Karen Zerby
Practical Tips for Unity, Part 1
By MariaMaria #534 CM 3293 2/2000
Cover quote:
Look at each other with the eyes of love‚ the eyes of possibility! Then you'll see each of My brides as I see you: as a beautiful, magical butterfly, the symbol of new growth, and a creation of love and faith!
Dear Family‚
1. Peter and I love you dearly! The Lord has asked me to share with you some of the counsel that He's given about the unity that He wants us to have between the generations. Our sweet Husband has poured out a lot of practical counsel on the subject, which, if you're open to change and desirous of progress in this area, I think you'll find very helpful.
2. As you know, unity is not a new subject. The Lord has addressed it time and time again over the last few years, and moving toward greater unity was a major part of the goals for 1998 and 1999. He has repeatedly told us how important it is for our survival in the days to come, and that, in fact, we will not survive without it. (See "Come Together in Love," ML #3100, Lifelines 24; "Goals for 1998," ML #3160‚ Lifelines 24; "Overcoming the Generation Gap," ML #3161, Lifelines 24; "Living the Lord's Law of Love—Part 11" [and any other specific portions of this series that deal with unity], ML #3211, Lifelines 25; "Citizens of the Kingdom," ML #3222, GN 835; "Loving Interaction," ML #3234‚ GN 837; "Loving Kindness," ML #3237, GN 840; "Stay Humble," ML #3235, GN 838‚ etc.)
3. Hearing so much about the need for unity and the Lord's repeated messages and even warnings regarding the serious problems with disunity may have gotten you so used to hearing about it that you're a bit numb in the spirit when the subject is brought up again. If you feel that way, I ask that you desperately ask the Lord to help you receive this counsel with an open heart, because this message is vital to your continued usefulness for the Lord in the Family.
4. As we've told you in previous GNs, the two generations work together very well in our Home. We enjoy each other's company and fellowship, we depend on each other in our work, and the young people in our Home are a vital part of our team. We couldn't possibly do without them. (For more on the story of our Home and the merging of the generations, see "Overcoming the Generation Gap" and "Golden Victories," ML #3161 and 3162.) From what we've heard and seen, some of your Homes also enjoy very good, sweet unity between the generations. You share the responsibility of your Home and ministry between the generations, and likely the Lord has blessed you because of it with a happy Home and a fruitful work.
5. Sadly, there are also many other Homes, and even whole areas, which still have serious problems with disunity, not only between the generations, but between Homes, families, singles—Family members in general. If you are one of those Homes or situations that struggle with disunity, I implore you to seek the Lord desperately as to how to overcome it.
6. You're aware that unity is vital to our survival as a Family. Now, since the days of preparation have ended and we've entered this new era of action, our unity is of even greater importance, and much greater battles will be won or lost according to our strength of spirit—which is directly linked to our unity and obedience. About this, the Lord said:
Stand United Against the Foe!
7. (Jesus speaking:) The era of action has begun! Not only has it begun for you, My children‚ but it has begun for all of Heaven and Hell. On Earth, through your decisions, is where the great battle is played out. In the Heavenlies we can fight all we want‚ we can do all we can, but the decision, the power to turn the tide of battle, lies in your hands.
8. In this new era, the forces of Heaven are loosed to help and empower you more than ever before. They've trained and prepared for this day—the last days of Earth as you know it—and they're thrilled to be loosed to help you more than ever. The power of the Evil One has also increased. He knows that he has but a little time, and that you, My children, are key players in the Endtime events. You, My witnesses, are the ones who will eventually defeat him. So who does he center his attacks and great wrath on?—You. And one way that he fights very hard and will continue to fight is in the area of your unity. He knows that if he can divide you, you're done for. I'm not speaking figuratively—I'm speaking literally. If you don't stand together in this new day of battle, you will not stand; you will fall.
9. You don't fully realize the magnitude of what's happening around you and the seriousness of the weakening which is caused by your disunity, or else you would drop to your knees and desperately call out to Me to help you be more on guard, more vigilant, more obedient, more unified—stronger in the spirit.
10. The time is now to stand united against the foe. If you're not united‚ I urge you to place full priority on removing whatever stands between you, and on becoming a closer team. It's worth any sacrifice of your pride or image. It's worth the difficulty of talking things over and communicating. For divided you will not stand, and you will not fulfill the commission that you've trained for since the beginning of your service to Me. That's how serious the need for unity is. Without unity, I will not be able to use you as I have planned. The choice is yours. (End of message from Jesus)
11. (Mama:) That's a pretty stirring call! In this GN we'll give you more of the counsel the Lord has poured out about how to achieve unity. The Lord urges you to give this full priority. Please don't disregard it or consider it "just another push," but really pray and ask the Lord to help you make the personal changes that are needed in order to bring it to pass. Like the Lord says, the time is now! This is very possibly the last time He will address it before you find yourself in a situation where you really need it, and if you haven't taken it to heart, you'll find yourself saying, "If I only had."
Getting On Board and
Toning Down Self-righteousness
12. One of the problems which has contributed to the serious disunity in the past has been situations where not everyone is "on board" in the spirit. If you can't agree on things like the New Wine, prayer and prophecy, the way the Lord is leading the Family today‚ and the basics of what our Family stands for, then it's understandably impossible to maintain unity. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). Hopefully that problem has improved with the S2K and will continue to improve as the CROs‚ VSs, and Home councils continue to monitor you who have signed the CM contract to make sure you're really in the right place and are willing to live up to that standard. If not, then of course you would need to find another place of service, either in the FM Family or out of the Family altogether.
13. Having people in your Home who are not sold out to the CM Family standard can create a vicious cycle of those who are on board pulling one way in frustration and self–righteousness‚ and those who aren't pulling the opposite direction even stronger out of rebellion. That's a twofold problem, especially when the problem is between the two generations. The young people need to get on board if they're going to remain in the Family, and the older people, our first generation, need to learn how to tone down their self-righteousness, which turns the young people off and hinders their making those changes. Even if the young people make the commitment to remain in the Family and want to change, if those who are older interact with them in a self-righteous way, they'll have a harder time accepting the instruction and help. Of course, that's not an excuse to resist the help and counsel—and we'll talk about that later in this GN. But it does make it more difficult, which is why the Lord is asking our first generation to make changes as well.
