To parents whose young people have left the Family

By MariaMaria #539 CM 3300 3/2000

Dear Family,

1. I  love you very much! I'm proud of each one of you who has taken the stand and made the commitment to continue serving the Lord in the Family. I know the Enemy has fought many of you and it hasn't been easy for you, but thank the Lord that His power and might are so much greater; His Word and His Spirit and His personal voice in prophecy are more than sufficient to help you through every test and trial. God bless you for hanging on and fighting.

2. Over the past several years, many of our young people have decided that they no longer want to serve the Lord in the Family. The reasons and circumstances are different in each case, of course.

3. Since the Charter initiated the "day of choices," many people have unfortunately made choices that caused them to drift further from the Lord and closer to the world, and in some cases to leave the Lord's service altogether.

4. More recently, as the Lord has brought us closer and closer to the level of commitment that He desired, many of our young people, along with some of our first generation, have decided that they didn't want to live the challenging and sometimes difficult life of a disciple. This is to be expected during times of change and shakeup.

5. It should be no surprise to us that many choose to leave a sacrificial life of service, for this has always been the case in the Family‚ as well as the experience of many other mission­aries and religious orders around the world.

6. While of course it's sad for us to see those we love go, and I know it's especially hard on you parents whose own children turn to the world, I also know that even this shaking of the tree is part of the Lord's plan. He told us that the tree would be shaken and that some fruit would fall‚ but that this was necessary to strengthen our Family and make us fit soldiers who are ready to face what lies ahead in the near future. He has also promised that He will work in the lives of those who leave, and that in some cases, their experiencing life "the hard way" is the best or even the only way He can bring them to eventually recommit themselves to serving Him.

7. Some of the young people who have left the Family have done so as a result of the "Shakeup 2000," and more will probably continue to do so‚ as the CROs‚ VSs and Home Councils continue to implement the S2K, evaluating whether those who signed the CM contract are living up to the requirements for Charter membership. If people signed the CM contract but they are not fulfilling the requirements for full-time discipleship, then it is the duty of the governing bodies of the Family on the field (the CROs, VSs and Home Councils) to help those people come to a decision about what they want to do, whether it's to become Fellow Members or leave the Family altogether.

8. Though it's heartbreaking when one of our young people leaves the Family, it helps if we realize that the Lord has a much bigger overall plan in mind than we can conceive of at present. In the Letter "The Silver Lining" (ML #3166, Lifelines 24), the Lord gave a great deal of encouragement for parents whose children leave the Family, and a lot of beautiful insight into how He would continue to work in their lives. I would recommend that any of you parents whose young people have left—or others of you who were shepherding them or close to them—reread those beautiful prophecies and promises to strengthen your faith and your trust in the Lord.

9. In addition to all that wonderful counsel, I've been burdened to ask the Lord to give us more instruction on how we should see things when any of our young people choose to leave the Family and how we can best help those who make that decision. One thing the Lord has emphasized to Peter and me and Family leadership, and to individual parents whose young people have left, is the need to continue to stay in touch with our young people, love them, help them to make the transition as smoothly as possible, and continue to provide them with a link to the Lord and the Family.

10. On the other hand, in "The Shakeup" and "More on 'The Shakeup,'" the Lord also gave a good deal of instruction about the need to keep ourselves separate from the world and its influences. You might feel a little confused or unsure of how you can both care for and show unconditional love to your young people who leave and still protect your Home and children from being weakened by their worldliness or any wrong attitudes. I'm sure that many of you are desperate to find the right balance in this. The Lord has given some clear and specific counsel on exactly how to go about loving and helping your children and young people who leave the Family, and what they need and don't need.

11. In this GN we're going to include mess­ages from the Lord touching on many angles of the situations and experiences you might find yourselves in and the battles and questions you might have when one (or more) of your children is leaving or has left. The Lord talks about finding the balance between devoting yourself to your missionary work while still helping and caring for your children who leave. He lays out some helpful guidelines for those of you whose children have left the Family but are still living with you; what the conditions for their doing so should be; what you should expect‚ tolerate and allow‚ and what you shouldn't. He gives ideas of how you can encourage and help your children who have chosen to live outside the Family to lead profitable and useful lives. He addresses some of the fears and hurts you might experience, and gives advice on how to make it through these turbulent times. He even shares some of His personal experience while on Earth and how He felt when those of His flesh family didn't follow the way He was leading.

12. Addressing this matter is complex, since our young people who've left have done so under a wide variety of circumstances and for many different reasons. It's not possible to give counsel that will apply to every situation, although the general principles outlined here should be of some help in any case. It's ­essential, though, if you have young people who have left or are leaving the Family, that you seek the Lord as to how to apply the counsel here—and do so frequently, step by step‚ as things develop.

13. There are many different (and some constantly changing) factors that come into play in any given situation, including the young person's relationship with each of his or her parents, age and maturity‚ relationships with peers and siblings, relationships with other adults, personality, relation­ship with the Lord and the Word, experiences in the Family, what country they live in‚ their nationality, relationships with relatives outside the Family, finances‚ how the parents handle things‚ how the young person handles things, the young person's particular gifts or skills, their degree of motivation … and the list could go on. Then of course there's the fact that some people or situations start out one way and end up another way.

14. Therefore‚ examples and instruction given in this Letter with counsel on how to approach things, what to say to your young person or how to react, will have to be prayerfully applied to your situation. This GN isn't intended to provide you with a "script" containing pat answers or instructions, but if you take the principles and the motivation behind them into consideration, and most of all be wise, prayerful, and loving, we trust the counsel here will benefit you.

15. I pray that the valuable insight and direction within these words will help each of you whose children are out in the world‚ or those who have children who are considering or will yet consider leaving the Family, to see things through His eyes, and to help your children as He knows they need to be helped. Like I said in the "Silver Lining" GN: "You may feel like there's not that much that you can do for your children once they've decided to go their own way … but that's not so. There's a lot that you can do for them through your continued sample of love for them—manifested in your loving communications and contact with them—and especially through your prayers" (ML #3166:211). It's my hope that the messages in this GN will help you to be able to put these principles into practice and give you a clearer idea of how to show that unconditional love the Lord has so often talked about‚ and how to keep the line of communication and contact strong, and keep yourselves strong in spirit as well.

16. I have also written a letter addressed to our young people who have left or are planning to leave the Family, expressing Peter's and my love and concern, our acceptance of their decision, as well as some precious words of instruction and re­assurance that the Lord gave especially for them. Please feel free to give that Letter to your young people who have decided not to remain in the Family. You can also photocopy it and send it to any of your young people who have already left, and there's a special version of the Letter enclosed for just that purpose. Please pray along with us that the Lord will help His words of love and instruction to reach and touch their hearts and cause them to want to continue to keep a link with Him, and with you, their family, and the Family‚ even as they journey out into a "far country." Though you may feel disappointed in them and sorry for them‚ you can rest assured that they're never going to be completely lost to you or to the Lord; they are eternally His, just as they will always be precious to you.

Summary of Counsel

Given in the S2K Letters on

Young People Leaving the Family

17. Before we go into the new messages the Lord gave, I'll include a summary here of the counsel given in the Letter "More on the Shake­up 2000," regarding teens or young people who leave the Family and their effect on and interactions with those who remain. It's important to look at the new information and counsel in this GN with this background in mind. In "More on the Shakeup," it was made clear that:

18. A certain amount of leeway will be given to senior teens while they are under the provisional contract and have yet to make their final decision to commit themselves as Charter Members.

19. "Leeway should be given for mistakes, if they respond to correction for those mistakes with fruits meet for repentance. Leeway should also be given for bad attitudes or lack of faith, provided they keep these to themselves. But leeway should not be given for repeated ­deliberate trans­gressions, for open rebelliousness, for causing harm to others, or for being a reproach to My work" (ML #3262:114).

20. The amount of contact with Fellow Members and former members, including young people, is to be prayed about by each Home, realizing that minimizing ungodly influences, a requirement of Charter Members‚ will often involve limiting such contact due to the effect that the young people who have left the Family have on the younger ones who remain.

21. "It's important that the parents realize and understand that the Lord expects them to be responsible for their children, and if that ex-member teen or FM teen is being a bad sample to them‚ then they shouldn't let him or her come over to the Home‚ or let their kids meet with him or her outside the Home! It's just that simple. The Home shouldn't feel under any obligation to let anyone visit their Home, including ex-member teens who are only going to bring their System junk and attitudes into the Home with them and pollute the other kids!" (ML #3262:185).

22. If teens (or YAs or SGAs) choose to leave the Family, or have to be asked to leave due to not living up to the CM or provisional contract, they may still stay within a Family Home for a certain amount of time, if the Home agrees, although the ideal is to help them get well situated elsewhere, or in some cases for the parents of the young person to open their own Home.

