July 16, 2004
(ML #3501, GN 1088)
FD/MM/FM July 2004
(ML #3161:9-17, 25-31, 147-158, Lifelines 24.)
9. Right now there's conflict in many of our Homes between the two generations. In many cases, parents and their children are pitted against each other, or against other parents and their children. Also, parents and the young people who care for their children have conflicts over discipline, time off and missed activities, or they simply have different standards, leading to resentment and communication breakdowns. It is also a frequent problem that the shepherds don't relate well to the young people in their Home. Many young people are restless and feel confused‚ boxed in, and that the adults just don't understand them. The end result is that in those Homes both generations have become frustrated.
10. Unfortunately, some very negative mindsets and attitudes have taken hold in the Family in both generations. Many of you FGAs have gotten quite fed up with those of the younger generation. You have concentrated on their weaknesses, not their strengths. You have seen their problems of today, which loom so high to you, instead of their potential for the future, which you have lost sight of. You have let the weaknesses of some of a lack of dedication, disrespect for their elders, and lack of interest in the Word and the new weapons of the Spirit eat away at your faith in the younger generation and their calling and potential. This negative point of view has caused you to lose faith in the sincerity of our young people.
11. Many of you have come to the conclusion that you just don't get along with young people, you can't get along with them, and you never will. So in essence, what you have done is you've stopped trying. You've abdicated your responsibilities as shepherds and examples‚ and you've pretty much let the young people go their own way. You haven't wanted to help them learn their lessons the easy way‚ through your experience, and through loving‚ kind shepherding and showing them the way. Instead you've often left them to fend for themselves. You figure if they're going to be that rebellious and cantankerous and hard to get along with, well‚ you'll just let them stew in their own juice and learn through bitter experience.
12. Of course, there's the other extreme reaction as well‚ which is fairly common too, where you adults are on the kids' cases all the time, trying to dictate their every move, breathing down their necks, picking on every little thing they do wrong‚ nagging them, treating them like children, etc. This also doesn't bring about the results desired, but only serves to alienate the young people more and drive a bigger wedge between you.
13. Now I certainly don't put all the blame on the neglects or wrong attitudes of the older generation. You young people are not angels either; you have your faults and some have adopted ungodly attitudes as well. Sad to say, in some Homes I think it's pretty much the "in" thing, the accepted and even the expected behavior and attitude, to not get along with the first generation, to not enjoy their company, and to find little pleasure in working together with them.
14. Instead of seeing the good and all that you young people could gain from the older adults' experience and the lessons that they have learned through so many years of serving the Lord, you have let the Enemy cloud your focus and put a negative spin on your view of the older generation. The result is that you have overemphasized the older generation's mistakes and failures of the past and present, and you have let petty disagreements and personality differences come between you and them to such a great degree that now, in many cases, you can hardly stand to even be in the same room together! Or if it hasn't gotten that bad, your relationship still isn't what it should be because you've gotten to the point where you can't agree on anything, and you find yourselves in the midst of almost constant conflict or bickering.
15. Often there are so many bitter feelings on both sides, and such ill will between the two generations, that you have resigned yourselves to more or less just tolerating each other. You figure it's better to endure sort of a cold war than it is to suffer the hot war of constant disagreements and clashes. Some of you young people put up with the older generation and endure being around them when you have to, but then you have no qualms about talking negatively about them behind their backs, or showing them disrespect and disregarding their counsel and their opinions. And some of you older adults have reached the point of burnout with the young people. You no longer have the patience you need. You blow up and get angry easily. You get pushy, demanding and forceful, which drives the young people further away. In many cases you are downright baffled about what to do‚ to the point that you've quit even trying to be understanding of their ideas, opinions, desires or problems.
16. This is a very sad and disappointing situation. But even more than that, it's a very dangerous situation. Because as the Lord knows, and as those of us who are in a position to step back and view the overall big picture can see, it's the Lord's perfect, beautiful plan to have two generations within the Family at this point in time. The two generations are very different, but if given the opportunity and if both choose to yield to the Spirit completely, the Lord can use even the differences in these two age groups to make the Family stronger and more productive than ever before.
17. Each of the two generations has something very unique, very special, and very powerful to contribute to the Family. Both are certainly needed if the Family is to continue to be a strong force for the truth. It's foolish—in fact, it's ridiculous—for either you adults or you young people to think that you're self-sufficient, or that you can go on to be what the Lord wants you to be on your own without fully availing yourself of the strength, power, gifts and talents that both generations bring to the Family.
25. To give you young people the recognition and appreciation that you deserve, I want to make it clear that there are examples of young people working well with the first generation. There are young people who are standing strong for the truth, standing up against negative peer pressure and being willing to go against the current of the accepted way to be the testimony for the Word and the Lord that He wants you to be. I have also seen many of you take on big responsibilities and handle them very maturely.
26. I've seen and heard of many of you who are willing to buckle under and work hard for the Lord and the Family. You're serious-minded. You have really dedicated your life 100 percent to the Lord, the Family, Dad‚ me and Peter‚ and I know that you are as loyal and as sold-out as any of the older generation. You have proven yourself in my book, and I trust you and know that you would lay down your life for me, your brethren, or the lost, if need be.
27. I understand that life in the Family is sometimes difficult. Communal living brings with it some restrictions, and things don't always happen as quickly as you would like, which of course is very frustrating for you. I know that sometimes those of the older generation are very hard for you to understand. They seem inflexible, overpowering, domineering, and you feel like they just don't give you enough space to flap your wings and to do what you want to do—or what you feel the Lord is leading you to do.
28. I know the Lord has put in your heart a desire for change, action, responsibility and challenges. You have an almost uncontrollable desire to do something different, to be your own person, to make a name for yourself. You don't want to just walk in the footsteps of someone else; you want to break new ground. Sometimes it's hard for you to understand or discern between this God–given desire to do something new, which is right and healthy, and the need for you to work together with your elders and benefit from their experience, counsel and wisdom.
29. Now you of the older generation could make it easier on the young people by taking a little more time with them to try to understand what goes on inside their hearts and minds, and by not being so quick to judge or jump to conclusions—many of which, unfortunately, are often negative conclusions or unfair‚ biased judgments. If you would try to be more prayerful and led of the Spirit when working and living with the younger generation, then I think the Lord would help you have a better balance to know when you need to give them a break‚ to cut them a little slack‚ and to give them some room to just be young people, to experiment, to break free a little bit. He can also help you know when you need to rein them in a little‚ or give them a little counsel or correction or a check—to give them the shepherding that they need.
30. You have to realize, adults, that the young people are different. The Lord has made them different than you. They want to be different and they need to be different. And we of the older generation in the Family need their youthful enthusiasm and new ideas and the infusion of life, strength, and change that comes from the new blood of the new generation. We need their strength and their radical ways of looking at things. It's good for us when they express their sincere questions and challenge the way things are done. It makes us check our hearts and policies, see and make necessary changes and improvements, and it keeps us from sinking into the horrible abyss of compromise and the apathetic status quo.
31. Some of you adults are going to have to just lighten up, back off a little, and let the young people breathe! Let them be young people. Let them be themselves. Let them be different, as long as what they're doing is not contrary to the Word or the Charter, or endangering or negatively affecting either themselves or others or your work for the Lord in some way. (If you shepherds have a hard time applying the counsel in the Word or the Charter, and discerning whether something the young people are doing or want to do is okay, you or they could ask the Lord. I'm sure He would be happy to give you in prophecy the specific detailed guidelines, confirmations and instruction that you need, which will fit your particular situation.)
147. Next the Lord gives some interesting insight into the nature of young people and why they are the way they are. So for any of you of the older generation who are a little confused or at a loss as to how to get along with those of the second generation, this next portion of the Lord's message might be a help, or even a revelation!
148. (Jesus speaking: ) I'm so proud of these of the younger generation in the house of the king and queen, because they have been willing to become new creatures in My hand. They are full of youth and zeal and enthusiasm. They are unique in their reactions and likes and dislikes. They have a zest for life and a desire for change. They like to break out of ruts and do things new ways. They're looking to the future, always looking for new horizons, new challenges, new adventure. This is the nature that I have put in the heart of My young ones, to always want something new and to seek change and to look to the future, so that they might be the new blood that brings constant renewal of life to My revolution, to the children of David.
149. Sometimes it's hard for you older ones to understand the young people. They seem extreme or so prone to exaggerate or overreact. They're so easily excited, and their feelings, emotions and ups and downs in life are sometimes so difficult to harness and control or understand. So if you find yourself baffled and at wits' end and not knowing how to help the young people through their growing pains, don't worry or get frustrated or think you've done something wrong. Just realize and constantly remind yourself that these extreme emotions, desires, and reactions are part of the nature of youth that I have placed in their hearts, and that I use it to bring about change, and to help keep the children of David from cooling down and solidifying and dying, as have the churches.
150. (Mama:) That's pretty interesting, isn't it! So the next time the young people in your Home are riding the proverbial emotional roller coaster, or if they're moody or getting all bent out of shape about something, or they're weeping about something that doesn't seem like such a big deal to you, remind yourself of these words from the Lord. Young people are different from us older folks, and that's the way the Lord wants it! He made them that way! And we should thank the Lord for the differences, because that's one of the ways the Lord keeps us all young and changing and alive!
