KEYWORDS: spirit, lord, life, things, time

Issues, Part 11

Karen Zerby

By MariaMaria #619 CM 3413 3/02

1. Following is a letter I received from an SGA woman, detailing the miraculous way the Lord gave her some big victories in her life last year and solidified them at the Feast this year. It's very inspiring, and a testimony to the power of yieldedness and the power of the keys! All praise to our wonderful Husband and Deliverer!

Dearest Mama‚

2. I wanted to take the time to share with you some things the Lord has been showing me, and also some victories that the Lord has given me over the last year, for which I am very, very thankful!

3. I have to start at the end of the story to explain about the beginning. At the end of the Feast, after we did our vows of full possession‚ total surrender, etc., we all split up to go receive personal prophecies of what the Lord wanted to say to us. I got a short prophecy in which the Lord told me that He wanted to explain something to me. He wanted to bring back to my remembrance something that had happened to my spirit many months before. He explained that now was the time that He wanted to reveal it to me and show me. I knew what time period and incident the Lord was referring to; I just didn't know what had happened.

The Depths of Despair!

4. This goes back to early last year when I was going through severe battles. I had been going through heavy battles for several months‚ but there was this one night where I felt like everything just kind of came crashing down on me. It wasn't just one or two little battles I was having; there were a lot of serious things going on in my life at the time, and this one night I just hit bottom.

5. I have never before experienced the depth of emotion and trial I had that night. It wasn't like I was merely sad. It was so much more than that. I felt betrayed by the Lord, like He had let me down. I felt like the Lord wasn't keeping His promises, and if He didn't really mean what He said, or if He couldn't fulfill His will, then what sense was there in trusting Him for anything?

6. I cried for hours!—Not just your regular crying‚ but it was weeping from the depths of my soul. I remember thinking to myself, "I am not going to survive this. I just can't. I really, really can't. I don't have the stamina. I don't have the resources here and I don't have the faith. I'm not going to make it through this. I can't make it another day. I'm either going to leave the Family or leave this life or something."

7. I've never felt so very low or desperate in my life before. Even when there have been times I've gone through big battles, the kind where you think, "This is just the end of the world," I've always known in my heart that it wasn't, and I've always had the faith that the Lord would pull me through. But somehow at this point and stage of my life, I knew I was not going to be okay, that it was not going to be fine, and I was not going to survive this‚ that I just couldn't. I don't know why I knew that so very definitely, but I did.

8. There were some circumstances that initially triggered this whole weeping spell, but in themselves, they weren't really enough to push me over the edge so. I'm not sure if it was just the culmination of all the trials I'd been going through over the last few months, but quite possibly the Lord just wanted to get me to the absolute bottom—as that was certainly how I felt.

9. In the midst of all this emotional torment and turmoil, I was also really mad at the Lord. I knew I couldn't blame anybody else. I told the Lord, "Lord, You have failed me! And if You have failed me here and now‚ how am I supposed to trust You for the rest of my life for anything?"

10. There are reasons that I felt the Lord really failed me, and I won't go into all of them, but mostly it had to do with feeling like He was not keeping His word regarding giving me a husband and father for my child. He had given me promises along that line that I felt He wasn't keeping. He had told me that He would soon bring to fulfillment the promises He had given me, but my current circumstances were so very far from anything even remotely possible coming to pass that I felt He was playing with me—holding a promise out to me and then taking it away. I felt like it was all too unfair, that He couldn't expect me to keep trusting Him if He treated me this way. I was in pretty bad shape. Lord help me!

11. That night in the midst of my weeping, I demanded that the Lord do something. I told Him, "Lord, I am not going to survive this! I am not going to make it. You have to do something. I don't care what You have to do‚ but You have to do something, because who knows if I'm even going to wake up alive tomorrow? Do something! Appear to me! I want to see angels! I want to see You! You have to do something to prove to me that You are here and that You care for me and that You're going to be here for me, because right now I'm not sure."

12. I've never done that with the Lord before, but at the time I couldn't think of anything else to do. I demanded that the Lord do something. Not long after that, I fell asleep. In the morning when I woke up, I had a very peculiar feeling. Do you know how it is if you go to sleep all sad and crying, and then in the morning when you wake up, you're fine for a split second, but then you remember what you were sad about the night before, and the feelings of sadness come crashing back down on you? At least, that's how it usually is for me.

13. However, the next morning when I woke up, though I remembered everything about the night before, something was different. That feeling of sadness didn't come flooding back. I knew deep in my heart that the Lord had answered my prayer in some way, that He had done something. I didn't know what, and I was absolutely in no condition to ask Him, although He probably would have told me if I'd asked. I knew that there was something supernatural that the Lord had done, that He had answered my prayer in some way, and somehow He had calmed my spirit.

14. That morning didn't mark the end of the battles by any means. In actuality, it really was the beginning, and there were more times when I felt I might not make it, that my faith was too weak. There were many tears yet to be shed, and many hurdles to overcome, but I didn't have the same feeling of utter hopelessness or the deep despair, or even anger at the Lord that I had that night.

15. As the months went by, I would often look back at that night and praise the Lord and really thank Him for whatever it was that He did. I don't know how to explain this, but somehow I knew that He had been there for me when I really needed it, and whatever He had done had helped me make it.

16. I look at that night now as the beginning of the victory. And now that I have the victory and can look back down the whole road I just traveled, I'm so thankful. At that point in my life, I was really severely battling. Everything was a trial. I was miserable. There were several personal situations in my life that had really disappointed and hurt me. I felt very alone. I had quite a few feelings about things being wrong and unfair‚ and all of that bothered me immensely. I felt I deserved better. In short‚ I was living a miserable life.

Letting Go of My Desires

Through the Power of the Keys!

17. It was not long after this that the Lord miraculously punched through with a prophecy one day where He told me that I had to give up the desire of having somebody, of wanting somebody, of wanting to be close to somebody, being married—all these kinds of things. He told me I'd never be happy and He was never going to be able to perform His will in my life until I gave Him my full will—which included completely letting go of these desires. At the time I got the prophecy, I was all inspired, because it seemed like the perfect solution to all my problems.

18. Then a couple of days later I hit the skids over something, and I was like, "It's never going to happen. I'm not going to be able to do this." The desire I had for all of that was so very deep-seated. It was something that I've always wanted, and I couldn't figure out how I was going to not want it anymore, how I was going to give that up. I just didn't have the faith that it would work. It was too much a part of my psyche. That desire of wanting someone and wanting to be close to them and be married to them has just moved from one person to another ever since I've been 14 or 15. And while I wanted to believe that the Lord could help me to really give it up and not want it anymore, I really lacked the faith. It just seemed completely impossible.

19. I don't remember the exact circumstances, but I remember thinking to myself one day, "Okay, well, for me to get the victory over this is a real impossible situation, and the Lord said that nothing is impossible. We can rise above! We can claim the power of the keys to help us in these impossible situations. This is a perfect opportunity to test this power!"

20. I remember praying, "Lord, if through the power of the keys You can change my life to where I can give this desire to You‚ and my life changes because of it, my attitude changes, my outlook changes—even though my circumstances do not change—then I will be a sold-out, 100% believer in the power of the keys! If You can do this and change this about me, it will take a miracle so great that I will forever believe that nothing is impossible!"

21. The obstacles and battles and trials in my life were looming like a huge wall in front of me‚ and I knew there was nothing I could do about it—nothing at all in the physical. No amount of determination or sheer willpower‚ which I have plenty of, could will myself to any point or stage of happiness under the circumstances. I was miserable and I knew it. And I was frustrated because I knew the Lord wanted me to stay in the Home situation I'm in, but I felt that He was asking way more of me than I could do, to be happy under the conditions I found myself in and not be able to do a thing to change them.

22. The Lord was always so encouraging, cheering me on with, "Yes! Good! Claim the power of the keys. Absolutely! That's the whole idea!" So I prayed my "whatever it takes prayer" and I asked for united prayer from a small group of people. I prayed my prayer, giving this desire up to the Lord. It was a really big deal for me. I really claimed the power of the keys. The Lord spoke wonderfully after the united prayer, saying that He would give me the victory and that it was the beginning of my new life‚ and that I would see the fulfillment of it.

A Whole New Outlook and Attitude!

—And It Just Keeps Getting Better!

23. In the weeks following my prayer, I got real busy and didn't have a lot of time for personal reflection. But I remember distinctly that about three weeks later I started thinking back on it and I felt, "Wow, I'm actually feeling a lot better. Things are changing. I'm pretty happy now, and this is really cool. It's actually working!" It's not like I've never had any personal battles that I had to fight, but the Lord gave me such a complete victory in this area, one that I credit completely to the power of the keys. I know that there's just no way I could have even begun to work up any kind of victory along those lines in my own strength—and believe me, I was trying.