23. "There are some serious risks involved in having a teen who does not want to be in the Family living in your CM Home, especially if you have other young people and children living with you. There can often be some strong negative influence and a pull toward the System from such an arrangement.

24. "In most cases it would probably be healthier, especially if you have a lot of young people or children in your Home, to have the CM family whose young person is leaving the Family open their own Home. That way the negative System influences which the young person who is no longer CM will undoubtedly bring into the Home won't affect as many of our Family young people or children" (ML #3262:222, 226).

25. Homes who allow non-CM young people to remain in the Home should do so on a trial basis, setting tentative time limits.

26. "If you pray desperately and the Lord shows you to allow the young non-Charter Member to remain in your Home, then you should do so on a trial basis. Set yourself a period of time to try it out, like a month, and then come back to the Lord at the end of the month to get His up-to-date counsel on the situation" (ML #3262:232).

27. If parents need to open their own CM Home in order to continue caring for their son or daughter who has left the Family, they should continue looking for other options of where their teen can stay‚ as well as remain vigilant in the care and training of their younger ones.

28. "If you must move out on your own with your young person for a time, don't just accept that and settle down. Keep looking for other possible openings for your child—people or relatives who would take him or her in, so that you can move back into your Home or join up with another Home, to receive the fellowship, strength and power that unity brings."

29. "If you're out on your own, as a single-family CM Home, you should be prayerful, especially if you have younger children, because your teen who is no longer in the Family in spirit will undoubtedly influence them in one way or another. So it's important that you're aware of this and remain vigilant in the care and protection of your little ones, to keep them on the straight and narrow" (ML #3262:236,238).

I Will Cause All to

Work Together for Good

30. Here is some insight from the Lord about how He can and will work in the lives of our young people who choose to leave the Family, along with some encouragement for you, their dear parents.

31. (Jesus speaking:) I have ordained and designed this time of purging, this Shakeup within My Family. I have called for this ­trimming down to a Gideon's band, because I know that this is what is needed in preparation for the dark days ahead. The fact is that many will leave Charter membership. Some will choose to become Fellow Members, but sadly, others will choose to leave the Family entirely‚ including many of your own sons and daughters.

32. In order for the Family to become what it needs to be, I have had to initiate this cleansing. I ask that you parents and loved ones of young people who depart see this new move of the Spirit as something which I have allowed. Do not look at it as a failure, but trust that I will cause it all to work together for good.

33. As in every other aspect of your lives, all things are in My hands, and all things will work together for good. I've allowed some of your young ones to depart because of their own choices and reluctance to fully yield to Me. It is the only way that some will be able to learn for themselves the important lessons that each of My children must learn and understand. Had these who have left chosen to yield to the new moves of My Spirit, they could have remained and become the strong soldiers of the End that I had ordained for them to be. But because of their decisions and compromises, I've not been able to help them and work through them as fully as I would like. Yet, if they will let Me, I can still use them, even in their weakened state.

34. There is still much good that they can do, much love that they can show, and it is your responsibility as parents and shepherds to give them that vision‚ that hope, and that trust. You must show them that you believe in them, that you love them unconditionally, and that you accept their decision. You must trust them, and in trusting them, trust Me. For they are of age, they are grown, and the time of your choosing what is best for them has passed.

35. You may find it difficult, if not imposs­ible‚ to see how their leaving the Family could possibly be a good thing for them‚ but as you trust Me, as you go on believing by faith that I will work things out according to My plan, and as you continue in prayer for My will to be done, you will in due time understand that I have indeed brought about that which would fulfill My purpose.

36. I will lead and guide differently in each situation, so you must look to Me and seek Me and hear from Me personally as to how to best help your young ones find their way out in the world, and avoid the brambles, thorns and ­briars that would ensnare them and devour them before their time. (End of message from Jesus.)

What Is Your Responsibility

As Parents?

37. (Jesus speaking: ) As parents and shep­herds of these young ones who leave, it is your responsibility to see to it that they are helped along on their journey as much as possible. Of course‚ a balance has to be found, and in most cases I would not have you spend so much time with them as to neglect your work on the front lines. I've called you to be My missionaries‚ and I would that you fight to stay on the wall of My service. Yet there may be times when I will call some of you to step aside for a short time in order to help your departing children get settled and established in their new situations; or at least to spend a little extra time with them, helping them‚ without having to leave your Home or mission field to do so.

38. In every situation, however, no matter what the circumstances or what particular path or method I lead you to, the bottom line is that your children who have left still need you. They need your love and your communication. They need you to hold on to them in spirit, through your prayers. They also need you to hold on to them through physical contact, whether in person or by phone or mail. If they reject it or completely cut themselves off from you, making it impossible for you to keep in touch, that is their choice. But for the most part, there will be many ways you can continue to reach out and touch them. I will put many open doors before you and show you many things you can do to show them you care, and I encourage you to do so. This cord of love will in many cases be the very thing that keeps them stable and sane in an otherwise crazy world.

39. No matter what their choices, attitudes, or trips‚ if you can tell them and show them you love them no matter what, this will bear good fruit in their lives in due time. You may not see it or feel it; in fact‚ at times you may feel it's doing no good whatsoever, or even causing harm by making things harder on you or them. But be­lieve Me, the simple principle that love never fails is still true! I have never failed you. My love has never failed you. I have always been there for you with My love and forgiveness, even when you've strayed far or sinned against Me. Therefore I ask you, as My representa­tives on Earth, to show that same unconditional love and acceptance to your children.

40. Acceptance does not mean that you allow them to do whatever they want, whenever they want. It does not mean that you disregard the Shakeup guidelines and the words that I gave at that time concerning contact with those who are not within your circle of membership. But it does mean that you do not reject them or cut them off from your love or fellowship. Even if they're a bad influence on your younger ones and you can't have them over to your Home, or not much, try to stay in touch with them. Even if you have to be in touch by letter or phone, or by visiting them, or meeting them out, or whatever the case, make an effort to do this.

41. Even if there is much you disagree on, even if there is contention and bitterness and mis­under­standing between you, as long as you're trying to communicate, as long as you're reaching out, there will be progress, and bonds of love will be strengthened.

42. There are many words of wisdom and instruction I would speak to you precious parents. Yet the thing I would etch most firmly upon your hearts is that "the greatest of these is love." Though you maintain a high spiritual standard in your own lives and those of your other children; though you provide for your departed ones physically by helping them to get set up and rolling or by continuing to provide a home for them; though you prepare them well educationally before they leave the Family; the thing that will mean the most to them and have the greatest effect for good on their lives is when you continue to show them My love, even through all their ups and downs.

43. Even if you feel you don't have the love within yourself to be kind‚ gentle, patient and forgiving; even if you feel hurt, rejected‚ or mis­treated because they have cast away all that you hold dear, you can still love them with My love—manifested in prayers, in communication, as well as speaking the truth in love and giving wise and prayerful instruction. (End of message from Jesus.)

44. (Mama:) The Lord is now ­highlighting the care of our young people who leave and how to minister to them and care for them. Most of the counsel in this GN is from the angle of their needs and what you as parents can do to help them. I was concerned that in reading this, some of you parents might feel that the Lord is asking you to expend a great deal of time and attention on your teens who leave the Family‚ or that if you have children who want to go to the System, you would even feel obligated to leave the CM Family yourselves or leave your mission field in order to care for them. The Lord has made it clear‚ however, that His highest calling and your most important ministry is still serving Him and others in the Family.

45. (Jesus speaking:) I have given you‚ My darlings‚ a very high calling—that of being My front-line soldiers, My elite troops, My cadre of officers, My leaders of the True Church in the Latter Days. This calling is given to very few, and even of those who it is given to‚ there are few who follow it‚ and even fewer who will follow through unto the End. This calling, to live and fight and die if need be for Me and My cause, is yours, and cannot be taken from you unless you give it up.

46. Some of your young ones have chosen to set aside this calling and to pursue another path. Although they won't be as fruitful or as useful to Me as they would've been if they'd chosen to continue on in the CM Family, I do not love them less for it. I am not angry at them, nor do I hold a rod of judgment over their heads, waiting for the right time to smite and afflict them. I love them and I wish for you, My dear parents and shepherds, to minister love and encouragement, a listening ear and a helping hand to those of your youth who choose another path in life than that of full-time service to Me. Yet take care not to forsake your calling and crown because they have set aside theirs.