151. Maybe that helps you young people understand yourselves and your own reactions and inner struggles better. But I also want to clarify that this counsel doesn't mean that everything you do, think and believe is right, and you can just let your natural man go unchecked. Check out these next paragraphs. The Lord's talking about the specific ways the young people in our Home changed as they yielded to His Spirit and became the kind of disciples He wanted them to be, but this instruction is for you, too!
152. (Message from Jesus continues: ) But this is not license for those of the younger generation to do as they please or to think what they will without restraint or instruction from their elders. Once again‚ I turn your eyes to the example of the young ones in the house of the queen and king‚ for they have found fulfillment and happiness because they have opened themselves up to their shepherds and co-workers and have been willing to receive their counsel, and also the counsel of the New Wine and the Words that I speak to them on a regular basis through their personal channels‚ their intimate link with Me.
153. They have been willing to receive correction and been willing to hold on even when things seemed pretty hopeless from their point of view. They have been willing to give those of the older generation the benefit of the doubt‚ and have not been deceived by their first impressions or by the Enemy when he tried to get them to look critically at those of the older generation.
154. These YAs and SGAs have proven themselves worthy of great honor. They have taken the low seat, so I have been able to lift them up to places of great responsibility and trust. They have listened‚ they have received, they have learned, and they have obeyed. They have been willing to humble themselves before the king and queen, their shepherds, the older generation and their peers, and this humility has been the key that has opened the door for great riches of My Spirit and great reward for their labors.
155. They were willing to enlarge the borders of their tent, going beyond the fellowship of just other young people and their little clique. And as they took the step of faith to reach out to those of the older generation round about them‚ they soon discovered to their surprise and to their great pleasure that they could enjoy the fellowship of the older ones, that it could be fun and feeding, and it broadened their horizons. They were able to talk about different things that didn't usually come up in their conversations with their friends, and they were able to benefit from the experience and consequent wisdom of their older co-workers and companions. Soon they began to seek out the fellowship and companionship of those of the older generation and to look forward to it, just as they did to their times with their friends of their own generation.
156. Listening, communicating and heart-sharing all became a pleasure. Lesson-sharing and sexual sharing became easier as well. It was not something that they felt obligated to do. It became natural. Of course, to reach this place took time, and it took building trust and relationships, and learning to feel free to share their hearts with one another. But it would not have been possible had not these young warriors taken the first important steps of humbling themselves and being open and receptive and desirous of this new move of My Spirit.
157. Had they not had humility, a vacuum to learn, and open-mindedness, then I would not have been able to work in their hearts, and I would not have been able to perform such a miracle of My Spirit. They took the first steps, they did what they could do, and I did the rest. And great, I say, is their reward! I am so proud of them, and for this reason, I can lift up those whom I have called to the house of the king and queen as an example, as proof that My Word works. They demonstrate that the vision I put before you this day is possible, in spite of your own weaknesses, faults and frailties, because this is a union built first and foremost on My love. (End of message from Jesus.)
158. (Mama:) I admit that this long list of the ways our dear YAs and SGAs yielded and grew may look like a pretty tall order. It's truly miraculous! I think maybe the first reaction of you young people and adults might be to think we've got some "goodie-goodie" types here, but you can rest assured that our young clan here are pretty bold, strong characters! But their love for the Lord, Peter and me‚ and you, dear Family, has motivated them to become what the Lord wants them to be. Why don't you read back over the above six paragraphs and see if the Lord is speaking to you about any of these things, any ways that you might need to yield‚ grow and change?
(ML #3293:19-83‚ GN 897.)
19. In addressing the problem of self-righteousness, I'll start by saying that I understand that in times past it was very difficult for you FGAs not to be self-righteous when you felt that some of your young people were not pulling in the same direction. You felt that they were in effect unappreciative of their place in the Family and were tearing down what you were trying to build. For that matter, even many young people felt that way about some of their peers. It's understandable that you felt that way. Many of you were probably very frustrated, and this frustration caused you to be even more self-righteous.
20. The Lord has laid down guidelines in the S2K which should help solve that problem, by helping everyone to be more united as to what the standard is and each person living in a CM Home being required to uphold the CM standard. It will take time for those changes to completely take effect, but the ball is now in your court—both as a Home council to implement the S2K and strengthen your Home, as well as each person individually asking the Lord to help you to overcome your self-righteousness and look at things in a new light.
21. The young people in your Home won't be perfect overnight—in fact, they'll never be perfect! The young people in our Home aren't perfect either—and neither are we! But asking the Lord to help you change your attitudes toward them and the way you relate to them will make it easier for those who have committed to living the Charter standard to continue to grow and make the changes that they need to make. It's a two-way street: they need to change and grow‚ and you need to change and grow. When they're not living up to the standard the Lord has asked of them‚ it's easy for you to become self-righteous. But when you're self–righteous, it makes it difficult for them to be open to you and to the correction, instruction and help that they need, and thus they will likely rebel even more against what you're trying to get them to do—which is probably to live up to the standard. It can become a vicious cycle. But the Lord has the answers!
22. I asked the Lord to give some specific encouragement for those of you who are in situations that had a very divided standard before‚ one which really strained your unity and likely caused many hurt feelings and a lack of trust on both sides. Even now, after the Shakeup, when hopefully everyone is trying to do better and those who do not desire to uphold the Family standard have moved on, there's still probably some "bad blood" or history between you which is causing you not to be united. It takes time for people to change, and sometimes the hardest thing to change is the way you look at a situation. But the Lord promises that He can restore your faith and love together. He said:
23. Wipe the slate clean! Ask Me for My love‚ which wipes the slate clean. Yes, there have been hurts and misunderstandings, and even outright painful experiences which were caused by a lack of love, a lack of respect for the Word, a lack of dedication. You may feel that these experiences have hurt your trust. You older ones wonder if the young people are really capable of change, and you young people wonder if the older ones will ever forgive and forget.
24. The solution is to address the problem in your own heart, to admit that you have these hurt feelings and lack of trust and faith, and then ask Me to wash your heart and to fill it with My love. It's just that simple. I can renew your love and your faith each day, and as you grow in love and faith, you'll see those around you grow and change too—and soon you'll be seeing each other as the new creatures that I have made you to be.
25. It's a step-by-step process. It's not usually a big overnight change. But I can renew your love and faith overnight. I can give you My love. That doesn't mean that you forget all the past, but it means that you're filled with My love and faith, which gives you wisdom, understanding and warmth in your interactions, rather than the mistrust, hurt and self–righteousness which can come from the past.
26. Let it all go, My loves! Set one another free to become the new creatures that I have ordained you to be. You can help someone change by asking Me how I see them, and then treating them that way. My love works miracles! (End of message from Jesus)
27. (Mama: ) That's a very important point which the Lord is asking of you—to take the time to personally ask Him how He sees those in your Home, and how you can better interact with them, especially any that you haven't been getting along with so well or need to improve your relationship with. Taking the time to obey and put this counsel into practice may salvage the fruitfulness of your Home and will help you to overcome the past and any bitterness or resentment that has built up between you. It's very important‚ so please do it!
28. There's something else that we need to address, and that is the senior teens who have signed the provisional contract, when likely some are not fully committed to living the CM standard. According to the S2K, they have the right to continue living in the Home as long as they are fulfilling the Charter requirements as outlined in the provisional contract. But I can foresee that the fact that they're not committed fully to living the CM standard will continue to put a strain on your unity as a Home in many cases. I asked the Lord about this, and He said:
29. My young ones try the waters. This is a supreme test of your faith and love as parents and adults, for these young ones who are uncommitted do not have the motivation that they need to serve Me with their whole hearts and abide by the guidelines established for them. Some do‚ yes, and those who have committed themselves to Me at this young age will receive great, great blessings, both now in this life and in the world to come. Great is their reward for forsaking their own desires and impulses and giving their lives on the altar of sacrifice. I am well pleased with them, and will abundantly reward them. But I will give you a few tips to help you cope with those who have not, who try the faith and patience of the parents and overseers:
30. See each one as an individual. Don't allow your feelings of frustration with the one who is wayward to bleed over and influence your interactions with those who are trying their best. Don't allow your frustration with some to be taken out on others who are committed and are for the most part responsible.
31. Seek Me for those who are not doing well and for those who are doing well. Spend time listening to Me about each of your children. Not only can I give you the keys to your interactions with them and reveal the secret things that will help you understand them better, but I can also help to remind you of My great and wonderful plan‚ and that I have everything under My control. This will help you to continue to have faith, even when the situation is very difficult.
32. Stay full of the Word. When you're full of the Word and you're seeking Me‚ I'm able to keep you in My Spirit and give you the solutions that you need. Getting worked up in your own spirit only serves to make things worse. Your best protection against that is to recognize and accept that this has potential to be a difficult area in your life, and you must stay extra full of the Word and My Spirit in order to counterbalance it.