24. That's not to say that I've never had a single trial about any of these things since, because I have had to fight at times to keep the victory. There were times when I felt "wobbly" and had to really pray and hear from the Lord and claim the power of the keys in order to overcome in certain situations. But overall, I feel like a different person today. I'm happy! I'm content! I don't spend my time thinking about what I don't have, what I want, and what I don't think the Lord is giving me that I think I deserve—all those bad things.

25. And the amazing thing is … though it is a law of the spirit that we all know, so it shouldn't be so surprising, it still amazes me every time it happens … when you're on a bummer it's like everything contributes to your bummer and you just get more and more down. As you continue to listen to the Enemy and look on all the negative things, everything gets worse and worse. But when you get on a positive track and you start praising the Lord, then all of a sudden it's like there's so much to praise the Lord about! The more you praise Him, the more blessings He gives you, and the more He is able to give you—not just in the physical, but there are spiritual blessings I know the Lord has given me that I'm even more thankful for than my physical surroundings.

26. Today I feel like my life is charmed and I'm leading this wonderful, beautiful, happy, terrific life. I often wonder, "What was my problem?!" And the amazing thing is that nothing really has changed in my circumstances—except my attitude. It's not like I got anything I was wanting in the flesh, yet my attitude is different.

27. Just the fact that my outlook has changed is a miracle. That attitude shift was so monumental for me that it has completely sold me on the power of the keys, for one. And secondly, it has made me so thankful that God can win these great victories when you're just at the end of yourself.

28. Since my prayer‚ all the things that used to bother me and put me through hell and make me miserable haven't even hardly been trials for me anymore. Things that used to knock me down and tear me down, I don't even think about anymore! Being a woman—and an emotional one at that—that is a complete miracle as far as I'm concerned. I still had to fight, and some days would be more difficult than others, and I would just have to go reread my prophecies and claim the power of the keys. But within a month, there was a pretty noticeable difference in my life and it just kept getting better from there on out!

The Lord's Explanation

—A Prophecy, But More

Than a Prophecy!

29. So after that whole really rough time, and then the victory‚ the "Conviction vs. Compromise" series came out and the Lord spoke a lot to me about the things I needed to change. At that point the Lord helped me get over the last vestiges of problems I had with certain people and get over any disunity or distance I felt with them.

30. Then after the vow ceremony at the Feast this year, the Lord explained to me what He had done for me that night when I demanded He do something and I was just sure I wasn't going to survive.

31. I started getting a prophecy and I typed it up, but even when I read over the prophecy now it doesn't really explain it or do it justice in my opinion. It was so much more than a prophecy to me. The feelings that I had, the things that I saw, and basically what it comes down to is that it came back to my remembrance. It was very vivid. The prophecy is beautiful and it probably explains in decent detail what happened, but to me it doesn't capture the feeling I had or the memories or everything I saw and experienced. I can't even really explain this, but the interesting thing about this experience is that as the Lord started describing it, it's like I remembered it.

32. At the end of this whole event where briefly the Lord transported my spirit to Heaven and I had an audience with the Lord—I'll tell you all the details in a minute—He put this stone in my hand. He put His hand over it and He said‚ "This stone is the blafinour." He gave it a name, and I'm still struggling with whether I got the name right. But anyway, He put His hand on mine on top of the stone, and the stone just kind of melted‚ and went into me.

Text box

33. (Jesus speaking:) The blafinour is a substance of Heaven, and there is no word in English, or in your human language, that can describe it. It is truly one of the mysteries of Heaven, for it is a substance as real as anything around you now, yet so foreign that it would be impossible for you to comprehend its makeup and abilities on Earth. It is supernatural. This spelling is fine, for the pronunciation is as close as you will get on Earth to being able to truly pronounce its Heavenly name in the Heavenly language. (End of message from Jesus.)

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34. He told me‚ "You're going to go back now and you're not going to remember any of this when you wake up, because the choices you've made before Me right here and now, you still have to make in your life, with your whole physical being—your body‚ your mind, your soul. But I'll bring it back to your memory one day and this stone will bring it all back to your remembrance when it's time for Me to tell you about it."

35. The Lord told me that this stone He gave me would be a link to the supernatural. He said I would wake up and I would know that something supernatural happened, that I would know that He answered my prayer.

36. I'm not by definition a real spiritual person. I get prophecies, I've had visions‚ and there have been times I have really been flipped out in the spirit. But overall, I'm much more the physical, carnal kind of person. At times when I have heard or read about far-out spiritual experiences others have had, I've always thought it would be so cool and fantastic to be able to experience something like that. But I always figured that I was too carnal or something. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

37. But the amazing thing is, that as the Lord was explaining to me in the words of this prophecy what had happened, it was like it came back to my memory. I've had visions before‚ and I remember this differently than I have remembered visions. I remember this experience like I would remember anything else that has happened to me.

38. Anyway, here is the transcript of the prophecy. First my initial post-vow prophecy, and then it goes into the experience.

Prophecy After Vows of Surrender

39. (Jesus speaking:) Although as you said the vows, you didn't feel anything specifically different, I have given you the vision of what has transpired in the spirit (see vision in "Vows of Surrender Ceremony," ML #3378, GN 975). We have become one. My Spirit has been allowed to possess you. You have given Me access. We are one.

40. Just as My Father and I are one, and as My first disciples and I were one, so are we now one. You are My bride. I love you and I thank you for your love for Me, for your willingness.

41. I know you understand that I haven't explained everything to you just yet. You have many questions yet to seek Me on, and there are many things that I have yet to pour out. In some ways you realize you don't have a full understanding of what I'm asking of you. But I love your willingness to come and forsake everything and forsake your own will and lay it on the altar—to lay it before My feet in humility and adoration. I receive these gifts from your hand, and as I continue to show you more, I know that you will claim the power of the keys to propel you into changes and a new life. For that is what it is.

42. Old things are passed away and all things are become new. This Feast marks great happenings in My Spirit, in your spirit, and in the spirit of the entire Family. As you continue to yield your all to Me step by step, I will begin to activate the power, and you will feel it and you will be a different person—a changed person.

43. In the days to come as you spend time with Me in the morning‚ I will reveal many wondrous things to you. I will not only show you of My will for you in your life and in the things I wish you to give Me, but you and I will find such joy in each other's embrace. You will find such joy and peace and satisfaction and fulfillment in being completely possessed by Me. And bit by bit‚ as My mind becomes more your mind, there are many things that I will reveal to you.

44. You have come through the winter cycle and are now full in the spring, and I wish for you to continue to blossom into the summer and the fullness of My will for you. You have fought the good fight this year. You have made the choices that chose Me above your own will, and you can already feel the difference. You see the joy that I have filled you with already. You are already not sorry that you gave your will and your wishes and your desires to Me, and this will become more and more apparent to you. Your face and your features and your life will shine with My Spirit—for My mind will be in you.

In the Courts of the Lord!

45. I wish to reveal to you now what transpired in the spirit that night long ago when you were in such anguish of spirit and soul, when your heart felt broken and you felt completely forsaken by Me and betrayed, when your heart felt the pain of rejection—when you felt that I had been untrue, that I had not held up My end of the bargain.

46. I understand the depth of the pain you felt. I cried with you at your deep sorrow and anguish of spirit and heart.

47. And yet in that moment, knowing that you didn't think you would make it, you called out to Me. It was your moment of Gethsemane. In desperation you cried out to Me, you demanded to be saved, to be relieved. You demanded that I do something to show you that you were not forsaken. Your spirit cried out from the depths of your soul, from the desperation of a heart that was broken and confused, that felt forsaken.

48. I gave you sleep that night, and in the morning when you awoke‚ you felt strangely at peace, despite all the emotion of the night before. This was a surprise to you and you felt quite in awe, knowing that something miraculous and supernatural had taken place, but not knowing what.

49. And though you may not be able to pinpoint this as the major turning point for you, it was the beginning of the victory. I answered the deepest prayers of your heart and I revealed Myself to you in a way that you have been unaware of since then. As a gift to you, and also as a manifestation of My possession of you, I will reveal to you what transpired in the spirit that night.

50. I granted your spirit swift access to the halls of Heaven and to My chambers that night. Your spirit was transported back to Me, back to the Heavenlies, where you were allowed to come into My presence and plead your cause before Me.

51. There are many memories of Heaven that have been blocked from your remembrance, for that is how it happens when your spirit is born upon Earth. It must be that way, for otherwise it would be no test. So even in allowing your spirit back into the Heavenly realm in all of its splendor and glory, I kept back the remembrance of most of what you were aware of when you lived Here with Me before.