14. Even if everyone in your Home did sign the Charter Member contract and is trying to do better, it's very possible that you're still struggling with disunity due to past hurts and misunderstandings and the familiarity between you. You may have gotten into ruts in your relationship which are making it very hard to see the new start that some people are trying to have, and you find yourself reacting to them as they used to be rather than as new people who are sincerely trying to do better and live up to the CM standard. That can be very difficult to overcome. The Lord gave a very helpful and encouraging message about that, which I'll share with you later in the GN.
15. In other GNs in this series, we'll share with you some very helpful practical tips that the Lord gave along the lines of communication‚ improving your working relationships, some tips for you older members on how to give responsibility to the young people, and for you young people on how to handle new responsibilities, etc. But first we have to lay the foundation‚ and that foundation is that you've got to be united around the Spirit with the same general goal, or else all the tips and communicating won't do you much good.
16. In order to have a unified Home, everyone needs to agree about the basics—everyone needs to live by the Charter standard. If there are folks in your Home who consistently do not abide by the Charter standard and don't seem to want to improve their behavior in order to remain Charter Members, and it's hurting your unity, then your responsibility is to recommend them for FM status. (For more on that subject, please refer to "The Shakeup 2000" and "More on the Shakeup 2000.")
17. In this Letter I want to address the problem of self-righteousness, which the Lord said was the primary hurdle to cross when going on the attack for greater unity between the generations. There is self-righteousness manifested both by the first generation and the second generation. They're very different manifestations‚ with different causes and different bad effects, but both hinder your having the unity the Lord wants to give you. First I'll talk to you older ones, and then later in this GN I'll talk to you young people. The Lord has lessons for both sides, so please pray and ask Him to help you not to be defensive, but to receive and learn from all that He's poured out.
18. It's a sign of maturity when you can take the principles of a correction to heart and change without getting sensitive about the details. The problem of self-righteousness is a very complex one‚ with many different angles. In every Home there are different circumstances and different factors, and there will undoubtedly be things in this GN that you find don't exactly fit the circumstances in your Home or situation. But I think you'll find that the main principles apply and will greatly help you overcome these problems with disunity, if you receive them with an open heart. Remember that we're not trying to place the blame on any one person or group of people. The Lord holds everyone involved responsible to get the victory. So don't get into placing blame; that won't help. What you need to find out is where to go from here.
Encouragement for Situations
That Had a Divided Standard Before
19. In addressing the problem of self-righteousness, I'll start by saying that I understand that in times past it was very difficult for you FGAs not to be self-righteous when you felt that some of your young people were not pulling in the same direction. You felt that they were in effect unappreciative of their place in the Family and were tearing down what you were trying to build. For that matter‚ even many young people felt that way about some of their peers. It's understandable that you felt that way. Many of you were probably very frustrated, and this frustration caused you to be even more self-righteous.
20. The Lord has laid down guidelines in the S2K which should help solve that problem, by helping everyone to be more united as to what the standard is and each person living in a CM Home being required to uphold the CM standard. It will take time for those changes to completely take effect, but the ball is now in your court—both as a Home council to implement the S2K and strengthen your Home, as well as each person individually asking the Lord to help you to overcome your self-righteousness and look at things in a new light.
21. The young people in your Home won't be perfect overnight—in fact, they'll never be perfect! The young people in our Home aren't perfect either—and neither are we! But asking the Lord to help you change your attitudes toward them and the way you relate to them will make it easier for those who have committed to living the Charter standard to continue to grow and make the changes that they need to make. It's a two-way street: they need to change and grow, and you need to change and grow. When they're not living up to the standard the Lord has asked of them, it's easy for you to become self-righteous. But when you're self-righteous, it makes it difficult for them to be open to you and to the correction, instruction and help that they need, and thus they will likely rebel even more against what you're trying to get them to do—which is probably to live up to the standard. It can become a vicious cycle. But the Lord has the answers!
22. I asked the Lord to give some specific encouragement for those of you who are in situations that had a very divided standard before, one which really strained your unity and likely caused many hurt feelings and a lack of trust on both sides. Even now, after the Shakeup, when hopefully everyone is trying to do better and those who do not desire to uphold the Family standard have moved on, there's still probably some "bad blood" or history between you which is causing you not to be united. It takes time for people to change, and sometimes the hardest thing to change is the way you look at a situation. But the Lord promises that He can restore your faith and love together. He said:
23. Wipe the slate clean! Ask Me for My love, which wipes the slate clean. Yes, there have been hurts and misunderstandings, and even outright painful experiences which were caused by a lack of love, a lack of respect for the Word, a lack of dedication. You may feel that these experiences have hurt your trust. You older ones wonder if the young people are really capable of change, and you young people wonder if the older ones will ever forgive and forget.
24. The solution is to address the problem in your own heart, to admit that you have these hurt feelings and lack of trust and faith, and then ask Me to wash your heart and to fill it with My love. It's just that simple. I can renew your love and your faith each day, and as you grow in love and faith‚ you'll see those around you grow and change too—and soon you'll be seeing each other as the new creatures that I have made you to be.
25. It's a step-by-step process. It's not usually a big overnight change. But I can renew your love and faith overnight. I can give you My love. That doesn't mean that you forget all the past, but it means that you're filled with My love and faith, which gives you wisdom, understanding and warmth in your interactions, rather than the mistrust‚ hurt and self-righteousness which can come from the past.
26. Let it all go‚ My loves! Set one another free to become the new creatures that I have ordained you to be. You can help someone change by asking Me how I see them, and then treating them that way. My love works miracles! (End of message from Jesus.)
27. (Mama: ) That's a very important point which the Lord is asking of you—to take the time to personally ask Him how He sees those in your Home, and how you can better interact with them, especially any that you haven't been getting along with so well or need to improve your relationship with. Taking the time to obey and put this counsel into practice may salvage the fruitfulness of your Home and will help you to overcome the past and any bitterness or resentment that has built up between you. It's very important, so please do it!