33. Come back to Me regularly to evaluate the progress of each one that has not yet made the full commitment to sign the Charter membership contract. Staying in touch with how they're doing and staying in touch with Me about how they're doing will relieve a great deal of the frustration. You'll know where they're at, what to pray for, and what to concentrate on.
34. Remember that youth is a difficult time; there's much that My young people must learn, and it comes one step at a time. Pray for them, and pray for My love and patience. Remind yourself continually that I am in control—your child is forever Mine, and I care for them above all.
35. Seek Me for help, and then make the boundaries very clear. You can't expect perfection‚ but you can seek Me as to which things are important to lay down the law about. Agree together on these as a Home, and then stick to them.
36. Following these simple tips will help to keep things in perspective, and will minimize the strain on your unity as a Home. The end result will be a son or daughter who feels your love and has received good training, whether they decide to stay and serve Me or whether they choose to try the world for a time. They will be secure in your love, they will have received training in the most important areas that I instructed you about, and the damage done to your Home will be minimal. I don't promise that it will be easy, but I do promise that it will work if you follow these steps, and that I will be with you every step of the way. (End of message from Jesus.)
37. (Jesus speaking:) It shows your heart is in the right place when you desire the love and the unity and the oneness that I so desire My children, My brides, to have with one another. This unity is your strength, your testimony, that I can truly make both generations one in Me. I am able to override personalities, differences, uniqueness, and even the quirks and peculiarities of both generations, and make them a loving and committed Bride, working hand in hand in mutual love and respect, greatly dependent upon each other, and above all dependent upon Me as the key link in their chain. For I am the key link, and without Me there cannot be true unity and oneness of mind, heart, and spirit.
38. A key element on the road to greater closeness and unity with those of the second generation lies in humbly confessing your dependence on Me, and knowing that you can't do it yourself, you don't have it in yourself. Start by regularly asking Me for My counsel in each situation involving each young person you work with, especially those you work with on a regular basis. Ask Me for insight into each person, the key to greater love‚ unity and better working relations between you. Ask Me for tips and counsel on how you can personally adapt or change in order to be closer to that person.
39. The key is being willing and open to change—being willing to change yourself and even your way of doing things in favor of greater unity; being willing to make any personal sacrifices, set aside any previous conceptions, mindsets or even labels in order to receive the treasured prize of greater unity and understanding with those of the younger generation.
40. Some questions to ask yourself are:
41. Do you hesitate and pull back in spirit when something new is suggested which is not the way you personally would prefer to do it?
42. Do you exhibit an initial reaction of hesitation when new or different work ideas are exchanged or suggested by these younger ones, rather than expressing excitement or at the very least interest in exploring these ideas together in counsel with Me and others?
43. Flexibility is a key. Are you open to changes‚ doing things differently than you've previously done, being willing to do things spontaneously or more on the spur of the moment, once confirmed with Me?
44. What sort of vibes do the younger set get from you? Do they see openness and flexibility when they look at you? Or do they sense rigidity, strictness, confinement and rules, with little excitement or fun? Do they feel relaxed and at ease around you? Being more of a rubber band, flexible, open person versus a more rigid, black–and-white person is a great key in improving your relations with the younger set.
45. Do they sense your approval of them, or your disapproval?
46. Are you willing to overlook little things, or things that really are not so important in the big picture‚ rather than getting hot and bothered over little things they do or say that irritate and bother you more than they should?
47. Do they sense your interest in them as a person‚ as a unique individual who has much to offer others?
48. Do you desire to get to know each one‚ to reach inside each one's heart and thus pull forth the different qualities of spirit that each one possesses‚ and which you can benefit from and be enriched from? People are very sensitive to others' spirits, and self-righteousness and any seeds of criticalness or nonacceptance can be sensed or felt by others, and usually are.
49. Are you willing to be honest with them, or do you hold back and simply expect them to be honest with you? Young people love honesty; they love shooting straight. So sharing your heart, and even your frustrations‚ battles, and weaknesses will not only endear you to them and show that you're weak and not sufficient in yourself, but it will also keep any self-righteousness in check which you may be tempted with.
50. Try to see through to their hearts, their spirits, and their desire for challenge and excitement, their need and craving for fun, as well as respect and responsibility.
51. Have fun with them. Make sure you relax and just have "goof off" time with them once in a while where you can both laugh and let down your hair a little, versus only having a working-at-a-distance type relationship. Making the effort to reach out to them in a relaxed, low-key way will reap results, I promise you.
52. Including them in more of your activities, outings, get-out and free-time activities will go a long way in letting them know that you're extending your circle of closeness and enlarging the borders of your tents to include not only your loved one or those you are particularly close to, but them as well.
53. Ask Me for My love and acceptance of these of My younger generation, My new bottles, for I have need of them, and you have need of them. When you realize the vital role they play and the great love and need I have for them, it will help you to see them more through My eyes. In My sight they're precious—not just those who don't seem to have the same vision or heart for Me as those of the older generation. Nor do I see them as those who require so much oversight and do so many things differently or "wrong." Pray for My eyes for them, My heart for them, and ask Me to show you step by step where you can change and adapt and reach out to each one.
54. My young ones love to see those who are more open to the Spirit and to the excitement and zest of loving Me, living for Me and not being afraid to express this in front of others. They love to see this passion and love for Me and My work. They crave and desire this excitement of spirit, and will gravitate to those who exude this zest for life, for excitement, to those who have not settled down into ruts and set ways of doing things—those who are open and desirous of change and movement and growth and doing new things new ways!
55. Pray for Me to renew in you the joy of your salvation and to give you a fresh infilling of a new-bottle spirit, and I will do it! It is My great joy and pleasure to give you these gifts freely that it may bring forth abundant fruit not only in your own spirit and life, but the wonderful fruit of greater love and unity between you all! (End of message from Jesus.)
56. (Mama: ) Self-righteousness is one of the greatest hindrances to unity—whether between the generations or between any other groups of people. It destroys unity and makes it very difficult to cultivate a pleasant climate of working and living together. These next few messages contain very good‚ practical tips‚ which I pray will help you in overcoming self-righteousness‚ or at least learning to recognize it and go on the attack against it.
57. These messages are hard–hitting, and you might be tempted to feel defensive. Please understand that we have to address this problem one aspect at a time. We addressed the need to raise the standard in our Homes and for each individual to commit to living the standard in the Shakeup. In this GN we'll begin by talking about the self–righteousness of the first generation, which is a hindrance to unity, and then we'll address the self-righteousness of the second generation, which is a very different problem, but likewise a hindrance to unity between the generations. If you ask the Lord to help you not to be sensitive, I think you'll find these messages and all the practical tips that the Lord gives to be very helpful.
58. Now, this is not to say that all older people are self-righteous; neither are all young people problem cases who are always trying to "push the edge of the envelope" and see how much they can get away with. We're addressing problems that some of you battle with, but please don't think that I've slotted you all into those two categories. I'm aware that some of you older ones get along very well with our young people‚ and also that there are many young people who are totally on board and pillars in the Kingdom. We appreciate that, and couldn't do without you!
59. By the same token, while we're addressing this problem that some of the first generation have with self-righteousness, I'm also aware that not every older person is especially gifted in relating to young people. Some of you have different gifts and talents, and specifically relating to young people—or even to people in general—may not be one of them. You don't need to feel bad or condemned about that, and we'll talk more about that later in this series. But these lessons that the Lord brings out about relating to people and how to treat them and how to love them with His love are very good, no matter who you work with or relate to.
60. Even if working with young people is not your strong point, or maybe you don't even consider yourself a "people person" at all, if you do your best to put these tips the Lord gives into practice, I think you'll find that your "people skills" will improve tremendously and you'll be much happier, and those you live with will be much happier! Even if it's not your inborn nature, the Lord can change you, and these kinds of things can get easier with time if you work on them and let the Lord work on you!
61. Back to talking about the self-righteousness of some of the FGAs: It's fairly obvious how you of the first generation could have a tendency toward self-righteousness. You have a lot of experience that the second generation does not yet have. You're for the most part fairly solid in your commitment to the Lord and to the New Wine. You've passed a lot of the basic, fundamental tests of faith, and it's easy to look down on those who haven't—to forget from whence you came, or to compare the differences in what you're like and your reactions to things with those who have grown up in the Family and may tend to take the Word or the Family way of life for granted at times.
62. It's easy for some of you FGAs to have a "you don't know how good you have it" type of attitude regarding our young people, and that comes across in the communication that you have, the correction you give, the way you present things or the way you act around the second generation. You see all that the second generation has been given—the training they've received all their life, the bad experiences they haven't had to go through in the System, the heritage of faith that has been passed on to them, the abundance of Word which they have access to, and the fulfilling ministry of reaching the world which they're free to pursue. You don't understand how they could act so irresponsible at times, and even be ungrateful and rebellious toward the restrictions. You feel that they take the Family and the privilege they've been given so lightly‚ because they've never known anything else. All of this comes out in your interactions with them‚ and naturally‚ they resent that.