52. Your spirit was worn, and weary, and very‚ very tired. As your body slept, your spirit cried out to Me. You were ushered into the Heavenlies by two of My very special angels, those sent on special missions. Your spirit was depleted and unprotected, and they were sent from My throne to protect you and to escort you into My presence.

53. Before you came to Earth, you and I had discussed your future‚ your destiny, and the choices you would make. Together we chose the path that your life would take—the joys‚ the hardships, the good times and the bad. We had agreed together on this.

54. And yet as you were ushered into My throne room, your spirit, though not expressing the depth of emotion that was felt in your body on Earth‚ knelt humbly before Me‚ feeling very low, very defeated—as though a small remembrance of your former existence in Heaven came back to you, and you knew there was something you had agreed to that you were going back on, but you didn't know exactly what it was.

55. The angels announced your presence, and the courts of Heaven looked on in amazement, for it is not often that I allow someone's spirit to leave their earthly body and to be transported to My throne.

56. I stood and walked over to you, where you continued to kneel in sorrow and in heaviness of heart. You remembered the words you had spoken to Me in anger and you felt ashamed. You could not even look up at Me, and you kept your head bowed low to the ground.

57. I walked over to you and placed My hand upon your head and said with love and tenderness to all who were in attendance, "This, My child, My darling, My lover, now is in great anguish of spirit, for she forgets that which I have commissioned her to do. She is standing close to the edge, not knowing whether she will make it. She feels I have forgotten her, that I have forsaken her‚ and that I have left her comfortless. So I have brought her Here today so that I might remind her of the great things I have in store for her. I have brought her Here today to succor her spirit, to give her a manifestation of My love for her and My commission to her."

58. With this there was a murmur of assent and praise to Me for My infinite wisdom as everyone retreated, so that there was just you and Me‚ save the two angels that transported you Here.

59. I knelt down in front of you and put My arms around you. You laid your head upon My shoulder and wept.—This time not tears of sadness so much as tears of gratefulness for My love in allowing you to be brought to Me. I held you and caressed you and breathed sweet words of love to you.

60. Then I turned your face toward Mine, holding your face in My hands as I brought your gaze to meet Mine. Our eyes locked, and in just a moment, in a flash of a second, our spirits became one—completely one.

61. There were many things that I communicated to you in that moment. In that instant, your life passed before you—everything that has happened to you up until now.

62. I looked into your eyes and reminded you that you had chosen this path—that you had chosen, along with Me, each thing that had so far come to pass, and every thing that would yet come to pass.

63. In those few moments when our eyes were locked together and we were one‚ I also communicated to you the path that your future would take. I showed you that which was My highest will. I showed you another path as well, a lesser will.

64. I gave you the choice. I told you that in My love for you, I would give you that which your heart desired, and that which you beseeched Me for so desperately. You could choose to have Me fulfill your earthly desires, or you could choose the other—the path that seems to be a much harder one to travel on, one beset with difficulties and trials, one where no one stands beside you save Me. And yet‚ going down this path, you would be prepared for My perfect and highest will in every aspect of your life. If you made this choice of My highest will for you, you would be granted special gifts from My hand. You would be allowing Me full possession and you would be allowing Me to work My perfect work in every part of your life. The rewards and benefits from this would be great.

65. Yet‚ I left the choice with you. I have been in the agony of spirit while in the flesh. I understand the sentiments, the depth of feeling, of wishing that the cup of the Father's will could pass from you—feeling it is too hard, that it is too much to expect, that you don't have the strength to make those choices.

66. As the angels came and ministered to Me when I made that choice to yield‚ to say, "Not My will but Thine be done‚" so I sent angels to minister to you in your time of Gethsemane. Four angels, powerful and strong—two to watch over your body while your spirit was absent, and two to escort your spirit into My presence.

67. I showed you the future path that your life would take were you to make this choice. I cannot reveal to you now exactly what I showed you, for the remembrance of that was wiped away from your mind—as being in your earthly body‚ you still were required to make the choice with your soul—both your physical body and your mind and spirit.

68. But at that moment, as you knelt before Me and you looked into My eyes, you nodded in assent. I brought back to you some remembrance of your time with Me and the love that we have shared together. I brought back some of the memories of our special times. You nodded, you agreed, you made your choice. We rose up together and I held you. We sat together on My throne and you praised Me and loved Me. You told Me how sorry you were. You told Me that you were finding it more difficult on Earth to make the right choices than you had anticipated. You expressed your weakness of spirit and body to Me.

69. With all these words, I embraced you and held your head to My chest. You wept. You knew that it would be a long struggle, a long fight. You understood that when you returned to your body, the remembrance of this would be erased and you would still have to struggle and you would have to make that decision again in your soul, and that it would be difficult to give your all to Me while back on Earth‚ without the comfort and care you found through looking into My eyes.

70. I spoke words of love to you. I gave you My promise—a promise I have given you before. "Lo‚ I am with you always—even unto the end of the world." I reminded you of our deep bond of love—that which I share especially with you. It is a deep bond of love that cannot be easily shaken.

71. I held you for a long time as you took in each thing I said. After a time, I explained that I wished for your spirit to be strengthened through the spirit of Heaven, and that after that we would be together again.

72. You rose, and the angels who had been assigned to your care came forward. With each of them beside you, I lifted high My hands over your head and poured upon you the balm of healing—the essence of My love and My Father's. This washed through your spirit like a wave of light, filling every fiber of your being.

73. The angels with you then escorted you to the Pavilion of Renewal, where your spirit was refreshed and renewed. After spending time there, you were escorted back into My presence. Your spirit refreshed‚ and clothed in the garments of humility, you stood before Me, gazing into My eyes with love and gratefulness that I cannot even describe to you in human words.

74. I took your hand and placed in it a gift—a large‚ shimmering stone. I placed My hand on top of the stone and explained to you what this gift was. Although you would be returned to your body and you would not have a remembrance of anything that transpired, this stone—which I then pressed into your hand, and which dissolved into a light that sped through your entire being—would become part of your spirit. It would be a link to Me. It was the blafinour.

75. It would link your spirit more firmly with Me. It would allow you a vague remembrance in your spirit of events that have transpired between you and Me. So when you woke up and you had no recollection of what transpired that evening, there ran throughout your spirit a link to the supernatural.

76. So although you didn't know what and you didn't know why, you always would have a feeling that something supernatural had happened to you that night. It was the link to the remembrance of Me and that event. It has lain dormant in your spirit all this time, but still you have looked back in awe, wondering where your spirit went, what happened to it. For the change in your spirit that morning—especially in comparison to the night before—was so great that you knew something supernatural must have taken place. And you remembered your cries to Me. You knew you had demanded assistance and you felt in your heart that I had been there for you, that I had comforted you in your spirit when nothing else could, but you still didn't know exactly how.

77. Yet, at this time, during this Feast, I have activated the blafinour within you. You have been granted the fullness of this gift. For not only did it keep alive within your spirit some vague recollection, but now it has brought it back to you in detail.

78. There are many things you will think on and wonder about, and I can explain each one to you—though not right at this moment. But continue to revel in the remembrance of this—let My Spirit fill you.

79. You have given Me much love and praise for this event in your life already, even though you were not aware of each thing I did. I thank you for this. Your faith and your love and your praise pleases Me much. I love to see you desiring to step out of the earthly realm and the carnal mind to bask in My pleasures and in My love to you. You and I have a great future together. I know that you desire to please Me.

80. Not only have you desired Me in your spirit‚ and with your spirit made declaration of your love to Me through your choices, but you have chosen Me while in the flesh, and this choice of faith is pleasing in My sight.

81. I promise you that you will not be disappointed. Although I am not able to show you the entire future that I have planned for you, you will never regret giving those desires to Me. I know they are some of the deepest desires you've ever had—those of wanting a husband and helpmeet and lover and father for your child. But giving those desires to Me and giving your will to Me in this area is a great step, and I will bless you for it. I have already blessed you much on Earth‚ in your life and situation, and I will continue to do so. But the blessings that you have gained to your spirit through this choice have been innumerable. The blessings and the rewards that I am storing up for you Here, eye has not seen nor ear heard! (End of message from Jesus)

Memories of Heaven

82. Even now, two months later, each time I read this or think back on it‚ I always cry. It's beautiful how it all came back to me like a memory. It's something I can't quite get over—just the fact that I remember it, that it's something that I know has happened to me, that I know I have not made up.

