Post-it GN #6

By MariaMaria #605 CM/FM 3390 7/01

Dearest Family,

1. We all know that our enemy, the Devil, is constantly looking for a way to destroy our usefulness. He doesn't give up. If he can't use one thing against us, he tries another. But our wonderful Husband and Deliverer has given us so many promises of how He can free us from even the most ensnaring of the Enemy's traps. Sometimes it's a big fight and it seems like it's impossible, but now more than ever don't let that discourage you! It's the day of no impossibilities‚ and we have more Heavenly power than ever available to us!

2. In this Letter I'm going to share with you the story of the struggle that one of our precious young WS members recently went through in order to reclaim her freedom and happiness and even continued life on this earth. You may remember her testimony in the GN "The Way Things Really Are in WS" (ML #3309:366-375, GN 911). In there Kristen talks about her fight against anorexia and shares some of the lessons that she learned. Her struggle continued in the year following that testimony, and Peter and I were very concerned about her, as were her shepherds. About a year after that first testimony was written, the Lord showed us that if she didn't get a lasting victory, the Enemy was going to snuff out her very life. So Peter and I, as well as her shepherds, got much more involved in her situation and in trying to help her overcome the deadly disorder of anorexia.

3. Those of you who are unfamiliar with anorexia might think that to be an exaggeration, but as you read on, I think you'll come to understand more clearly how serious the situation was.

The Effects and Consequences of Anorexia

Anorexia nervosa is a life-threatening eating disorder. Victims think they are fat, therefore diet to an extreme, literally starving their bodies to ruin‚ often to death. Essential features of this disorder include an intense fear of gaining weight, and a distorted body image.

The starvation experienced by persons with anorexia nervosa can cause damage to vital organs such as the heart and brain. Breathing, pulse, and blood pressure rates drop, and those suffering from this illness may experience irregular heart rhythms or heart failure. Nutritional deprivation causes calcium loss from bones, which become brittle and prone to breakage. In the worst-case scenario, people with anorexia can starve themselves to death. (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, Arlington‚ Virginia)

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Anorexia is characterized by a significant weight loss resulting from excessive dieting. Anorexics are motivated by the strong desire to be thin and a fear of becoming obese. Anorexics consider themselves to be fat, no matter what their actual weight is. Often anorexics do not recognize they are underweight and may still "feel fat" at 80 lbs. Anorexics close to death will show you on their bodies where they feel they need to lose weight. In their attempts to become even thinner, the anorexic will avoid food and taking in calories at all costs, which can result in death. An estimated 10 to 20 percent will eventually die from complications related to it.

Anorexics usually strive for perfection. They set very high standards for themselves and feel they always have to prove their competence. A person with anorexia may also feel the only control they have in their lives is in the area of food and weight. If they can't control what is happening around them, they can control their weight. Each morning the number on the scale will determine whether or not they have succeeded or failed in their goal for thinness. They feel powerful and in control when they can make themselves lose weight.

Anorexics usually have low self-esteem and sometimes feel they don't deserve to eat. The anorexics usually deny that anything is wrong. Hunger is strongly denied. They usually resist any attempts to help them, because the idea of therapy is seen only as a way to force them to eat. Once they admit they have a problem and are willing to seek help, they can be treated effectively through a combination of psychological, nutritional and medical care. (Colleen Thompson).

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"You're fat‚" "You're disgusting," "You don't deserve to eat," "You're worthless‚" "You deserve to die." The voices of an eating disorder. A never-ending dialogue that plays inside the mind of a person suffering with an eating disorder. Those voices and the cruel words they speak are with a person from the minute they wake up until the minute they fall asleep. They encourage their victims to continue to abuse their bodies through starvation, bingeing, purging and other dangerous methods of weight control, and can bring them to the brink of death.

Whenever you read about eating disorders or hear people talking about them, you usually hear about the eating disorder behaviors or the emotional issues causing them. It is not very often you hear people talk about the voices that go along with having an eating disorder. They convince us that we are worthless, unlovable, fat, ugly, disgusting, hopeless‚ and so much more. They convince us that the world would be better off without us‚ and that we deserve to die. (Colleen Thompson, Internet article).

4. Our precious Kristen has not only given her permission for this to be published, but her wholehearted consent. She wants to do anything possible to keep others from going down the sad, difficult road she did, or help them find victory if they're already traveling that direction.

5. If you don't have a problem with anorexia‚ please don't lose interest here. This Letter is full of beautiful lessons on yieldedness; desperation; honesty; openness; gaining victories, and how victory IS possible; rising above; how serious problems can be overcome; exposing the Enemy's devices and lies; shepherding and helping those who are going through serious battles, and how far the Lord expects and asks us to go to help people; negativity and its dangers; being a clear channel even when you don't feel like it; and the straightforwardness and yet mercy of the Lord when He chastens us in love, just to name a few.

6. I'll start with the meeting I had with our Home to have united prayer for Kristen and explain the situation to our Home members, which gives the background. From there we'll go into more messages the Lord gave on the subject, and Kristen's personal letters and reports to me of her progress.

7. From the very beginning I want to emphasize that I'm not publishing this to highlight or embarrass dear Kristen. She has taken her humbling and correction‚ and passed the test with flying colors. I couldn't be more proud of her. She's endured an extremely difficult and long-term battle, and when the Lord asked her to go on a new and wholehearted offensive‚ she yielded and responded beautifully, threw herself into it, and has been rewarded with a wonderful victory!

8. I'm publishing it for your sakes, as I know that the Enemy hits many of you with similar battles—if not anorexia, then extreme negative thoughts—and we'd like you to be able to learn from someone else's lessons, so that you don't have to go through the hell yourself. Kristen has opened her life and is sharing her deepest secrets in the hope that you can benefit and learn from them. That is a priceless sacrifice on her part. But how much you get out of this is really up to you.

9. To set the stage and help you realize how serious Kristen's problem had become, here is something that she wrote to describe how she was feeling shortly before I wrote her this letter.

(Kristen: ) This is how I feel:

Constantly depressed.

Very insecure in my relationship with my boyfriend.

Incessantly compare with others.

Freezing cold even in the warm months and with three jackets on.

I feel fat in all of my clothes.

I hate myself and how I look.

I feel ugly.

I cry a lot for no apparent reason.

Emotional.

Moody.

It’s uncomfortable to sit.

Sex is painful.

Hardly any sex drive.

Don’t want to be touched for fear that they’ll find fat.

Dizzy.

Severe stomach pains.

Indigestion.

I’m becoming annoying to people because of my obsession with body and fat.

No energy, I can hardly walk up the stairs to my room. I usually crawl up them.

Achy.

Get-outs are excessive, painful.

I’m a slave to my get-out schedule; there’s no spontaneity in my life. My day is dictated by my get-out schedule.

I experience guilt over every bite eaten.

Constantly calculating calorie intake, so can’t even stop to enjoy life.

My hair is falling out.

My body is covered in peach fuzz because I’m always so cold.

Overly yellow tint in my skin.

Loss of period but still suffering from constant cramps.

Have panic attacks where I become hysterical.

I don’t feel worthy to breathe.

I’m not worthy to eat.

I should die, I want to die.

Suicidal.

Mama Opens the Meeting with Prayer

10. (Mama:) Are we all here? Well, while we wait for a couple of minutes until everyone gets here, why don't we pray silently for our team that's on a trip, and any other major things we're supposed to be praying for‚ and for the meeting tonight, just for a minute or two while other people are coming in. (Pause for silent prayer.)

11. Okay, shall we begin? (Mama prays: ) Thank You for a privileged place of service, sweet Lover, Lord and Husband. Thank You for the wonderful Family that we are part of. We thank You for calling us to be Your intimate brides. Thank You that You share Your secrets with us, and give us Your revelations. We thank You for the keys to the Kingdom. We thank You that there are no impossibilities. We thank You for the wonderful things that You do for Your children. Thank You for the wonderful power of intercessory prayer. Thank You that it really works, Lord. We praise You and glorify Your Name, that You have given us these wonderful weapons to fight the Enemy, and it works, and we see it time after time. Thank You for the wonderful power that You've placed within our hands.

12. Thank You, sweet Love, for all that You've given us. We praise and thank You, and we can't thank You enough, Jesus‚ for pouring Your blessings upon us in abundance‚ answering our every prayer, and showing us more and more truth of Your Spirit and mysteries of Your realm and the way You do things. We thank You for the gift of prophecy. We are so richly blessed. When we get so close to the problems and our own inadequacies and incapabilities and our afflictions and all the problems that come up, we sometimes lose sight of the wonderful, wonderful things that You're doing for us and the tremendous lives we lead.

13. Help us to praise You more, Lord‚ and keep our eyes on You and the wonderful things that You give us, and the honor and privilege of living for You and being Your brides. Thank You Jesus! Help us to leave the problems behind and rise above them as we look to You and access Your power. We really love You, Lord. We want You to again show us Your power and to remind us of the wonderful miracles You can do through the power of intercessory prayer. We thank You, Jesus, for allowing us to be here tonight and to gather together to bind the power of the Enemy, to learn lessons, and to partake of the wonderful riches of Your Spirit.

14. Thank You, sweet Love! And we don't want to forget our team that is away at the retreat. [Note: See the full story of the "'Rise Above' Retreat" in FSM 374.] We want to be constantly praying for them, because they're going to be faced with many battles in the spirit. This is an important time and we really claim Your power, Lord. We bind the power of the Enemy and we ask You to help us through the power of prayer to claim Your miracles for our team there, Jesus. We ask You to stop these afflictions that the girls have had, and clear them up, to heal them immediately so that they can do the job they have to do for You. (Mama prays specifically for each person on the trip and the little afflictions they've been having—colds, sore shoulder, hurt foot, etc.)

15. Rebuke the Enemy, and we pray that nothing will distract and hinder them in their work for You. We claim Your protection for everyone at that meeting‚ Jesus—that they won't get sick in any way, and that they'll be able to fully tune in to what You have for them there.

16. We unitedly claim Your power, Jesus, desperately. We ask You to make this a great meeting‚ a great success in every way. We pray that people can lay aside their personal problems and burdens and tune in to You and what You have. Please, Jesus! Make it life changing for every one of them.

17. You can do it, Jesus, and You want to do it. Help us to do our part, Lord. We'll get attacked too, but we can fight the Enemy. You've given us the power to overcome him and be victorious and conquerors. We thank You that we don't have to fear the puny little attacks of the Enemy, but we can keep going and claiming greater victories all the time. Thank You, sweet Love! Thank You, precious Husband! Thank You so much, Jesus! Hallelujah! Thank You, Lord!

18. Amen! Are you all warm enough or cool enough? Thank You Jesus. Oh, thank the Lord! We waited long enough and we got the last of our crew here. Is there anybody else missing, besides the girls that are with the children? Thank You Jesus! You're all looking good. (Fam: So are you!)

Uniting in Prayer for Our Mate

19. What we've gathered together for tonight is specifically to pray for one of our dear folks who needs our prayers desperately right now. And it's very good news, too. It's hopeful‚ and as you pray, we know that the Lord is going to do it. We want to, in a way, extend a united prayer that they had at [one of our other units] the other day. Since we aren't able to be there, and since she's one of our mates and daughters and loves and co-workers, we want to ask you if you would pray for her.

20. We don't usually do this, as you know. We don't normally have prayer for people about personal matters when they live elsewhere‚ but some of you do get up here in front of everybody and volunteer it yourself! But this is a little different. This isn't just a normal NWO. The Lord has said repeatedly that this is serious. Not all of you have met dear Kristen, but you all have probably seen her pictures and a lot of you know her very well.

21. The Lord says, "The situation with Kristen is a serious one, because it is a matter of physical life or death for her. This is not just someone's little NWO." That's why we would like to get together, with her permission—and in fact, her wholehearted agreement—and talk a little about her and pray for her. She says, "About sharing my prayer requests and prophecy excerpts with others, that's totally fine. Please do. Please feel free to say whatever you like to everyone there about me, any specifics you feel are needed or whatever. It's open-book time." Isn't that beautiful? Thank You Jesus!