47. They need you, and they need to know that you still care for them and love them. And in some cases, especially when they're younger teens, they'll also need your physical support and assistance, at least at the start. At times you (or one of you) may even need to travel with them to another house, city‚ or country for a short time in order to ensure that they are well settled in their new surroundings, have all that they need, and are ready to stand on their own. Yet in all this, I ask you to remember your primary calling, which is preaching the Gospel to all nations and reaching the lost in the field I have called you to.

48. Yes, you have an obligation to your children of the flesh‚ these who you have borne and carried and whose spiritual and physical well-being I have entrusted to your care. No matter how old they are, you are their parent and they will look to you for guidance and support, and they need to know you care. You must seek Me, however, as to how much time and effort to invest in that care. It will be different for each one, yet no matter what the case, keep in mind that you've been called by Me, that your place is a privileged one, and not one to let go of easily.

49. It can be easy to get pulled off the wall of My service‚ sometimes bit by bit‚ so subtly and slowly that you don't realize the direction you're moving in, or for such seemingly good reasons that you don't see the seriousness of your decisions and their consequences, where they're taking you. It may seem at times that the right thing, the responsible thing, the good thing to do is to follow the direction your children lead‚ to cater to them and care for them, to put them above all, even above your calling to serve Me. Yet while this may be a good and loving thing, in most cases it would not be My highest will. It would not lead you to the place of greatest fulfillment and blessing. Neither would it provide what I have destined and ordained for your other children who would be affected by your decision—a place of service to Me and others within this Family. (End of message from Jesus)

50. (Mama:) Please, dear parents, be very prayerful when deciding how to help your children who choose to leave the Family, whether it is in allowing them to live temporarily in your single-family CM Home‚ or helping them get situated outside of your Home. While you are to do what you can to prepare them and help get them started on the right foot, you are also responsible to provide a healthy environment for your other children and to stay faith­ful to your own calling as missionaries. If you are at all inclined toward having your whole Family leave a mission field and return to a home field in order to care for your children who leave the Family, I strongly caution you to pray very desperately before making such a decision. It is possible that the Lord could lead one of you parents to accompany that child to your home country so you could help him get set up, but that should be for a short period of time, especially if the child is a YA or SGA.

What Is God's Highest Will?

51. I know that there may be a question on some of your hearts about how the Lord's will and plan fits in with the choices that people make to leave the Family. It's difficult‚ if not impossible, to know or understand everything that the Lord has done in each person's life and how they reached the decision to leave the ­Family.

52. We tend to automatically think that they're out of the Lord's will if they're not in the Family, but the Lord has said that in some cases because of the choices some make, they may go out for a time for one reason or another, but that He'll teach them lessons through the things they experience. We asked the Lord to explain how He looks at those who leave and how we—whether their parents, shepherds, friends or peers—should look at them.

53. (Jesus speaking:) My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts cannot be compared to your thoughts. This is one thing that you'll never be able to figure out or see exactly as I see it. That's because you'll never fully know the heart and mind and spirit of each person I created, but I do.

54. It's wiser not to judge or to hang labels on people who have left the Family. You don't know all that they went through or all the reasons why they made the choices they made. You may know much and understand much, but there is more beneath the surface in their heart‚ thoughts, intents and desires which you won't know about until you get to Heaven and it is revealed to you there.

55. Each baby that was or is born within the Family‚ I placed within the circle of the Family for a good reason. I gave them a head start to being a missionary and disciple. I gave them a high calling, a chance and opportunity to serve Me in a very special way. But I don't love Family babies or children more than the other children in the world. Each one came from My hand, and I want each child and each person on Earth to have the same opportunity to know Me and love Me with all their heart.

56. As each person makes choices, within the Family or without the Family, I judge them according to their hearts, as well as the training that they have had, the input, the love, the Word, the sample. I hold those who have grown up or been in the Family for many years more accountable, more responsible in their ­subsequent choices, than people of the world. But remember‚ I am the Judge, not you. You should love and pray for those who have chosen to no longer be in the Family, and pray that they will allow Me to keep them under the shadow of My wings.

57. My will is a mysterious thing. It's something that I have created as a means of letting an individual know that he or she and I are in perfect harmony, perfect sync; that they are within My plan and following Me closely. Not everyone desires to be within My will, but to those who do, who love Me and want to make My plan their plan, I give the gift of knowing My highest will. I communicate this to the individual. Once you find My highest will for you, you can have peace and rest in your heart.

58. For the most part‚ you don't have to worry about those around you and get into analyzing whether or not they're in My highest will. You certainly don't have to worry about those who have chosen to leave the Family, because I am caring for them. I'm watching out for them. If you ask Me, I may tell you whether or not someone is in My highest will or not, but usually it's enough for you to be concerned about staying in My will yourself.

59. My will for someone can change depending on circumstances and the choices they have made. I may have My ideal highest will for a person, yet if they make choices that make My highest will impossible to be fulfilled or met, then I will make allowance for them. I will provide other options, other paths they may travel within My will, which they may choose instead. I have given man freedom of choice, and in so doing, I've agreed to work with man and to adapt, to some extent‚ to the choices he makes.

60. My highest will for someone's life‚ meaning My original plan and preference, does not change. However, according to choices that one makes, My will in regards to certain specifics of a person's life may change. If someone chooses to veer from My original plan, I will show them My highest will among the available options for a particular situation, according to their choices. When this happens‚ though I will show them My highest will for their present situation‚ it will never be the same as My original highest will and choice for them.

61. If for some reason someone feels they are unable to remain in the Family or give their 100%, or there are other circumstances that they feel they have a duty or obligation to, and this leads them out of the Family, then I will adapt, and, in accordance with their choices, show them My will for them in their new situation. I will speak to their heart and let them know clearly through the different ways to know My will, what My highest will for them is in their current situation.

62. If they come to Me and communicate their feelings and desires and choices to Me, then I, as the good and loving Shepherd that I am‚ will not leave them or forsake them or cast them aside. Rather, I will do what I can to help them and show them what is My highest and best for them in their new life. But if someone pushes Me out of their life and doesn't want to involve Me in their life, then this is much more difficult. Then they do not allow Me to let them know how I would direct them, and this can lead to greater problems as they go about living a life without Me.

63. If you worry about your loved ones‚ your brothers, sisters, parents, or best friends who have left the Family, here's something practical and very helpful that you can do for them: Pray that they stay in touch with Me. Pray that, even though they're out of the Family, they will ask Me about their life and their plans. Pray that they will let Me speak to them with My still small voice and direct them. Encourage them to do this. Because if they do, then they can be protected and helped and empowered by Me.

64. I have great love for each of My children, and not one of them will I cast out. You can't always know whether or not someone is in My will, but you can do your part to pray for them and love them‚ and you can trust Me that I'm helping them the best I can‚ as much as they'll let Me. If they love Me and are leaning on Me, then they have protection and blessings. If someone chooses another path in life but is still willing to follow Me to a certain degree and give their life to Me in part, then I am happy and take whatever they give, and I will lead and guide them accordingly. For this they will be rewarded and blessed.

65. It is true that on some occasions I chart a course for one of My children that leads them out of the Family for a time. They choose this course, and I allow their passage down it because in My foresight, I know that this will help them, change them‚ and make them into the man or woman they need to be. In a case like this, it could be very much My will for someone to leave the Family for a time or to be experiencing another walk of life. But this is the exception rather than the rule.

66. In summary‚ it's impossible for you to fully understand how I work in each person's life and what would be best for them. You cannot hang a label on people and say whether they're meant to be here or there. Each one that I have placed in the Family, I have given a call to dedication and a life of commitment to Me. I have also given this call to many in the world, and do so more as you spread My message. But it's wisest not to judge, not to condemn, because more often than not, you'll be wrong and your condemnation and judgment will be held against you and not them. I'm taking care of them in My Own loving and wise way. I have more love and care than you could imagine, so leave your loved ones in My hands, and do your part to pray that they will listen to Me and abide in Me as much as possible. (End of message from Jesus)

Confronting Mixed Emotions

67. (Mama: ) When asking the Lord to give us His perspective for you parents whose young people leave the Family, He not only gave valuable counsel and precious words of comfort, but He also shared with us some more of His personal testimony while on Earth, and the feelings and battles He fought when experiencing a loss similar to what you're experiencing now. It's beauti­ful to see how He relates so well and ­really understands what we go through.

68. (Jesus speaking:) I caution you parents of teens who have decided to leave the Family that you must be on guard against emotions that the Enemy will try to twist and distort to harm you any way he can. He will always be ready and waiting for the opportunity to cause you to stumble, to fall into dis­couragement and condemnation, and to com­promise your convictions. For this reason I ask you, dear parents, and siblings and friends, of those who make the decision to leave, to look to Me to carry you through these times.