83. There are certain things I remember clearly from the experience, or about Heaven. I didn't see the angels so very clearly, but I knew they were right beside me the whole time. Even when it was just Jesus and me, they were there, kind of right behind and to the side of me. It was almost like they had to hold me up, or at least their spirits strengthened me. It seemed like my spirit was so weak and almost couldn't handle being in Heaven like that, and they had to stay beside me the whole time just so that I could partake of their spirits enough to actually be there.

84. I remember traveling to Heaven. I remember the feeling of movement. It wasn't like moving through a dark tunnel. I could see space all around me, but I was still in a tunnel. We were moving very fast. They were on either side of me, carrying me, kind of dragging me along. The next thing I remember was kneeling down, crouching down, not even wanting to look at the Lord. I knew He was there. I knew I was in Heaven. I knew I was before the Lord. But I felt very low, very ashamed, and very bad. I didn't want to look at Him. I didn't want to look at anything. I just kept my eyes closed.

85. I had this vague sense of "I've been here. I know this," and a feeling like there was something that I had agreed to which I was going back on‚ or that I was not really cutting it somehow, like really blowing it in some way. When I did look, it was just Jesus and me.

86. When I first came into the Heavenly court, it seemed that there were a lot of people there waiting their turn‚ or engaged in business. It was like the Lord was holding official business and He cleared His schedule for me. Jesus came up to me and put His hand on my head. I was looking down. Everybody left or retreated so I didn't see them.

87. When I was in the court of the Lord, which is the only way I can describe it, it's not like there were specific features that I can remember to describe, except that it was really big, very bright. This is something that I can't really explain in words, but it was like Heaven was a Person and you felt its presence everywhere and in everything that you saw, everything that you touched or that you experienced.

88. In the moment that He took my face and He looked at me and showed me my entire life—it basically flashed before me in an instant, like they say. I don't know how to explain this, because it's not something you can put into words or explain, but somehow, through seeing that, it's not like He just showed me my life‚ but He showed me how everything that had happened to me was part of His will, His plan, and what He wanted to have happen. And‚ what's more, it was what I had agreed to before.

89. Just knowing that, even if there wasn't anything else—it's just such a feeling of comfort and reassurance and it takes care of all my unanswered questions. The times I've wondered, "Did I make a mistake there? Did I make the wrong decision? Would my life have been better if I had decided this? Did I screw up?"—I felt like in that moment, all my questions were answered. Just that in itself is very cool!

90. In the part where I chose my future path, even though of course I don't remember the details‚ just knowing that I saw both choices played out, and that having seen both from the beginning to the end, I chose being alone, to me that's super interesting. Just the thought that I was the one that picked that is so cool.

91. Some things in the prophecy are just a very brief mention‚ but it's a whole memory for me‚ a whole scene that I could describe if I sat down and recalled it, like about being in the pavilion of renewal.

92. Jesus was there, and I felt that and I experienced that. But it was almost like Heaven itself was a presence that I was aware of. It's not like being in a room or a place on Earth where it's just the things that you see. Everything about Heaven‚ everything that you saw and experienced was a real feeling. Everything was alive.

93. I remember clearly the feelings I had about Jesus, and for Him, as I was talking to Him, and as He was holding me and talking to me. It's not like the feelings that you feel for people. Those don't even come close. Although it does encompass those earthly feelings of love, it's so much bigger and deeper. I always knew that Jesus loved me and I believed it—but now I have felt it. I don't know why the Lord chose to do that for me, or why I remember it, or why it happened to me.

94. I'm not certain how things work in the spirit world with your spirit, and whether there's a difference between the things that happen to your spirit as far as when you have visions or dreams or things like that, and whether it's different when your spirit actually leaves your body. I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure my spirit actually left my body‚ because when I was there before the Lord, I had the distinct impression that the rules were being bent for me and that they could only be bent so far. I had the feeling that there were certain things that I could and couldn't do because of the situation.

95. I'm telling you, after this whole thing, I was on a major high for a good solid week—just sailing! I felt like I was just walking in the clouds. I have never experienced such a spiritual high before. In the next couple of days I asked the Lord more things about it. Once it all kind of sank in, He explained a lot more detail that was really helpful.

A Husband‚ a Father, a Lover

96. One day following this experience, the Lord told me that He wanted to give me an explanation of how the prophecies that I had received over the years all fit together with this experience. For many years, ever since my daughter was about five months old, the Lord in prophecy had promised me a husband. So I was always just assuming that that's how it was going to be.

97. When I first thought I was pregnant, before I took the test, I heard from the Lord—and that was a pretty big deal in those days because we weren't really used to getting a lot of prophecies. This was also before the "Go for the Gold" Letter. Anyway, I got a message that I wrote down, and the Lord told me that I was pregnant and that it was a gift of love to me, that it was His reward, and that He was going to be my Husband, and that I didn't need to worry. At the time I received this prophecy, the father of the baby was still around and I didn't know that he would soon be going to another field. I didn't even know that I was pregnant for sure. I hadn't taken a test or anything.

98. Over the years I've thought about that prophecy. I've kind of looked at it almost as "beginner's luck" because it was so specific and accurate, like, "Wow, that was a really cool prophecy," but not as being something so definite. When my baby was about five months old, I asked if someone could pray about whether it was the Lord's will for me to get together with the father of the baby (who was no longer living with me). I wanted to know if I was supposed to forsake him completely and move on.

99. In the prophecy, the Lord explained that it wasn't His will for the father of my baby and I to get together—that He was leading us down separate paths. In that prophecy, the Lord promised me a husband and a lover and a father. He said He would supply my needs and that I was going to be okay and happy. It was a really good prophecy. I was super thankful for it. I literally memorized it.

100. Anyway, fast-forward seven years to the present. I'll let you read a prophecy here that the Lord gave me after this recent supernatural experience that really clarified a lot of things for me. I was praying about one of the questions from the Feast Letters, and the Lord punched through with this:

101. (Jesus speaking: ) I want to explain to you further regarding My will for your life. When you first had your baby, I promised you a husband‚ a father, and a lover. You hung on to this promise, feeling that I was going to give it to you in the flesh, and that all these would be filled in one person. This has been something you have continued to hang on to.

102. As time went on, I told you that My will for you along these lines would happen soon. Again you were thinking that this would all be fulfilled in one person.

103. This has been the cause of much of your struggle and the source of much of your discontentment in the last year. You felt that I was failing you in promising you these things for so many years and yet not delivering.

104. Until you were willing to give this desire to Me, I have not been able to tell you more fully what is My will. Your own will and your own wants were so much in the way and so fully before you that you were unwilling to receive My will.

105. Yet it has all been My perfect plan. I knew that you needed this time, first to come to the point where you were willing to yield, and then the time in which I was able to show you how richly I have blessed your life and how much I have given you because of the yielding of your desires to Me. You were unable to see these things before because you were so consumed with what you wanted.

106. But now you have partaken of the joy of surrender—of giving to Me that which was most precious—your will in this matter. You have given it to Me and I have received it with great love and tenderness, knowing what it cost you to give it up.

107. And yet still My Words to you will be fulfilled. I will, and in most cases I already have, provided you with a lover, a father, and a husband. You have just not seen it, nor have you accepted it.

108. I am your Husband. There will never be any who will hold claim to your heart like I have. I will not allow you to develop the passion and the deep love that you hold for Me for anyone on this Earth. I am now and will always be your Husband.

109. And yet I understand your need for love and the vacuum you have for affection and sex, so I have provided you with lovers--sometimes one, and other times more than one.—Men who love you dearly and want to spend time with you and give you My love in a physical way.

110. I have also provided fathers for your daughter. Sometimes My plan for this has been thwarted by your will or your reluctance to accept who I would have given at the time to be a father for her.

111. These three things have I given you. And it is My promise to you that I will continue to supply your needs in this area. As you continue to look to Me and cling to My will above all‚ I will not neglect to supply all the needs you have in these three areas. I will supply now and for as long as you are on this Earth‚ or for as long as you need it.

112. I will also continue to provide for your daughter and her needs. I will supply men who care for her and give her the love and attention that she needs. She does not have a huge void for this that cannot be easily filled. I have always provided for her in this way (except for when you refused it and found yourself lacking because of it)‚ and I will continue to provide this love for her through vessels of My choosing.

113. You will continue to be My precious bride, holding only to Me and to no others. I could give you that which you wanted in the flesh; it is certainly within My power. And although that would be within My will, I have shown you a better way, a more excellent path—one requiring the forsaking of this desire. This is a choice your spirit made before Me when it was in My presence‚ and your soul and body have followed suit.

114. Now I lay it out clearly for you, so that with your full understanding you may choose.—That not only with your spirit, but also with your mind you may understand the choice before you and choose whether to fully accept this.