22. This is a wonderful sample, and I'm really proud of her and admire her a lot. I'm sure all of us do‚ because this is difficult. It's not easy to do anything like this. But when you come to the end of your rope and you've tried, you've struggled, you've battled, and you haven't been able to get the victory and you're about to die, and you finally believe it—you believe what the Lord is saying‚ that you are about to die—then it becomes pretty serious and you're willing to get whatever help you can. See, it's not that she never tried. She did try sometimes. But she never yielded all the way, and that's the key. That's what you have to do. You have to get to the point that you're willing to do anything—whatever the Lord asks—in order to get the victory. That's the difference. That's the key to victory.

23. So the main reason we're having this meeting right now is to pray desperately for her. The Lord said, "Even though she's doing well and yielding thus far‚ the battle is very‚ very strong, and she is very weak. She needs help and support in the spirit, or else she will grow weary. You must minimize the battle through your prayers. You must shield her and support her. This is very, very important. This is your duty to this, your struggling mate. Her future rests in the hands of each one that I have asked to pray. So you must know now so that you can start praying now, for now is when the battle will be won or lost."

24. In addition to desperately praying for her, it's an opportunity to claim miracles and see the Lord do great things! In this day of miracles we want to stretch our faith and claim the promises the Lord has given that are greater than ever, and not just pray little prayers, but pray big prayers—that she will be healed in a big way! And you will want to do that when you hear how very serious it is.

Take It Personally!

25. Besides that, one of the reasons for this meeting would be to see how much mileage we can get out of it for ourselves, too! After all, when one member suffers‚ we all suffer, and when one learns lessons, we should all be learning lessons. Sometimes we don't, but with everybody's lessons, we need to be asking the Lord, "What can I get out of it? What can I learn? How can I maximize the lessons in my own life?" I think there's a lot we can get.

26. We may not have anorexia, but we can learn a lot of good lessons, and that's what we need to do. Don't just look at the specific condition itself and say, "Well, I don't have that, so I can't learn lessons." We can still get a lot of good lessons out of anybody's lessons. When our mates get up and ask for united prayer, or when they share things with us, or when they ask us to pray for them‚ we can learn a lot that will help us personally. And that's what the Lord wants us to do.

It's a Test!

27. It's also a test for us. Many things in this meeting will be a test for some of you, whether you believe what the Lord says—just like Kristen has been tested to see whether she believes what the Lord says to her, that this is serious and she'd better get the victory or she's going to die. Because the Enemy comes in and says, "It's really not that bad. You're not really going to die." Likewise, it's a test for some of you when you hear what the Lord says about Kristen. The Lord is testing you the same. Are you going to believe what He said to Kristen or about her?

28. Another thing that is a test in some cases is your self-righteousness. For example, if you start thinking‚ "Oh, how can you be so hard on Kristen! This is too much. This is making a big deal of it." That's another thing. The Lord's trying to test our spiritual maturity to see how self-righteous we are.

29. Or maybe you don't have that attitude, but maybe you think, "How could Kristen have gotten into such a horrible state? How could she have let herself do that?" That's another way you can be self-righteous. The Enemy will keep trying! If he can't get you one way‚ he'll try to get you another!

30. So these are tests from the Lord. Whenever you hear things from the Lord, He'll often let you be tested as to whether or not you choose to believe His Word—not just in this meeting, but in any kind of situation. Even when you get things in prophecy yourself, it's a test. Are you going to believe it? How are you going to take it? I'm telling you this so we can get all that we need to out of this.

Support Needed to Overcome
This Very Big Battle

31. The Lord is also teaching us responsibility for our brothers and sisters. We're going to have to put a lot into this. Natasha has been helping Kristen, and she wrote a little note … isn't it wonderful I can read? (Fam: Yes! Praise the Lord!) My eyes are getting better. They're still too sore to read very much yet, but it's a wonderful miracle that I can read at all. (Family praises the Lord.) This is the day of miracles!

32. (Mama reads note from Natasha: ) "It's a super blessing to be working with Amy, Gabe [who were helping to shepherd that unit for a time], and Lawrence (Kristen's boyfriend), as it's way too big a job for one person unless that's all you're doing, and even then it's hard because you have to pour out a lot."

33. So this is not a simple little NWO where the shepherd talks to them once in a while. It's very serious. Overcoming this takes a support team, and lots and lots of work and prayer and desperation, shepherding, the Spirit, and all kinds of other things. It's a big job‚ and that's why we're all needed to support in the spirit.

34. I think probably many people have been attacked with some kind of food problems. The Enemy does that because, of course, it weakens you physically, and anything that weakens you physically takes a toll on your spiritual life too. Besides‚ it gets you very, very discouraged, condemned, and it's just an overall problem. Some have smaller or bigger food problems, but it still takes a toll. So we need to pray for each other and pray for our young people in the Family, and older people too. It's not just limited to younger people, that's for sure.

How It Came About

35. The way this all came about is because, as you know, with changes we have to consider every person, one by one. There were plans for Kristen to join another unit‚ so we started praying more in depth about the situation. Kristen has been having this fight for a couple of years, and two years is a long time. So we had to find out, is she going to get the victory or isn't she? What's happening? We hadn't gotten that involved‚ but we had to start praying for her more and find out what we're supposed to do now to help her get the victory. To help her to live, that's the main thing! So we had much prayer about it and the Lord said to write her a letter.

36. So we have written her a letter, and again Natasha wrote: "Kristen has wanted to overcome anorexia, but never had the determination to fight it through. It took the letter from you and Peter to push her to make a stand against it."

37. We would like to share excerpts from the letter‚ which explains what we told her and explains about her problems. This, again, is to get prayer for her and to learn lessons ourselves, not to put her on the spot or make a spectacle of her. I'm really proud of her. I admire her greatly. She's been totally receptive‚ totally open to everything, and very, very thankful for the help. Thank You Jesus!

Avail Yourself of the Safeguard of Openness!

38. You know, a lot of times we don't talk about people's problems because they don't want us to talk about them. They don't want the humbling or the embarrassment. Whereas we would like to talk about it—not because we want to embarrass them, but because we want the person to get prayer and help. But very often we're hindered from doing that because they just don't want it and they refuse. In that case, often the problem goes on and on and on till finally it gets to the point where it's so bad‚ like now with Kristen, they know they need our help. She knows she needs definite support in the spirit.

39. I'm not just talking about Kristen. There have been other people who have been in similar situations who have been unwilling to humble themselves and ask for prayer personally, or let us ask for prayer for them, and let us share the problems so the brethren can help and share the load. They haven't wanted to. They haven't been willing to confess things that they want to keep hidden, and as a result their problems have gotten worse and worse, and some of them are no longer with us‚ sad to say. So we should learn from those bad examples. But we should also learn from the very good example that Kristen is being now—to be an open book. As she says, it's open-book time—and it's just wonderful! God bless her!

40. (Mama prays:) Jesus, please help her! Thank You for her. Thank You that she has come to You humbly and openly and with nothing in her hands, wanting to clear everything up, Lord, and be an open book for You and for us and to receive all the help she can get. Jesus, we know that You've blessed her and You honor her humility and openness, and we thank You for how You're helping her. We thank You for the miracles that You've done for her already—the wonderful, wonderful attitude that she has.

41. It's not just the humbling, the emotional embarrassment or turbulence‚ but it's physical too‚ with the pain she's going through to try to change these habits and start eating normally again. We really, really pray for her and thank You, Lord, that she is such a fighter and that You are helping her. We want to support her in spirit because You said this is the time when the battle is going to be lost or won. A lot of it depends on our prayers, because she's too weak in some ways to fight for herself, and we need to fight for her.

42. So please, dear Husband, we bring her before You and desperately ask for Your help for her, to sustain her during this battle. Help us not to sin in ceasing to pray for her, Jesus, but to continue to do so, so that we can see the miracles that You can do through intercessory prayer and through our interest, our support, our love‚ and through her yieldedness and obedience. Thank You so much, Jesus.

Concentration Tips!

43. You don't have to take notes. When you start taking notes on what we're reading, the reading keeps going and you miss a lot because you're writing something down. The only reason I wanted you to bring your notebooks is so that if you have questions on anything, or something comes to your mind‚ some doubt or criticism or question you want to ask the Lord or us about, you can jot it down, and then you don't have to worry about thinking about it or remembering it.

44. You should even do that if you get hit when you're getting a prophecy. The Lord would rather you jot down whatever's bothering you than get distracted and stop your prophecy or mix up your prophecy. So He doesn't mind if you stop to jot down a note about something to ask Him later. Those thoughts do come into your mind sometimes. But it's better not to dwell on them right then or you're going to miss things you need to hear. So jot it down; that's all right. It's good, in fact! Then you can come back to it later.

45. I'm almost done with my wee word of introduction. Sorry to take so much time on it. What we're going to do now is read the first part of the letter to Kristen. We're not going to read you the whole letter because it's very long and we have some of her reactions to read at the end, and her reactions are very‚ very good, wholeheartedly accepting and simply beautiful. But we'll save those until after we read the letter.

46. Lord, bless those who read. Make it a blessing. Help us to tune in so we can pray for Kristen and get the lessons for ourselves that we need. Thank You Jesus! We love You!

Excerpts of Mama and Peter's
Letter to Kristen

47. Dear Kristen, God bless you, sweet girl. We love you very much and have you in our desperate prayers. Through what you've written us personally, as well as what your shepherds and friends have shared with us, we know that you're engaged in a huge battle against anorexia, and have been for almost two years. We're so sorry to hear about how difficult it's been for you, Honey. Of course, you have your ups and downs‚ your good days and bad days, but overall, we understand the weight of the continuous battle for your health and peace of mind, and we're praying for you. I'm sure there are times when you feel tormented by the Enemy's barrage, and it must be almost unbearable, especially when the battles seem to go on and on.

48. I'm so very sorry, Kristen‚ and I wish I were there to help you and cry with you. I wish I were there to hold you and pray for you, sweet one. I have never personally experienced what you're going through, but the Lord's description of the intensity of the battles makes it clear that it's very difficult, and would be almost more than you could bear if it weren't for the Lord's mercy and supernatural help.

49. Up until now, Peter and I have not gotten very personally involved in your health problems and spiritual battles. We try, when possible‚ to leave the shepherding to those who are there and who know the details. While we have prayed for you repeatedly, we have not gone to meddling, as we know you've been in capable hands and that your loved ones there are doing their best to help you.

50. Recently, however, we've felt the need to look more deeply into your situation. We love you and are concerned about your happiness. It is also our responsibility to consider the future fruitfulness of the work and the overall security of WS. I'm sure you understand that your serious health and spiritual problems are a concern to us and to your local shepherds.

51. As I'm sure is no surprise to you, we've been counseling and praying about your situation—your spiritual state, your health problems, and your ministry and future in WS. It has reached a point of crisis, which I'm also sure is no surprise to you. Your future in WS weighs in the balance at this time. But, Honey, whether you will continue on in WS is not our primary concern, because your very life, both physically and spiritually, is in danger. Something must be done. With this letter‚ I will try, with our dear Husband's help, to outline to you what we see to be the problem‚ what we expect of you‚ and what you can expect of us. This is a time of decision for you. I must tell you clearly that your place in WS is dependent on the choices you make over the next short while.

52. Peter and I realize that yours is a complex situation and we don't mean to oversimplify it. Of course, there are a lot of details that we don't know or understand. But after seeking the Lord desperately and having a number of different channels hear from Him, including all the shepherds and Peter, we feel confident that we know the basic problems and the steps needed to secure victory.

53. I wish we could be there with you personally, Sweetheart, to explain this and answer questions, dry your tears and fight with you in prayer. But please know that we are with you in spirit and we have faith that if you'll obey the Lord's instructions to you and get more desperate than you've ever been, there is victory for you!