69. You must confront the mixed emotions that you will feel by asking Me to help you see through the eyes of faith and trust. Come to Me, keep your eyes on Me, and allow Me to direct your every step, your every thought, your every word of communication with your son or daughter should they make the decision to go out from among you. Only as you look to Me and receive My direction at every turn will you be able to be the help and support and blessing to your offspring that will be needed as they venture out.

70. l know the heartache it is to have a loved one go out from you. I experienced similar feelings when I walked on the Earth. For when it came My time to work the works of My Father in Heaven, I had every hope and high expectation that My brothers and sisters would also follow in full-time discipleship, yet they did not.

71. I had grown close to My siblings during those years when we grew up together. Yet when it was time for Me to launch out into My ministry‚ they did not follow in the way I had hoped. They were not willing to forsake all and to follow in My footsteps. This caused Me great heartache‚ yet I came to realize that at that point in time, they had more to learn before wholly dedicating themselves to such a task. My dear ones, you must put your hand in Mine, put your trust in Me; for these are Mine, and I will continue to work in their hearts and minds and lives as no other can.

72. I do not speak to you as One Who does not understand the heaviness of heart you feel, for I know how you feel. I too experienced a great mixture of emotions when those I loved so dearly, whether My siblings or others of My beloved followers, chose to follow another path. I was deeply grieved, and at times I was tempted to be angry with them. I couldn't understand how My brothers and sisters could not follow. Here I was, their own flesh and blood. We'd been so close, been through ups and downs‚ through thick and thin together during the years of our youth. We'd shared everything, and naturally I'd hoped they would also want to share in My ministry.

73. So Satan tempted Me with feelings of confusion, frustration and deep remorse over each one. He tried to cause Me to doubt My Father in Heaven. I had so many questions—My mind and heart were plagued. But in this way, Satan was My "helper‚" for the deep heartbreak I felt drove Me to seek My Father in Heaven for solutions. What purpose and plan did My Father have in this turn of events? How was I to react toward My family? What was My relationship with them to be? As I called out to My Father, He never failed to answer every question I had.

74. As I looked to Him each day, He wisely instructed Me in what to do. He reminded Me that He was not allowed to interfere with the choices of each individual‚ but He assured Me that He was able to work in the lives of each one‚ and that He would be with them. He led Me to show them unconditional love and concern. He never failed to lead Me, showing Me plainly how I could continue to best help them, to be a blessing; what words to speak, what action to take toward them to show them love, yet at the same time stand firm in My convictions and stay true to My calling.

75. My Heavenly Father showed Me clearly that My sample would speak louder than the words I spoke to them, and He always led Me to stand firm, never wavering in My mission, while showing them a large measure of love. The conviction they saw in Me, the faith I held onto, and the sample I showed did more to help lead them along than My constant physical presence would have ever done.

76. My Father wisely instructed Me and led Me to stay true to My calling, the purpose for which I was born. Reminding Myself often of My calling and purpose gave Me the faith, courage and determina­tion to carry on. I was on a mission, as you are on a mission; therefore keeping My eyes always upward on Heaven was My victory. My Father never failed to comfort Me by reminding Me of His promise that as long as I sought first the Kingdom of Heaven, He would take care of these whom I so dearly loved, and not one would be lost.

77. It wasn't always easy to cope when a loved one went back. There were many tests I had to pass‚ but as I kept My eyes on Heaven and as I sought My Father for everything, He never failed to comfort Me, encourage Me, and let Me know He was in perfect control. I had to simply trust Him and stand on His Word and His promises to Me that He would care for My loved ones as only He could, even when things looked grim. This was a test of faith on My part, but My Father carried Me through every time.

78. At times these whom I loved so dearly even fought against Me. My sisters went so far as to scorn Me. They had no reservations about making it known publicly that they were not in agreement with My ministry, that they were offended by My actions and unconventional ways, that they did not care for My choice of followers and the company I kept, nor did they approve of the doctrines that I preached. Throughout these times I loved them‚ despite their mocking and condemnation.

79. Though this caused Me heartache, I could not let this bring Me down off the wall of My Heavenly Father's highest will for Me. I had to keep My eyes focused on the Kingdom of Heaven. I had to keep moving, keep taking action, and I had to be about My Father's business. This is why, when My brethren came to Me, there were times when I could not tend to them immediately. As I prayed in every case and sought My Father above, He led Me in this way.

80. There were many times when I had to pull back from personally tending to their wants and needs and trust them to My Father's care. Though I was to show them unconditional love, I was also to seek first the Kingdom of Heaven. This is why I said, "Who is My mother, and who are My brethren, save them that do the will of My Father which is in Heaven?" For I was first a child of Heaven, as you are first children of Heaven.

81. Each time I was confronted with situations concerning My loved ones who were estranged from Me‚ as I sought My Father above, He led Me in which course of action to take in My relation­ship with them. He led Me as to whether I was to tend personally to them, or work out for others to do so, or simply entrust them to His care, committing them to My Father in prayer and trusting Him to work in their hearts and lives.

82. I found there was a time and a place for everything. There were times when My Father led Me to accommodate My flesh family and loved ones within the boundaries which My Father was faithful to set for Me. And there were times when I was led to pull back, to refrain from personal involvement‚ trusting that My Father was working in their hearts. The most important thing I had to do was to seek My Heavenly ­Father in every instance and every situation as to how much to help them, how far to go, what to say and what to do in every case.

83. My flesh brethren did stick by Me in the very beginning of My ministry, and as long as it was convenient for them. As long as I didn't rock the boat too much, they followed. When I turned the water into wine, they gloried in My presence. But as I branched out into what they considered more radical doctrine‚ when it became apparent that in order to follow Me closely it was going to cost them something‚ most were not willing to continue.

84. I knew that each time My Father led Me to rock the boat, to launch a shakeup, I risked losing disciples. Yet this was necessary in order to reach the goal that was set before Me. Had I not stayed dropped out, had I compromised and backed down from what My Father was expecting of Me‚ it would have been more difficult for Me and for My family in the end. When I died‚ they knew I was dying for what I believed in, for they saw My conviction in My day-to-day life.

85. I know, My loves, the temptations and trials you face when I ask you to stand firm in faith and strong in your convictions, to stand up for My Words and My ways amidst the shake­up I've brought your way. For I too was tested through each and every shakeup My disciples and I went through. Yet I know that though it may seem difficult at the time, the end results will be worth it all. I know these shakeups don't always seem easy; yet I can promise you they will bring about the fruit of righteousness in each and every heart and life that you commit to My care. You can't yet fully understand My ways, but I call you to put your trust wholly in Me. The servant is not above the master, therefore as I withstood shakeup after shakeup, so must you, My faithful ones; for by this process you will stand strong in the Last Days.

86. I too marched on through many shake­ups in My ministry on Earth, each having its perfect purpose. The day I delivered the "eat My flesh and drink My blood" message, there was a mighty shakeup! Many to whom I preached were offended‚ and many of My beloved followers no longer walked with Me. This was a great test of faith on My part, for it looked as though I was at great loss. Yet again, as I looked to My Father in Heaven‚ He comforted My heart. He assured Me that those who stood with Me would come out all the stronger for it, and that He would still be with those who walked away. Though they ventured out on their own, though they insisted on walking the difficult path, He would work in their lives and hearts and He would bring them around in His time.

87. He helped Me to see that many who went back that day had lessons to learn; that though He couldn't stand in the way of each one's own personal choices, He would be with them and use these decisions to teach them lessons nonetheless. He reminded Me that each one was marked by Him, that having known the truth‚ having been given the light, they had the seal of Heaven on their heads and they could never be loosed. They were His, and He would not let them out of His loving reach.

88. My Father spoke to Me, saying that the most important thing I could do was entrust My loved ones to His care. He reminded Me that I had been sent to Earth not to do My Own will, but to do the will of Him Who sent Me; therefore I was to first be about Heaven's business. When My Heavenly Father told Me to proclaim these words about "eating My flesh and drinking My blood‚" I must tell you, I was tempted to contest, "But Father…." It was not necessary to continue, however, for I knew in My heart that My Heavenly Father's ways were true and just, and in that very moment, He reached down and touched Me.

89. I heard His soothing voice whispering to My heart as He said, "Be comforted‚ My Son, for this is My will. Of all these I have given you, none will be lost, but all will rise up again at the last day. All that are Mine I have given you, and I would not that any perish. Therefore trust in Me, no matter how dark your way may seem, and know that I have My hand on each one." This brought great victory and comfort to My soul. Knowing that these who had gone away from Me were in His safekeeping, I went about My Father's business.