63. It's true that our young people have been given a lot. They probably don't realize the magnitude of what they've been given, and some have had to leave in order to fully appreciate it. On the other side of the coin, however‚ many of our young people have also made tremendous sacrifices to serve the Lord. It doesn't come naturally for a young person to lead the kind of disciplined life that we lead. The nature of youth is to desire independence, freedom, experimentation—and they've given up a great deal of that in order to serve the Lord. There are some things that they've never been allowed to try for themselves, but have chosen to take our word for the fact that they're unhealthy and unwise. You say, "They should be thankful for that!" Someday they will be. But in the meantime, they've had to take our word for it and trust us, which is not easy to do for a young person. Remember what you were like when you were young? Remember how rebellious you felt at the confines of rules and guidelines, even ones that were helpful and for your good?
64. You of the first generation who forsook all to follow Jesus made a clear forsake–all. You've sacrificed to serve the Lord; there's a lot that you gave up in order to become a disciple. By the same token‚ our young people have also had to make many forsake–alls of their own, which has been a step-by-step process all their lives. All those things of the world that you tried and found didn't satisfy and voluntarily forsook in order to serve the Lord, they have also forsaken—without trying them and finding that they didn't satisfy.
65. So don't be so quick to judge. Yes, they lack experience, and there are many things that they have yet to learn. But learn they will—and they'll learn better from you and your experience if you don't carry the spirit of self-righteousness‚ which will make them rebel against not only you, but what you stand for—which is in many cases the Family standard, the New Wine, etc. When you approach things self-righteously, not only are you not helping the situation, but there's a good chance that you're actually making it worse, and making them even more hesitant to move forward in obedience to the Lord and the New Wine.
66. Of course, dear young people, even when the FGAs are self-righteous in their approach toward you, that doesn't justify your having a resistant or rebellious reaction. I understand that it makes things more difficult for you to receive, but the Lord expects you to learn all you can from our veteran disciples and missionaries, regardless of whether they present things "just right." If you don't, you'll find that you've missed golden opportunities to learn and grow, and you'll be less well rounded in your training than you could have been if you'd made the effort to receive what they were saying despite the rough presentation. And I think you'll find that if you're receptive, humble and open to what they want to tell you, even if they present it self-righteously, it will improve your communication in the long run and they'll be more apt to become open with you and what you have to say in return. Humility and openness beget humility and openness. It's got to start somewhere! Make the decision to let it start with you!
67. I want to share with you excerpts of a letter that Gabe, our Home shepherd, recently wrote to the parents of one of the second-generation members of our Home. This dear missionary couple had written about battles that they were having with relating to the young people in their Home. They felt like they just didn't know how to relate, that they were too legalistic. They were battling with self-righteousness and requested prayer that they could have better communication and a better relationship with the young people in their Home. I thought Gabe's note to them and the lessons he shared would be encouraging and helpful to those of you who might find yourself in similar situations.
Dear Ones,
68. This is Gabe, and I just finished walking with your beautiful, lovely, wonderful daughter. I'm sorry that you aren't able to experience the growth and spiritual depth that she's gained over the years because of the experiences that she's had, the battles she's fought, and the tests the Lord has allowed her to go through, but it's really sweet to see the honey pouring forth after much squeezing. So I know the Lord is rewarding you because of your giving her to the Lord's work, because of your prayers for her, and it's bearing wonderful fruit.
69. Thank you so much for being such faithful pioneers—your sample and your stick-to-itiveness is greatly admired by many people, especially us here in the Folks' house. It's people like you who keep us going and motivated to get the Words out.
70. Needless to say‚ your daughter prays for you often and loves you dearly, and she keeps us informed of any news that you write. Thanks so much for your communication and your letters. We love to hear from you and we hope it's okay that she shares portions of your letters with us.
71. She has briefly explained some of the battles you have and go through—and it's understandable because of the tremendous sample you are, the blessing you are to the field there. Your daughter asked me if I had any words of wisdom that I could share with you, and other than lots of love‚ encouragement and prayers, there's just one thing that comes to mind—a suggestion of something that we—me, and Amy, and many of us FGAs here in the Home—had to learn when young people came to join our staff.
72. Because of our situation and circumstances, we didn't have a lot of young people. The staff was mainly made up of FGAs, with the exception of David and Techi. Then, after Dad graduated and things started to change, the dynamics of our Home changed and we brought in more young people. Now that we've learned to work together and they're a part of our Home, I don't know what we would do without them. They carry a great percentage of the workload, and they have tremendous energy‚ potential, and talent.
73. But in order for us to make the transition, we had to be open to their ideas, make them feel needed, include them in our activities, give them responsibility—basically, as much as possible‚ turn the ball over to them. Of course, they will admit‚ they had lots of attitudes that they had to overcome. But over time, they did make the transition, and chose to forsake those attitudes and humble themselves to receive correction, ask for prayer from the body‚ and as a result of being willing to make the changes, the Lord blessed them and united us.
74. My suggestion is that as much as possible‚ you have open communication with [the young people you're living with]. We, as shepherds of the young people, had to be open to their ideas of how to shepherd young people. Now, they didn't come to us and say, "We're going to teach you how to shepherd young people." But we went to them and asked them their thoughts about things, and they explained to us not only how their minds operate, but why they operate the way they do. And being open to their thoughts and ideas showed them that we were willing to change, even though they had preconceived ideas that we had certain mindsets that couldn't be changed. It established a spiritual connection, unity and bond between us, which enabled them to grow and enabled us to become new in spirit and be open to their new ideas and ways of operating.
75. [The young people in your home have] tremendous potential. There's no limit to how far they're going to go. They're just wild horses that need to be channeled in the right direction, and it's something that the Lord has to do. There's not a young person yet that I don't have the faith for—even the ones that have chosen to leave the Family. They have such tremendous potential. Anyway, I know [the dear ones in your Home] are going to go a long way, and the Lord's going to have to break them and remake them in His Own personal way.
76. But my suggestion to you is, as much as possible, start opening up to [the young people] in a way that's saying‚ "Listen, I've been in the Family a long time, I've had a lot of teaching, I've had a lot of training, I've read a lot of Letters. But I want to keep growing and revoluting and learning and changing in the ways the Lord wants me to." And then start asking them specific questions about your interactions with them. "I feel sometimes I'm a little too legalistic," or whatever the things are that you've expressed to your daughter. "I feel sometimes I'm too this way or too that way," and as you open your heart to them, they're going to open their hearts to you, and it's going to result in greater communication and lesson-learning for both of you. They'll be able to learn from your faith, your wisdom, your years of experience—something that young people definitely need. And you'll be able to learn about being Spirit-led, open to new ideas and suggestions and new ways of doing things.
77. In this new day of shepherding, the balance is in how much leeway you give them so that they feel trusted and can learn the lessons they need to learn, and where you draw the line in saying, "We can't go down that road. I'm sorry, it's just because it's the wrong road to go down." But they have to have the faith that you're trusting them with responsibility so that they can learn the lessons that they need to learn.
78. These are just things that come to mind in shepherding and working with young people. I know the Lord has brought them to your Home because of the faith you have, the experience you have, and the wisdom you have. [The young people] can learn from that, as long as you can communicate. And as you continue to communicate and grow, it will help you to not feel so condemned about the battles the Enemy hits you with of being legalistic, or the Enemy trying to convince you that you're being an old bottle or whatever. The Enemy hits lots of our older Family members with that battle, and the cure for it—besides asking the Lord for His personal Words and counsel on what you can do personally—is just to communicate, to ask the Lord to help you be open to the new ideas‚ and that in itself proves the Enemy wrong.
79. Dear ones, I'm just so thankful for you—your loyalty‚ your love for the Lord, your faith.—The kind of crazy faith that goes on no matter what and keeps going in spite of adversity. Nobody knows the heartache that you guys have gone through to continue to pursue the goal the Lord has set before you. We appreciate that. We know it's been difficult. We understand and realize the sacrifices you've made, and we know the Lord's going to bless you for it.
80. We're sorry that there isn't more that we can do in providing fellowship. We'd all love to come and see you and spend some time with you! But staying behind the scenes is a sacrifice that we have to make to continue working on the Words that feed the entire Family. But we do pray that in His time and in His will‚ we can have some fellowship with you and see you and express our love for you.
81. Your love and your faith and the training you gave to your daughter has really paid off, and it's being a blessing to us, to the Folks, and to many people. The years that you invested in her are paying off now, and I know the time that you spend with [the young people in your Home], talking and communicating and becoming one, will be a blessing too.
82. So, Lord‚ please bless these dear ones. Thank You for their faith, and help them to be what You want them to be. Help them not to listen to the condemnation or the lies of the Enemy, who tries to discourage them in their ministry and their work. Continue to bless and anoint and help them‚ and help them to be the witnesses that You want them to be and that they need to be.
83. We feel so close to you in spirit, and so thankful for the connection that we have. Like I said, it's people like you who keep us going. I look forward to the day when we can sit and talk and fellowship and enjoy each other's company. Thanks again for your letters and your communication. We love you so much!
Love, Gabe—with lots of love from all of us here!
(ML #3323:45–72, GN 927.)
45. (Mama: ) The generation gap: what causes it? What attitudes should both older and younger have in order to get rid of it? What are things like when it's nonexistent?