54. Yes, it will be a hard fight, but I refuse to believe that this is something that's too hard for the Lord. He has told us that there are no impossibilities to us. He has given us an enhanced gift of faith and the keys to the Kingdom. We can rise above! You are entitled to these marvelous gifts, too, Kristen. They are yours for the taking, and with them you can and will find victory, but you must also fulfill the requirements of total yieldedness, which is manifested in honesty, confession, and obedience.

55. We have not and will not give up on you, dear girl! We believe you want to fight and win. We believe you want to be set free. We believe you want to have faith and overcome. We also believe that you're trapped in the Enemy's clutches and need deliverance.

56. The situation is serious—your whole life is at stake—but we're willing to take up arms against the Enemy's influence in your life‚ if you'll let us, and if you'll do your part. We can't do this for you, but we'll fight with all our might beside you. We'll carry you when you're too weary to go on; we'll lift up your hands when they hang down; we'll be your mates‚ lovers, and comrades in battle; we'll go to the nth degree with you to win the victory, if you'll be willing to do what the Lord asks of you, without reservation.

57. Dear love, I have some very important messages from our Husband to share with you. This can be the secret to victory for you if you'll let go of all those preconceived ideas and lack of faith that hold you back. I know you've lost faith that you can be healed, Honey, but we haven't. I'm also well aware of the spiritual battle and the requirements the Lord has put before you, so I know the outcome is still undecided; it's still in your hands‚ dependent on your choices.

58. Lord, sweet Husband and Savior, strong King and Deliverer‚ please bless Kristen as she hears Your personal words of instruction and insight. Rebuke the Enemy's strong hold on her heart and mind. Help her to resist the lies that he'll be screaming in her ear in an effort to cause her to pull away from and doubt Your truth. We bind the Evil One, and resist him! We ask that You will clear her mind of the Devil's point of view, his hopelessness, his voice telling her she can never be healed and delivered. Open her eyes to Your truth and power, our awesome Miracle Man! You said that we would do greater things than You‚ that this is the era of greater miracles, and that You are now beginning the ministry of miracles.

59. We want to see this miracle, Jesus! We want to see Your strong hand of deliverance as You open Kristen's eyes to the treachery and lies of the Enemy, and help her to grab hold of the power to rise above. Please, mighty Conqueror, use these words and truth from You to set her free. You said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." Thank You for the truth, and we know You have more truth to give. Give Kristen openness to Your truth‚ a vacuum to believe Your words‚ and strength in You to resist and hate evil. Thank You, our mighty Deliverer, our strong Tower and Lover. We love You and depend on You for everything. When we're weak and feel like nothing but a tiny speck of dust on the floor, that's when You can be strong and powerful in us. Thank You, wonderful Husband.

60. Honey, the situation is this: Things have got to change. You need a clear, lasting victory. You've allowed the Enemy to have a stronghold in your life, and that needs to be rooted out. There is unyieldedness in your life, and you need to get rid of it. You need to find out from the Lord what's stopping Him from being able to give you the victory, and then you need to do whatever is necessary to change.

61. With this letter‚ I'll try my best to give you the answers the Lord has given for you. I will also be asking you to communicate very honestly with Peter and me and your shepherds. And there are some P&P questions that I want you to pray about. Then, depending on how you react to these questions and the immediate changes that come about in your life‚ Peter and I will consider having you sign a type of "contract" as a summary and reminder of the conditions of your remaining in WS.

62. This will be a very serious time of seeking the Lord for you, Honey. And there's a lot at stake; not just your future in WS, but also your life. But the battle can turn with your initial decision to yield. The Lord said:

63. There are some serious choices to be made on Kristen's part, which will be nothing short of miraculous. There will be a battle royal for this one as she contemplates what will be required of her. It will be a long road, but the tide of the battle will not be turned on that "long battle," but rather on the initial decision to yield. There will be an actual moment in time in which she will give up the unyieldedness and rebellion‚ when she will say yes. That will mark the beginning. Then there will be the confessions, the hearing tough truths from Me, the seeking of prayer, the greater honesty. But it all begins with that initial decision to do it, to receive the truth, to turn from the darkness to embrace the light. (End of prophecy excerpt.)

64. You might have noticed that there is the mention of unyieldedness and rebellion in the above prophecy excerpt. In the other messages that were given about you, there were repeated references to unyieldedness in your life. Here are some excerpts of what the Lord said:

65. I could give Kristen instantaneous delivery from her eating problems, as well as her negativity and depression, but ultimately it is up to her and her yieldedness. Does she want the victory desperately enough that she is willing to do ANYTHING to get it? At this point she does not. She's still stubborn, unyielded, wayward, and not yielded to Me regarding her eating. This is why‚ after almost two years of daily, relentless battling in the spirit she has not gotten a complete victory. … This is why she can't get the victory; she's not completely, one hundred percent yielded.

66. She goes through the motions for the sake of appearing yielded, but in her heart of hearts she is still clinging to her own mindset, her own way of looking at things‚ her own viewpoints and crazy ideas she has about eating, diets, and her looks. She hasn't been willing to forsake it all and yield to Me and My counsel and the counsel of her shepherds and peers.

67. Unless she is placed in a very strong situation, and unless she is yielded to shepherding, the Enemy will snuff out her life. He tries to hide this fact from her, and to deceive her into thinking her condition isn't really that serious‚ and this is one reason why she isn't as desperate with Me as she should be, and why she's been unyielded.

68. I love her dearly. She is a precious jewel in My sight, but until she yields completely she will never have the brilliance she is capable of. If she wants to continue in the ministry she has and hold on to her crown, she needs to yield completely.

69. She needs to find stability in her life and an anchor, but she has not found this yet as she has not truly yielded to Me.

70. She's afraid to yield, to let go, and to trust Me for her life. She's afraid to trust others, thinking that she knows what's best for her. And until she yields and learns to trust Me and others, she will have no peace. She will continue to be tormented and unhappy, both spiritually and physically.

71. So first of all, she must decide to yield and give her all to Me. She must decide to give her 100 percent, and to not hold back. … Just as a brush is yielded to the artist and does not resist or rebel against the artist's strokes, so she must be yielded to My hand and My will and plan in her life.

72. My beloved Kristen has not yet yielded her all to Me. She has at times agreed reluctantly to the things that she's been asked to do. But in her heart, she has rebelled and resisted‚ and has backslidden at every opportunity. In her heart, she hasn't said yes to Me, therefore the Enemy has continued to have power over her thoughts, her spirit, and her health.

73. This is a serious attack on the life of this one. She has opened the door to the Enemy and his voice, and it's an inroad. My arms have been around her and I have continued to speak to her, to help her, and to keep her, but it's unyieldedness—there's a portion of her heart and her spirit that's a Huddersfield for Satan in this. He's trying to defeat and destroy her, but I am fighting for her. (End of excerpts from Jesus.)

74. Honey, you need to find out from the Lord what that unyieldedness is. I want you to ask the Lord exactly what it is that you're holding on to that's not of Him. What is that Huddersfield in your heart? What is it that's making it impossible for you to hold on to the progress you make, so your life becomes one step forward‚ two steps back? We know the Lord can deliver you, and He wants to, so what's keeping Him from being able to do it? We know it's not the Lord's fault, and it's not the fault of your shepherds; there's something in your heart that's not right‚ and you need to find out what it is. I want to know what it is, and then I want to know what you're willing to do to get rid of it, once and for all.

75. We know that the first steps to healing and deliverance are acceptance and yieldedness. Often we resist those steps because it means we have to accept and yield to something that we don't like. I don't know what that would be for you, Kristen, but maybe it's accepting that you'll be heavier, you'll gain weight. Maybe it's accepting that you'll have to give up your extreme exercise regimen. Maybe it's accepting that you're too thin, that you're killing yourself, that your supposed "ideal weight" is a lie of the Enemy‚ and you need to get back to what you were before.

76. I know you probably hate the thought of all the things I just mentioned. Maybe the idea of accepting that sounds like a living hell. Well, I want to open your eyes, Honey. What you're experiencing now is a living hell‚ and if you keep it up, you'll not be living at all. You'll be dead, and you'll be facing the Lord, ashamed and ruing the day you let the Enemy dupe you into believing his lies. And what for?—All because you allowed your physical appearance, that shell of a body of yours, to rule and ruin your life.

77. Now something is wrong, Kristen, that is allowing the Enemy that kind of control in your mind and life‚ and I want to know what it is. I want to know where the unyieldedness is and what you plan to do to get rid of it. That is step one, Honey, and if you can't do that, then I really fear for your future—not just your future in WS, but your future in general. It's that serious!

78. I'm not exaggerating, Kristen. You can ask those who know me well. I don't rant and rave and get upset and "blow off steam." I'm not trying some kind of blown-out-of-proportion scare tactic. I'm simply telling you the truth as the Lord has revealed it.

79. Besides getting serious with the Lord about the unyieldedness and rebellion that are at the root of this anorexia problem, I want to explain to you some other changes that you can expect. Because you've developed very bad, long–standing habits, even if you are delivered, the Devil will try his damnedest to try to ensnare you again. For this reason you will need very strong and constant safeguards. In order for this to happen, you'll be very strictly overseen. What this means is that people will be checking on you, asking you questions‚ and monitoring your eating and get-outs very carefully.

80. I know you won't like this, Honey. But this is what you can expect, and I expect your full cooperation. That means you will gladly and humbly submit to this kind of oversight‚ without making those whose job this will be feel bad or like they're overstepping or intruding on your privacy. In the area of get-out and your diet, you will have no privacy. You need help‚ dear one, and you can't get it if people are afraid of checking on you or asking you questions.

81. Along these same lines‚ we must have your pledge of honesty and openness. It's a well-known fact that anorexics often lie to cover up their not eating. There are other tricks too—making your plate and throwing it away when no one is looking, or eating and then exercising for hours with heavy weights to work off those calories and more. I want a full explanation from you of how you get around your overseers and how you trick them into believing you're eating more than you do. I know you have your little secrets about this. It's important that you confess all this, so you won't be able to run to the comfort of these tricks again. If you don't come clean on this, Kristen‚ then the temptation to continue doing so will be too great. You have to have a clean sweep, and that means a full confession of all the little tricks, lies, and cover-ups.

82. I'm sorry to ask you this, Honey‚ as I know it will be terribly embarrassing, and I wouldn't put you through it if it weren't absolutely crucial to your deliverance and continued freedom from the Enemy's grasp. I wish there were an easier way; I wish I could spare you this humiliation. But this is part of the price you have to pay for entertaining the Enemy's influence in your life for so long. The Lord wants to see how serious you are, how much you want deliverance, and if you're willing to go all the way to get it.

83. Besides this private confession‚ you will also need to get used to your life being more of an open book. When things get this bad and your life is at risk, then we can't continue to go on business as usual, as if nothing's wrong. Your mates in WS will need to know the seriousness of your condition so they can support you in desperate prayer. Rarely have I "required" that someone confess their problems and bare their heart before the Home. Usually people do that of their own accord; it's their choice. In this case‚ however, I feel compelled to make this part of the "requirements" of your continuing in WS, because you won't make it without the prayers of your loved ones, Honey. They must fulfill their end of the deal, which is to pray for you; but they can't pray as they should unless they know the seriousness of your state. On this point‚ the Lord said:

84. Kristen has terribly bad habits, and her natural inclination will be to resist, to try to weasel her way out of it, to try to continue hiding her sins and having her own way. She's grown so accustomed to the Enemy's voice that he's like an old friend to her, and it's a love-hate relationship. As much as she hates the battle and torment‚ she's grown so familiar with it that without it she'd feel empty and not herself. It's much like a heroin addict. He hates the drug. It's like a demon, but he can't bear being without it‚ and eventually the quest to be rejoined is all-encompassing. The tie must be broken; the Enemy's power must be defeated!

85. Another factor that will be new and different at this phase of the battle will be the need for Kristen to be completely open and honest. Up until this point‚ people have been so concerned for her feelings that they have not wanted to embarrass her or make her feel that they're intruding on her privacy. But that approach will have to go. Now there will need to be a very clear understanding of everyone she lives with as to what her problem is, what she needs to do, and what she does to try to deceive those who try to help her. She will need to be willing to let her life be an open book, for there to be no more secrets.

