receiving help from others. You have not been able to make it alone, because you have been holding on to trying to do it yourself.
172. You now need to humble yourself fully and keep your heart and mind cleared from the Enemy's lies and distortions and take in what others tell you. Don't even try to figure it out or reason it out, but take it by faith to be the truth and My sure word of instruction to you. This will be your complete healing.
173. My dear, follow these simple steps to recovery if you want the full healing and cleansing I am speaking to you of:
174. If you are faithful to willingly let go of what you think may be better, I will grant you your heart's desire in making happen what is the very best. I give the very best to those who leave the choices with Me, remember?
Healthy or Obsessive?
The Issue:
57. (Mama:) The Word has addressed the "thin is beautiful" mentality, but the fact is that many people still think that way to some degree, or so it would seem. It's true that it's unhealthy when people are really overweight. But some people don't have a healthy balance when it comes to drawing the line between what is "healthy" and what's "too fat" or "too thin." It's one thing if you're trying to improve if you actually have a problem, or focusing on some weak areas to look a little better, but trying so hard for "the perfect body" often leads to ungodly extremes and can even open the door to the Enemy and become an obsession.
God's mind on the matter:
58. (Jesus:) If you want to know what My will for you is as far as whether you are just being healthy or whether you are being obsessive in the things you try to do to improve your body and stay in good shape, the best thing to do is to ask Me with an open heart—or, if it's something you feel pretty strongly about, it could be wise to ask someone else to ask Me for you as well. I've made it very clear in both the Bible and the Letters that it's important to Me that you stay in shape and remain healthy. It's part of taking care of My temple. You weren't made to just sit around eating and getting fat and becoming slothful. You were made for an active lifestyle, and as much as possible, that's the standard I want you to shoot for.
59. But there is a balance and there is a limit to what is godly, and some of you cross it when you go too far over the line of just being healthy and you start to give in to the Enemy's spirits of pride‚ vanity and self-glorification, or of depression, negativity‚ anorexia and bulimia. It might be hard for some of you to know what's right and what's wrong; what's a healthy and acceptable diet to stay in shape and be healthy, and what's going overboard because you've gotten too inundated with worldly ideas of beauty and perfection; whether you're exercising to be fit for My service‚ or whether you're doing it only to perfect and glorify yourself.
60. There are many ways to tell where the line is and what the proper attitude is concerning these things. The most important way, of course, is to ask Me to tell you how you're doing in this area‚ whether you need to work out a little more and eat a little less, or whether you need to stop working out so much and start eating a little more, or whether maybe you should just keep doing what you're doing and not feeling that you have to continually be "improving" yourself or your diet or workout plans. I can tell you whether you're trespassing My guidelines by being too lazy and inactive, or whether you're entering a danger zone by making those things too big a priority in your life. Sometimes you need to "improve" to a certain point‚ but then enough is enough, and you can stop there.
61. In these days of discipleship and accountability, there's nothing that you need more than My personal Words to you so that you are not basing your actions on what someone else is doing, or what the world says to do, but you are listening to Me, getting My input, and then obeying what I tell you. Your body and how you keep it up is a sensitive, personal issue to many. I know this, and I can give you personal information just for you that will tell you what to do and how to do it, point out any danger, and give good counsel. But you have to be open to that counsel—both from Me and sometimes from earthly shepherds or peers giving you help as well. If you don't want to open your channel and lay all your weight and body issues before Me and ask Me about your health and your exercise, and your ideas of what beauty is and what you need to do to look good, then that's a sign that in one way or the other, your balance is off.
62. If you're too defensive about any issue related to health or body or exercise‚ then the balance is bad in some direction‚ and that should be a sign to you that you need help‚ that you need to seek Me and read My Word and get delivered from the worldly attitudes and take on My heavenly attitudes that will allow Me to personally shepherd this aspect of your life—both through My personal words to you, as well as through any earthly help and shepherding I might see fit to send your way.
63. Another way to gauge whether you're in line with My thoughts for you or whether you've taken in too much of the world is how well you can tolerate imperfections in yourself. My ideal for you is to be healthy, active, fit, and useful in My service, not to be physically perfect in the world's sense of perfection.—Because in My mind, there is no one definition of "perfect." How well you are able to deal with the fact that there will probably always be things about yourself that you are not comfortable with should show you whether you are able to accept My viewpoint, or whether your thoughts are still tainted with the kind of perfection the world wants to push on you.
64. If you can keep your exercise and dieting plans in moderation, even if there are still parts of your body that you don't feel are perfect, then you probably have the right attitude. If you are able to regularly get your get-out without going overboard, then you're probably doing okay. But if the fact that there are things about your body that you just don't like causes you to get obsessive and start to overdo in the areas of exercise or dieting‚ then the balance is false and your thoughts aren't in line with Mine on this issue.
65. Everyone has some aspect of their physical appearance that they wish was different‚ and even if it's not your favorite part of yourself, if you're able to go on serving Me and not let it take up a lot of your thoughts and worries‚ then you'll be just fine. It's when it becomes a consuming passion and obsession that it's not right.