46. There are many variations in how the generation gap is manifested, but it all comes down to a lack of understanding or acceptance, which is then manifested in division and discord. The generation gap is more than a mere difference of opinion or differences in likes or preferences. These things can and will occur amongst any group of people, of any age. People are unique individuals, with particular likes and dislikes, needs, wants and personalities. There's plenty of room for that, and there can still be unity and acceptance in spite of that.
47. Differences in personal make-up and preferences between the older or younger generation do not make a generation gap. You can be very different from someone but still be tolerant‚ understanding, respectful, and even very close.
48. When you have the attitude of a lack of tolerance or understanding, or unwillingness to be accepting and respectful on either or both sides, any issues that come up are difficult or impossible to resolve, because each side starts from the premise that the other generation is wrong, hopeless, or just doesn't understand.
49. Each time an incident occurs that generates mistrust, misunderstanding, or resentment, it's like someone on each side is taking a shovel and digging into the ground beneath them, removing a little more of the rocks and ground that once joined the "lands" of the two generations. The soil is then worn away little by little until they've created a chasm that can seem impossible to bridge.
50. At other times there's an "automatic" generation gap that seems to be created almost instantly, without a lot of bad experiences or unpleasant interactions having paved the way—at least among that particular group of people. Sometimes this is a result of peer group conformity on the part of the young people. Or sometimes it's caused by adults who simply don't know what to do and thereby innocently or ignorantly do just the things that make the young people react negatively and throw up an immediate wall. Or sometimes it's a habit built from a previous situation where there was a great deal of intergenerational difficulty. Or sometimes it's caused by self-righteousness or spiritual problems on the part of either the adults or the young people or both—which makes it very difficult to get close and appreciate one another. Other times it can be a combination of these and other factors.
51. There are a variety of ways in which a generation gap is created, but it all comes down to a lack of understanding, lack of acceptance, and jumping to conclusions or overgeneralizing. It happens frequently, on both sides. It's not impossible to overcome, but it requires a lot of work and a lot of getting rid of old mindsets.
52. When there is not a generation gap, there may still be contrary opinions—even big ones—between those of different generations who live or work together. The difference, however, is that these people have determined that they can work together and can resolve issues and can be open-minded about accepting things from those of another generation. They are accepting of each other as individuals, and realize that while, in their eyes‚ those on the other side of the generation line may make mistakes and have a few quirks and foibles‚ they also have much that can be admired and appreciated, and problems and differences can be worked out or worked around. When this attitude of acceptance and mutual appreciation exists‚ there may still be differences or minor struggles between the generations‚ but there is no generation gap dividing them and keeping them from working in unity.
53. (Question:) In order for there not to be a generation gap, do people of both generations need to be completely equal? If someone of the older generation oversees or shepherds or corrects someone of the younger generation, does that signify a generation gap? Or what if it's the other way around‚ and there's a YA or SGA teamworker, for example‚ overseeing or shepherding an FGA?
54. Young people do need training‚ but should they automatically defer to adults? Do young people just need to yield and not consider it part of the "generation gap," but rather as the godly way of looking at things? And if that's the case, then when should adults yield to young people?
55. Obviously, at different ages you relate in different ways. Disciplining a little child for misbehavior doesn't signify a generation gap—but if you treat a 16-year-old like a child, that would seem to fall under the category of having a "generation gap" mindset. Then again, the maturity level of our senior teens varies with the individual. There are those who are responsible and carry a full load, who it seems would be worthy of respect that you'd give a co-worker. And that certainly applies to our SGAs and YAs. But if a senior teen is not responsible, but instead acts like a child, then naturally they wouldn't receive the same "equality."
56. (Please keep in mind‚ dear Family, that when we asked the Lord this question, we were asking about situations where everyone involved is on board in spirit and has made the commitment to serve the Lord. If that's not the case, and those of either the first or second generation are not on board or are not fully committed to living for Jesus, then the answer would likely be very different.)
57. (Jesus speaking:) This is a question with so many facets and angles! The bottom line from My perspective, to paraphrase something I inspired Paul to say, is that "there is no FGA or SGA in Christ Jesus." In My sight, there really isn't anyone that is better or more highly esteemed because of anything they are or have done.
58. Whether someone is male or female, white or brown or black, old or young, doesn't really have to have any significance. Anyone can be just as inspired, just as Spirit-led, just as mature, just as dedicated, just as trusted. A young person can shepherd someone older and there can be very good unity and communication between them, with no hard feelings. A young person can also submit to the shepherding of an older person with no resentment or hard feelings. That seems a bit more natural, although it's not always that much easier.
59. Young people go through a stage in their teen years when it's just natural to resent authority. Some people never grow out of it! It's hard to yield and submit to other people, no matter what age they are. But if you happen to have a chip on your shoulder toward the other generation, that definitely makes things harder.
60. I have set nature in its course and ordained that the older generation would teach and train the younger. All fathers and mothers are responsible to teach, shepherd, train and discipline their children; that is their God-given commission and responsibility. There's no "generation gap" about it; it's the way it's meant to be. In the Family, where you co-op and teamwork, it is therefore the responsibility of every mature adult to help train and shepherd the children and teenagers. This is their duty to Me, and to the young people. It is to the young people's advantage that they receive training, input, and shepherding.
61. Nevertheless, it's important during the teenage years and the transition into adulthood that respect is given along with shepherding. There comes a time when, while young people should still respect their elders, they should also be treated on a more equal level. That time is generally when they become of age and begin to carry more of an adult load. This does not mean that the adults are no longer their elders, but it means that they should step out of "parenting" mode somewhat‚ if they want to avoid helping to create in the young people's hearts a generation gap or fostering a feeling of being babied or not trusted.
62. Stepping out of parenting mode requires prayer‚ asking Me to help you change your attitudes‚ and then making an about-face in your thoughts and the way you think about the young person in question. Resolve to change any negative attitudes of criticism‚ self-righteousness‚ resentment or distrust quickly, because you'll hold them back and discourage them if you don't make a conscious effort to change. Young people change quickly as they grow‚ and your attitudes must change quickly as well to keep up with them. Naturally, some changes take longer than others. Just as it takes years for a young person to grow into maturity‚ it may take years for you to change some of your mindsets toward them and to grow into greater maturity yourself.
63. Then you have the question of what equality means. What is equality? If equality means everyone treating everyone else the same, there is no such thing, for people are not the same and do not respond in the same way. FGAs differ among themselves, as do SGAs; FGAs, SGAs and those younger have differences between themselves as well.
64. A lack of equality between two people doesn't mean that one is superior to the other or better in some way. It simply means that people are different and have different ministries, different gifts, different responsibilities‚ and fill different roles. There is a great diversity of gifts, talents, personalities and opinions in the body of My church, and all are necessary to make it well-rounded. Each part of the body has its role and there should be no comparing.
65. Whether or not you differ in age, position, rank or talents, you can still be equal in terms of respecting each other and taking each other seriously. There are always going to be overseers and shepherds, and I have ordained it that way for many reasons. One reason is to teach people basic submission and humility—how to receive things from others and yield to them. Learning this vital lesson of humility and submission develops character, and is a necessary lesson and skill in any circle of life. It's especially important in the Family, in order to progress and grow in spirit the way I want you to.
66. I do want youth to respect their elders, and in many cases, out of simple kindness and courtesy, the youth should defer to the older in matters of personal opinion and preference. Of course‚ if the older are wise, they will respect the wishes of the younger and yield to them as well. But those who are older will always have some seniority by virtue of being older.
67. This doesn't necessarily mean that those who are older are to have the last say or run the show, by any means. If there's a teamwork with members from both generations‚ or if two people of different generations with no title are working together, the older person is not automatically in charge, nor do they have the final say. Decisions should be made in counsel, and most of all confirmed with Me. Depending on the particular arrangement, there may well be cases where the young person will be the overseer or shepherd or where they will be equal‚ and there will be other cases where the older person is designated to give the final call.
68. Each case will be different, and there isn't a rule across the board. Nevertheless, seniority in the form of respect—for all that they have learned‚ done‚ and gone through—should be given to older members on such a team. If the youth are wise, they will want to learn from what the older have to give, and they will listen. They will also treat their elders with kindness and respect, realizing that this is the way to gain respect.
69. By the same token, if the older adults are wise, they will treat the younger adults and young people with kindness and respect, knowing that this will increase their chances of being heeded and understood and of their advice being taken seriously. (End of message from Jesus)
70. (Mama: ) In applying all this good practical counsel that the Lord is giving, you must remember that good communication, respect, and unity between the generations is something that has to start in your heart first. If you're not willing to humble yourself and admit that you've probably been in the wrong in at least 50% of the difficulties that have come up between you and someone else, then trying to put these practical tips into practice is probably not going to do you much good. You have to first of all really want to do better—and you have to want it enough that you're willing to change personally, not just want the other person to change.
71. At the same time, once you've prayed and asked the Lord to help you really want the changes and be willing to make them, then you should begin right away to endeavor to use these tips that the Lord is giving. It's not hypocritical to try to word things lovingly, and it's not phony to say things even more respectfully or more humbly than you feel. It's part of love, and the more you make the effort, the more it will become a part of you, and you will change and become a better communicator. And the end result is that you will be blessed with greater unity!