Keeping Things in Perspective
With Your Senior Teens
28. There's something else that we need to address, and that is the senior teens who have signed the provisional contract, when likely some are not fully committed to living the CM standard. According to the S2K, they have the right to continue living in the Home as long as they are fulfilling the Charter requirements as outlined in the provisional contract. But I can foresee that the fact that they're not committed fully to living the CM standard will continue to put a strain on your unity as a Home in many cases. I asked the Lord about this, and He said:
29. My young ones try the waters. This is a supreme test of your faith and love as parents and adults‚ for these young ones who are uncommitted do not have the motivation that they need to serve Me with their whole hearts and abide by the guidelines established for them. Some do, yes, and those who have committed themselves to Me at this young age will receive great, great blessings, both now in this life and in the world to come. Great is their reward for forsaking their own desires and impulses and giving their lives on the altar of sacrifice. I am well pleased with them, and will abundantly reward them. But I will give you a few tips to help you cope with those who have not, who try the faith and patience of the parents and overseers:
30. See each one as an individual. Don't allow your feelings of frustration with the one who is wayward to bleed over and influence your interactions with those who are trying their best. Don't allow your frustration with some to be taken out on others who are committed and are for the most part responsible.
31. Seek Me for those who are not doing well and for those who are doing well. Spend time listening to Me about each of your children. Not only can I give you the keys to your interactions with them and reveal the secret things that will help you understand them better, but I can also help to remind you of My great and wonderful plan, and that I have everything under My control. This will help you to continue to have faith, even when the situation is very difficult.
32. Stay full of the Word. When you're full of the Word and you're seeking Me, I'm able to keep you in My Spirit and give you the solutions that you need. Getting worked up in your own spirit only serves to make things worse. Your best protection against that is to recognize and accept that this has potential to be a difficult area in your life, and you must stay extra full of the Word and My Spirit in order to counterbalance it.
33. Come back to Me regularly to evaluate the progress of each one that has not yet made the full commitment to sign the Charter membership contract. Staying in touch with how they're doing and staying in touch with Me about how they're doing will relieve a great deal of the frustration. You'll know where they're at‚ what to pray for, and what to concentrate on.
34. Remember that youth is a difficult time; there's much that My young people must learn, and it comes one step at a time. Pray for them, and pray for My love and patience. Remind yourself continually that I am in control—your child is forever Mine, and I care for them above all.
35. Seek Me for help‚ and then make the boundaries very clear. You can't expect perfection, but you can seek Me as to which things are important to lay down the law about. Agree together on these as a Home, and then stick to them.
36. Following these simple tips will help to keep things in perspective, and will minimize the strain on your unity as a Home. The end result will be a son or daughter who feels your love and has received good training, whether they decide to stay and serve Me or whether they choose to try the world for a time. They will be secure in your love, they will have received training in the most important areas that I instructed you about‚ and the damage done to your Home will be minimal. I don't promise that it will be easy, but I do promise that it will work if you follow these steps, and that I will be with you every step of the way. (End of message from Jesus.)
Getting Started—to the FGAs,
With Tips for All!
37. (Jesus speaking: ) It shows your heart is in the right place when you desire the love and the unity and the oneness that I so desire My children, My brides, to have with one another. This unity is your strength, your testimony, that I can truly make both generations one in Me. I am able to override personalities‚ differences, uniqueness‚ and even the quirks and peculiarities of both generations, and make them a loving and committed Bride, working hand in hand in mutual love and respect, greatly dependent upon each other, and above all dependent upon Me as the key link in their chain. For I am the key link, and without Me there cannot be true unity and oneness of mind‚ heart, and spirit.
38. A key element on the road to greater closeness and unity with those of the second generation lies in humbly confessing your dependence on Me, and knowing that you can't do it yourself, you don't have it in yourself. Start by regularly asking Me for My counsel in each situation involving each young person you work with, especially those you work with on a regular basis. Ask Me for insight into each person, the key to greater love, unity and better working relations between you. Ask Me for tips and counsel on how you can personally adapt or change in order to be closer to that person.
39. The key is being willing and open to change—being willing to change yourself and even your way of doing things in favor of greater unity; being willing to make any personal sacrifices, set aside any previous conceptions, mindsets or even labels in order to receive the treasured prize of greater unity and understanding with those of the younger generation.
40. Some questions to ask yourself are:
41. Do you hesitate and pull back in spirit when something new is suggested which is not the way you personally would prefer to do it?
42. Do you exhibit an initial reaction of hesitation when new or different work ideas are exchanged or suggested by these younger ones‚ rather than expressing excitement or at the very least interest in exploring these ideas together in counsel with Me and others?
43. Flexibility is a key. Are you open to changes, doing things differently than you've previously done, being willing to do things spontaneously or more on the spur of the moment, once confirmed with Me?
44. What sort of vibes do the younger set get from you? Do they see openness and flexibility when they look at you? Or do they sense rigidity, strictness, confinement and rules, with little excitement or fun? Do they feel relaxed and at ease around you? Being more of a rubber band‚ flexible, open person versus a more rigid, black–and-white person is a great key in improving your relations with the younger set.
45. Do they sense your approval of them, or your disapproval?
46. Are you willing to overlook little things, or things that really are not so important in the big picture, rather than getting hot and bothered over little things they do or say that irritate and bother you more than they should?
47. Do they sense your interest in them as a person, as a unique individual who has much to offer others?
48. Do you desire to get to know each one, to reach inside each one's heart and thus pull forth the different qualities of spirit that each one possesses, and which you can benefit from and be enriched from? People are very sensitive to others' spirits, and self–righteousness and any seeds of criticalness or nonacceptance can be sensed or felt by others, and usually are.
49. Are you willing to be honest with them, or do you hold back and simply expect them to be honest with you? Young people love honesty; they love shooting straight. So sharing your heart, and even your frustrations, battles, and weaknesses will not only endear you to them and show that you're weak and not sufficient in yourself, but it will also keep any self-righteousness in check which you may be tempted with.
50. Try to see through to their hearts, their spirits, and their desire for challenge and excitement, their need and craving for fun, as well as respect and responsibility.