86. Someone who is dying of a fatal illness doesn't try to hide it and pretend it's not there, and the shepherds don't say, "Oh no‚ we can't talk about this cancer for fear of embarrassing so-and-so." No, they talk about it‚ explain the seriousness, and everyone is then fully aware of the danger. Likewise, everyone needs to know the details about Kristen's illness, and she just needs to get over the embarrassment. She needs to know that everyone knows, that the cat's out of the bag. That's part of the healing process, the humbling, the price she must pay for entertaining the Enemy's influence in her life.

87. Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. What are you going to do—protect her pride while endangering her very life? People will understand that you're not trying to be mean, you're not purposely trying to embarrass her—you're trying to save her life! This needs to be put in proper perspective for Kristen, Lawrence, the shepherds, and her friends. Everyone needs to realize that there comes a time when a person's privacy, their pride and personal life must be sacrificed in order to bring about whatever needs to happen. In this case‚ that means saving Kristen's life. (End of prophecy excerpt.)

88. Another factor that is related is that because anorexia is contagious and we have many young, impressionable women, this affliction and your battles with it must be exposed publicly. We can't allow you to join a new Home and influence others and just hope for the best, and hope that no one will be affected too badly. As shepherds of the flock, we must protect our sheep‚ and in this case, that means exposing the Enemy's tactics before he has a chance to attack. You need to decide if you're okay with that.

More Excerpts of
What the Lord Said to Kristen

89. (Jesus speaking:) Where there is life, there is hope. It is My will that she be perfectly whole in body‚ mind, and spirit. She was not born with these problems; she brought them on herself through her disobedience and unyieldedness. She allowed herself to yield to certain spirits. She "experimented" going down the wrong path, following darkness rather than light, going places she should not have gone and yielding to spirits she should not have yielded to, all the while feeling she could pull herself out of it, she could turn around and go down the right path when she needed to. But alas, she cannot. She is lost and cannot find her own way out of the mess she's gotten her body and spirit into.

90. I love her dearly. She is a precious jewel in My sight, but until she yields completely she will never have the brilliance she is capable of. If she wants to continue in the ministry she has and hold on to her crown, she needs to yield completely. She will not be able to put it off and decide to yield in the future, or when she arrives at the next place. She needs to start today; tomorrow will be too late. (End of message from Jesus)

91. (Mama to the Family: ) Thank You, Lord, for these very serious admonitions from You. We thank You that Kristen has taken this and she has said yes. She wants to go all the way, Lord. We ask You to give her the strength to keep surrendering, keep obeying, and keep letting You cleanse her mind and heart and entire system from the Enemy's poison. We ask You to help her to get cleansed by Your Word and washed and renewed, Jesus. Really help her to resist the lies and shouts of the Enemy screaming in her ears to do the opposite, but to instead hear from You and hold to that for dear life. She's got to‚ Lord, and we ask You to help her with this.

92. Thank You, sweet Love. Thank You for Your warning. Thank You that when it requires strenuous measures, You take them, because You want to save Your children from destruction, both spiritual and physical. Help us to really pray, Jesus. Help us to search our own hearts for any unyieldedness in our lives that could lead us down the wrong path, and maybe already has in some instances. Really help us to pray and get things straightened out with You if that's the case. Thank You Jesus! We love You‚ Jesus!

(Prophecy excerpts in Mama's Letter to Kristen continue:)

93. (Jesus speaking:) There is a fierce war raging for the life of this one, and I'm calling on each of you who are aware of her condition to fight on her behalf.

94. I'm not asking this of her just so she can stay in WS or join a new Home. Unless she has a complete metanoia and change, whether she stays in WS will be a moot point, for she will not even stay with you there on Earth if she doesn't have a total change and turnaround.

95. There is still time, and your prayers can help turn the tide. I'm asking Kristen to give her life to Me, to give her all to Me—her will, her choices and decisions, and even her emotions and feelings. I'm calling on Kristen to say yes to Me—not "I'll try" or "I'll do better" or "I guess so." I'm asking her to just say yes; nothing else will work. This one little word, this one attitude and decision will allow Me to do the miracles of freeing her and giving her the power, anointing‚ and changes that she needs.

96. Once she says yes, the Enemy will no longer have authority over the choices she makes. He'll still fight and he'll try to make her believe that I didn't answer prayer, but he won't have the power over her that he has now, and the prayers of her loved ones will have greater power to help her and strengthen her and deliver her.

97. I long to bring the joy of salvation once again to this one, My darling bride. I seek to anoint her and to make her life a testimony. I can make her a mighty witness, a powerful tool and vessel of My love to help many. But she must say yes. Help her to say yes through your love and prayers. (End of message from Jesus)

98. Here is a message from the Lord about the commitment that we, as the body of your shepherds and mates, will need to be willing to make.

99. (Jesus speaking:) Kristen is in the Devil's clutches. She is caught in the brambles, in the bushes‚ and she struggles. She will not get out of these brambles and bushes unless someone is willing to rescue her. A rescue job is never easy and it is never painless, either to the rescuer or the person being rescued. To rescue this sheep you're going to have to put your hands and your backs and your legs and your arms into the brambles and into the bushes, for she is very entwined. And, yes, My loves, it will take work; it will take united effort. But if she is not helped, then she will not make it.

100. I've shown you many things about her and her need to take the stand, and that is the first step and always the first step for deliverance—the will of the person has to be given over to My will. It is My will that she be healed, and she must give up her will, even if it goes contrary to everything that she thinks about her body and her spirit. But her will and even My will are not enough in this case, for there has to be your will—you as the shepherds and you as the body, as the church. Your will has to play a part as well, and not just your will‚ but also your willingness—your willingness to get in there, to get cut, and to struggle to set her free from the bondage that she is under.

101. Yes, it will take work. It will take united effort. It's so much easier to look to the work and to the job that I've given you and say, "Let's move forward with the work and let's not have to bear the burden of others' problems, especially serious ones." I don't blame you or fault you for that‚ because you do have a ministry that ministers to the "all‚" and you can't always leave the "all" to go after the one. I know and understand this, because your ministry at your level is to minister to the "all‚" to the ninety-and-nine. But from time to time I have to ask you—not just you as the shepherds, but you as the body—to be willing to go after the one. Some of these have been long term, but they have proven fruitful, even though it has required work and love and patience and stamina. And now I ask you collectively if you will put your will on My side and on her side in this matter, so that all three bodies—I, you, and she—are moving and working together to free her from this bondage.

102. I have said many things about this situation because I've wanted you to count the cost and to understand that this will be a costly exercise and it will not be an easy one. But without these factors in place, this one will not make it. She will not live unless she overcomes, and she will not overcome unless she is helped.

103. From time to time it is necessary to focus on the one, to leave the ninety-and-nine to seek out the lost one—and this is one of those cases. I know it's not easy, but I say that in the long run it is worth it to save the life of this one. (End of message from Jesus.)

104. Honey, we realize that you will need constant help, support‚ and oversight, even when you're on the road to recovery. The Lord has made it clear that we, too, need to make some long-term commitments to help you. We need to be willing to free up those who would shepherd you, so they have the time needed. This will mean a sacrifice of some of their other work, even pubs work. We're willing to provide you with the support system of love‚ sympathy, and prayer that you need. We will fight by you in prayer, hear from the Lord for you when needed, and be your mates in spirit no matter how long the battle!

105. Your head is probably spinning after reading all this, and I don't blame you. It really is a lot to grasp! I hope it's not offensive to you, but the Lord knows that you really need to hear the truth very straight so the Enemy can't come in and steal the Lord's seeds away before they have a chance to sink in.

106. Peter and I love you very much, Kristen, and we're praying and hoping for the best. We do want to see you continue your fruitful ministry. We need you, Honey‚ and would miss you if you weren't with us. But even more than that, we want to see you happy. We want to see you free from the Enemy's torment and grip. We want to see that happy, unselfish, humble, outgoing young woman again. We want to save your life for the Lord, so you can go on to many wonderful adventures and exploits for Him! You have a glorious future and the Lord wants to use you, and we're fighting for you!

107. We love you dearly! All your mates here love you too, and are praying for you! Please feel free to communicate anything that's on your heart, Kristen. I don't care what it is. No matter how bad it sounds, don't worry; just say it! Remember, the truth will set you free.

Much love in our wonderful Husband and Miracle Man,

Mama and Peter

108. (Mama: ) Last week, before Kristen received this letter from us, the Lord said to her in one of her P&P times: "I know that you're tired and weary from this never-ending and seemingly hopeless and victory-less battle, but you will find peace soon. The answer is already coming, the health is already coming."

Note: In order to put the time frame and progress in perspective‚ we'll call the day Kristen received Mama's letter Day 1. Days which follow are numbered based on the same starting point.

Kristen's Reaction to Mama's Letter

(Day 2, the day after she received Mama's letter:)

Dearest, sweet, loving and caring Mama,

109. I love you so very much and want to thank you for taking your time to write me. Before I get further into my note, I want to explain that while I'm addressing you, Mama, I am also writing this to Peter. It's just easier for me to address one person, but of course you're welcome to pass this note on and any of my other correspondence with you, to anyone that you feel should read it. I am now an open book!

110. In this note, I don't wanna sound like I'm trying to butter you up or anything. That is my greatest fear, that you will think that I'm just saying these things. I'm not. I truly, 100%, will mean everything I say to you‚ by God's grace.

111. Your letter was a relief! I feel liberated and happy! I also feel very sad, condemned‚ humiliated, and scared. But I am thankful for the help! I need it, I want it, and I'm just so very happy that I'm getting it. I have tried and failed so many times, but this time I feel like there's hope‚ there's a light at the end of this tunnel.

112. I hate anorexia. I hate how it makes me, and I hate what I've become. I don't like to be this way, I don't want to be this way, and there is nothing that I want more than to take this time of testing, this time of purging, and to become what the Lord wants me to be. I want to become a new creature. I feel terrible that this has become such an issue, that I didn't yield like I should have, and that my stubbornness has necessitated this type of drastic measure. That makes me feel very bad. I feel sorry that others' time will be taken for me.

113. I have so many things to talk to you about, to tell you‚ to confess to you, to explain to you, that I really don't know where to start. I will also be sending you tons and tons of P&Ps.

114. I just can't express my gratitude for this help, this correction, and the faith that you think I can make it. I want to make it. I want to fight and really‚ really want to be healed! Once, in November, one night I was praying and thinking about [a Family girl with bulimia who had written in, requesting prayer], and I, for once, was able to look at anorexia and eating disorders from an outside perspective. For ten seconds I saw myself from what I guess would be another's point of view, and I had ten seconds where the mental torment and confusion was gone! It was so wonderful. I felt peace. And I'll do anything to get that feeling back.

115. The confusion that I feel on a daily basis is really unpleasant. I am a daily living sample of that verse, "A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." I am double-minded. I will decide to change. I'll say, "Today I won't work out so hard," but then I'll reason it out in my mind and say, "Well, everyone works out; it's not a bad thing. And look at everyone else; they eat so much less than me. I'm a pig, a disgusting‚ gluttonous overeater!" And then I go and work out harder.

116. It's a vicious cycle, and I hate it! I want deliverance, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to change. I want this purging. I'm ready‚ I'm willing, and I want nothing more than to keep saying yes. I say yes now, and by the Lord's mercy and grace I will say yes tomorrow and every day to come.

117. This will be hard, and I know that sometimes I'll want nothing more than to lose some weight, to go back to my diets, and to pull out a new trick. But I don't want to scheme any more; I don't want any of it. Please don't give up on me. I truly want to change, to become the better person that the Lord said I can be if I yield.

118. Okay, I'm worried again that you'll think these are just lies. I'm not lying. I know that sometimes I'll feel terrible‚ that it will be hard, and sometimes I'll become unyielded to something. But I don't want to become unyielded; I don't want to kick against the pricks. I want to change. I really, really do.