90. Dear parents, I am in perfect control. These that are yours are Mine, first and foremost‚ and what I have promised concerning them, I will perform. I will never leave them nor forsake them. Though they be found faithless, I will be with them. Whether they ascend up to the Heavens‚ or descend to the depths of Hell‚ I will be there, right alongside them. I am not a man that I should lie, and this is My promise to you: I go with them to the highest heights, to the deepest depths, to the farthest corners of the Earth; I will be with them.

91. I know the heartache that fills you. I know the mixture of emotions that engulfs you, My dear parents, for Satan seeks to hit you in the most tender spot of all—the one regarding your children. This is why I ask you to put your hand in Mine at this time, for My grace is sufficient for you, if you will trust in Me. As you go about My business, as I went about My Father's business, I will care for your own.

92. When it became evident that My brothers and sisters were not willing to support Me and follow closely, again as I cried out to My Father, asking what I was to do, He replied, "My Son, what is that to Thee? Follow the truth and the light that You have been given, and simply trust Me to bring them along in My way and in My time as only I know how." This simple re­alization was a milestone in My earthly life, as I learned that no one, not even I in My flesh‚ could touch their lives, care for them‚ nor reach them in the way My Heavenly Father knew how. Those words of wisdom from My Father were like cold waters to a thirsty soul. Strange as it may seem, however, I didn't have the strength nor the will power on My Own to commit My brothers and sisters to My Father's safekeeping. I was tempted to take the weight and burden of their problems upon Myself. I had to cry out to My Father with all that was in Me for the faith and the grace and the help I needed from Heaven that would carry Me through and help Me to trust these, whom I loved so dearly, to His care and safekeeping.

93. As I did, My Father showered His infinite grace upon Me in great measure. He filled My heart with peace that passed all understanding—that of knowing that by committing their care to Him, I was truly doing the most, all I could do, to help them. For what better care could one give to a loved one than to place them safely in the Heavenly Father's hands?

94. My Father instructed Me that My duty was to uphold them often in My fervent prayers, and that through My prayers His hand would be moved to work in their lives and hearts and minds. And so I did, and My Father gave Me grace‚ wisdom and conviction to carry on.

95. I knew that My Father expected Me to show My brethren unconditional love and concern‚ but that I also had to put the Kingdom of Heaven first and foremost. I knew that putting first things first would bring down the blessings of God.

96. Through My demonstration of faith and conviction, because I didn't falter or compromise My convictions, this testimony worked for good in the hearts of My brothers and sisters, so that later on down the line, after I had gone to My Heavenly Father‚ they did come around to follow My teachings and teach others to do so also. Yes, they came around when the time was right. My mother and brethren were there on the day of Pentecost, after I had gone to My Father, and they received great power‚ along with My other disciples, to carry on the work of the Kingdom of Heaven.

97. Let all things be done in love, for I would have you show them unconditional love. Yet remember‚ love is to speak the truth. Love is to stand your ground and to stand up for your convictions. This is perhaps one of the most import­ant factors that will help you in handling your loved ones who decide to go out: Stand your ground in faith and conviction, yet in love. Let all things be done in love‚ but do all things in faith and with the conviction and power of My Spirit, seeking Me for guidance every step of the way.

98. Remember, they are Mine. They're in My hands and I will continue to work in their hearts and lives as you commit them to Me. I am able to care for them and to give them the things that they need better than you can, therefore commit them to Me. Do what you can, but trust Me to do what you can't.

99. Uphold them always with your prayers, for your prayers will carry them through the rough waters that they venture out upon. As you uphold them always in your prayers, I will work and move in their hearts and lives according to their need. I ask you not to forsake them in your prayers—for your prayers will do mighty things. Your prayers will work in their lives and will reach them in a way that you cannot otherwise.

100. I call you to love them unconditionally, yet I call you to look to Me for leading and guidance on how this unconditional love might best be administered. There will be many ways—practical ways—in which you might show your unconditional love; all this I will show you as you follow Me step by step. (End of message from Jesus.)

101. (Mama: ) How precious of Jesus to share His heart and feelings with us like this. It wasn't easy for Him to put His Father's work first, even above His family ties and the close link He wanted to have with them‚ and even felt He should have with them. Yet He learned to find the balance by keeping His eyes on His Father and seeking His counsel every step of the way. He learned to fight for His family in prayer, to reassure them of His love at each opportunity, but to entrust many of the details of their situations to God so that He could go on fulfilling the commission that He was called to.

102. You too can trust that your dearest Father, Shepherd, Husband and Lover will work in your young people's lives through your prayers, as well as through whatever time and love you are able to give them, while still remaining faithful to Him and to the mission field He has called you to.

It's Not Over Yet!

103. Here is some insight from the Lord into how He's working in the lives of our young people who choose to leave the Family. He tells how to find the balance between loving, caring for, and supporting your children who have left the Family and helping provide their needs, while at the same time minimizing their potential negative effects on other young people and children in the Home. This is good counsel not only for you who are parents, but for the siblings and friends of young people who leave the Family as well.

104. (Jesus speaking:) Come unto Me, all you whose hearts are weary and whose spirits have fallen, and I will lift up the arms and the heads that hang down. I know your pain, and I also feel sad. These ones that go out from among you are not only your children, but they're My children, and it grieves My heart that they've chosen the rough road and the hard way. I know your heart. I see your tears. I feel your pain and heartache and the sense of failure that overwhelms you. I know your dreams and aspirations for your young ones and the great hopes you had for them, for they are the same hopes and dreams that I had for them. You feel like all has been in vain, and, "What's the use? Look how it turned out." Well, I'll tell you‚ it's not over yet!

105. This is just another stage in their growth and your growth. I have called you to a new challenge and battle. Trust Me for the outcome in this battle; for the fruits of this battle will be monumental. It won't be easy, and there will be much for you to learn, but I will teach you and train you as you listen to Me each step of the way.

106. As for the ones who have gone out from among you, I still have more for them to learn as well. I've promised in My Word that if you train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it. I have also promised that My Word will not return void. All that you've invested in these will be used. When they come to the end of their rope and find themselves in time of great need‚ they will remember Me and I will be there—a very present help in trouble. So be comforted, My loves. If I help and comfort those who know little about Me, but who in time of great need turn to Me, how much more will I care for My children who know so much about Me and My ways.

107. All must give account for themselves. Each of you must make a choice. I have sent out the call of Joshua. Can you hear the cry of Joshua? He's calling out again, "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve!" His answer is, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Your answer is the same as his; you have chosen to serve the Lord‚ you and your house—which includes the young ones whom I have given into your care until the day when they are able to move out and live elsewhere if they so choose. Until that day they are subject to you and are part of your house that has chosen to serve the Lord. It is your responsibility to love and care for them‚ to provide for them and protect them, to bring them up in My ways and teach them the truth.

108. If some of your family have chosen to leave, I know you will feel pain and sorrow. You love them and wish they could continue to serve Me within the Family‚ and you feel sad that they have chosen another path—one that may lead them away from both you and Me. In some cases, your young ones are not content within the Family and wish to try other things in other places. In other cases, they may be rejecting Family beliefs that you hold dear. Nevertheless, continue to show them your uncon­ditional love and acceptance, despite what you might feel about their actions. I love every prodigal son or daughter just as dearly as those who remain at home, and I ask you to do the same.

109. Some of your sons and daughters who leave will continue to live decently and right­eously, while others, like the prodigal of old‚ will give their all to riotous living and excess. When these prodigals come to visit you, it would be best for you to draw a clear line of distinction as to what is and what is not acceptable in your presence and that of your other children.

110. This is especially important with these who have chosen a lifestyle far different from the Family lifestyle, although it applies to all your children who have left to some extent. You must lay down ground rules. Tell them, "I want to see you and I want you to see your brothers and sisters, but I can't allow you to speak and act in an ungodly fashion in front of them." Let your other children know that you dearly love your son or daughter who has left‚ but you don't fully agree with the lifestyle they have chosen and you won't put up with any ungodly deeds that they do.

111. Just as you wouldn't allow any other person to smoke, overdrink, curse‚ demean your way of life or exhibit ungodly deeds in your home or in your presence, neither should you let your children. Clearly explain this to them as well as to your other children. Make it clear that they're welcome as long as they're polite and respectful of your way of life and beliefs. You can agree to disagree. But even if they don't respect it, don't be ashamed of your way of life. Don't be ashamed to stand firm and say, "Yes, I love Jesus and His Words. I love this Family, and I believe in all that it stands for."

112. Don't be fearful to stand up for your principles and to quote My Word to back you up. Exercise wisdom and prayerfulness, but don't hold back from sharing the truth with them, even if you have to confront them about their behavior or speech at times. They need to see this example of conviction in you if they're going to continue to respect you. Because of this they'll know that they can turn to you in time of need or in time of spiritual hunger, being assured that you're strong in My Spirit and will be able to give them what they need.