51. Have fun with them. Make sure you relax and just have "goof off" time with them once in a while where you can both laugh and let down your hair a little, versus only having a working–at-a-distance type relationship. Making the effort to reach out to them in a relaxed, low-key way will reap results, I promise you.
52. Including them in more of your activities, outings, get-out and free–time activities will go a long way in letting them know that you're extending your circle of closeness and enlarging the borders of your tents to include not only your loved one or those you are particularly close to, but them as well.
53. Ask Me for My love and acceptance of these of My younger generation, My new bottles‚ for I have need of them, and you have need of them. When you realize the vital role they play and the great love and need I have for them‚ it will help you to see them more through My eyes. In My sight they're precious—not just those who don't seem to have the same vision or heart for Me as those of the older generation. Nor do I see them as those who require so much oversight and do so many things differently or "wrong." Pray for My eyes for them, My heart for them, and ask Me to show you step by step where you can change and adapt and reach out to each one.
54. My young ones love to see those who are more open to the Spirit and to the excitement and zest of loving Me, living for Me and not being afraid to express this in front of others. They love to see this passion and love for Me and My work. They crave and desire this excitement of spirit, and will gravitate to those who exude this zest for life‚ for excitement, to those who have not settled down into ruts and set ways of doing things—those who are open and desirous of change and movement and growth and doing new things new ways!
55. Pray for Me to renew in you the joy of your salvation and to give you a fresh infilling of a new-bottle spirit, and I will do it! It is My great joy and pleasure to give you these gifts freely that it may bring forth abundant fruit not only in your own spirit and life, but the wonderful fruit of greater love and unity between you all! (End of message from Jesus.)
The Great Enemy of Unity
—Self-righteousness!
56. (Mama:) Self-righteousness is one of the greatest hindrances to unity—whether between the generations or between any other groups of people. It destroys unity and makes it very difficult to cultivate a pleasant climate of working and living together. These next few messages contain very good, practical tips, which I pray will help you in overcoming self–righteousness, or at least learning to recognize it and go on the attack against it.
57. These messages are hard-hitting‚ and you might be tempted to feel defensive. Please understand that we have to address this problem one aspect at a time. We addressed the need to raise the standard in our Homes and for each individual to commit to living the standard in the Shakeup. In this GN we'll begin by talking about the self-righteousness of the first generation, which is a hindrance to unity, and then we'll address the self-righteousness of the second generation, which is a very different problem‚ but likewise a hindrance to unity between the generations. If you ask the Lord to help you not to be sensitive, I think you'll find these messages and all the practical tips that the Lord gives to be very helpful.
58. Now, this is not to say that all older people are self-righteous; neither are all young people problem cases who are always trying to "push the edge of the envelope" and see how much they can get away with. We're addressing problems that some of you battle with, but please don't think that I've slotted you all into those two categories. I'm aware that some of you older ones get along very well with our young people, and also that there are many young people who are totally on board and pillars in the Kingdom. We appreciate that, and couldn't do without you!
59. By the same token, while we're addressing this problem that some of the first generation have with self-righteousness, I'm also aware that not every older person is especially gifted in relating to young people. Some of you have different gifts and talents, and specifically relating to young people—or even to people in general—may not be one of them. You don't need to feel bad or condemned about that‚ and we'll talk more about that later in this series. But these lessons that the Lord brings out about relating to people and how to treat them and how to love them with His love are very good, no matter who you work with or relate to.
60. Even if working with young people is not your strong point, or maybe you don't even consider yourself a "people person" at all, if you do your best to put these tips the Lord gives into practice, I think you'll find that your "people skills" will improve tremendously and you'll be much happier‚ and those you live with will be much happier! Even if it's not your inborn nature, the Lord can change you, and these kinds of things can get easier with time if you work on them and let the Lord work on you!
61. Back to talking about the self-righteousness of some of the FGAs: It's fairly obvious how you of the first generation could have a tendency toward self-righteousness. You have a lot of experience that the second generation does not yet have. You're for the most part fairly solid in your commitment to the Lord and to the New Wine. You've passed a lot of the basic, fundamental tests of faith, and it's easy to look down on those who haven't—to forget from whence you came, or to compare the differences in what you're like and your reactions to things with those who have grown up in the Family and may tend to take the Word or the Family way of life for granted at times.
62. It's easy for some of you FGAs to have a "you don't know how good you have it" type of attitude regarding our young people, and that comes across in the communication that you have‚ the correction you give, the way you present things or the way you act around the second generation. You see all that the second generation has been given—the training they've received all their life‚ the bad experiences they haven't had to go through in the System, the heritage of faith that has been passed on to them, the abundance of Word which they have access to, and the fulfilling ministry of reaching the world which they're free to pursue. You don't understand how they could act so irresponsible at times, and even be ungrateful and rebellious toward the restrictions. You feel that they take the Family and the privilege they've been given so lightly, because they've never known anything else. All of this comes out in your interactions with them, and naturally, they resent that.
63. It's true that our young people have been given a lot. They probably don't realize the magnitude of what they've been given‚ and some have had to leave in order to fully appreciate it. On the other side of the coin, however, many of our young people have also made tremendous sacrifices to serve the Lord. It doesn't come naturally for a young person to lead the kind of disciplined life that we lead. The nature of youth is to desire independence, freedom, experimentation—and they've given up a great deal of that in order to serve the Lord. There are some things that they've never been allowed to try for themselves, but have chosen to take our word for the fact that they're unhealthy and unwise. You say, "They should be thankful for that!" Someday they will be. But in the meantime, they've had to take our word for it and trust us, which is not easy to do for a young person. Remember what you were like when you were young? Remember how rebellious you felt at the confines of rules and guidelines, even ones that were helpful and for your good?
64. You of the first generation who forsook all to follow Jesus made a clear forsake–all. You've sacrificed to serve the Lord; there's a lot that you gave up in order to become a disciple. By the same token, our young people have also had to make many forsake-alls of their own‚ which has been a step-by-step process all their lives. All those things of the world that you tried and found didn't satisfy and voluntarily forsook in order to serve the Lord, they have also forsaken—without trying them and finding that they didn't satisfy.