119. What I really wanted was a definite standard—something that is clear, something that I know I have to shoot for and that I won't always be in fear and worried about what's being said about me behind closed doors. So to now know that there will be something that is expected of me, some line that I must meet, is very inspiring. The temptation will be to duck under, hop over and run around it‚ but I don't want to at all. Those will be my temptations, but I want to be honest, I want to tell the truth, and I want to be changed. Whatever it takes, even if I have to buy a whole new wardrobe, because I'll need bigger clothes, so be it. I have to be honest and tell you that I'm saying that last sentence by faith, as right now that's pretty freaky‚ but I want to be different. I want to get rid of anorexia once and for all, so if that's the price, I am certainly willing to pay.

120. I have so much to look forward to and I'm happy! I'm humbled that you would take your time to write to me. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to cause others grief and pain. This really hurts me. It hurts me to bother others. It scares me that you even know all this horrible stuff about me and that now I might not even be able to stay in WS. I so badly want to be a "lifer." I want to give my all to the calling that the Lord has for me. I love each person in WS so much and I just want to make others' lives better because I was in them‚ but I don't think that's the case. I think I'm just the opposite and wish I could just crawl into a corner and die.

121. If you want to hear my impression of your letter, it's relief. Yeah, I think that would be about the perfect word, because even though there are many other underlying emotions, like happiness‚ joy, fear, embarrassment and humiliation, the main one is relief that my day of reckoning has finally come.

122. Thank you for having enough faith in me to give me that kind of correction and to feel that I could take it; to have enough love to step in and help save my life, even though it will come with much time and it will be at a price. I feel so … gosh, I really don't know what word to use because I just feel in awe. I feel speechless. I just don't know what to say. But in a nutshell I want to say thank you. Thank you for doing this for me. I know that it's hard to talk to someone and to take your time to deal with such a gripping spiritual problem like this. I'm sorry that I've allowed it to take such a hold on me, and I pray that I will make the changes and really take this time of purging and have it work in my life to make me what He wants me to be, so that I can serve the Family and those here as best as I can. I know that I can't do it on my own. I've tried to take the ball myself, but it doesn't work—mostly due to my lack of full yieldedness and determination to keep up the fight.

123. I will start working through all of the P&P assignments that you sent me‚ and I will start on a list of what all my tricks are and any other things that I can confess to you about my thoughts and what goes on in my head. I want it all out on the table. I will be asking the Lord for exactly everything that I say, think, and do that needs to be told and confessed.

124. I want to get united, desperate prayer as soon as possible. I'm hoping I can do this sometime at the beginning of this coming week. I haven't asked the Lord about that plan yet, but I feel like I should get the prayer as soon as possible so that I can get on the road to recovery right away. I want to start now.

125. Thank you again for everything. I do feel pretty bad, too. I feel discouraged and low. But the most overwhelming feeling is relief, like I told you before. I'm happy and thankful and I want to change. I really am telling you the truth here that I do want to change. I really, really do. I love you so much and am so sorry for everything that I've done to make this necessary.

Love, Kristen

P.S.: Here's my personal P&P from today:

126. (Prayer: ) Dearest Jesus, I want to come before You now and ask that You will please speak to me. Please give me Your words that will help me to get my mind clear and help me to be able to find out what I should do now. How can I apply this letter immediately? What should I write to Mama now? I feel very horrible in myself; I just wish that I could jump out of my horrible, disgusting self and become a new creature right this instant. Thank You for saying that You can change me right now, this instant. That is a wonderful promise to cling to, and I want to believe; help Thou my unbelief.

127. I want to be honest, I want to be fully counting the cost, and then, through all of that, to be saying yes to be doing what You ask of me without reservation. I say yes now. I yield. I want to change, I want to become a new creature, and, yes, I pray the "whatever it takes" prayer. Do whatever it takes, Lord. I want this, I need this, I want to become a new creature. Crush me, purge the tree, prune, cut, kill my pride, kill my own self so that You might live and be more clearly seen in me. That is my desire. That is my prayer.

128. Please do it, Lord. Please help me. Please give me the victory, and now as I come before You with an open heart, I ask that You please speak‚ that You clear away the dross, the fear, the things that would hold me back from receiving Your clear words for me now.

129. (Jesus speaking: ) That prayer is what I wanted to hear, My love. That is the first time that you've said those words and fully meant them.

130. I love you, and even though this crushing and purging will not only have pain, but extreme humiliation before your loved ones, your friends, and your shepherds, it's what you need. Now is the time for you to receive the correction from others and the help that you need. You should say that now your life is an open book to all. All can comment on your food‚ all can correct you if they see you fail‚ all can help you and uphold you. This is what you need. This is the time to rise above the feelings of hurt or frustration when someone asks you a question. You must take the stand and receive the correction, answer the question, and take that step forward.

131. This is a glorious day! Yesterday was a landmark in your life. Remember that day, for it is the turning point—your salvation day! Right now you feel a little like it's your damnation day, but you also feel liberated! Be happy that you feel this liberation, because it's there for you, and feeling liberated is a good thing!

132. Be happy! Rejoice‚ sing, praise, and think not about the humiliation. Don't dwell on the bad—dwell on the good! Think about how wonderful it will be for you to be able to take the stand, to change, to make that mark and show the Devil that the line has been drawn, his forces are now not allowed to cross, and if they do—bam—they'll get it! Wham! Sock'm down! Beat the lies down with My Word!

133. Be honest‚ share your heart, tell all, and confess any hidden sins, of which there are many—not many deeds, but many thoughts! That is what you must search your heart about. You don't realize all that is there, but in thinking and praying and searching your heart with My help, you will find these things, and then you must confess them.

134. Become an honest person. Become one that cares not about the things of the flesh, but merely wants to be a tool in My hands that I can use for even greater purposes if it would accept the crushing and the remaking. Just like you upgraded from real paint and a paintbrush to now using a computerized brush and it has helped you so much more, even though at first it was awkward and difficult to become accustomed to, you learned, and now the art has become much more beautiful.

135. This is what it will be like as your spirit is now being upgraded: It will be hard‚ it will be awkward, you won't like it sometimes, and you'll want to go back to the security that you find in anorexia; but the outcome will be marvelous! Be happy! Be excited, because now is the time to change! Now is the time to go on with life. Be thankful for the help and receive it with an open heart and with open arms! I love you.

136. You should just write exactly how you feel to Mama and she will understand and believe. Trust, pray, and ask Me to help your unbelief that anyone could actually care about you, and that anyone would actually love you through all this. It will take faith on your part to trust these ones that they actually do care‚ that they actually do want to help you, and that they don't hate you. It will be humbling for you to accept and receive the fact that others will be giving of their time for you, that they will sacrifice for you, that they will go through trials and have hard times because of you. This will be even more humbling than the public exposure, but it's good for you.

137. The Devil has tricked you into thinking that there will be no happiness in what I have for you. This is the darkest hour, but the dawn will come. It may seem like a very, very long night for you, but the dawn will come. Just think of that. Just tell that to yourself: The dawn will come. The time of victory will come. You won't be living with this your whole life! You may need to fight it; just like with jealousy, it comes up and you have to whack it down again right away by asking for prayer, etc. You need to accept that asking for prayer for this affliction will be a standard thing for you; it will be something that you will need to do repeatedly. Accept it and receive it‚ for it's the truth.

138. I'm so proud of you for making that initial choice to yield. You've said yes, and as I said in the prophecy, this is the first and one of the very biggest steps. Keep doing it. There will be more tests to come, but keep saying yes and the victory will be already won on your behalf. It may take some time for you to actually see some results, but they're there for you and they will begin to manifest themselves to you. So hang in there! You can make it! (End of message from Jesus‚ and end of note from Kristen.)

139. (Mama:) I know it's late, but please stick with me. Do you want to stand up and stretch a little bit? Why don't we do that. I'll pray for Kristen while you stretch, okay?

140. Thank You Jesus! Precious Husband, we come before You for our dear, dear, wonderful sweet love and mate and co-worker. We love her so much, Jesus. We ask You to help us feel for her. We can't feel the same, but we can feel sympathy and compassion, and we can feel Your love for her. Help us, sweet Love, to feel some emotions that will make us reach out in intercessory prayer for her. Help us‚ Lord. Help her, Jesus. Help us to pray the things that will help her. We're going to hear her united prayer request and we know that You've already begun to answer, but we want to keep praying for those things.

141. We want to pray that she'll be honest‚ Lord‚ and when she's continually attacked about it that she'll be honest and not deceptive. We want to pray against condemnation, that when she eats she won't be condemned, and that it will be a real big miracle. We want to pray against bad thoughts and bad voices that she experiences, and bad pictures and self-recrimination and condemnation and feelings of no worth, wanting to die. Sweet Love, we ask You to please do the miracles in her life. Help her to rebuke the Enemy. We know he's going to try all of these things. Help her not to give in to them, but to praise You and to thank You for what You're doing and know that You're going to do the job, to claim Your promises.

142. She's making a promise book; we thank You for that. Help her with the new eating that she has to do now and that she won't want to know how many calories are in the different foods. That's a big victory for her not to do that. Help her to continue in her fight against that.

143. Lord, she has this compulsive desire for exercise. Please‚ our wonderful Husband and Deliverer, please do a miracle and help her and take some of that away so that it's not going to be so difficult for her. Please help her, Jesus, that as she continues to obey, it will get less and less.

144. Help it not to be too hard for her, sweet Lord. There is so much to it and it's so difficult. It's not only emotional, and psychologically and spiritually difficult, but it's physically difficult, and she has nausea and pains in her stomach‚ very excruciating pains at times. So, Lord, please, please help her. Do the miracle of making it light and continuing to diminish it as time goes on and as she continues to yield to You.

145. Help her, Jesus, with all these things and more. As we think of them and remember them, help us to fervently pray for her‚ Jesus. Please help her to feel our prayers. Help us to continue to pray for her. Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah! Amen! Hallelujah!

Excerpts of a Note to Mama from Kristen, Day 4

Dearest Mama,

146. A little personal update is that on Sunday I fell and sprained my ankle quite badly. Well, I don't know if it's all that bad of a sprain‚ but it sure hurts! Having that accident pretty much devastated me. I felt so horrible about it. I had prayed about what to do for my get-out and got that I should have prayer time while walking outside. Well, I sped up for three steps as I was going downhill, I have a weak ankle that I'm constantly twisting and have sprained before, and it gave in. Within seconds it was swollen and very painful. I'm sure that I probably should have gone slower, and I feel bad about that. But when asking the Lord why it happened‚ this is what He had to say:

147. (Jesus speaking:) It's all part of the master plan; it's all part of the breaking. Now the complete breaking has taken place. I have clipped your wings. I have “broken your leg” so that you can now sit and learn of Me. You will not even have the option of disobedience, but now you will have to lean wholly on Me. You can't rely on your exercise; you can't even have it there to call you, to try to pull you away. No, now you are at My side, and I wish for you to sit here until you're fully well. Then you will have learned, and then you will have been fully yielded and trusting. This is still yieldedness, even if I haven't given you a choice in the matter, because I wanted this full surrender and I knew you didn't have it in you.

148. You prayed the "whatever it takes" prayer and this is the "whatever" it is taking to make you change, to make you realize that you must stop‚ look‚ and listen. You must fully stop your former way of operating, you must look up to Me completely‚ and you must listen to My words. This is all part of the changing process. Trust and don't be afraid. (End of message from Jesus.)

149. (Kristen's note continues:) Yesterday I worked on compiling and preparing my prayer request, and this morning is when we had united prayer for me. Here is an excerpt of something the Lord said to me when I was preparing my prayer request:

150. (Jesus speaking:) Fear not. These are folks who love you and who will help you to carry on through their prayers and support. This is a rough time for you, but as with all troublesome times, the dawn will come. The dawn of a new beginning and a new life is right around the corner, and that is the promise of victory that you can count on and hold on to! So rise up and take this challenge, and I will help you. (End of prophecy excerpt.)

151. Following are excerpts of what I read to the Home from your letter, Mama, and the prophecies you sent me, to help explain my prayer request. [Note: Some of the things Kristen read are excerpts that were already included earlier in this Letter, so we haven't repeated them here.]