66. Another way to look at this is to ask yourself how big a deal things related to your diet or exercise are to you. Are you able to pretty much eat what is set before you‚ giving thanks? Or are there several or many things which you will not eat?—Not because of actual health problems, but because you think they'll make your body look bad in some way or another. In some cases it may be true—some of you have become too overweight and do need to take more thought for the things you eat. Yet there are many of you whose bodies are strong and healthy and beautiful just as they are, and will remain so if you stay within the healthy limits of moderation in your eating and exercise. Yet you hold yourselves to worldly standards and become picky and finicky to the point where you not only affect your own state of mind and health, but you portray a bad sample to others and can affect their health and state of mind as well.
67. What if you miss your daily get-out? Is that an earth-shaking problem for you? Will that cause you to go to exceptional lengths to get it in no matter what else gets pushed aside? Will it ruin your day if you have to skip it? Again, it is a question of balance. For some of you I would like to see greater faithfulness to the get-out requirements; yet for others of you, if something comes up in your service for Me that makes you lose your time of exercise every now and then, if you have a really hard time handling that, then you're probably too addicted to your exercise program, and this may be because you're struggling with trying to attain a certain type of body perfection that is not natural or My will for you. Or maybe the way you look or are trying to look is okay, but it needs to be of lesser importance to you and move a little lower on your priority list.—You need to have a better sense of priorities and be more balanced and less rigid about your plans and program.
68. My counsel for all of you is to look at the signs around you to gauge whether or not you are within My will. You're driving down the highway of life and My will for you in the area of exercise and fitness is posted in My Word like speed limit signs. My signs advocate good health and fitness, yet they also caution you to be moderate. What you must do, My children, is to look at the "speedometer" on your dashboard to see how fast you're going in relation to the signs that I have posted. Are you above My limits? Are you below? You should hit My will—not lag behind or run ahead.
69. My Words of counsel to you, the checking of your heart‚ the test of eating what is set before you, the test of missing get-out, and the advice and counsel of friends and shepherds are your speedometer. These things tell you how you're doing. You should listen to those around you, as well as to Me, as well as search your own heart about this matter. If people around you regularly have to get on your case about taking the Charter-prescribed get-out time‚ then you should listen. Conversely, if people around you are cautioning you that you might be overdoing it a little, either exercising too much or eating too little, you shouldn't just brush them off, but you should take it seriously.
70. Getting your personal instructions from Me should always be the first step. But these other things are like the other seven ways to know My will; they're methods that will assist you in determining how you're doing and which standard you're shooting for—My standard of moderation or the worldly standard of vanity and obsession with self, or of laziness and slothfulness.
71. This is always going to be a personal decision‚ a matter of the heart. Even though it concerns your physical body, I cannot legislate righteousness. I cannot say in the Charter that all must weigh this much and eat this much and be able to do this much exercise. Everyone is different. You certainly shouldn't be letting the world's input tell you how you should be, because that may not be My plan for you, and in most cases it will never be. You're here to win the world for Me and to spread My good news of love to all you can, and I need you to be fit enough to get that job done—yet not obsessed with those things to the point that it's your primary occupation in life.
72. The answer is moderation. The answer is in referring to My written Word and Letters on the subject, and in hearing from Me about this issue and obeying My Words to you. Don't cut Me out of this area of your life. Let Me counsel you and show you how you can do even better and be even happier. Don't let anything steal your happiness by pressuring you in a way that is not godly. Strive to forsake the pressure that the world places on you in these matters and align your thoughts with Mine; then you'll have a just weight‚ which is My delight.
In summary:
73. (Mama: ) There's no hard and fast "letter of the law" to abide by when it comes to weight and diet issues‚ but the Lord has given several good "meters" that you can use to judge how you're doing: His written Word, His counsel and voice of prophecy, shepherding and godly counsel, how open you are to His counsel and instruction, how important these various diet and exercise issues are in your life, how easy it is for you to make adjustments and be flexible when necessary, how much you eat what is set before you, and of course the counsel of the Word, and checking your heart, etc.
74. I know the areas of diet and exercise and body image can seem small, mundane and physical, and not something you need to be real concerned about. But the Enemy hates you. He hates your loving, sacrificial service. He hates what you accomplish for the Lord. And he'll use anything he can to try to hinder you, hurt you, and make you suffer. When you veer from the godly, healthy limits the Lord has set in this area‚ just like any other area, the Enemy then has greater license to attack you and is more easily able to get in. So keep this area of your life in line with the Word and discipleship standard. If you have a weakness in this area‚ ask for prayer and safeguards, and fight your pride that would take you outside of healthy limits, so you can have the Lord's full blessing and protection.
Key promise:
75. Claim the keys of spiritual health, and put the health of your spirit above the health of your physical body through obedience‚ loving Me, and pleasing Me above all, and your physical health, stamina, appearance and testimony will improve simultaneously.
Copyright © 2006 by The Family International