65. So don't be so quick to judge. Yes, they lack experience, and there are many things that they have yet to learn. But learn they will—and they'll learn better from you and your experience if you don't carry the spirit of self-righteousness‚ which will make them rebel against not only you, but what you stand for—which is in many cases the Family standard, the New Wine, etc. When you approach things self-righteously, not only are you not helping the situation, but there's a good chance that you're actually making it worse, and making them even more hesitant to move forward in obedience to the Lord and the New Wine.
66. Of course, dear young people, even when the FGAs are self-righteous in their approach toward you, that doesn't justify your having a resistant or rebellious reaction. I understand that it makes things more difficult for you to receive, but the Lord expects you to learn all you can from our veteran disciples and missionaries, regardless of whether they present things "just right." If you don't, you'll find that you've missed golden opportunities to learn and grow‚ and you'll be less well rounded in your training than you could have been if you'd made the effort to receive what they were saying despite the rough presentation. And I think you'll find that if you're receptive, humble and open to what they want to tell you, even if they present it self-righteously, it will improve your communication in the long run and they'll be more apt to become open with you and what you have to say in return. Humility and openness beget humility and openness. It's got to start somewhere! Make the decision to let it start with you!
A Letter from Gabe
—It Can Be Done!
67. I want to share with you excerpts of a letter that Gabe‚ our Home shepherd‚ recently wrote to the parents of one of the second-generation members of our Home. This dear missionary couple had written about battles that they were having with relating to the young people in their Home. They felt like they just didn't know how to relate, that they were too legalistic. They were battling with self-righteousness and requested prayer that they could have better communication and a better relationship with the young people in their Home. I thought Gabe's note to them and the lessons he shared would be encouraging and helpful to those of you who might find yourself in similar situations.
Dear Ones,
68. This is Gabe, and I just finished walking with your beautiful, lovely‚ wonderful daughter. I'm sorry that you aren't able to experience the growth and spiritual depth that she's gained over the years because of the experiences that she's had, the battles she's fought, and the tests the Lord has allowed her to go through, but it's really sweet to see the honey pouring forth after much squeezing. So I know the Lord is rewarding you because of your giving her to the Lord's work, because of your prayers for her‚ and it's bearing wonderful fruit.
69. Thank you so much for being such faithful pioneers—your sample and your stick-to-itiveness is greatly admired by many people, especially us here in the Folks' house. It's people like you who keep us going and motivated to get the Words out.
70. Needless to say, your daughter prays for you often and loves you dearly, and she keeps us informed of any news that you write. Thanks so much for your communication and your letters. We love to hear from you and we hope it's okay that she shares portions of your letters with us.
71. She has briefly explained some of the battles you have and go through—and it's understandable because of the tremendous sample you are, the blessing you are to the field there. Your daughter asked me if I had any words of wisdom that I could share with you, and other than lots of love, encouragement and prayers, there's just one thing that comes to mind—a suggestion of something that we—me, and Amy, and many of us FGAs here in the Home—had to learn when young people came to join our staff.
72. Because of our situation and circumstances, we didn't have a lot of young people. The staff was mainly made up of FGAs, with the exception of David and Techi. Then, after Dad graduated and things started to change‚ the dynamics of our Home changed and we brought in more young people. Now that we've learned to work together and they're a part of our Home, I don't know what we would do without them. They carry a great percentage of the workload, and they have tremendous energy‚ potential, and talent.
73. But in order for us to make the transition, we had to be open to their ideas, make them feel needed‚ include them in our activities, give them responsibility—basically, as much as possible, turn the ball over to them. Of course, they will admit, they had lots of attitudes that they had to overcome. But over time, they did make the transition, and chose to forsake those attitudes and humble themselves to receive correction, ask for prayer from the body, and as a result of being willing to make the changes, the Lord blessed them and united us.
74. My suggestion is that as much as possible, you have open communication with [the young people you're living with]. We, as shepherds of the young people, had to be open to their ideas of how to shepherd young people. Now, they didn't come to us and say‚ "We're going to teach you how to shepherd young people." But we went to them and asked them their thoughts about things, and they explained to us not only how their minds operate‚ but why they operate the way they do. And being open to their thoughts and ideas showed them that we were willing to change, even though they had preconceived ideas that we had certain mindsets that couldn't be changed. It established a spiritual connection‚ unity and bond between us, which enabled them to grow and enabled us to become new in spirit and be open to their new ideas and ways of operating.
75. [The young people in your home have] tremendous potential. There's no limit to how far they're going to go. They're just wild horses that need to be channeled in the right direction, and it's something that the Lord has to do. There's not a young person yet that I don't have the faith for—even the ones that have chosen to leave the Family. They have such tremendous potential. Anyway‚ I know [the dear ones in your Home] are going to go a long way, and the Lord's going to have to break them and remake them in His Own personal way.
76. But my suggestion to you is, as much as possible, start opening up to [the young people] in a way that's saying, "Listen, I've been in the Family a long time, I've had a lot of teaching, I've had a lot of training, I've read a lot of Letters. But I want to keep growing and revoluting and learning and changing in the ways the Lord wants me to." And then start asking them specific questions about your interactions with them. "I feel sometimes I'm a little too legalistic," or whatever the things are that you've expressed to your daughter. "I feel sometimes I'm too this way or too that way," and as you open your heart to them, they're going to open their hearts to you, and it's going to result in greater communication and lesson-learning for both of you. They'll be able to learn from your faith, your wisdom‚ your years of experience—something that young people definitely need. And you'll be able to learn about being Spirit-led, open to new ideas and suggestions and new ways of doing things.
77. In this new day of shepherding, the balance is in how much leeway you give them so that they feel trusted and can learn the lessons they need to learn, and where you draw the line in saying, "We can't go down that road. I'm sorry, it's just because it's the wrong road to go down." But they have to have the faith that you're trusting them with responsibility so that they can learn the lessons that they need to learn.
78. These are just things that come to mind in shepherding and working with young people. I know the Lord has brought them to your Home because of the faith you have, the experience you have, and the wisdom you have. [The young people] can learn from that, as long as you can communicate. And as you continue to communicate and grow‚ it will help you to not feel so condemned about the battles the Enemy hits you with of being legalistic, or the Enemy trying to convince you that you're being an old bottle or whatever. The Enemy hits lots of our older Family members with that battle, and the cure for it—besides asking the Lord for His personal Words and counsel on what you can do personally—is just to communicate, to ask the Lord to help you be open to the new ideas, and that in itself proves the Enemy wrong.