Prophecy Excerpts on Yieldedness

152. (Jesus speaking: ) Kristen will never be free until she is willing to say yes to Me and to what I'm requiring of her regarding her eating and exercise. Now she is almost too weak to fight. I understand that she is almost powerless to resist, and I don't condemn her. However, it doesn't have to be this way. Even now I am able to deliver her and come to her rescue. She isn't able to fight‚ but I am more than able.

153. Kristen has given the Enemy place and control, time and time again. She's allowed him to have an inch here, an inch there—each time she neglected to accept the truth from My Words and the godly counsel of her loved ones. She knew what counsel and ideas and philosophies were of Me, but instead of yielding to them and saying yes, she has instead chosen to listen to the voice of the Destroyer and has believed his words over Mine. She knew that the choices she was making were not of Me‚ but she didn't yield to Me or allow Me to fight for her.

154. Because she was accountable, each time she resisted My truth, it lost more and more power over her mind‚ and the Enemy was given more and more of a foothold. Today he is practically king of the mountain. He has taken control of her thoughts and robbed her of her health, her happiness, and her faith to be all that I have planned for her to be. He has even convinced her that she deserves to suffer with this plague of the Enemy and that she will always be this way. Until she slams the door on these lies and is willing to accept My truth and promises of deliverance, the Enemy will continue to have the power to destroy what little happiness and health she has left. Until she has a total metanoia, a complete turnaround in mind and spirit, she will become weaker and weaker and sicker and sicker, until she is gone.

155. (Jesus speaking:) It won't do for Kristen to agree to try to do a little better or to accept grudgingly to do the bare minimum in order to be able to stay in WS. She must go all the way. She must be willing to say yes to Me. She must say yes to everything—to My laws of health and healthy living; she must say yes to being willing to be moderate in all things; she must say yes to following the diet and exercise plan that I will lay out for her through counsel and prayer by her loved ones; she must say yes to becoming once again a vessel of My creation‚ the way I created her to be. I would have her to have a total and a complete change of heart and philosophy, and to become a testimony to others of the importance of agreeing with, accepting, and following My health rules.

156. Kristen must cry out to Me for My salvation. But in order for her to be saved, she must first admit that the choices she has made are wrong and that what she has accepted as the truth about herself is wrong. At this point, she hasn't been willing to totally agree to the truth, and therefore the Enemy is given the opportunity and power to speak his lies to her and attack her with his horrible pictures and voices. She must resist the Devil in My Name. She must be willing to rebuke his lies and his demons and resist them by faith, even if at first she doesn't completely know if she agrees or not.

157. At this point, the Enemy has had so much control and sway over Kristen that she doesn't feel she deserves to live, and she doesn't know if she wants to live under My conditions. But she must know that it is My will that she live, and that I'm asking her to repent and give her all to Me and be willing to do whatever is asked of her in order that she might regain her life and strength. She must forsake her false balance of eating too little and exercising too much. She must forsake it once and for all. She must learn to say no to the Devil.

158. I'm asking Kristen to give her life to Me, to give her all to Me—her will, her choices and decisions, and even her emotions and feelings. I'm calling on Kristen to say yes to Me—not "I'll try" or "I'll do better" or "I guess so." I'm asking her to just say yes; nothing else will work. This one little word, this one attitude and decision will allow Me to do the miracles of freeing her and giving her the power‚ anointing‚ and changes that she needs. Once she says yes‚ the Enemy will no longer have authority over the choices she makes. He'll still fight and he'll try to make her believe that I didn't answer prayer, but he will not have the power over her that he has now.

Excerpts About the Need to Be Willing to Receive Help from Others

159. (Jesus speaking: ) This will be extremely hard on her pride and extremely humbling, but that's what it's going to take for her to get the needed victories. This situation has gone on too long, and she has proven that she doesn't do well without constant oversight.

160. (Jesus speaking:) She has proven in the past that she can do well, she can continue making uphill progress if she has constant oversight. The only way she's going to be able to make progress and grow is if she has people helping her. She doesn't want this because it's too humbling for her; it's too humiliating. She doesn't want to be a "special case" or a "problem case." But the fact is, her unyieldedness in this area does make her a problem case. [Note: People have tried to help Kristen with her eating in the past, but although she would agree to their help‚ it was only on her terms; she wasn't ready to surrender and yield to the complete help she needed. So after a while they would give up or compromise with her for fear of hurting her feelings or causing a blow-up. Thus she wasn't able to find deliverance, due to not allowing those around her to fully help her.]

161. This is her last chance. She knows that in WS she can't get away with what she would really like to do, which is not eat. Unless she is placed in a very strong situation, and unless she is yielded to shepherding, the Enemy will snuff out her life. He tries to hide this fact from her and to deceive her into thinking her condition is not really that serious, and this is one reason why she isn't as desperate with Me as she should be, and why she's been unyielded.

162. (Jesus speaking:) She has fought a long hard battle‚ but she has fought it in the flesh, and this is why she has not made better progress‚ and has even backslid. She has to realize that she cannot do it in the energy of the flesh. She has to be willing to admit that she is weak, that she can't get the victory on her own, and that she needs help‚ and lots of it. She has to admit to herself that she is a special case; she needs to accept that and not keep resisting it, trying in her own flesh not to be a special case, when in reality she is.

163. She has a handicap and she needs to admit this to herself and accept it. This is the last thing she wants to do. She wants to be "normal," but she's not. She is spiritually sick and she's not ever going to get well in the energy of her flesh or trying to do it on her own. Once she gets to the point where she accepts that, yields to it, and puts herself on the altar, then I will be able to do mighty miracles for her.

Excerpts on Being Desperate

164. (Jesus speaking:) Kristen must be desperate for deliverance and show the fruits of her desperation. I don't expect self-works. I don't expect that she will never battle. But I do expect willingness of heart and the desire to be delivered. These addictions of the flesh are more than meet the eye, for Kristen's condition is first and foremost an entrapment of the spirit. She is bound. The chains around her are forged by her own hands, by her own rebellion‚ which has led her down this dark road she travels.

165. I can break the chains in one fell swoop, if she so desires. But she must desire it; she must want to be delivered. She must look to Me for her freedom and deliverance—not to the arm of the flesh; not to her own wisdom; not to worldly counsel or to worldly knowledge that she has allowed to fill her head; not to the doubts that she has listened to for a long time.

166. She must want it, she must ask, and she must receive when I reach out My hand and break the chains. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect the desire, the willing heart‚ and the dependence on Me to do what only I can do. I do expect the effort of putting forth a believing will.

Excerpts on Receiving Desperate Prayer

167. (Jesus speaking: ) Where there is life, there is hope. It is My will that she be perfectly whole in body, mind‚ and spirit. The Enemy's hold on her is too strong, and except by a miracle of yieldedness, desperation, and prayer, she's not going to get the victory. She needs to know these things. She needs to see the seriousness of her problem and open her eyes to the cesspool she is swimming in.

168. The real help will come in the spirit and through prayer, both from a prayer of deliverance and the prayers of others.

169. There is still time, and your prayers can help turn the tide.

170. The Enemy will seek to bind her with fear and tell her that she has no right to live or go on. It will be a raging battle in her mind and spirit. So pray. Have her loved ones pray.

Promises of Healing and Answered Prayer

171. (Jesus speaking: ) If she does this (yields), then I will bless her mightily. I will bless her health and give her peace in her heart. I will bless her in her work and make her a channel that I can work through to produce beautiful artwork.

172. The sickness needs to be treated, and it needs to be healed. So this one must want the treatment. She must understand that she cannot continue in her sickness. She must desire to be delivered and healed. If she cries out desperately to Me with her whole heart, in yieldedness and submission, I will deliver her on the spot by breaking the hold of the Enemy in her life. Then, once that power of the Evil One is broken, I will begin the steady healing process, which will take time. If the desire is there, I will heal her by helping her to overcome the bad habits and negative ungodly attitudes that she has adopted, that have become a part of her mindset and automatic reactions.

173. If she wants to be delivered, if she will, with her whole heart, call on Me and ask Me to do this thing, I will do it. I am her Deliverer! She must reject all other possibilities and lean only on Me. If she wants it with her whole heart, I will do it. This is a small thing for Me‚ for as I delivered Mary Magdalene on the spot of the devils that plagued her, so can I deliver Kristen on the spot from these chains that have her bound.

174. (Mama:) The Lord gives wonderful promises about the victory that Kristen's yieldedness, combined with united prayer, will bring. He says, "I can deliver Kristen on the spot from these chains that have her bound…" "I can break the chains in one fell swoop if she so desires…" That doesn't mean that after Kristen yielded and had united prayer, that she never struggled with this battle again. It continued to be difficult for her every day. But the Enemy no longer had the hold on her that he did previously. It was difficult, but the difference was, she did have victory. She was making progress. Things were becoming easier. The Lord did the miracle of breaking the chains in the spirit through the united prayer, and then Kristen continued to fight to obey and yield every day. Every day she had to make the decision to yield. That's how the victory was solidified.

175. It's important to remember that. You can't have one without the other. You need the spiritual victory, the miracle that only the Lord can bring, which He often brings when you make the initial decision to yield and you have united prayer. But then there is also the daily yielding‚ fighting and obeying, which is necessary to bring the victory to completion. But it's worth it!

176. Even now I am able to deliver her and come to her rescue. She isn't able to fight, but I am more than able.

177. It is not My will for this dear one to be anorexic or to have to struggle the rest of her life. I want to deliver her and free her from this mental and spiritual sickness. I am more than able to deliver her. Have you not seen My power to free many others from the powerful attacks and lies of the Enemy? Have not countless others been freed from any number of spiritual problems, weaknesses‚ and oppressive spirits? As I have said, "Let her rather be healed," and "I will deliver them out of them all."

178. (From personal P&P:) Know that the battle is already won. I already have all the legions of angels prepared; they're just waiting to be released through this great prayer. It may seem like a small thing to you. You may not see lights or visions or feel great movements in the spirit, and that is where it will take faith on your part to believe that the answer is there and it's going to come right at the moment when you seek and ask together with your loved ones there. It will happen! You'll feel the peace and the help to fight. (End of prophecy excerpts.)

Here is my list of prayer requests:

—Complete and utter yieldedness.

—Complete faith and trust in the Lord and trust in others too.

—Constant desperation.

—Willingness to say yes even when I don't feel like it.

—For a new mind, a rewiring of my thoughts so that I will see with the Lord's mind and have His perspective on how I should look and be. That I will accept how the Lord has made me, even if that means it's not what I think is best.

—Against negativity. That I will learn to recognize these attacks on my mind, be honest about them, and rebuke them. That I will have the spiritual strength to fight them.

—That I can have the humility needed to ask for prayer repeatedly, and be humble enough to receive the help from others that I need.

—That I will be able to overcome the depression, fear of gaining weight, and discouragement that I'm being attacked with now.

—That I will become a new creature and see myself in His light and not through the warped mentality of anorexia.

—That I will make the most of this learning time. That I will grow from it and become just what the Lord wants me to be. That I'll be able to hold on through the rough times to come, and hold on to that victory that He's promised, even if the way is hard and the trials are very heavy.

—That I can lean on the Lord and on others and not try to win this battle in the arm of the flesh but through His Spirit, so that this will be the lasting victory that He's promised.

Personal prayer:

179. Lord, I claim this healing. I put my body, mind, soul, spirit and everything that I am before You in humility and submission. I am nothing; I am but a weak vessel that cannot boast of good things. I can do nothing without You. I put my heart and mind before You and I ask that You take it and remold it into the vessel of Your choosing. I don't want to be or do or say anything that is not of You.

180. I'm so sorry for my unyieldedness that has made it impossible for You to use me fully. I'm so sorry for how I've hindered Your work, how my lack of desperation has brought me to this spiritual state, this handicapped state. Lord‚ I need You. I thank You for this time of purging. I pray that even though my sins are as scarlet, You will take me and wash me and make me white as snow through Your love and mercy.