72. First you have to sincerely desire the changes in your heart, but then you have to make the effort to act as if you're changing‚ even if you don't really feel that you are. The Lord will bless your humility and your sincere efforts, and He'll give the love, grace, wisdom, humility, and all that is needed to make your personal transformation a reality!
(ML #3399:236-277, GN 993.)
236. (Peter:) So much has to do with attitude, Daniel. If someone breaks a behavior rule or two every once in a while, I don't think the teamwork is going to (or should) jump all over his case. On the other hand, if the guy is breaking rules left and right, or he's breaking the same rule over and over, then he'll probably get some discipline.
237. As disciples we should do our best to stay within the boundaries the Lord has set. We should have conviction to do the things the Lord is asking of us. However, no one is perfect, and there are times when we all slip. But if we're constantly disobeying, if we're going out of our way to break the rules, or if some activity actually has a hold on us or we're addicted to it and refuse to stop, well, that's different; that's a problem and we need help. Receiving discipline is often part of that "help."
The amount of JETTs and junior teens that want to leave the Family as soon as they turn 16 is startling. And it's because they feel that it's a drag. A place full of regimented rules and consequences.
238. I think it's sad that so many of our younger folks want to leave the Family when they turn 16. Now, according to you, they all want to leave because they think the Family is a place full of regimented rules and consequences.
239. Daniel, I have to say that I'm astounded by your vast wisdom; you somehow seem to know what everyone of a certain age group thinks. You know the reason that the JETTs and junior teens want to leave. Earlier you shared your wisdom of what a typical Family young person does. Somehow you know what all young people's musical tastes are. You must have some sort of amazing gift of knowing just what happened in situations even when you weren't there to witness them. You know the attitude of all adults, of SGAs, and now of JETTs and junior teens. What a gift! I think, though, that your gift needs a little honing, perhaps some practice or fine–tuning, as so far it's been rather skewed.
240. While some JETTs and juniors might feel what you describe, there are many other reasons why some of them want to leave the Family when they get older. Wouldn't you agree that many young ones want to leave because their older brothers and sisters have left? Sometimes those brothers and sisters communicate with their younger siblings and try to persuade them to leave. Sometimes they want to leave because they're bored. In other cases because they've gotten filled up with the world. Often they're just going through puberty and are experiencing the turmoil of that age. Sometimes they don't like their parents, shepherds‚ or the folks they live with. Others question their faith.
241. The list could go on and on, and the reasons are many, as opposed to your premise that they all want to leave because of the rules. Of course, you don't mention the fact that not all kids of that age want to leave the Family—many love the Family, they love being able to help others, and they love Jesus. Let's not forget those young people, okay, Daniel?
When my 13-year-old brother leaves Word time in a huff, refuses to do his chores, and basically makes everyone miserable, most adults want to punish him.
242. My guess would be that while some adults might want to punish him, most adults would want to help him. You might feel that if the adults don't let him do all the things he wants‚ that this constitutes punishment. But a 13-year–old who is "behaving like a little devil right now" (your quote below, not mine) does need to be helped, even if that help comes in the manner of discipline or "tough love."
Why can't they see that he's not a bad guy (even though he is behaving like a little devil right now).
243. Daniel, for the most part they probably don't see your 13-year-old brother as a bad guy, and if they do, maybe they need to be a little more understanding. Most probably see him as a kid who is at a difficult age‚ who is coming into adolescence, who is naturally rebelling against authority, who is seeking independence, who probably has some wrong attitudes, who wants to be his own boss, and who feels he should be treated as a responsible adult even though he doesn't act that way.
244. Did you know that teens all around the world, no matter what their religion, nationality‚ or location, both in and out of the Family, generally go through such a period in their life? It's difficult for the teen and it's difficult for the teen's parents too.
But he's sick and tired of being left out. Of being the only kid his age in the Home.
He's sick of having no friends. Of seeing the other kids down the street go to a regular school, have friends their age, go to the mall, listen to cool music, go to camp, have a day off.
245. Your 13–year-old brother may very well be sick of being left out or being the only kid his age in the Home, or of having no friends, etc. And if this is so, then your parents, you, and the others in the Home need to pray about his situation and do what you can to help make his life more full and exciting.
246. I want to ask you, Daniel, what have you done to help your little brother? How much have you been his friend? How much have you taken him under your wing to be his mentor, his coach, his companion? How much have you sacrificed to make his life better, less lonely, and more fun and challenging? What have you taught him lately? When was the last time you played sports with him? Do you remember the "Call to the Rescue" Letters where the Lord and Mama challenge you YAs and SGAs to be friends and role models to the JETTs? (See ML #3114-15, Lifelines 24.) How much more does the Lord expect you to be willing to be that for your own brother! Think about it!
247. One thing I'm pretty sure of—just letting your brother hang out with the kids down the street, go to public school, go to the mall, or listen to cool music, most likely isn't going to make him any less difficult; in fact‚ there's a good possibility that it may make him even more rebellious and unhappy.
248. Here again, Daniel, your solution to things seems to be to let people do whatever they want—no boundaries, no rules, no regulations. Everything goes. No one should have to do anything they don't want to. That's not only unrealistic, since everyone in every society has to adhere to some rules and restrictions, but more importantly, it's not in accordance with God's Word. Worldwide, minors are subject to their parents' wishes and rules, so it's not like the Family is unusual in this respect.
For God's sake, do your kid a favor! Let him go outside and play basketball. Yes, he'll be playing with "worldly" kids so what?
Please, buy him that Nintendo! It's not going to kill his spirit! Who told you that?
249. I'm not sure who says Nintendo is going to kill a young person's spirit, but I looked it up to see if Mama or I said it, and we didn't. In fact, there is no GN I can find that talks about Nintendo machines and games. I have to honestly say that I don't know much about Nintendo, so I'm not in a position to comment in detail. I did a bit of research on Nintendo, and it's fairly obvious at a glance that there's a lot of variety in the games. There are some that are obviously war and killing-type games, while others looked rather tame.
250. When it comes to things like this, there is usually good and bad, depending on how it's used. That's where the parents must pray and seek the Lord. Some parents may choose to let their child play some computer games, but that doesn't mean that they should let them play all computer games or play them all the time. Just like movies, music, novels‚ etc., there is good and bad, and when you're 13 you don't always know the difference, which is why parents (both in the Family and in society at large) keep in touch with what their children do, and place restrictions and limitations on their activities and input. Remember, Daniel, parents in the Family aren't the only ones in the world who don't let their kids do anything and everything they want to.
Sure, take him out of the movie. It's for junior teens, right? He's only 13? Yeah‚ go ahead‚ pull him out of the movie‚ embarrass him and give him the underlining message that he's too stupid and can't take watching a PG-13 movie "sorry can't watch" (??????????)
251. The fact is, Daniel, if his parents feel that the movie isn't something they want their 13–year–old to watch, then they have the right to pull him out of the movie. Of course, it would be better to not let him go to the movie in the first place rather than have to pull him out after it's begun. That would understandably be tough on the guy. Very embarrassing. I'm sorry about that.
252. We do have movies that are rated for junior teens and up, which means 14 and up. Some of these movies might be listed by the System as PG-13, meaning that the System considers them okay for 13-year-olds. But just because the System says something's okay for 13-year-olds doesn't make it so.
253. It's the parents' responsibility to watch for their children's well-being until they are of age. A 13-year–old isn't of age. He or she is under the care and protection of their parents, and if the parents feel a movie is not good for their child to watch, then it's the parents' right and responsibility to not let them watch it. On the other hand, if a parent has watched a movie that's rated for junior teens and feels that it's okay for their 13-year-old to watch (hopefully they will have prayed about it), then they can let him or her watch it. The movie ratings are not "written in stone," as we have explained before. There is flexibility, according to the parents' discernment and the leading of the Lord. ("Home Life Rules," K‚ page 267.)
254. Daniel, I'm assuming from the things you've said in your letter that you aren't a parent; you don't know what it's like to have children that you're fully responsible for. When you have children, your views on some of these matters will likely change. Right now you're probably pretty carefree, and having fun with no restrictions is high on your priority list. But I venture to say that when you become a parent and your young teens begin to express attitudes similar to yours, you won't be letting them do whatever they want.
255. I don't fault you for this. You don't understand what it means to be a parent, or at least not the parent of a JETT or teen. That's natural. You'll grow into these realizations once you become a parent. But please understand that being a good parent isn't easy; at times you have to risk making your child angry with you in order to protect their well-being.
You're basically breeding a kid that will hate you.
256. Strong statement! On a recent trip I saw a television ad where one teenager after another said things addressed to their parents like, "I couldn't stand it when you wouldn't let me hang out with some of my friends," "You were always sticking your nose in my business," "I hated you when you grounded me," "I was so angry when you made me stay home at night to study," etc. At the end of the ad they all said, "Thank you." The point being, when you're younger you see your parents as intrusive when they lay down the rules and make you toe the line. However, they're usually doing it because they love you and because they feel it's the right thing to do.—And as you grow older you begin to understand that they acted out of love, even if it was tough for you at the time.