115. I still can easily provide you with someone in the flesh who could be a husband to you. However, if you choose Me and only Me, and in yielding your full will to Me, allow Me to choose a different path for you, though you may find it difficult initially, you will never be sorry that you gave your full will to Me.

116. There are ways that I will be able to use you as a single who is devoted to Me that I would never be able to use you should you be bound to someone on this Earth. And though you will have many lovers and many who will love you, you will never be fully committed to any one person, but you will only be committed to Me, in heart, in mind, in body and in spirit. You will only be married to Me. You will live to do My will, to perform that which I ask of you.

117. This doesn't mean that you will not find joy or pleasure in your life, for in choosing this, you will be choosing life. You will be choosing My perfect and highest will. You will be choosing to live for Me and Me alone, and the rewards and blessings I will bestow upon you will be beyond your wildest dreams! You will be married to Me and Me alone, and as your Husband, I will provide for you in ways that no earthly husband could. The joy and satisfaction that you will find will be beyond your wildest imagination. I will be dearer and nearer to you and will manifest Myself more to you and in your life than you dared imagine or hope for.

118. This is the choice that lies before you. You have already made this choice in your spirit. However, I wanted you to be aware of it with all your consciousness, in order to find whether you agree and wish to continue to perform My will in your life.

119. With this firmly implanted in your mind, there is nothing that will stand in your way of receiving My full will in your life. Nothing will be standing in the way of preventing you from accepting and fully living My will in your life.

120. You will have no more questions, no more misgivings. This will change your life in the way that you relate to men‚ and the way they relate to you will therefore also be different. You will find a freedom in Me and a freedom in your mind that will please you greatly. It will free your mind to think on other things and to more easily perform exactly what My will is for your life. (End of message from Jesus.)

121. Isn't that just like … wow? It's so cool! It's just wonderful to have this sorted out in my heart and mind. I think it's so fantastic that the Lord said I would always have lovers. Oh, praise the Lord! Ha! The Lord told me to go back and reread all the prophecies that either I had received or that had been given to me along the lines of getting married, etc.‚ and it's just amazing—because going back and rereading some of the things He said, I wonder why I didn't see it earlier; it all seems so clear.

122. He said that He could tell me this now, because He'd gotten me to the point where I could receive it, believe it, and accept it. But He also said that I needed to have all this squared away so I could move on to the other things He has in store for me.

123. The amazing thing is that I'm incredibly cool with it; it's not even a trial. It's like, "That's so neat!" I'm really very cool about the whole husband, father, lover bit. I'm really fine with just forsaking that for the rest of my life, and just the fact that I can say that is such a miracle! It's unbelievable. I feel a sense of liberation in the knowledge that my life isn't all based around finding a husband and getting married—that I never have to worry about that again.

124. Everything the Lord has shown me and spoken to me about and revealed to me is so very inspiring and I really do feel as though my life has changed through all of this. I love thinking about it. I love talking about it. It makes me feel so very loved and cared for by the Lord. It also makes me feel very humbled, in a very interesting way that I wouldn't have expected. I felt like I was not going to cut it, I was not going to make it—and the Lord saw that and He knew that, and He reached down and saved me.

125. Even when I didn't know what it was He had done for me and couldn't properly thank Him for it, He still gave me that experience. And for that I am very, very grateful to the Lord. The whole thing has made me realize the meaning of not being able to do it. My personality is such that I like to be in control, I like to be able to handle things. I want to do the right thing. But in this case‚ no matter what anyone else says‚ I know I couldn't handle it, that I wasn't going to be able to. I don't know how to communicate that in words, except that I just really know that I wasn't going to make it.

126. But the Lord had mercy on me and intervened on my behalf. He heard my prayer and He came to my aid. He showed me how real He was, and He gave me not only the strength to go on, but He gave me the final victory. It makes me love the Lord so much and it makes me want to give Him every detail of the rest of my life—for Him to do whatever He wants with it. I feel like I owe Him everything.

127. This experience has probably had the most profound effect on my life of anything that has ever happened to me! Sometimes I feel kind of awkward, wondering if people will believe that it actually happened to me. I really don't care if anybody believes me or not‚ because I believe it and it's changed my life, and that's all that matters to me.

128. I imagine this is somewhat what people feel when they get saved—although I don't recall feeling that experience of salvation in Jesus, since I received the Lord so young and have been in the Family all my life. But in some ways, that's what it was to me—a salvation.—At least a salvation of my spirit and my service for the Lord; probably my sanity and many other things. It's very special. It really makes me thankful.

129. I feel very humbled by the whole experience‚ by the fact that Jesus did this for me because I needed it.—Not because I deserved it or was worthy of it, but because He knew I needed it and I wasn't going to make it without it, and in His mercy He rescued me. I feel like whatever happens to me from here on out‚ there are a few things that I know‚ and one of them is that Jesus is real. Heaven is real. The spirit world is real. I know all these things are real, and no one can convince me otherwise. Even my own brain can't convince me otherwise.

130. Another thing that is firmly implanted in my brain now is how our wonderful Husband is always there for us when we need it. Even when we may not be able to understand it with our carnal mind or be able to comprehend it, it doesn't mean it's any less real. This has made me think of all the times the Lord has done wonderful things for my spirit that I'm just not aware of—the prayers that He's answered, the things He's done. It opened my eyes to the spirit world. It's a cool feeling.

131. It's a great blessing for me to be able to testify of this miracle the Lord has done in my life, and be able to give Him all the glory for it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's nothing I could have pulled off myself. He gets all the credit!

132. P.S. Here are a couple more prophecies that the Lord gave me around this time.

Drink Deeply of

The Fountain of My Word

133. (Prayer:) Jesus, I praise You and thank You so much for revealing these things to me. Thank You for blessing me with this wonderful, wonderful gift. Thank You for showing me this choice. Thank You for helping me to make it. Thank You for the power of the keys in my life and for the power of the victories that You have given me. Thank You for giving me the power to make the right choices. Even when I stumbled and fell and had no power within me to make it, You reached down in such love and tenderness, and with such mercy You held me up and saved me.

134. You have answered the deepest prayers of my heart. You have answered in ways I didn't expect, and in ways I didn't even want. But the most beautiful thing is You have changed me, so that now I cherish those answers to prayer more than anything else in my life.

135. I do want to be all Yours. Thank You for this beautiful experience and for these beautiful words of Yours. I would like to ask You, what do I do now? Now that I've had some days to think on it and revel in it, is there anything I should do?

136. (Jesus speaking:) Refuse to think on these things with the carnal mind. Don't try to figure out or analyze. Just praise Me. Don't try to figure out if you're going to be able to carry through with this in the long term, or whether you will waver or fall.

137. Don't allow the Enemy any entrance into your mind. Don't doubt My Words to you. Don't even consider any other possibilities. Claim the power of the keys when you feel yourself start to wonder.

138. Now that you know more of My will on these matters, take extra time to fill up with the Word so that you will have the faith and the strength needed to put My will into action in your life and in your spirit. Reread the Feast GNs, along with your personal prophecies. Drink deeply at the fountain of My Word, for by it you will be refreshed and inspired, and through it your faith will grow and increase. The more you put on My Word and My will, the more your faith will grow, and the more you will put on My mind. (End of message from Jesus)

Look Not to the Opinions of Men

139. (Jesus speaking: ) Unto you, the children of David, I have given the honor of a closer and more intimate relationship with Me, and a greater insight into the Heavenly realm. This is more than I have given to anyone on Earth before.

140. My disciples who walked with Me saw and experienced Me in the flesh. However, when I left them, it was hard for them to make the transition into the relationship they could have with Me in the spirit, as they were already distracted by what they'd had in the flesh. But unto you, the children of David, it is given to experience the fullness of the spirit. You will need this in order to survive the Endtime.

141. Don't worry or be concerned when things of the spirit are revealed to you or to others. This is one way that I am manifesting more of My mind to My children, to those who have yielded their all to Me. Don't let the opinions of men or their carnal reasoning hinder you. Don't attempt to put through the filter of the carnal mind what I show you or what I give you to experience, for it will only serve to destroy your faith. If you try to figure it out or even seek the opinions of men, it will destroy your simple faith in the sincerity of the moment, in the truth that I have shown you.

142. I wish for you to have such a link with Me that what people think of you makes no difference to you whatsoever, and that you wouldn't even care; that the only thing that is paramount in your mind is what I think of you, and whether or not you're pleasing Me.

143. Now you're surrounded by your mates and men of like passions. However, I warn you that as one of My Endtime brides, you will undergo persecution for your beliefs and your passion for Me. You will undergo ridicule and scorn for the things I have shown you. There will be many who will mock and scoff. There will be very few by comparison who will believe you and agree with you.