113. This is going to be a big test for you and your family. This is going to be one of the greatest challenges of your life. But if you stand your ground and stand up for My Word, I promise it will bring great results and rewards. Your younger children will see your strength and con­viction and marvel, and the ones who have left will respect you for it‚ and in many cases it will rekindle their fire.

114. I caution you that one hindrance to beware of is the spirit of self-righteousness. Pray desperately against this. The Enemy would like to defeat the good fruit of you standing up for your convictions by distorting the message because of your delivering it self–righteously. So My loves, pray, pray, and pray again against the awful spirit of self-righteousness.

115. If you're following Me and living for Me, you're doing what's right and you can be proud of it. But if you come across with a condescending attitude, making your son or daughter feel that they've done something terrible, that you disapprove of them or don't consider them or their lives worthwhile, this will hurt rather than help your young ones; it will cause the gap between you to widen‚ rather than building a bridge over which they might cross. Don't let this make you afraid to stand up for the truth, as it's better to say it wrong than not to say it at all. Nevertheless, I would caution you to walk in humility, so you can achieve the best results.

116. Just as you don't want them speaking badly about your way of life‚ don't speak badly about theirs. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't show some initial disapproval at their decision when they inform you, or tell them your honest feelings about it when it comes up or when asked. You do need to speak the truth in love at such times. However, once their decision is made, you should refrain from railing against them, from delivering speeches and sermons exhorting them, chiding them, and showing your disapproval of them and your dislike for their way of life.

117. I know you hate the ways of the System and its selfishness‚ materialism, lack of purpose and meaning, and the presence of so much evil and iniquity. I'm pleased that the System repulses you and you've chosen to stay close by My side. But there's a difference between hating evil and bad­mouthing the personal decisions of others. If the other children see you speaking badly about your child's decisions, they won't understand, and may think that you no longer love those who have left‚ and that perhaps someday if they (your younger ones) displease you, they too will lose your love. Speak faith about your child in their presence and in the presence of your other children.

118. This doesn't mean there won't be times when you have to sit your other children down and explain why different things their siblings out of the Family are doing are not according to the Word and all they have been taught and believe in. You need to do this and show them clearly from My Word what the truth is, what is right, and where My Godly standard lies. Yet this would not include snide remarks about the System and their way of life, or about your child and their particular lifestyle. Such condescending remarks belittle your child, and may even reinforce the desire of the wayward one to rebel. So set a watch on your mouth and let only the things that edify come forth.

119. My loves, these who have chosen to go have made their decision and are accountable for its consequences, and I have asked you to open your hands and let them go. Now clasp those same hands together in prayer. Pray for them that they will return to My joy and happiness. Pour out your hearts before Me in the presence of your other children, in love and care. Pray that I will keep them from evil, and provide and protect them. Pour out your souls before Me in weeping and tears, praising Me for them. Come before Me with your broken heart interceding in love for them. In doing so, your other children will see your love for those who have left and your trust in Me for My care while they are gone. This sample will impress them, and if word gets back to those who have gone out, it will encourage them and touch their hearts. The encouragement that this will provide for them will be an added blessing; for I have already promised that I will hear your prayers and ­answer them.

120. The battle is great. The test is challenging. But I know you can do it, for your love for Me is great. You've proven this many times; over and over again you've cast your lot with Me. I promise to bring great fruit and good results out of this purging. I know this is not an easy battle that I've called you to, but it is one well worth fighting. I promise you the victory if you do your part. (End of message from Jesus.)

121. (Mama:) The Lord says: "You must draw a clear line of distinction as to what is and what is not acceptable in your presence and that of your other children. You must lay down ground rules." If you're going to hold your Home and children to the Charter Member standard‚ then this would mean that young people out of the Family living in or visiting your Home should also not indulge in activities that contravene the Charter when together with you—including smoking, overdrinking or underage drinking, using foul language, watching violent movies and TV, eating loads of junk food‚ speaking negatively against the Word or the Family, and so forth.

122. Here is the excerpt from the Charter about rules for non-Family young people in Family Homes, for your reference:

Teenagers who are no longer Charter Family Members, may, with approval of a majority of the Home's voting members and permission from their continental office, continue to tempor­arily reside in a Charter Home on guest status, provided they adhere to the following rules:

•Refrain from activities that would reflect negatively on the Family, such as ­shoplifting.

•Keep a clean and presentable appearance.

•No smoking in the Home or on the property.

•No substance abuse or use of illicit or illegal drugs.

•No carrying weapons such as guns or knives with large blades.

•No drinking for minors, or above the ­alcohol quota for those over 18, while in the Home.

•No cursing or using foul language in the Home.

•No violent behavior or harming of animals, humans or property.

•No sexual activity with Charter Members.

•No homosexual activities.

•No continual public expression of criticism of the Family, the Word, or Family leadership.

•No audible System music in communal ­areas of the Home.

•No ungodly videos or TV viewing in communal areas of the Home, including their bedroom if shared with others.

•No ungodly books in public areas of the Home.

•Not eligible for CM or CM/FM lit, unless the parents or teamwork wish to read certain Letters with him or her.

•Must abide by all other rules or regulations set down for them by the Home council.

(From Responsibilities and Rights of the Charter Home, 9,C‚3, page 86)

123. In the above prophecy, the Lord listed several important points that will be keys to a fruitful relationship with your young people who leave the Family:

•Make a clear line of distinction as to what is and isn't acceptable in your presence and that of your other children.

•Agree to disagree. But even if they don't respect it‚ don't be ashamed of your way of life.

•Exercise wisdom and prayerfulness, but don't hold back from sharing the truth that the Lord has put in your heart, even if it means confronting them about their behavior or speech.

•Beware of the spirit of self-righteousness. Pray desperately against this.

•Speak the truth in love, but refrain from exhorting them‚ chiding them‚ and showing your disapproval of them and your dislike for their way of life.

•Speak faith about your child in their ­presence and in the presence of your other children.

•Sit your other children down and explain why different things that their older siblings are doing are wrong and not according to the Word.

•Open your hands and let them go, and clasp those same hands together in prayer for them.

Goals, Guidelines and Boundaries

124. In these next two messages, besides expounding further on the counsel above, the Lord specifically addresses the challenging situation that some of you will find yourselves in—that of having to live on your own for a time (as a CM Home with CRO permission, but without other Family members), in order to care for your teen who has left the Family but who is not ready to live on their own and/or who you have not been able to find a place for with relatives, etc. There may be cases where you can continue to keep your children who are no longer in the Family in your Home, if both your Home and your CROs agree; however, in many cases this will not be the best for all involved, as was brought out in the Letter "More on the Shakeup!" (ML #3262).

125. The counsel in these messages is primarily for those of you who are CM but are living on your own in order to care for your children who no longer want to be in the Family. Those of you who have children out of the Family who you have found a good situation for elsewhere‚ but who you are still having regular personal contact with‚ will also find this counsel helpful in keeping your interactions with them on the right track.

126. Before we go into these messages, here's some counsel the Lord gave on the difference between those who are of legal age—YAs or SGAs—who choose to leave the Family and how much care and leeway they would be given, as compared to how much underage teens need. Please keep this in mind when reading the remainder of the counsel in this GN.

127. (Jesus speaking:) A senior teen who is not of legal age will clearly need more par­ental help and guidance and physical care than those who are older. A YA or SGA who leaves the Family may still need to stay within their parents' Home for a certain amount of time, until they are able to get themselves settled. There should be some agreement or limit, however, as to this time‚ and it should generally not be more than a month or two. That should be sufficient in most cases for an older young person, who is of legal age‚ to get set up on their own in an apartment or dormitory or with relatives, and be able to make their way from there.

128. I have given the option that young people who have chosen to leave can remain in the CM Home, if the Home agrees; yet this is not only not the ideal, but it is also primarily for those who are younger, the 16- and 17-year-olds. These are often still children in many ways and have much to learn, by virtue of their youth. Your older ones, the YAs and SGAs, have gained more knowledge and are better prepared for the challenges they will face. But they will also need preparation, for they have not had the experience of living on their own in the world and ­facing the responsibilities that a job or independent living entail. They too will need counsel on their finances, on legal matters, on employment, housing, and tips on being "streetwise." Their age, greater maturity and wider variety of experiences will provide them with more spiritual preparation, but like the senior teens, they will need phy­sical preparation. Most young people in the System don't leave home at 16 or 17 because they don't usually have what it takes to go it alone.