181. I ask that You do whatever it takes. Yes, I'm saying those scary words, and by Your grace I mean them. Please do whatever it takes to purge me, to crush me, to change me, to remake me.

182. I need You. I need Your help. Thank You for giving me this priceless privilege to change, to cry out to You like this‚ to be able to have Your promises of healing to stand on. There are so many anorexics in the world that have no hope, no loved ones to lean on, and no help like this. I am so richly blessed to be able to feel Your love in this way.

183. Please help me to hold on to this crown, even if it feels thorny and painful and like it's cutting my skin. I want to hold on. I want to hold on to Your promises. I want this victory. I want to be a new creature with Your help. I want to hold nothing back from You. I don't want any Huddersfields in my heart and mind that You cannot use. I want to be wholly Yours—whole in mind‚ body, and spirit.

184. I rebuke the Enemy that is oppressing me. I rebuke these thoughts, these lies‚ these mindsets that I have held on to for so long, and I admit that they're wrong. I want to let them go. I surrender to You now, Lord. Please take this shell and fill it with Your thoughts, with Your mind, and with Your words. I need You. Please help me. Please heal me. Please help me to change and become not what I want, but what You want. I give myself to You and I ask that this time of purging will bear the fruits that are needed: a changed life, heart, and mind.

185. Thank You, Lord, for Your promises that I can hold onto. Thank You for giving us the keys of victory. Thank You that we know there are no impossibilities to us. Thank You for loving me enough to correct me and to help me to change. Thank You for blessing me with such wonderful people to live with who are fighting with me, who have patience with me through all the tough times. Thank You that they haven't given up on me. Please help me to not give up on Your promises, but help me to fight on to victory. It's there; I just need the faith to take it. Please help me to take it, Lord. In Your precious Name, I pray.

Kristen's note to Mama continues:

186. As I said before, after I read my prayer‚ the others in the Home prayed the list of requests that I brought, and we had a time of hearing from the Lord afterwards. It was really beautiful and I know that the answer is here. I mean, yesterday I got hungry and went down and had a snack on my own accord, and I was just like "humph" to the Enemy! I didn't care! It's not like I've never snacked; I did eat before, but I just would feel horrible afterwards. But this time I didn't! It's everyone's prayers and the decision to yield. I'm still battling, but I feel so much more power behind me, so much more faith, and so much more help.

187. Being free to be honest is also really helping me, because I'm getting the talks that I need, the prayer, and the proper mindsets being explained to me. It means the world! All this prayer time, this time to get closer to the Lord and to have nothing left but Him is really, really doing the trick! I feel so happy, so free.

188. I know that there are more battles to come. Today's breakfast was hard and I felt like it was coming up, and I never was bulimic, so that was just an attack. I'm now starting to battle with the stomachaches and frustrations if something about my plate isn't perfect, but overcoming them is so much easier. I'm so thankful for this help, for people being willing to help me. It means so much.

189. One big hurdle that I'll be having today is drinking some fortified milkshake that someone else is preparing for me. I'm sure it will be yummy, but I won't be seeing all that goes into it and won't know exactly how many calories it contains. I requested that, as the less I know, the better. I turned in my book—what Lawrence called the "doomsday book." That's where I kept a strict diary of everything that I ate and how many calories it was, the total of the day‚ and my daily exercise regimen. Natasha has it. I'm not counting or writing anything down. I will almost start counting, but I resist it. It's a real habit right now, as I know everything by memory.

190. I love you so very much and I hope and pray that you have a nice day! Love you tons and tons. Thank you for all the help and prayer you're sending my way. I sure can feel it.

Love, Kristen

191. (Mama: ) Such wonderful faith, Lord! We thank You for that. Help us to have the faith to pray for this. It's the day of miracles. You can do it, Jesus. Please, precious Husband, show her lots of miracles as she continues to yield. We don't know if she'll be eating normally right away, but we want to pray for that. We know that You can do it‚ if that's Your will. We know it's possible. Help her to see miracles all along each day, as she eats. Give her little tokens of Your love and confidence and the faith that You have in her that she can do it, Jesus. Thank You Lord! Thank You Jesus!

192. Help us not to fail in praying for her, Jesus.

Homework!

193. If you don't mind, we would like to ask all of you to ask the Lord some questions in your personal P&P times over the next few days. We'll send you these questions, and please do take the time to ask the Lord about them, because they're very important.

194. Dear Family, I'd like to strongly recommend that you all do the same, and ask the Lord to speak to you about these questions. If there is no one in your Home or area or who you communicate with who struggles with these battles of negativity or eating disorders, then the first one won't apply to you so much. But the others are very, very important for your spiritual life and being able to get all of the lessons the Lord has for you out of this. So please take the time to ask Him about them.

195. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and if you can be desperate with the Lord and receive His counsel and personal shepherding now, it will save you from a lot of trouble and heartache later, after problems have progressed.

196. Kristen has made a big sacrifice in allowing all the details of her personal battles and fight for victory to be shared with you, and Peter and I have invested a lot of time personally in preparing this material. So if you want to benefit from it, take the time to hear from the Lord about these things. Thanks!

1) How important are my personal prayers for Kristen [or for ______________, who has a similar problem]?

Is there anything I should or could be doing for her right now besides praying for her? Anything I should not be doing?

I'd like you to also ask the Lord, "Can I write her encouragement and should I get it in prophecy?" It's very important that you say the right things that will be encouraging and not discouraging. Kristen knows the Lord and she overlooks some things and can fight some things, so maybe it's not as important as it is for those in the world who fight this illness, who have no stability at all. But you would be amazed at how a little thing someone says to you, little tiny things, can affect you badly when you're already struggling and fighting such a big battle. So when someone's battling like that and it's such a serious thing‚ you must be very, very prayerful about the things you say. You should really ask the Lord to help you with your notes to her. Be very prayerful.

2) Are there any questions in my mind that I have regarding Kristen and her situation, or the things the Lord or Mama and the leadership have said about her?

If you have questions, ask them—even if it's the doubtful or critical type. Ask the Lord. He'll show you. It's much better to do that than to try to ignore them or push them aside while they're eating away at your faith and conviction.

3) Is there any unyieldedness in my life that would lead to serious problems, or that has already led to problems?

4) Are there any areas where I'm unwilling to receive counsel because it would mean my shepherds meddling in my life?

5) Are there things in my life that I don't want to be open about‚ or that I'm covering up or being deceptive in, because it's too humbling either to ask for united prayer or ask for my shepherds' help? If so, is this going to hurt me any?

197. Please try to pray about these questions as soon as you can. Thanks!

Be On Guard—
The Enemy Will Try to Affect You

198. I think that's about all‚ except that we do want to have a little prayer, not only for Kristen, since we've been praying for her throughout the meeting, but for ourselves, too, as the Lord said. Maybe you think it's a little extreme to say that anorexia is contagious, but it really is contagious. She caught it from someone, and a couple of others almost did.

199. It's not like something that's going to jump out at you and you don't have any power over it‚ or any will. As the Lord brought out over and over, it was because of her unyieldedness, and also her desire to be like that and her fascination with it. It was also because of her bitterness, which is unyieldedness against the Lord for the way He made her. But it is contagious, and because she got on the wrong track and she opened herself up to it, she was able to catch it. We can catch things a lot more easily if we don't keep our guard up spiritually. She let her guard down spiritually and she caught it.

200. (Tamar: ) I used to be anorexic. Thank God I joined the Family and He delivered me. But back then there was not much about anorexia. My father was very concerned and he was doing a bit of research on it, trying to find out about it, and warning me, "You're dying!" because I weighed about 80 pounds.

201. I joined the Family and I didn't realize what a great deliverance He gave me—from chain-smoking and from anorexia. But ever since then, it's like having a few strains of that bacteria in you, and I will get hit and tempted. I'll see someone on a diet or something, just anything like that will trigger it, and I'll start thinking, "Oh, I'm too fat!" and those thoughts start coming back—even now, after all these years. I want to ask for prayer, because thinking about it and praying for Kristen and all, I want to be on guard about it myself. I don't want to go through that torment again, because that's what it was. It had total control over my life.

202. (Mama: ) That's a testimony, showing the need to be on guard. Let's pray for anybody else who may need it—even if you think you don't need it, but you might. That's important. And take it from Tamar that it's very easy to be affected by this in your thoughts. The Enemy brings along the thoughts and the pictures, just like he does with other things. There are a lot of other things he does the same thing with, like homosexuality. You're hit with things you never even thought about, and you have to fight those things.

203. The Enemy has let loose these things in these Last Days more than ever before, and it's so important that you fight and that you ask for prayer. It shouldn't be embarrassing for you. There's nothing wrong with you—the Enemy is just fighting. He's trying to destroy us any way he can; he'll pull out anything. So don't be afraid to ask for prayer. If you don't ask, you probably won't get the help you need and it'll just get worse, and it will then be much harder to confess and get over it.

204. We need to earnestly pray for the Family, too, as the Enemy is hitting some of our dear, precious Family members with this as well. The Lord said that here in WS He has made us a microcosm of the Family, which is like a small representation of the Family at large. So He's allowing us to have all kinds of problems of the kind the Family is experiencing, so that we can get stirred up and pray for them and realize the problem that it is, and to help them with testimonies and with the ways that we're getting victories here. Thank You Jesus. Anybody else want to say anything?

205. (Staff member:) Our comments really do affect people and children. I've heard many testimonies about how girls who had anorexia, it started when they were little children because someone called them "little fatty" or something like that‚ and it enforced those feelings in their minds.

206. (Mama:) All of us need to think about that with the children. And men, please, please be prayerful about the comments you make to women—even, "Oh, you're looking so slim and nice!" You don't say those things because you're trying to hurt them; you do it because you're trying to help them and encourage them. But to many women who maybe have just lost a few pounds, your saying "you're looking so nice and slim" reinforces the idea in their minds that you don't like them if they look another way, see? So it's very important that you're prayerful about the comments you make to women about their appearance. Pray and ask the Lord what to say. Tell the Lord, "Please seal my lips, Lord, unless I'm going to say something that is going to be right and helpful."

207. I don't mean that you can never tell your wife or sweetheart or anybody that "you look so nice and slim." Maybe she's really been trying to lose some unneeded pounds, so you need to tell her, ha! But the whole point is to ask the Lord and make sure you're saying the right thing, okay? Praise the Lord! Is there anything else?

208. (Staff member: ) I'd like to ask for prayer too, along with Tamar, because I am a negative thinker. I've never been anorexic, but because I'm a negative thinker, I think I'm more prone to things like this influencing me.

209. (Mama:) That's good. That's preventive prayer. It never hurts to get preventive prayer. Okay, let's pray for everybody who might have that problem. Do you want to raise your hands, or should we just pray for everybody? Who wants to pray for Kristen and pray for us?

Closing Prayer for Kristen and All of Us

210. (Staff member prays:) Sweet Jesus, we love You so very much and we come before You for our precious mate, Kristen. We thank You for her commitment to You‚ that she's yielded and has said yes. We pray that You will honor her commitment and her yielding, and that You will rebuke and bind the Enemy from coming in. We ask for mighty miracles!

211. Lord, You said that we have the power of the keys to the Kingdom. We have these wonderful activation angels and their mighty powers and miracles that they are able to perform. So we claim that power‚ those miracles, for Kristen—that You help her to be able to eat and not to be plagued mentally or feel horrible about herself; that You relieve the pain that she experiences, Jesus. Please have mercy. We pray for the physical healing of her stomach and those organs that have to do with her digestion, that they will begin to function properly and she wouldn't have any problems, and that You will mightily bless her for yielding. Show her the fruits of saying yes and yielding to You.

212. And‚ Jesus, we also pray for all of us here. We know that this is a danger, a contagious spiritual disease that affects people physically and snuffs out their lives. We ask that You please, please protect each one of us from being contaminated in any way, shape, or form from this spiritual disease‚ that You please protect us and keep us.

213. Give us wisdom in all our words as we talk to one another and compliment one another. Please put a guard over our mouth and help the words that we speak to be uplifting and edifying and not cause anyone to be in a position where they would yield to this or feel that they're overweight or have a problem with it.