144. As times wax worse and worse, and as I ask you to stand up more and more for what you believe in, and to proclaim the fact that you are My intimate bride, you will receive persecution. Are you willing to stand up for Me? Are you willing to put forth the effort in the spirit to link yourself so completely with Me that nothing else matters? Are you willing to appear mad to others for Me? Are you willing to boldly proclaim that you are My bride—that you live to do My will?

145. This is the ultimate in not letting the opinions of man affect you. And in order to reach that‚ you must begin now. You must not look to the opinions of men, or for their approval‚ but you must seek My approval most of all, and above all.

146. Do this in each thing you do. Praise from Me is what you want the most. Let Me override your mind and your carnal ways of thinking. Let Me rewire you, so that what I think is most important to you and is what you seek to discover. (End of message from Jesus.)

Key Points

147. (Mama:) Our Husband is so wonderful, isn't He? There are some very important points to remember from this testimony of victory.

  1. When she was in the depths of despair, she didn't give up—she cried out to the Lord. Even though she was weak and tired and utterly discouraged, she cried out to her Husband and demanded that He rescue her and save her.
  2. She heard from the Lord about what the solution was to the difficulty or problem she was facing. In her case, it was giving up the desire for a husband. Even though that was something that went completely contrary to her nature and everything she'd always wanted‚ she was willing to first of all receive those words in prophecy from the Lord—even though she couldn't fully accept that concept at the time in her natural mind—and then she was willing to call on the power of the keys so the Lord could prove His miracle-working power in her life.
  3. She asked the Lord what to do about it, claimed the power of the keys, had united prayer, and prayed a "whatever it takes" prayer‚ enabling the Lord to grant her the victory and the complete change of nature and mindset that she needed.
  4. She put feet to her prayers and walked in the victory that the Lord gave her‚ actively obeying what He told her to do and the steps He told her to take. That solidified the victory and made it a reality in her life.
  5. She praised the Lord for what He did in her life, even though she didn't understand it.
  6. She granted the Lord full possession during the Feast, wanting Him above all.

148. All of these things made it possible for her to receive this precious, wonderful, life-changing gift from the Lord. All glory to our wonderful Husband! He has given us all we need to fight the battles—even the ones that are so huge and overwhelming that there's no way we can overcome them ourselves. He can do it for us, if we do our part. Sometimes our part is very difficult—in the case of this dear SGA, for example, it meant giving up something that she has wanted all her life, and not just desired, but intensely desired. She considers it a miracle that she was even able to receive that initial message from the Lord, telling her that she needed to surrender her will to Him‚ which included giving up those desires which were such a part of her nature. But the fact of the matter is, the Lord punched through, because He knew she wanted the victory, and when she heard from the Lord that day, she was willing to hear what He was saying to her. She didn't resist it or ask for something else, something easier.

149. That was the first step, and without it, none of the others would have been able to take place. She had to be willing to hear from the Lord and receive from Him even those things which she didn't want to hear, or which sounded to her like they would never work. Then, after she received them, it was still a battle for her, and took her another two or three months before she came to the point where she was able to pray a "whatever it takes" prayer and really accept what the Lord was asking of her. But she took the steps of obedience, and the Lord came through for her wonderfully and did what she had previously considered impossible! No matter what the problem or difficulty, change and victory and yieldedness is possible, through the power of the keys, for each of us!

More on

The Pavilion of Renewal …

150. Following is a message I think you'll find very interesting. In the letter you just read from the SGA woman, she mentioned that one of the places her spirit visited in Heaven was the Pavilion of Renewal. Here is something that a young person in one of our units received about two years ago after taking a short trip away from her home to rest and relax. Before the trip, the Lord promised her a renewal of spirit, and after she came home‚ she asked Him about it‚ and this is what He revealed to her about the experience. Another confirmation on the marvelous ways of Heaven!

151. This is quite a far-out spirit trip. It's not your usual vision of Heaven. But then again, Ezekiel's vision of the defenders of the throne of God was rather far-out as well! Heaven is full of mysteries and wonders, and we'll probably have to wait until we get there before we understand or can even fully comprehend many of them. But that's Heaven—so much to look forward to! Praise the Lord!

152. (Channel:) In this vision I was taken to what is called the "Pavilion of Renewal." I have never experienced anything this outstanding, and I think this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things, though I would love to do it again! It's amazing, because as I was receiving it I felt no need for anything of the physical; I typed through lunch, and on it went. It was weird, because the moment I finished receiving it, this incredible wave of hunger, exhaustion, and fatigue came over me. My head is still light‚ and when I turn my head‚ it's like everything moves in slow motion.

153. (Jesus speaking:) As a writer sits to pen accounts of things unknown, so do I. Recounting details unknown to you, unveiling the assistance granted from the world unseen; yes, from the Heavenlies. Beyond the enjoyment you have savored with your five senses on Earth lie the secrets of the unknown, the infinite design of My omnipotence, the knowledge of My omniscient mind. In hushed silence I impart knowledge of what has been hidden, so that you may know secret things. Come, Love, we will uncover together the treasures you have not known yet.

154. With each panted breath I relive this experience in you. But what you see and feel is not from an earthly perspective; you are seeing the Heavenly preparations involving your heart for this trip. (End of message from Jesus.)

155. (Vision:) It's hard for me to breathe; each breath is labored and my eyes sting and water. I see the bustle of many angels and spirit beings. Much of it seems like a blur, for there is so much commotion—like each person or being is on a special assignment and utmost attention must be given to their request. It's like I'm watching this all from afar, but I feel that I must be within it for the moment, for my body is taking time to adjust to this changing atmosphere.

156. I have entered this sacred place and I'm told that it is the "Pavilion of Revitalizing." I'm not sure what that means, but I'm being escorted through this beautiful place. I'm completely surrounded by Heavenly spirits. I don't see a lot of distinction in their features and in their faces, but I feel their spirits; there's so much peace and warmth, everything that I lacked when I entered.

157. I have on either side of me two beings. On my left is a beautiful woman. Her flowing hair floats gently through the air. Her features are very defined, the only clarity I have seen so far. She's fairly tall, well over six foot, but she's not big‚ as in the muscular sense. It seems peculiar that she would be so tall, yet be neither large nor wiry. I look down and I now understand why she seems so tall—she's floating! She's holding my left arm around the bicep‚ like she's carrying me.

158. I have no energy or means to support myself. As I realize this she turns her head; it moves in slow motion, and she smiles, the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Her eyes are like diamond sparkles. I can't get a defined color, because like a diamond or crystal, when they catch the light they send off a sparkle or twinkle. My eyes are transfixed by hers‚ and I feel the rebirth of energy running through my veins. She smiles again.

159. Her features are fine and beautiful‚ a defined nose, but not outstanding, for it seems that her eyes and smile are meant to be what captures attention. Wisps of hair blow across her face, adorning it, settling on her cheeks and caressing them, only to then dance away once more. She doesn't have rosy-colored cheeks that often depict warmth, but though her skin is very white, almost translucent, it's not a sickly pallor; it's like it glows.

160. My attention drifts to the bearer on my right. I say "bearer," for indeed this is what they are. They're lifting me and bringing me to some special cove or place of rest, I'm not quite sure where.

161. I register a thought in my head: "Peace and renewal." It is the woman on my left speaking; she's telling me what this place they're taking me to is.

162. I'm again drawn to this being on my right. He's enormous, yet it seems that he has reduced his actual proportions so as not to overwhelm me. If a picture, or being, could describe strength, he would be my description. He is wide‚ his shoulders are round and rippled with muscles‚ but there is a peculiarity about his skin—perhaps what initially drew me to understand that no earthly explanation can describe him. Though parts of his skin resemble human flesh, there's what looks like leopard fur meshed in his arm. It's like his arm is a patchwork, with parts of flesh and parts of fur.

163. His chest is that of a man, though—smooth and very dark; every definition is enhanced to perfection. His is the finest form I have ever laid eyes on! I can't see past his waist; it becomes misty, hiding even my own legs, though I can see the dainty feet of the woman on my left. Her gown flows gently to her ankles. I can see straight through the shimmering material, and her feet protrude beautifully from the gown she wears. They are like any of ours, only completely unblemished, and her toes are pointing as if she were a ballerina. Maybe it's because we're floating or flying. I'm not quite sure.

164. Everything is so different. We must be pretty high up, though, because I feel like I'm in the midst of clouds; I can taste them and feel them. My body shivers as I pass through another of these cloud-like things. It is not a shiver of cold, but rather an excitement of sorts, like the shiver that travels through your body when you're having sex.