I love my mom. She's the greatest. I have a lot of memories, but one of the things I remember the most was her buying me an ice cream real quick when nobody was looking. See, ice cream has sugar and ice, which is very bad for you. I had a lot of ice creams when I was little. Once my Home shepherd blew up at her for breaking "God's health rules" with me.
257. Well, like I said earlier, I don't think it's good for people to "blow up" at people; there's usually no need for it. Actually, I don't have any problem with parents buying their kids an ice cream once in a while. Of course, you say you had lots of ice cream when you were little, so who knows, maybe your mom went a bit overboard and thus was breaking the health rules. Like I said, the shepherd shouldn't have blown up over it, but perhaps some mention to your mother was warranted. While ice cream‚ or any other sweet, is nice as a treat once in a while and definitely fun for kids‚ eating those things regularly really isn't that healthy for you. And we're not the only ones who think so. Most advocates for healthy living will tell you the same thing.
258. But it's hard for me to believe that parents or Home members nowadays are really so legalistic about serving ice cream. I've traveled to a number of Family Homes, and what do you know ice cream was being served! We serve it for special occasions, and the parents in our Home give their kids ice cream from time to time as well, in moderation. I don't think the overall Family population is so very strict on that point.
Well, I don't remember that guy. But I will forever love the mom that let me play with other kids‚ got me my own bike, bought me a ("demonic") gameboy. Basically stupid little things that actually are worthless physically, but go straight to the heart of a kid‚ telling him that you love him, and you trust him‚ and that he means more to you than anything.
259. I'm glad you love your mom, Daniel, and I'm sure she raised you with a lot of love. I imagine she did for you what she thought was best, but that doesn't mean it should be standard fare for every child. Parents need to make their own choices as to how to raise their kids, but if their choices go against the principles of our faith, and if parents refuse to accept and implement the united disciplinary standard of their Home, then the parents need to raise their kids outside of a CM Home.
I know for a fact that not all the blame for the Family's problems can be placed on the FGAs' shoulders, as that is also a two-way street. I couldn't agree with you more. But to me‚ the essence of freedom is the ability to make the wrong choice every now and again without it being a problem for the rest of your life. Isn't "love" what the Charter is supposed to be about? And I think that sometimes love can be shown by just letting people be people and not judging everyone all of the time. And that love includes not being overly strict, unbending‚ and sometimes just plain obstructive.
If you feel differently or even that I'm completely wrong, feel free to write me and set me straight.
Take care all...
260. I agree that it's important that every wrong choice someone makes shouldn't be held against them forever. Not even God does that. "And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more" (Heb.10:17). Everyone makes mistakes and wrong choices, so we should all see the need for forgiveness and understanding. I agree that love can be shown by letting people be people and not judging everyone all of the time. I don't want to be judged that way. I don't want people to be breathing down my neck all the time. I don't believe folks should be overly strict, unbending, or obstructive either.
261. By the same token, I don't feel that everything everyone does is good or right. I believe that man is born in sin, and that sin—doing wrong things—is part and parcel of human nature. Everyone sins, everyone does things that are wrong, even Christians, even disciples. The beauty of it is that we have forgiveness through Jesus. When we do those wrong things, when we sin, our sin can be blotted out by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. That's a wonderful thing. But that forgiveness does not mean that we shouldn't make the effort not to sin. It doesn't give us license to do what we want‚ whenever we want to, whether it's good for us or not. That doesn't mean that we can deliberately, knowingly, and willfully make wrong choices just as a testimony of our so-called "freedom." (Rom. 14:13-22).
262. As I said earlier, we are a religion, a faith. Within our faith we have rights, responsibilities, and rules. These are laid out clearly in the Charter. You're right, Daniel, love is what the Charter is supposed to be about. But that love works both ways. There is love, mercy, understanding, and flexibility within the Charter. There are also rules that we're expected to obey, though it's understood that from time to time we will break some of them (not the excommunicable ones) without repercussion. That flexibility is part of the love and understanding. But your willingness to obey those rules and to try your best to do so is also part of that love. That's part of your responsibility as a disciple.
263. You've made the case throughout your letter that the Family is a place full of rules and regulations. You state that young people leave because of the rules, and that adults are often unbending and self-righteous. The general premise of your letter is that we need to do away with the rules, to allow people—especially young people—to basically do whatever they want to, especially when it comes to having fun. And the underlying argument is that if we do this, we will keep our young people and the Family will be a better place.
264. I've tried to explain why we need to have some rules—that, as a religion, we are much less strict and allow more freedom than virtually any Christian faith. But even so, because we are Christians, because we are disciples, there are spiritual standards which God expects us to keep, standards which He has set.
265. I've also tried to point out that some of our FGAs are too rigid. Some tend to put so much emphasis on adherence to the rules that they've forgotten about love and mercy. Some are rather impatient or easily frustrated‚ or they live a bit too much in the past, trying to cast our young people into an old mold instead of fully grasping that the Lord is constantly changing and moving in new ways. Some FGAs haven't fully understood what it means to work with young people, especially SGAs, in a partnership of mutual respect and consideration. Some FGAs act superior, as if they know best in all matters. In some cases, they act like the "boss‚" and the young people the "employees" who have no say in the matter.
266. FGAs who are that way need to change. They need to pray for a fuller understanding of the Word and what God has said about the uniting of the generations; they need to grow beyond their present mindsets and realize just how valuable our younger generation is.
267. Of course, it's important to realize that when I'm talking about FGAs working in partnership with SGAs, I'm referring to young people who are committed and who want to work hard for the Lord, of which there are many. But if the SGAs aren't really serious for the Lord‚ if they aren't interested in progressing spiritually, or in witnessing and following up on souls, if their main concern in life is pleasure-seeking and they're just trying to get as much out of our communal lifestyle as they can, then it's unlikely that any partnership will develop. FGAs who are working to make the Home fruitful and a good sample will not get along with SGAs who aren't on board. Making it work is a two-way street.
268. Most people—old and young alike—have some personality quirks that you just have to overlook. Rarely do you meet a person of any age that you just "click" with perfectly and you never have to let some things pass, overlooking and forgetting them out of love for that person. The same is true when the two generations are working together. You can't expect those of the other generation to be perfect. It just doesn't happen. So don't look for the FGAs to do all the changing and become exactly like you want them to be; that's unrealistic. If either generation has unrealistic expectations, you'll only end up in frustration and failure.
269. As Mama explained in "Overcoming the Generation Gap‚" what brings unity between the generations in our Home—and the same principle would be true of any Home—is not the fun and games and worldly recreation that we engage in; it's the things of the spirit. When the FGAs and SGAs are on board and wanting to do their best for the Lord, they're willing to put the Lord first, are seeking the life of discipleship, and are willing to be obedient to the spirit of the Letters‚ then it works.
270. Daniel, maybe you've been in Homes where there have been an abundance of strict adults who you see as constantly correcting or judging you. On the other hand, maybe you caused some of the adults to be strict with you because you're constantly trying to apply your vision of what the Family should be, by continually trying to break the rules or push the envelope.
271. Sometimes young people bring the rules crashing around their heads because they're constantly trying to circumvent them. Adults who want to trust the young folks find that they can't because the young ones prove themselves untrustworthy by consistently going overboard or by flagrantly disregarding the rules. Once the adults feel this way, they then feel it's necessary to apply the rules more strictly. It can be a sad but vicious cycle.
272. I guess the bottom line, Daniel‚ is discipleship. In reading your letter, written, as I understand it‚ after the "Conviction vs. Compromise" series, I wonder if you got the point of those Letters. The Lord spoke so much about basic discipleship, about our job as disciples, about our discipleship commitment, and yet so much of your letter had to do with having fun, pushing the things of the world. The Lord said recently that many of the children of David have become seekers of pleasures rather than soldiers of God. What are you, Daniel?
273. The Lord does want us to have fun. He does want us to enjoy ourselves and to have times of relaxation, but that's not our calling, that's not what we have committed ourselves to. We're disciples. We're professional Christians who take our work for God seriously. We've devoted our lives to His service, to reaching the world with His message, to living His Word, to being a sample of full-time discipleship, to preaching the meaty Endtime message of the Words of David, to loving Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, body, and strength. That's what being a disciple in the Family is about—not movies, music, sex‚ drinking, Internet use, computer games, food, entertainment, fashion, free time, money, hanging out, etc. As disciples we get to partake of those things, but that's not supposed to be the most important aspect of Family life.
274. My profession, like that of thousands and thousands of other Family members, is discipleship. That's what I do, that's what I am, that's what I live for, that's what I'll die for. If tomorrow the Lord sends me to a place where there's no videos, no Internet, no music‚ no pleasures of this life, then I'll still serve Him‚ because I love Him and because that's what I'm committed to.
275. Discipleship is a tough profession. It requires a high standard in spirit and behavior. It requires forsaking all‚ obedience, yieldedness, and willingness to do the job even if everything isn't to your liking—even if nothing is to your liking! As a disciple, sometimes you have to carry on when everything and everyone seems to be against you, when you feel so down you don't see how you can last one more minute. On top of it, you have the Devil and his minions such as Lethargy, Pan, Bacchus, Selvegion and Apotheon (see ML #3400:169–187‚ GN 992) trying with all their might to convince you to give up, and if they can't get you to do that, then to compromise.