79. Dear ones‚ I'm just so thankful for you—your loyalty, your love for the Lord, your faith.—The kind of crazy faith that goes on no matter what and keeps going in spite of adversity. Nobody knows the heartache that you guys have gone through to continue to pursue the goal the Lord has set before you. We appreciate that. We know it's been difficult. We understand and realize the sacrifices you've made, and we know the Lord's going to bless you for it.
80. We're sorry that there isn't more that we can do in providing fellowship. We'd all love to come and see you and spend some time with you! But staying behind the scenes is a sacrifice that we have to make to continue working on the Words that feed the entire Family. But we do pray that in His time and in His will, we can have some fellowship with you and see you and express our love for you.
81. Your love and your faith and the training you gave to your daughter has really paid off‚ and it's being a blessing to us, to the Folks, and to many people. The years that you invested in her are paying off now, and I know the time that you spend with [the young people in your Home], talking and communicating and becoming one, will be a blessing too.
82. So‚ Lord‚ please bless these dear ones. Thank You for their faith, and help them to be what You want them to be. Help them not to listen to the condemnation or the lies of the Enemy, who tries to discourage them in their ministry and their work. Continue to bless and anoint and help them, and help them to be the witnesses that You want them to be and that they need to be.
83. We feel so close to you in spirit, and so thankful for the connection that we have. Like I said‚ it's people like you who keep us going. I look forward to the day when we can sit and talk and fellowship and enjoy each other's company. Thanks again for your letters and your communication. We love you so much!
Love, Gabe—with lots of love from all of us here!
More General Counsel on
Overcoming Self-righteousness
84. (Mama:) This next message is a real good "diagnostic form," so to speak, where the Lord outlines some of the basic symptoms of self–righteousness and gives lots of good questions to ask yourself. So if any of you, young or old, are wondering if you need this counsel or if this message applies to you, honestly answer the questions the Lord lays out and you'll be able to perform an accurate self-diagnosis!
85. We asked the Lord, "What are the symptoms of self-righteousness‚ and how can you detect self-righteousness in yourself? What can you ask yourself to see if you're self-righteous? How do you get the victory over it?"
86. (Jesus speaking:) Often when you're self-righteous, you don't even know it, because the things you're doing or thinking are good things, or seem like good things. It's just that they're not the best thing, or the things that I want, or are not being done in a spirit of love and mercy.
87. Many times I desire to show you something even better than what you think, or show you a better way‚ or how to operate more fully in My spirit of love. But I can only do this when you humble yourself and acknowledge Me and listen to Me. When you yield to a self-righteous spirit, you're actually yielding to your own spirit, which is often unmerciful, impatient, quick to judge‚ critical, thinks that it knows best and isn't willing to listen to Me or to others. I am patient with those who sin. I am considerate of their weaknesses and imperfections. I am slow to anger and eager to forgive. I am always ready to listen to the needs of others.
88. People make mistakes, do things wrong and even disobey. People will be lazy, unloving or unfaithful. People have battles and trials; they learn lessons and are constantly growing. If you feel better than other people and like you're above their problems—that you're stronger, smarter, more capable—then you're probably even worse off than the honest sinner, because you're self-righteous and don't even know it.
89. If it's very difficult for you to confess your mistakes to others, to admit weakness‚ and therefore you rarely do it, then this is a sign that you're suffering from self-righteousness. Those who are humble and desperate and in need of Me are more apt to confess their mistakes and call for united prayer and ask for help in time of need. The self-righteous try to cover up their need for help and try to do it on their own.
90. Those who are humble know that they are in need of all the counsel and instruction from Me that they can get, and they are afraid to operate or take a step without confirming that it is My will. But those who are self-righteous operate in the power of their own wisdom and strength and take little time to counsel with Me, to ask Me, to seek Me in desperate prayer daily in order to find out what I want. They don't feel the desire or see the need to pray, to spend time in personal communion with Me, to praise or spend time loving Me intimately. They're too busy‚ too wrapped up in things they feel are more important. They read My Word, My New Wine for today, but do not act upon it or try to implement it in their lives. They put off the things of My Spirit, the new moves of My Spirit, and stand afar off.
91. Ask yourself these questions:
92. Do I often think I know better, so that I reject what others say, or argue with what they say, and insist that my way is the best way?
93. Do I brush things aside, feeling that it's not really important to listen to what others have to say? Or even after I've listened to them, do I feel it's not important to take it seriously or have little intention of implementing what they say because I think that I know best in every case?
94. Do I justify my criticisms and lack of love?
95. Am I at times overcome with criticism toward people when they make mistakes? Am I angry, upset and vocal about others' failures, or do I think these things in my heart?
96. Do I think of myself as better than others—more intelligent, more talented, more able? (Even if you are in some respects, this attitude will weaken you and cause you to fail instead of making you strong in My Spirit. The true strength of My Spirit comes from realizing that you're never going to be strong enough, capable enough or smart enough in yourself, and that you need Me for everything.)
97. Do I have a tendency to think that I know better—even better than the Lord sometimes—to the point that I don't stop and ask Him what to do and obey what He shows me?
98. Am I often impatient with the needs of others? Do I often choose to do what is easiest or most efficient for me, or enhances what I'm doing or my work?
99. These are all symptoms of self-righteousness and warning signs to My children. If you find that these fit your life or your attitude‚ then it's time to turn around and lay down your pride and your own ways‚ and take up the New Wine of My Spirit and ask Me to help you to implement the new moves of My Spirit and make you into a new creature.
100. Now ask yourself these questions:
101. Am I being a sample of the Lord's spirit of love in the way I think, react, and interact with others?
102. Am I acting the way the Lord would act if He were here with me right now in the flesh? Am I handling the situation as He would?
103. Am I taking into consideration that I could very possibly be wrong, and the other person could be right?
104. Do I really listen to the opinions and viewpoints of others?
105. Am I able to forgive others when they make mistakes and overlook their faults as I want them to forgive and overlook mine?