165. My interest is riveted back to this Heavenly creature that supports me on the right. I long to see his face, but again it is hidden from me. "Let me see‚ please‚" the words resound in my head. The answer is clear and defined, though the voice is very deep and holds a peculiar echo to it. "It is not time," I hear.

166. There is something captivating in his voice—an alert sense of protection is the impression I'm getting. If I were to define who these two beings were that are transporting me somewhere, I would say that they are the embodiment of strength and renewal—the female portion of my entourage being Renewal, and my mighty sustainer being Strength. But it seems that each bears the weight of me equally.

167. Slowly we descend, and now I realize how high we actually were. I have an aerial view now that the clouds and mist have parted. It seems like we're thousands of feet up, but without jolting movements or a sudden plummet, we approach the ground in what seems like seconds. I can't stand, my legs are wobbly and unstable, but my two Heavenly beings have rested their feet on the ground. I now come to realize that the woman is barely taller than me—perhaps only an inch or two more. It must have been the flying that distorted my view of her proportions, or perhaps she varies in size. That seems to be the impression I'm getting. I think it's an endeavor by these beings to not make me feel intimidated.

168. It's hard to determine who is leading this show. It seems that both are following a direct thought pattern of commands that I'm not privy to, for there is no jolting or movement from one without the other following simultaneously. It's like they are perfectly in sync with each other. The impression I'm getting is that the woman is actually in charge. She doesn't project any power contrary to her partner. He seems to be more of a pillar of strength and support. He is constantly supporting me and he sustains me even before my body feels weary; he is my strength in this moment.

169. We are now entering this pavilion-like room. I feel so tired, and my vision keeps going blurry; I'm having a hard time seeing clearly. My guides are supporting me; without them I would crumble to the floor, my body is so weak. I'm curious to discover my surroundings, so between drooping eyelids I look out to see this place that I've been brought to.

170. Suddenly I hear her voice again in my head‚ "This is the 'Pavilion of Renewal.'" Around me are many ministering spirits; others weary like me are being renewed by them. The atmosphere is so peaceful and uplifting. If I had the strength I would reach out my hands and feel it, but my arms are weary.

171. Silky drapes seem to be the main decoration in this room. They have sparkles woven into the fabric—but it's not really a fabric, for I sense that it's pulsating. These many drapes that hang from every pillar create the setting; they alter the environment. To me they seem alive.

172. Oh, one just changed color—from a vibrant white to a lavender hue—and now it has faded into a mild blue. Slowly the color composes into a dark blue and begins morphing into a pastel green. There's no wind here, but they sway as if caught and enticed by the breeze. It's this unusual display that causes me to believe they're alive. I watch another one of these mystical drapes display variant colors once more, only this time I see the person beneath them. It's not like they're covered by these drapes, but more like the pavilion has been divided into various rooms, and these awesome drapes are used as the separation, or rather what defines the room.

173. Once again I look at the person within this other section, and I see him being revitalized. It's like the drapes and the colors they change into are a healing process to the soul of whoever the person is. I get the impression that for each person the drapes will use a color combination in connection with what their needs are. I suppose this is sort of like the healing power of colors. There are colors I have never seen before, that I can't begin to describe. It's so awesome!

174. Outside the rooms, there is no particular aroma—it's just the freshest air I've ever breathed! But as I'm taken into one of these rooms (the term I use for no better knowledge of what to call them)‚ I am suddenly introduced to the most Heavenly scent! I'm trying to find the source of the smell, flowers perhaps. The bed that I'm being taken to is strewn with red and yellow rose petals, but I know this fragrance is not coming from them. I draw close to one of the drapes and I realize that not only do they emanate varying color schemes, but they emit a fragrance unlike anything I've ever smelled! It's not a strong or oppressive smell like many perfumes we have on Earth‚ but is light and bubbly! I don't know how to describe it; only that breathing it in makes me feel completely alive!

175. My guides are placing me on the bed, which is covered with white silken sheets—only these are transparent sheets‚ like the drapes. From outside I could clearly see into this room, and from within, nothing on the outside is hidden. There they go again, the drapes dancing, it seems, but there's no wind!

176. I'm lying on the bed, but it seems more like I'm floating on the bed. A force is sustaining my frame, causing me to hover slightly over the inviting bed. I'm confused, for although floating like I am doesn't require any effort, I'm at a loss as to what the bed is for if I am to remain floating. Suddenly I understand. I feel something ripple through my body like the convulsions felt after a climactic orgasm. It's an energy that envelops my body so completely and leaves me quivering in pleasure! My entire body is tingling and every sense is aroused, but my head is still sleepy.

177. My body begins to descend onto the bed. It was only about two inches above the bed to begin with, but now it gently rests on the bed. Everything is very quiet around me. It's peculiar, because there are so many people within this pavilion—many of these rooms—but I don't hear them at all. Perhaps the drapes are soundproof as well, I'm not sure. But nothing covers the ceiling. It goes up and up and up! I get tired from looking up; it's too far away. I have to close my eyes.


178. I don't know if I've been sleeping or what, but opening my eyes now, my room is filled with so many beings! Some are small‚ like the size of a hummingbird, with wings batting and supporting the intricate little frame of what I would call a fairy‚ only this one is not. She says that she is a fairy, but not in the sense that one would usually imagine. Oh, I understand now. She's different because this is not her usual form; this is a specific form she has taken on for me.

179. I'm not sure I have this clear, but slowly I see her transform into a glowing ball of light. It stretches and pulsates, the light waning and then glowing. It's only for an instant, and suddenly she's morphed once more into the little hummingbird-sized fairy I saw before.

180. The other beings are different as well. Most project the usual earthly features I'm used to; it seems that these are not their customary looks, but have been altered to make me feel more at home.

181. Oh, I am at home, so completely—mesmerized by everything I see, but completely within my element! My very essence has been brought to life! I'm not so tired anymore, so I figure I must have rested‚ but I'm sensing a sort of urgency within me‚ like I should be doing something very important.

182. I'm told to relax. It seems I've been told this simultaneously by all of the twenty-some beings that fill this room! I feel an amazing wave of relaxation envelop my body; again it's like a sexual stimulation set off by this incredible wave that has washed over me once more. I don't see anything, though now I see that it's like a ripple of the air, like heat rising from the hood of a car. The air about my body is rippling like that, it seems to be rising—only it's not coming from within my body, but from without‚ and is seeping into my body and I feel enraptured once more.

183. Looking at the many beings that surround my bed, I realize that they're all female. It's hard to exactly describe some of these as female, for they resemble creations that I've never imagined before. But I know they're all female. Some are clothed in iridescent gowns, but not like the clothing of the woman who brought me here; these are smaller in size and a fashion that I've never seen‚ but I could come to enjoy wearing.

184. There are other beings who are completely nude, with transparent, yet colored wings hovering above. Their bodies are peculiar‚ for they're totally unclothed, and I can see that their skin has tattoo–like markings on them. One has a vine twirled on the outside of her thigh, but it's not simply a drawing, like a tattoo, this is actually 3D! You can touch it and it feels like silky ivy leaves, yet it's a part of her body. Her hair is likewise entwined with ivy. It is of a stark red, conflicting heavily with the green ivy leaves, but it looks perfect. I suppose ivy is her motif, at least for this occasion, as I understand that she is able to change it.

185. There's another one whose fashion theme is a magnificent lily. Her hair is the color of a white lily and has all been fashioned to form the perfect blossom of a lily. On her body there are slight traces of stem-like designs. If she were to stand still, she would perfect the beauty of a lily.

186. There are so many different beings, and I'm growing tired again. It seems I'm only able to absorb so much, and then I must sleep once again. But before I can, the woman who escorted me to this pavilion has now entered my room. Her apparel has changed and she is no longer dressed in the white transparent gown she wore when she transported me here. Instead she is completely naked, and her long hair has delicately covered parts of her body. She is more beautiful than anyone I have ever seen. She gestures as if saying something‚ but no words come from her mouth; instead‚ I hear them in my head.

187. "Rest now," she says, "for this is your time of renewal. We have taken your spirit to know completion. Within this chamber, your soul will be refreshed. These many beings have come to minister peace and comfort to your heart. We welcome you to this chamber of your renewal. All has been prepared for the revitalizing of your soul. So rest now, that your spirit may be renewed."

188. With her words resounding in my head, I fall fast asleep—a blissful sleep such as I have never felt before.


189. I awake to find that the beings that had occupied my room have all left and it's quiet once more. And then I see him—the magnificent creature that brought me here! I still can't see his face, nor the limbs upon which he stands. His face is encased in a magnificent shine. His presence is not as serene as the woman's was; his air is different, one of complete power and strength.