276. Discipleship is a hard profession. Not many take it up‚ and many of those who do, eventually give it up. Why? Because it's a difficult life. It's extremely rewarding‚ but at times extremely difficult. Even in Jesus' day, when the going got tough and the message got strong, "many of His disciples went back, and walked no more with Him" (John 6:66). When Jesus asked the 12 if they'd go too, Peter answered succinctly, with a powerful message as to why we are disciples, why we serve God every day, why we have chosen such a difficult profession: "Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that Thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God" (John 6:68-69).
277. That's what we believe, Daniel. We believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He has called us to serve Him unconditionally as disciples at whatever price He asks. That's the commitment, that's the job, that's the profession.—And we're proud to do it because Jesus, Who is our King, Savior‚ Best Friend, and Husband, has asked it of us.
How I weep for My young ones! Is your heart weeping for them? Do you pain with those that pain, and weep with those that weep? Do you take them in your arms and hold them and comfort them and pray for them as I do for you? Do you show them pure, unconditional love as I have shown you?
Have you so quickly forgotten what struggles you had in your youthful years? Do you forget that these are they upon whose tiny shoulders so great a task is lain? Do you forget that these, My prophets of the end, will usher in My Kingdom come on Earth, and because of this Satan fights them like no others?
Do you suffer with those that suffer, and feel the agony of their hearts as I felt the agony of your heart? Say not that this task is too big, for I am the Good Shepherd and I go before My shepherds of love and show you the way. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness! You will not fail if you look to Me, lean on Me, and ask of Me.
I know what it's like to feel at wits' end corner with these who seem indifferent. I faced the same with My fold when I walked upon the Earth. It was with My band of bungling babes that I learned My most precious lessons. In their weakness, I was made perfect. Through their weakness I learned to have infinite mercy and compassion.
Did I not hang on the cross between the two thieves, and yet promise that one would be with Me in Paradise the same day? Yes, he was full of faults. Yes, he had failed. Yet My compassion did not fail him, for I saw that his heart was right.
It was through the weaknesses of the sheep of My fold that I grew to be the Good Shepherd. Through their weaknesses I learned the invaluable golden lesson of tolerance, that you might be saved.
If I would reward you according to your sins, who would be saved? Therefore, as I have not rewarded you according to your iniquities, I would that you do the same for these, the sheep I have entrusted into your hand. For all that are Mine are thine, and I have given them into your hand. As far as the east is from the west, so great is My love for you, and this is the love that I wish for you to bestow on these little ones.
(Dad:) Don't worry about our young people, they're going to be all right. I can see you're having to pass through some of the tests that I did, back in the beginning days of the Family when we were just starting out. My faith really got tested with some of you guys. But look at you—you did great! As long as I just held on, and kept on loving you and showing faith in you, you did great‚ and you eventually came around.
Think of yourself in your teen years. You guys all had your quirks, too, didn't you?—And your own ideas! But look at what you did! You started a whole revolution! You stood up and defied the System, and the world has been seeing and feeling the repercussions to this day. And they're gonna hear more in the future! They're gonna hear more through your kids and your grandkids—my great grandkids! Don't worry, Honey! God is in control.
I know sometimes you just wish they would learn and do things the right way. But don't worry about it. They're learning and you'll all learn as you keep going. Just think back, and think about how you were at that age. Boy, you guys were a handful! And thank God you were, or the Family wouldn't be here today! The Lord used all that fire and that zest and that zeal and you started a revolution!
So don't get frustrated if the kids don't do things this way or that way. On most things it doesn't matter that much! They'll learn in time. You did! You learned, and you pulled through.
Know this, that the Good Shepherd gives His life for the flock. And as you are good shepherds, your giving your life in setting these [young people] free will help them to have the faith to then go forward.
It encourages their faith to know that you have faith in them. If they know that you believe in them‚ and you believe in Me in them, if they feel that confidence, if they feel that strength from you supporting them and helping them, they will go on to do many mighty things for Me, knowing that not only am I with them, but that you are there supporting them‚ encouraging them, helping them, and guiding them with the wisdom that I have given you through the years.
Work together hand in hand and side by side. It is not meant that one should be in front of the other, to slow or to hinder the one behind, but that the younger ones with the spirit and the fire and the zest and the zeal, and the older ones with the wisdom and experience in the Word for guidance, work together with My Spirit. This then is a threefold cord that cannot be easily broken.
Individually and alone, neither you nor they will make it. For I have called you for this day and I have raised them up for this day. I have prepared you for this day, that the young and the old will work together as a team, each with their talents and their gifts. (GN 553)
Where there is life, there is hope. Those, My precious ones, who are buffeted on every side, tossed to and fro with the winds of confusion, need your unconditional love, for they hang in the balances. Though they seem capable of making a decision, though they seem of age‚ Satan is sifting. He is confusing‚ he is hoping to win them.
Therefore be not weary‚ but show them love, for My love conquers all. My love is able to break through the iron bars, the brazen gates that would seek to entrap them. Love them unconditionally and patiently. Tenderly gather them in‚ as I have gathered you.
Show them My unconditional love. Love that has no conditions is love that holds on to them through the hard times, through the battles, the trials and the struggles of everyday life. My love knows no conditions; it is without limitations. My unconditional love is love that sees beyond the hard shell and cold exterior; it sees above and beyond and reaches out to save the lost, the weary, the tired, struggling soul.
Unconditional love is love that sees the diamond in the rough. It is love that is willing to mine those jewels, extract them from the ground, smooth away the rough edges, buff them up, and polish them with tender loving care until the brilliant stone shines bright and beautiful for all to see. Mining those jewels takes time. It takes patience. It takes faith and a large measure of unconditional love to bring forth the shining brilliant jewel that lies deep within the Earth.
My unconditional love loves the unlovely. It loves the difficult to love. It loves the sad and the lonely. It loves those who are struggling, those who are lost and in confusion. My unconditional love gives and gives and gives again, and expects nothing in return.
My unconditional love is without partiality. It doesn't say, "But this one does not return My love, does not react, therefore I give up." My unconditional love keeps on believing and never gives up hope; it's enduring‚ unfailing.
My unconditional love knows no limits and it has no stopping place. My love will go to any length, suffer any agony, walk through any storm to love and bring one lost, lonely, battered soul through to victory.
Are you willing to reach out to these who are buffeted in the storms of confusion—these who are caught in the snares and brambles, who find no joy, no power, no happiness in day-to-day life? These who are caught in the thick of battle, who Satan tries to confuse, that he may snuff out their light?
Will you be a vessel of My love—My never-ending, never-failing, never-swerving unconditional love for these little ones? How I love them! How I want them! How I long to wipe away their tears and their heartaches! How I long to melt away their confusion!
Who will heed My call? Are you willing? May I use your hands, your arms, your mouth, your body? Will you yield your members to Me that I may love these who are weary, who have lost their enthusiasm and joy? I have no hands but your hands to lend a tender touch. I have no arms but your arms to extend a comforting hug. I have no mouth but your mouth to speak a word fitly spoken, that it may encourage and lift them up.
I have no smile but your smile that sheds a little bit of sunshine through the dark, stormy clouds on a rainy day. I have no feet but your feet to walk a mile in their shoes. I have no vessel but your vessel, no body but your body, to reach out, to love, to comfort, to hold on to and to pray for these, My little lambs.
I see My children, how they stumble and fall. I have no arms to bend down and pick them up but yours. I see these little ones who are buffeted about. I see these who seem to have no life, whose candle is about to flicker out. I see them and I have need of you to care for them. I have need of you to tend and trim the wick of their candle that their flame may burn brightly and give light to all My house.
"How long‚ oh Lord? How long?" do I hear you say? My disciples asked Me the same. "If a brother falls‚ how many times should we lift him up?" And I said to them, "Not until seven times, but until seventy times seven." And now I say unto you, love them with My unconditional love.
How far will My love go?—To the ends of the Earth‚ to the highest Heaven, to the deepest depths of the sea. My love will walk out of its way to love and win one lost child who is groping in a sea of confusion. My love is the rescue boat; My love is the lifesaver. Only through My unconditional love will you be able to break the cycle.
Your young ones need your love manifest to them. How is this love manifest? You must put your arms about them and tell them, "I love you! I need you! You are precious to me!" This is how I love you. You must listen to their ideas and suggestions and give them room to implement them. You must take time to shepherd them and not be too busy. You must take time to draw them out. You must let them ask questions. You must let them take on your responsibilities, that they may feel used and useful. You must push them to the fore. You must be the carpets, an example of humility. Be there to catch them when they fall. They will fall, but the carpets will soften the blow—not by condemning them, but by letting them get up and try again.
This is love, that a man lay down his life. No greater love has any man than this‚ that he lay down his life for the next generation. In doing so you shall save My Family‚ and this movement and this revolution. For only through your love and loving them will they want to stay. The greatest thing you can do is to love these young ones. One of your greatest callings is to love them into the Kingdom so that they will love Me and give their lives in loving service for Me. Love is what will inspire them and keep them. Love is the answer.
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