106. Do I extend the Lord's love‚ mercy and patience to others? How would I like to be treated if I made the same mistake?
107. Do I admit my mistakes and share the lessons that the Lord has taught me? How often do I publicly confess my faults and let it be known that I'm weak and in need of help from the Lord and others?
108. Am I willing to tell others about the last mistake I made, the last wrong attitude I had, the last wrong decision I made?
109. Am I willing to apologize to people who I may have hurt or treated wrongly for whatever reason? Am I willing to start afresh and let the Lord's Spirit of love and forgiveness wash me clean and heal the past hurts and wrongs? Am I willing to apologize if need be, and to accept the apology of another?
110. Am I hungry for the Word? How much do I depend on hearing the Lord's voice of counsel and direction through the written Word and the Lord's living voice of prophecy?
111. If you can't honestly answer yes to these questions, then this is a good prayer list for your life‚ and it lists ways that you can change to become more loving. If you will listen to Me, listen to My Word, absorb it and do it, then you will begin to turn your life around and walk after the love of My Spirit.
112. The first place to start is in recognizing and accepting by faith that if these symptoms and attitudes fit you‚ and if you are lacking in these manifestations of love and humility, then you have a problem with self-righteousness and you need My help. Then turn to the power of My Word for healing. Read it‚ drink it in, absorb it, believe it‚ and let it become new in your life. Let it empower you and make you into the new creature that I wish you to be.
113. Turn to the power of My voice of prophecy for instruction and direction in your life and work. Bring your questions and trials to Me and hear My personal Words for you. Trust in My voice, believe it, drink in My seeds, and let them be a greater strength to you than anything you've ever known before.
114. Turn to the counsel and help of others. Listen to others, and make it a point to be open and yielded to their point of view. There is great power in listening, both to Me and to My Word‚ and to others. There is so much power of My Spirit which can be imparted to those who stop and take time in communion and fellowship with Me‚ who rest in praise and lovemaking with Me, truly listening and being open to Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
115. (Mama:) Self–righteousness is a big issue. Before I address you young people specifically, here's some more general counsel that anyone can probably benefit from. This is good counsel that applies to both generations—young and old.
116. We asked the Lord, "How can self-righteous people go about speaking up when they see something is wrong? Often they're right, but if they present it self-righteously, it doesn't do any good, and in fact can do damage." When an FGA points things out self-righteously to a young person, it's often the case that the way it's presented makes it very difficult for the young person to accept it humbly, without reacting in rebellion. Of course, this is not justifiable and the young person should accept the lesson anyway, but it certainly strains the relationship. The same would apply if a young person is correcting an older person; it also has a bad effect when handled self-righteously on the part of the young person. The Lord answered with some very good practical tips‚ which I pray are helpful for you of both generations in learning to be less self-righteous, and wiser and more humble in your interactions with one another.
117. (Jesus speaking: ) The Enemy knows that these are days of change and strengthening. He knows that many are struggling to commit to the standard that I have put before you, that they're fighting very hard to make the changes that are necessary. So the Enemy tries all the harder to prevent this strengthening from taking place. One of his favorite attacks is disunity. He attacks hot and heavy in this area and especially tries to drive a wedge between the generations, because he knows if he can divide, then he can conquer.
118. The key to unity in all situations is love! Love is the answer to every problem. Are you loving your brothers and sisters with My love? Or is your love merely a pretense and a work of the flesh? You can't do it in your own strength. You'll fail every time. You have to ask Me to help you love, because I am Love‚ and I'm the only One Who can give it to you.
119. When you see that your brother or sister is not doing the right thing, you should try to help them see how they can do better. But before you do, stop and ask yourself: "What's the motivation behind my trying to help them? Is it because I love them and don't want to see them hurt themselves spiritually or physically by their actions? Or is it just because what they're doing is bothering me and upsetting my own sense of right and wrong?"
120. If your motivation is the former reason, then I will speak through you when you talk to them. And even though they won't always receive it right away, My Word will not return void and I will use the words that I spoke through you to work in their lives. They'll know that you care about them. But if you're driven by self-righteousness instead of a genuine concern for their happiness and well–being, then of course your words will fall upon deaf ears. Instead of helping, they will only widen the gap between you.
121. Most people are sensitive to your spirit. Even if you try to cover up the way you feel, if you don't have My love and My Spirit in your presentation, it's likely that they will sense it, and instead of being helped and encouraged to do better‚ they'll be hurt by your pride and self-righteousness.
122. "Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" That doesn't mean that you have to be perfect. What it does mean is that any time you present something to someone, you need to get your heart right with Me and ask Me for My love beforehand. You need to realize that you're just as much a sinner in My eyes as they are, and I love both of you the same. You can help each other in your weak areas and learn from each other if you work together in love and unity.
123. So when you come before Me to ask for My direction in helping someone in your Home, do so with the right motives and in the right spirit. If you're in the right spirit, then no matter what you say, it will help. If you're in the wrong spirit of pride, then you could say all the "right" things and it will only make things worse. "Let all your things be done in love" and I can use you greatly to help all those around you, because they will see My love through you and it will go a long way. (End of message from Jesus)
124. (Jesus speaking: ) Those who are self–righteous must pray desperately for a spirit of love and of humility. Pride and self-righteousness are often very closely linked, and generally speaking, those who have a great deal of self-righteousness are lacking in humility. They think of themselves more highly than they ought to, and often they don't even realize it. They see the faults of others so quickly, and in such large proportion‚ and as something so serious and so grave, that often they feel they must say something right away and correct the problem immediately.
125. While in some cases it's true that correction is needed promptly, on the spot, and without hesitation, in the case of those who are self-righteous, a measure of patience and even delay is often in order. Once someone knows they have a weakness with being self-righteous, they should adopt the habit of stopping‚ praying, hearing from Me, and waiting a little while if necessary, before proceeding to correct or lecture someone else on something they've done wrong. They shouldn't just go ahead and say what they feel needs to be said, even if they know they're right, even if it's completely obvious and there's no doubt about it. They should be patient and move slowly, as this will help ensure they're acting in the right spirit. Of course, it won't work if while they're waiting and "being patient" they're actually brooding, dwelling on what's wrong or who's wrong, and getting worked up about it. It only works if they take the time to bring the situation before Me and are willing to follow My counsel and leading.