190. Outside of my chamber I can see many forms of mighty warriors, and as my attention moves from that of this great being to the warriors beyond the drapes of my room, slowly these males begin filing into my room. Like the females, there are about twenty of them, and they surround my bed. It's an awesome feeling of strength and raw energy that they display. Each of these warriors is well trained, and each exudes the finest strength and determination that their physique allows them.

191. It's amazing to see them! Most of them portray earthly characteristics, but some have that same peculiar mixture of a wildcat, like the being who now stands in front of my bed—the combination of human skin and the fur of a powerful cat. Some bear the stripes of a tiger‚ others the unblemished coat of a lion, while still others' bodies are enhanced by the sleek black fur of a jaguar or panther. None have the leopard-like fur that the being in front of me has. I'm not exactly sure what the difference between the fur symbolizes.

192. I must be gawking, because I can feel the being in front of me‚ the leader of this group of warriors, smiling at me. It's a peculiar smile, one I can feel, not see. It's not a smile of jest either, but rather one of complete confidence. He slowly turns his back to me and I see a part of him I hadn't noticed before—his hair. Only this is not normal human hair, it's a lion's mane! Absolutely magnificent! The leopard fur diagonally crossing his back offsets his back and the rippled, shining muscles. It's amazing, as it's not like he's wearing the fur, but the fur is as much a part of him as the bare skin I see.

193. I think he has turned around so that I can further grasp the incredible creature that he is! It's not done in pride‚ but rather so that I may explore a little more of him, as I'm unable to see his face or legs. Oh, I'm seeing his thighs now; they're the absolute muscle I expected them to be, completely hairless. Again there are a few patches of leopard fur on them, and as I lower my gaze I see that from his knees down his legs are that of a leopard‚ only larger in proportion so as to support his frame.

194. I'm entranced by this wonderful creature! Though he does not display the typical male features that I, as an earthling, am accustomed to‚ he is obviously perfect in his classification. An urgency to see his face wells up in me. I must see it in order to fully grasp and understand what his significance is. He turns to face me once more‚ and the mist and shine that covered his face fades.

195. His face is that of a human, only larger. But his eyes, oh, his eyes, I can feel them in my heart, in my very being! It's like I'm being given a special strength from looking into his eyes. It's hard to look into his eyes for long, as my physical eyes can't comprehend what I see; they sting and they burn, and tears trickle down my cheeks.

196. Closing my eyes to recapture all that I've experienced, I can still feel the power of his eyes burning in me. I can't resist the temptation any longer—I must see his face again! His eyes bear the shape of a leopard. The black lines defining his eyes are thick and clear as a leopard's are, leading partway along the side of his nose. Other than his eyes and the striking black lines, a resemblance of a leopard, his face is like that of a human. He is both man and leopard.

197. Like the female entourage that had filled my room, I know that these warriors (I use "warriors" for lack of a better word to describe them) have been sent to teach me something, or perhaps to satiate a certain yearning of spirit. As this thought enters my mind, I hear his decree, the purpose behind his creation:

198. "I have been sent this day to infuse your spirit with strength. I am the creation of strength, the embodiment of power. What you see before you now is but a condensed force of all that I have been created to be. God has created me as a demonstration of strength and might. But even in this magnificent form, I am still nothing in comparison to God's strength. Yet this is my destiny, the reason for my existence, to be the manifestation of strength to those who must see. But I have not been called this time to demonstrate my strength to you; rather, I have been beckoned to be at your service, to impart strength from my spirit to yours, for I am the embodiment of God's spirit of strength."

199. And with that declaration I once more lapsed into a blissful sleep.


200. When I awoke I was no longer within the domain of the pavilion. All was still and there was nothing to be seen, save a brilliance of warmth and light. I see neither distinct figures nor shapes of any kind, but within me resounds the voice of the One I know I am eternally cherished by.

201. (Jesus speaking: ) My love, I have brought you Here to taste of the mysteries of Heaven‚ so that you will know that the renewal of spirit is not simply a rehearsed phrase that sounds enchanting, nor a metaphoric expression. Today you have envisioned the very place where My beings of strength and renewal take your weary spirit and reignite the passion of strength once again.

202. When your spirit has known suffering or your strength has been depleted, it is then that I call on My forces of renewal to remove your spirit from the confines of the physical that it may be strengthened once again for the fight that is ahead.

203. Ministering to your spirit is an important task, and I have created specific Heavenly beings whose sole purpose is to minister to your needy spirit. These creations of Mine are skilled in their calling, for it is all that they have known. They are the embodiment of My spirit of strength, fight, renewal, and courage. They are a team unlike any other, for not only are they powerful in their calling, but they are there to impart their strength and power to you as well.

204. This is not the first time that I have sent them to you, nor will it be the last. They are constant, and will revitalize your spirit when it is weary or weak; it is the calling I have given them to fulfill, and it is the same for all of you, My brides. It is not a token given to one, but is the gift of renewal that all of you partake of. (End of message from Jesus.)

205. Everything is normal once again, except I remain dazed, in a euphoric trance, I suppose. My heart feels light‚ my spirit free, though confined by my physical body. At this moment I feel I could curl up and sleep, but I know my spirit is too ecstatic to even consider it an option. So instead I have asked the Lord what is the significance of all this in connection with this trip I recently took away from home. Here is what He said:

206. (Jesus speaking: ) I promised that this would be a trip that would be etched forever in your heart and mind, and I have brought this to pass completely. This vision, this trip you embarked on in the spirit just now was the replay of all that went on before your departure for your physical trip.

207. Before, this was only a physical trip, a time away from your work, in some ways an avenue of escape, but the reliving of all that went on in the Heavenlies during that time is to show you that it was so much more. As much as you needed that time to pull away from your work and problems, so much more did your spirit need a chance to escape the confines of the physical realm and taste the beauty of renewal with My Heavenly hosts.

208. Now you cannot look and say that you are without strength, for if you will call out to Me and ask for power, I will draw your spirit up Here once more, so that you can experience this revitalizing force. It may never come again with the visions that you now perceived, but in your moments of calm and silence with Me, in the spirit your very essence is being renewed.

209. Carry this promise with you always: "He giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might He increaseth strength." You have witnessed the truth of this verse. You have tasted of Heavenly renewal to your spirit. Now go forward, believing what you cannot see, for I have strengthened you once more. (End of message from Jesus)

The Limitless Realm of the Spirit!

210. (Mama: ) I asked the Lord if He had anything further to say about these experiences, or anything to help us put them in perspective or apply them to our lives. Here's what He said:

211. (Jesus speaking:) In the days to come‚ as you put on My mind more and more, you will experience more and more of the ways and thoughts and visions of Heaven. It's part of My gift to you, part of helping you to endure and make it through the days to come, when darkness will cover the Earth so completely. My light within you will be what will light your way, and I will cause My light to shine brighter and brighter.

212. As you put on My mind more, you will have more faith to receive these visions and glimpses into the world beyond‚ and you will grow in faith to share them with others. If you analyze them and pick them apart, there is much that is incomprehensible to the natural mind of man. But if you choose to take them in the spirit, there is much that you can gain, much insight and inspiration and understanding.

213. One thing you must understand, My loves, which is hard to explain in terms that your natural mind can come to grips with, is that the realm of Heaven and the spirit is limitless. The experiences you will have there will be without compare. The newness will never wear off. The levels and realms of Heaven are unable to be counted, even with infinitely huge numbers, for they are literally limitless. Be not disappointed or downcast if something you hear about Heaven is not to your liking—for the beauty of Heaven is that all is perfect for you. You, each of you, are My bride—and I have prepared a place so perfect, so wonderful, so exquisite, that I dare not try to communicate to you in earthly words how happy you will be upon arrival Here.

214. The same goes for the realm of the spirit which communicates with you now in your lives on Earth. There is so much that you cannot understand because they are the ways of Heaven—which are so different from the ways of Earth—that I urge you not to let yourself be put in a box in your expectations or willingness to receive. There is much that I want to give you, much that I want to show you‚ and each time you see something or experience it, remember that it is but a tiny glimpse, not meant to be understood in its entirety, but merely given to encourage and strengthen and help you along the way. Even when you come here, you will never understand everything. Things will be much clearer, yes, but your understanding will grow as your spirit grows—and since‚ as one of My children, I want you to always continue to grow, I will keep creating things for you to learn and discover—ad infinitum!

215. The important thing to remember is that I love you. I am always there for you, and I have unlimited resources at My disposal to help you, to save you, to renew you, to repair you, to grant whatever need you might have. Never hold back from asking, for I love to give, and through the keys of the Kingdom, there is nothing out of reach for you to ask for. I love you! (End of message from Jesus.)

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