214. We pray specifically for Tamar, who has asked for protection, and myself, and anyone else. We claim Your miracle of protection and ask that You please keep each one.

215. Please bless this night, Lord. Give each one good dreams and solid sleep. Keep us all, and we pray for Your protection, security, and safety. Please keep our dear ones who are on their trip. Bless them and keep them all and give us a good night in Your loving arms, Jesus. Thank You Lord!

216. (Mama:) Thank You Jesus! And thank you all for your patience. I know this has been a late meeting, but your prayers were very needed, and I'm sure Kristen will appreciate them. When you compare it, the sacrifice you make of a few hours is really nothing compared to how it will benefit her, so the Lord will bless you all for it. (End of meeting.)

The Lord's Confirmation

217. (Mama: ) Dear Family, here's a message the Lord gave after our meeting that night, which explains how it's possible to develop a problem like this one—and the Lord is speaking here not just of anorexia, but of the horrible disease of negativity which is the cause of many mind battles. The danger is not only anorexia—although that is one very sad and obvious end result. However, you can become a prisoner to negativity in other ways. Almost as great a danger—and in some ways, maybe more so because it's less obvious—is that if you yield to and entertain negative thoughts and thought patterns, they can gain a hold on you to the point that they rule your life and dictate your actions. They can torment you, take away your joy in living, and completely destroy your usefulness to the Lord. The root is unyieldedness, and the Lord says very clearly that it's through continued unyieldedness that the problem grows.

218. In a way‚ that's very encouraging, because I don't want any of you thinking or fearing that at any moment this big bad problem is going to jump out and overwhelm you; it doesn't happen that way. As you'll see through Kristen's further reactions and confessions of how she developed anorexia and got into the problem‚ it was a definite unyieldedness on her part that allowed it to take root in her life.

219. At the same time, it should be very, very convicting to not let those seeds of negativity and unyieldedness stay in your life and heart. Please—each of you in our worldwide Family—take the time to ask the Lord the questions I listed for you earlier, and then go on the attack to do whatever the Lord tells you is the key to victory for you. Believe me, you don't want to have to go through what Kristen has gone through. It's been a very long and difficult battle for her—"sheer hell‚" she says. So if you want to avoid that, get serious with the Lord now about any seeds of unyieldedness or negativity in your own life, no matter what they're related to. They will grow if you don't get them rooted out. Amen?

220. (Jesus speaking:) Dear lovers, brides, and mates—this battle that has been explained to you is an example of Satan's power being loosed on this Earth in greater measure in these Last Days. He has spared no effort to try to corrupt and distort people's minds. These thoughts are negative demons that speak to you and cause you to forsake the grace I give, and accept instead the torment of the Enemy.

221. It's more than only a mind battle; it's a spiritual and very habitual yielding to the Enemy over time. You're letting your guard down, letting the fiery darts of the Enemy strike your mind and heart, letting the fire burn you and cause you pain. You start by feeling down on yourself, and then the Devil comes and tells you that you're horrible, such a mess, and you make so many mistakes that all you do is mess things up, so how could anyone love you.

222. Then you cannot see how much I love you‚ because although I may offer My love and try to convince you of it, you refuse it because you believe that you can't be loved by anyone, not even the one Who made you. I try and try to get your mind to dwell on good things and on Me, but you reject every attempt by My hand because you've swallowed the lie that you're not worth anything to Me, to anyone else, or to yourself. It is at this point that unyieldedness takes root and you begin to rebel against any opinion that says you're worthwhile‚ that you can be greatly used by Me, or that I love you beyond words.

223. When you allow this unyieldedness to settle in your heart, it becomes a subconscious habit. You stop seeing where and when I come and try to cheer you up, because you cover this with a blanket of rebellion against Me and you rebuff My every attempt at bringing joy back into your life.

224. You wonder, "Can I go down this path? Can I become a prisoner of negativity through unyieldedness in my life?" The answer is yes‚ you can, but not unless you make a conscious decision to go down that path. You have safeguards. It doesn't grab you and plunge you into that hell on its own. You are the gatekeeper; you have a choice. You can make it happen or rebuke it. It doesn't come without definite decisions against My will and without definite rejection of My Spirit. If you're unyielded in some area of your life, check your heart to see if you're consciously rejecting My Spirit and going backwards instead of making progress.

225. Remember that a heart that is not warmed by My hands and My breath of love will slowly harden, and it is this hardened part that is subject to attacks of the Enemy.

226. How is your heart? Are you yielding to Me? Are you staying soft and letting Me talk to you about parts of your life where you need to make progress? Or are you straying further and further away from My loving touch through denying My love for you and being unwilling to accept the love I give you? If you are on this path, beware! If you know there is some area of your life where you're making frequent decisions to disobey My voice or you've gotten in a habit of rejecting My love through negativity, then you're at risk.

227. Not everyone is susceptible to anorexia. Not everyone is vulnerable to this sort of attack. But anyone can develop this illness of the mind by rejecting My love and the love of those around them, and by listening to the voice of the Enemy. Anyone can fall into this, so think not that you are above this.

228. Don't think that because you don't have an eating problem that you're not potential prey for the Enemy. You are if you're unyielded in your life. If you're negative, you're listening to the Enemy's lies and you're rejecting My uplifting and inspiring thoughts and choosing the road of rebellion against Me.

229. If you fit into this category, then you'd better beware and start looking at your life and asking Me about the areas where you are unwilling to accept My love for you. It may not seem like much now, but it's a gradual thing, a steady progression toward the abyss. If you don't correct your thought patterns now, the Enemy may use these areas in your life and begin to attack you with heavier and heavier battles, because you're letting down your guard and letting him have a place in your life.

230. If you've found yourself on this path‚ the path of negativity and believing the lies of the Enemy about yourself, there is still time to turn this process around. Be warned and heed My voice now and turn from this path through praise and through resisting the negative thoughts of the Enemy.

231. I love you, your brothers and sisters and mates love you, this Family loves you, and all your spirit helpers love you. They are devoted to caring for you and giving their lives for you daily because they love you. Spirit helpers aren't assigned to people without a great love for them, whether they already have it or whether they get it with the job. So even if you feel that those around you don't love you, remember that you have a host of witnesses who love you and can do nothing else! You have permanent love and friendship from Me and from those who love you in the spirit world, even if you feel that you aren't loved in this world.

232. But I want to go further than this. I'm giving you the above example because it's a last-ditch desperate effort. That's not how far I want you to go and merely subsist on that thought. I want you to know that your mates around you love you; any one of them would give their lives for you in an instant. They would die for you because they love you. Each one bears My love for you.

233. And that brings Me to My love for you. I love you! I love even the imperfect parts of you‚ the parts of your life you feel are inadequate or lacking. I love even the parts of you that you look at and despair at. I love you because I made you exactly how you are. I didn't program you to be perfect and you just screwed it up; I made you with your faults. I gave you those things you don't like so much about yourself to enrich your life, to give you challenges, to give you something to overcome and to conquer. I gave them to you not to burden you, but so that you might develop wings to soar above them.

234. Today is the day to leave those negative thoughts in the dust, to discard them and carry them with you no more. Do you feel insecure in My love? Oh, My darling, don't let the Enemy lie to you! I couldn't love you more! I gave My life for you. I saw you when I was dying on that cross and I gladly, not begrudgingly, gave My life for you. I would do it again right now if it would prove to you how much I love you.

235. In the days that are to come you will see how much love those around you have for you. Some of them will endure afflictions, torments, trials, pain, and even death to show how much they love you. It's not a duty; it's a love–bond. They love you enough to not take their own lives into account if you are at risk. These are they who would spend day and night to comfort and help you over a battle. These are they who would die for you to help you because they carry My love for you in their hearts.

236. So don't listen to the lies of the Devil. Don't give place to his attacks on your fruitfulness and your beautiful spirit. I love you, I want you, and I would die for you right this minute if it would help you remember how much I love you.

237. Please forsake this foolishness of the Enemy and see it for what it is—an attack on your life and happiness. You don't deserve to suffer—I took that upon Myself and made it null. I took your "deserving to suffer" upon Myself, and I abolished it at My death on the cross for you. No longer do you deserve punishment. I have already fulfilled that debt, so it is yours no longer.

238. You deserve life. You deserve to be happy. You deserve so much more than these lying vanities have to offer you. What do they have to offer by comparison to all that I have to offer? Can they redeem you to Me? Can they make you more dear to Me? Can they take the sins and the heartache out of your life? No! They only torment you, and you, in a futile effort, try to atone for your own wrongs—which is useless.

239. I have forgiven you and already paid the price for your sins; you owe Satan nothing! You don't have to work for My salvation. You don't have to work for My forgiveness. You are free from the lies of the Enemy. You are free from the attacks of the demons of the Enemy who would come in and try to convince you to suffer yourself to go through this torment. You are free! Let those who I have set free be free! Live in liberty, live in My Spirit, live in the knowledge that you are loved and cared for by Me and your mates. Live in the freedom of My Spirit and don't let yourself be bound again in this trap of the Enemy. Let Me set you free.

240. And for those who may not be suffering this type of battle, you have a duty to show your love for those who may. You have a responsibility to show dear Kristen how much I love her. I have placed upon you the bond of love. You are now bound to show how much you love those who suffer from this attack of the Enemy. If she doesn't make it because of a lack of love being shown to her, I will hold you personally accountable for it. If she obeys Me and does as I have asked and stays yielded, but doesn't feel your love, you are guilty of failing Me and I will require an accounting of this from your hand.

241. Take this warning to heart, because I have given you a commission to love. If you fail in this, you're failing Me, and I will require her blood at your hand. You now bear equal responsibility in this fight. You are her comrades-in–arms, and if you don't fulfill your mission and you leave her helplessly open to the attacks of the Enemy, I will not lay it to her charge but to yours. You will bear the full responsibility of her failure if you don't show her the love that I would give her through you.

242. She must do her part, she must obey and yield to Me; and if she doesn't, then you are not accountable. But if she does and you fail her, and thus her battle is longer and harder because she lacks support, you are accountable and I will require an answer from you.

243. This is a calling I have given you. This is a job I have placed on each one of you. There is no turning aside from this task. It must be done if you are to save this, My bride's service and life for Me. You are now accountable. You have heard My words. You have been told of the battles of mind and spirit that are being fought. You have heard My commission to you. Now you are accountable.

244. To those of you who are battling after the meeting and seeing the battles that these dear ones go through, I say, put your trust in Me. Love Me, for I love you‚ I care for you, and so do those around you. Don't let the Enemy come in and amplify the feelings I let you experience so that you might understand Kristen's trials. Do not feel that you are suddenly unloved and that you will invariably now follow down this path of pain. For I let you experience the hurt and the suffering of mind and spirit that she experiences, some to a greater degree than others, so that you might see the viciousness of this attack and that you might pray for her.

245. Resist the temptation to dwell on these thoughts and feelings. Let My love wash over you and let My strength of love secure you. Let Me anchor you once again. I removed the anchor for some of you just for a moment so that you might be touched with the feeling of her infirmities, but I will restore that anchor here and now if you ask Me to.

246. Don't let the Enemy come in and say you're not worth My time or My efforts. Don't listen to his lies that you aren't good enough to be loved by Me. Rebuke that right now! You are My most prized possession and I will not let you go. I love you more than words could ever tell—that's why I have surrounded you with good things, with great things, with loving mates and friends, all because I love you!

247. So don't listen to the negative attacks of the Enemy. Let My love now wash you clean of this attack, and let My Spirit comfort you. Let the knowledge of how much each one loves you stabilize you. You're My precious lover; I care for you and am happy to spend every moment of the day with you. It's no sacrifice on My part. I do it because I can't bear to be away from your side, I love you so much.

248. Let My love reattach you to your stable anchor and know that these feelings were only to help you feel for dear Kristen and help you to pray for her. She is greatly loved of Me, so do all you can to show her that love and help her through this time of trial. (End of message from Jesus.)

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