129. Senior teens do not necessarily need to live with their parents until they are 18, however. In many cases I will open other doors with relatives or trusted friends, and they can have a place where they can go and live, and get the help and care they need, yet not be in the Family environment‚ if they have chosen to depart from this lifestyle. Yet until such an arrangement is found, senior teens can be provided for under your roof, and these can be given more time if necessary, in some cases even up to a year or more before they need to move on and no longer be under your roof and within your Home, providing your Home agrees. (End of message from Jesus.)

130. (Mama: ) Senior teens who are leaving the Family will in general need more help and assist­ance, and in the case of their staying in your CM Home, probably a little more time than YAs or SGAs. Whatever your situation, the following mess­ages from the Lord should help you set the right guidelines and build what will be a somewhat new and different relationship with your departing young people on the right foundation.

131. (Jesus speaking:) Your child is My child. I love him or her just as deeply and completely as you do. I know that may be hard for you to understand or comprehend, because you wonder if anyone could love your child or young person as much as you do. I know well the ­feelings of parental love, for I am your young person's Heavenly Father. I feel the same hurt and disappointment in My heart that you feel.

132. You wish that your young person would have continued on in service to Me in the Family, to fulfill the ministry that you trained them for their whole lives. I feel the same way. I too wish that they could have made the choices to remain and continue on. You feel like your investments were wasted, of no use, and you're saddened that your teen or young person is now making decisions that you had always prayed and hoped they wouldn't. But now reality is upon you‚ and how it breaks your heart!

133. You want the best for your young person, and it's hard for you to see him or her throwing away what you know to be My highest will for their life for something that they believe is better. Oh, how My heart aches as your heart aches. I know the feelings of pain well‚ and the pain runs deep within My soul. You and I love this child very much, and we always will. That's why it's heartbreaking to be faced with the choices they're making, to see them put down their crown and desert their plow.

134. But don't be condemned‚ My precious ones, for you have done what you could. You invested in your child and taught him or her My ways. When they became of age, it was time for them to make their own decisions, and through their decisions you have seen where their faith lies. But even through this disappointment you must trust Me, for I will continue to care for them as My Own.

135. You love them still, but you must remain firm in your convictions, in what you believe. Make the standard clear to your young person from the beginning—spell out what you expect and what you won't tolerate. If he or she remains in your Home and you have other children, it's vital that you make the standard clear, so that there will be no questions in their mind and heart. Tell them what they can and can't do in the Home, what must be for their private room‚ what must be for when they are outside of your house, and what they may not do under any cir­cumstances, in accordance with the guidelines for these situations that are in the Charter.

136. You are their parents and you have the authority to enforce rules, just like any par­ents in the Family or in the world have the authority to do. In the System, parents make rules for their children and young people. If worldly parents don't want their teen smoking in the house, they enforce it and don't allow disobedience. If worldly parents don't want to hear their teen's music, they restrict them to listening to it in their room. If System parents don't want their child to bring home certain friends or acquaint­ances, they put their foot down and don't allow them to hang around. System parents can be very strict about the things they allow and don't allow, and if the rules are broken, young people are disciplined by being "grounded" or deprived of certain privileges. If things get too serious‚ they'll even ask them to leave the house!

137. You shouldn't let your young person intimidate you. You should set certain boundaries for him or her so as to protect your other children from the influences of the world. You still love your young person who is living with you‚ yet has chosen to no longer be a part of the Family, but you also need to be firm and keep your standard high. Keeping a standard doesn't mean you're being unloving. Keep­ing a standard means enforcing loving disci­pline, and it's something that you'll need to enforce if you want order in your house. If your young people attempt to threaten or coerce you in some way, pray and ask Me how you should handle it and I will give you wisdom. But don't just give up and give in too easily.

138. It's also within your authority to counsel your young person about the things that he can and cannot talk about to the children in the Home. Depending on how your young person abides by your counsel, you may or may not have to ensure that one of the adults is around, and that he or she isn't left alone with the ­children to talk about whatever they please. You don't need to be unloving about it, but you do need to keep a close eye on how much influence your young person who has left the Family has on your other children. That's your responsibility.

139. You love your young person, just as I love them—unconditionally, without restraint, no matter what they do. But you must also set guide­lines and enforce them, just as I do. Make the rules and standard clear from the very begin­ning and stick with them, as that will be much easier on all concerned. The harder route is cracking down and pulling in the reins after the damage has been done. So preempt problems by coming to Me and asking for My standard for your situation and for your non-CM young person residing in your Home. Make what I show you the standard from the very beginning, to avoid confusion and future problems and mis­under­standings. (End of message from Jesus.)

140. (Jesus speaking:) The responsibility has been given to you as parents to love and care for your children until they are old enough to take care of themselves—not only able to care for them­selves physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes this takes longer than you would expect. Some children are very intelligent, very talented, but they just don't have the emotional maturity or street sense to stand on their own two feet. Some of them manifest this insecurity by asking for your care and support; others hide it because they want to be tough enough and strong enough to stand on their own, but you know that they're not ready, either because they're simply too young or because they're over­confident and know less about life than they profess to.

141. When one of your children has decided to leave the Family, but is either too young or too immature to go out on his own and support and care for himself, and you can't find a suitable situation with relatives or friends that could take him in‚ then in many cases it will become necessary for you parents to handle the situation by living on your own for a while.

142. You can remain Charter Members and your departing young people can remain with you‚ but you must get the approval of the rest of the Home for this non-Family young person to remain in the Home with the other young people and children. In some cases it will work, but in others it will not. I know that's a hard saying for you, but you must understand that it's necessary in order to bring about the cleansing I have called for in "The Shakeup 2000." Maintaining the CM standard without being able to live with fellow workers under the same roof definitely isn't easy, but it's certainly worth fighting to make it work if you know that the CM Family is My place of service for you—even if it's not for your child.

143. It's quite possible that when you find yourself out on your own in a situation like this you'll feel frustrated, discouraged‚ lonely, and even somewhat rejected. People may try to re­assure you that they still love you and care for your wayward child or children‚ but that for the sake of their other kids‚ and to obey My instruction to strengthen the Family, it's best that such kids are kept apart. Still, though, because your children are so close to you, even a part of you‚ it's only natural that you would take this personally, that you'd be discouraged or feel rejected. But please, please, don't feel that way.

144. As I've said before (see the "Silver Lining" GNs), I never give up on or stop loving any of My children! While there is life, there is always hope! There is hope even for those children who seem to be so rebellious and so determined to go against the values and principles you've taught them. And of course there is great hope and much usefulness still ahead for you, their parents—My valiant‚ time-tested, loyal and devoted soldiers. You have to fight against the feelings of failure and of discouragement, because unless you do‚ it will be difficult to look at anything objectively or to see My hand in things, or know My mind on matters. If you yield to feelings of resentment or depression, they can cloud and overshadow your life, and drag you down and out much further than you would think.

145. Having to move out of your CM co-op Home in order to care for your child who doesn't want to be in the Family is certainly no small affair. It's an emotional and turbulent situation, however you look at it. You basically have to go into it with the mindset that you know it's going to be difficult and that it's going to be a battle, but that's okay, because you know it's the right thing for you to be doing. In order to have that assurance, you need to hear from Me personally to be sure you're doing the right thing.

146. Maybe you haven't exhausted all other possibilities. Maybe I want to work out another arrangement for the care of your son or daughter, one that will not require you living separ­ately with them, so that you and your younger children can remain in your Home with other Family members. In any case, receiving My mind on the matter from the start, before you make such a decision, will be what gives you faith to carry on and fight the battle and keep the vision.

147. When you come to Me I will give you specific promises and instruction for your situation. You will naturally want to keep coming back to Me regularly to check in as to whether you're still within My highest will or whether I might have something else for you. You may also want to ask for confirmations through your shepherds or other Family members, both before you begin such a venture and from time to time as you go along. Though I can still speak to you when you're emotionally involved in a matter, there may be times when you feel confused or tempted to doubt your own leading. So receiving confirmations from Me through the mouths of others can strengthen your faith.

148. Keep the vision. Have a specific goal and even a time frame for accomplishing that goal‚ if you're going out and setting up your own Home to care for your child who wants to leave the Family. The idea would be to make it no longer than necess­ary. Make an agreement with your child that's as reasonable as possible. For example‚ if he is 17, make an agreement that you will stay with him for one year, help him get through high school, get a job, or whatever it is he needs, but that shortly after he turns 18, you will expect him to get his own place and stand on his own feet; though of course he could still count on your love, friendship, counsel and help when he needs it. During that year, you will both provide him with a roof over his head and a family environment, as well as give him the training, instruction and prep­aration he will need to be on his own when the time comes.

149. You can't just tell your child, "We'll stay with you for a year, then you're on your own" without making sure that his questions are answered and his survival skills are honed. Try to help him or her develop their own goals and plans for whatever they would like to do. You don't want to leave them floundering, job-hopping, or in debt or other kinds of trouble. Neither do you want to be and do everything for them during that year‚ because then they'll be too dependent on you, and once you're gone, they'll have more problems because they don't know how to cope. Then they'll likely be bitter and angry at you, feeling that you've forsaken them.

150. Of course, if you've tried all you can and given your child love, input, and training in the necessary skills, and they throw it all away because they're lazy or rebellious, there may still come a time when you have to leave them in My hands and pray and hope for the best. Some have to learn their lessons the hard way. But you should at least ensure that you've done all you could do‚ gone as far as you could within reason, and given it your best shot.

151. Keeping your Home up to CM standard and training your children in Family beliefs while you have a young person who is not in the Family living with you is where your greatest challenge will lie. Each case will be different. Some young people who don't want to be in the Family are seeking more independence‚ or a certain type of education, for example, but they generally are well behaved and obedient. Others are outright rebellious, absorbing all the worldliness and System garbage they can, and flaunting it as well.

152. One thing you need to keep in mind is that while very rebellious behavior is more obviously dangerous, the other can be dangerous too. If your younger children see their older brother or sister is still nice, sweet, and a good person‚ but they know they've chosen to do something other than serve Me, this could give them the idea that getting a job in the System or going on to college is a good thing to do, even the best thing to do. Whereas in truth, they themselves are called to serve Me full-time, and such a life would not be the best for them. And, of course, in the case where you have a young person who is constantly wanting to play System music and watch all sorts of movies, having strange friends, using bad language, speaking against the Family, and other such obviously ungodly behavior, you have a lot to be on guard against lest they affect your younger children.

153. One of the primary things you must do to help the situation is set down some clear rules and boundaries for your teen who is not in the Family. Perhaps some of you have the idea that because they're not in the Family anymore, you don't have to make them behave. Well‚ you're still their parents! There are many parents in the world who have few or no Godly values or ideals in life‚ or at least aren't serving Me like you are, but they still have principles and hopes for their children, and they still have the parental responsibility to keep their children in line, and many do.

154. Read the "Raise 'em Right" book for ideas on controlling and disciplining ­teenagers, within reasonable boundaries. Those articles were written by and for those in the world who weren't necessarily trying to bring their kids up to be missionaries, but just to be decent people. There are lots of tips and motivating messages in there that you could use at a time like this.

155. There must be boundaries. You have to be parents, and they as your children have to obey you. You may have to negotiate reasonable limits so that you're not constantly at odds or tempted to nag, or having to give so much discipline that it just makes them more rebellious. Sometimes a sort of "compromise" will have to be reached in some situations; otherwise there's really no way out except asking them to leave and live on their own, and you don't want to do that unless I specifically tell you to. But negotiation doesn't mean your giving up on parenting and giving them needed guidelines. There have to be some guidelines or it's all going to be insanity.

156. Secondly‚ I can't possibly emphasize enough the importance of having good communi­cation with your other children and personally shep­herding them. You can't assume that they're simply going to draw the right conclusions about anything, or that they fully understand anything. Of course, you don't want to come across con­de­scend­ingly, especially if they're teens or JETTs‚ but you do want to always keep a good open line of communi­cation.

157. You want them to know they can feel free to tell you about anything that's on their heart, or ask you about anything that they don't under­stand. That's an important first step, a needed foun­dation. And you have to build on that foundation by proving to them that it's true, that they really can be open with you. You do that by staying calm, by not freaking out or overreacting when they come up with some incredibly strange statement or a question that sounds more like a huge doubt. You have to shep­herd them by telling them the truth in love and show­ing them what's right from the Word, but you don't want to lose your temper or patience with them. Nor do you want them to feel like you love them any less because of their feelings about their brothers and sisters who have left and their questions about life outside the Family.

158. Even once they know they can talk to you about anything, you can't wait for them to come to you. You have to take it a step farther. You have to probe. You must meddle somewhat. You must ask them questions and draw them out. If you ask Me, I can show you what is hap­pen­ing in their heart and going on in their mind, and give you questions to ask them. I can give you the counsel you need for every child and situation. Ask‚ and you will receive.

159. Of course you should be giving them good Godly input all along—reading the Word with them, and minimizing System influences—that goes without saying. But even that is not enough. They may be picking up wrong attitudes or ideas from their brother or sister, or they may be seeing things in their behavior or that of their friends that affect them negatively, and these could be things you don't even know about, besides the obvious ones that you do! So good communication with your younger ones can't be overemphasized.

160. You have to help them receive, absorb, and apply the Word that you're feeding them. You can't simply read them the Word and expect that from that they're going to draw the right conclusions about everything. Sure, it will certainly help that they have that foundation, but they need personal shepherding and someone to help them absorb it, digest it, and apply it. You just have to talk about things with them. Talk about everything with them! Be open, under­standing‚ and a good listener; but don't let it stop there either. Set the record straight. Tell them the truth from the Word; read the Word with them; hear from Me for them and with them.

161. I know that this may be a hard saying for you, because it's often the most difficult thing to do, but you have to learn to become a bit detached emotionally when it comes to the matters of training and shepherding your children. You have to desper­ately pray and ask Me to help you stay objective and more in tune with Me than with your own feelings.

162. It's natural that as a parent you have strong feelings toward your children—feelings of love‚ feelings of wanting them to do what's right, feelings of concern that they won't. This concern and love and desire to help them is good; yet sometimes it gets out of hand and becomes worry, or an obsessive protectiveness or overzealousness. These are all things to be on guard against in this sort of situation.

163. Being out on your own with only your small flesh family and having to handle a child or teen that doesn't want to be in the Family, as well as your other children, is going to be an emotion­ally straining experience. So you've got to learn to cast your cares on Me and be desperate with Me to help you. That's the only way you're going to make it through this safe, sound, and sane—and hopefully having saved yourselves and the rest of your children from being pulled into the System.

164. The pull of the System and the world is strong! So, when you're a little closer to that environ­ment and on the borders of that turf, by having your son or daughter who has left the Family in your Home, you have to counteract that pull by almost going overboard with positive input for your younger ones. You have to be all the way on board with the new weapons, drinking in the New Wine‚ and pouring the Word and Godly input into them at every opportunity! It's a big job!

165. This doesn't mean your Home should be like some church center, or totally serious, sober, and full of rules. No! That'll just make things worse, and make the other children feel like it's definitely going to be more fun to be like their brother or sister in the System! You have to show them that a life lived for God is exciting and fulfilling! You have to show them the freedom and excitement of the Spirit! You have to witness and reach out to others with them! You have to let them experience the thrills of My spiritual gifts and wonders!

166. Show them, through your example and through the life you build for them that My way is the best way! You have to sell them through your sample, and you have to provide the sermons to go along with it so that they'll have the understanding and background that will build their foundation of faith. It's a huge task, a monumental job, but if it's My will for you to do it, then you can do it. You can do all things through Me, for I will strengthen and guide you. I will make your yoke easier and your burden lighter. (End of message from Jesus.)

167. (Mama:) Here is a summary of the above messages from the Lord with important points to keep in mind if you're going to be keeping your non-CM young people in your CM Home:

•If you need to move out of your co-op CM Home to live on your own for a while in a single-family CM Home to care for your young person leaving the Family‚ pray and hear from the Lord at the beginning and regularly along the way. This will give you faith that you're doing the right thing‚ grace for the battles, and counsel that will make it work. You can even ask others to get con­firm­ations and messages for you and your young people.

•Have specific goals and an agreement with your young person as to how long he will stay with you and what he will need to learn and be prepared for during that time.

•Make the standard clear to your young person from the beginning—spell out what you expect and what you won't tolerate.

•Remember that you as their parents have the authority to enforce rules (those listed in the Charter for non-CM teens in CM Homes, including house rules), just like any parents in the world have the authority to do.

•Your greatest challenge while you have a young person who is not in the Family ­living with you lies in keeping your Home up to CM standard and training your other children in Family beliefs.

•Counsel your young person who is not in the Family about the things that he can and cannot talk to the other children in the Home about. You may have to ensure that one of the adults is around, and that the non-Family young person isn't left alone with the children to talk about and do whatever they please.

•Good communications with your other children and personal shepherding‚ answering their questions and helping them draw the right conclusions, is essential.

•Counteract the negative input the young ones get with concentrated quality Word time, witnessing‚ and Godly input. "Show them that a life lived for God is exciting and fulfilling! … Show them the freedom and excitement of the Spirit!"

Continued in GN 900