126. I'm not advocating that shepherds, parents‚ mates, bellwethers or co-workers of those who are in the wrong just let things slide. That's not the case. If My shepherds and bellwethers are to uphold the standard according to the Shakeup‚ this cannot be the way things operate. People can't hold back for fear of coming across self-righteously; or even if they know they really are self-righteous, they shouldn't use that as an excuse for letting things go. The point is not to let things go, but to take the time to get your spirit in tune with Mine, so that any correction, or even suggestions or reminders, are checked by Me and assisted by My Spirit.
127. Each and every time you have to mention something to someone—and really, this should go for everyone‚ not only those who are obviously self-righteous—you should take a minute to come before Me and ask Me three questions:
128. You can't adopt any one standard method or approach or any set formula for correction. That's a typical weakness with self-righteous people; they tend to want to put everyone and everything into a box with a nice little label. They like to have set instructions: "If thus and so happens‚ then you do thus and so. If so-and-so does thus and so, then you tell them thus and so." It makes them feel like they're in control‚ like they know what's right, and they know how to handle it when something goes wrong. Well‚ that kind of approach is often not going to go over very well with your brothers and sisters.
129. People are individuals, and each one is unique. You can't make across-the-board statements about certain types of people or situations and how to handle them. You can't make sweeping judgments or criticisms or state categorically that things are this way, that way, or the other way.
130. It's true that you need to keep to the rules, and it's true that certain punishments must be given for certain offenses; but so much of the matter lies in the presentation. If correction is given lovingly, matter-of-factly, straightforwardly, yet with kindness and a soft voice and genuine love in the heart, this will always be received better than correction from someone who is worked up‚ upset, exaggerating, raising their voice, and so forth. Even if the anger and frustration don't accompany the correction, just as harmful to its delivery is an icy, cold, cutting spirit—the spirit of self–righteousness, when you're obviously looking down on someone and considering them inferior because of what they do or have done, showing a lack of emotion or concern, care or warmth for them as an individual.
131. One thing that would really help most self-righteous people is to learn to be more affectionate—to go out of their way to touch, to hug‚ to hold hands. It's hard to raise your voice at someone or treat them condescendingly if you have your arm around them or your hand on their hand or shoulder. It's also easier for the person receiving what you have to say if there's a physical link of touch‚ because they feel your warmth and tenderness. You'll notice that often self-righteous people keep their distance, avoid eye contact, and avoid touching and affection. Touching, tenderness and affection break down the barriers and foster humility and love, and humility and love are what defeat self-righteousness.
132. If you're having difficulty knowing whether you're self-righteous or not, one thing you should do for starters is to ask Me. Then‚ if it is determined that you do indeed have this weakness, and that it's important for you to work on it, you should follow the steps outlined above, not only before officially "correcting" others, but before any conversations or discussions or work requests or whatever. Pray and ask Me if you should say what you planned to say, and when and how you should say it.
133. You should also develop a habit of praying for love and humility every day. Every time you're going to approach someone about anything, ask Me the three questions‚ and then ask Me to show My Spirit of love and humility through you. Also make an effort to be warm, courteous, tender and affectionate in your interactions with others—whether it be a casual discussion, a work meeting‚ or a correction. The root of the problem of self-righteousness is another aspect, which much has been written about, and about which I could say much more. Yet in the matter at hand of learning to deliver correction when you have a tendency toward self-righteousness, if you follow these keys they will help you learn to deliver correction in love and in a way that it can be more easily received and accepted. These steps will also naturally cause you to be more humble and loving, which will help to defeat self-righteousness. (End of message from Jesus.)
134. (Jesus speaking:) Self-righteous people are usually right; it's just that the way they go about presenting their views, however right, is usually wrong. The saddest thing about people who are self-righteous is that what they're saying is usually true, but because of their presentation, they negate everything good that they have to say. Thus they cause the ones that they're trying to correct to rebel and become even firmer in their convictions of doing what they're doing, even if they know it's not right. I don't excuse those who are receiving the correction for having that reaction‚ but it is sad that it makes it more difficult for them to receive it humbly and with receptive hearts if it's not delivered with My love and understanding and in My Spirit. (End of message from Jesus.)
135. (Jesus speaking:) The antidote to self–righteousness is to strive to walk the humble road—and a good place to start is by acknowledging Me in all your ways. When you have to stop and acknowledge Me before making a move, this shows your dependence on Me. It brings a hush to your spirit and allows Me the opportunity to get through to you on the right way to go about things. It helps to remind you that you can do nothing on your own, and thus checks you on your humility level.
136. Those who have a tendency toward self-righteousness must make an extra-special, all-out effort to always give Me the praise and the glory and the credit for everything, as well as to stop and acknowledge Me before making a move. By doing this‚ they will be making a positive statement of their dependence on Me‚ and this likewise serves to proclaim that they, in themselves, have no righteousness of their own. If they will praise Me and give Me the glory always in their heart, and as much as possible out loud to others‚ this will help to keep them in a humble spirit and acting out of humility and love, not out of pride and self-righteousness.
137. Almost everyone is tempted with self-righteousness at one time or another. No one is above it. The minute you think you're above it‚ you're deep in it! Here is a list of tips that are helpful in overcoming this serious spiritual affliction.
1) Pray and ask Me to give you checks when you're falling into self-righteousness. If you ask Me with a sincere and open heart to check you, I will do so. Recognizing you need My checks of the spirit helps to keep you humble. Reminding yourself that you must lean on Me if you're to succeed will serve as a system of checks and balances to you.
2) One sure way to recognize you're falling into self-righteousness is, if when you notice the shortcomings of others and are pointing a finger at them, you cannot see your remaining fingers pointing back at you. In other words, as you think of the lacks in others, if you're not reminded of your own faults and shortcomings, you'll be prone to fall into self-righteousness. A helpful remedy to this is: Every time you notice or make a mental note of a fault or failing or shortcoming of another, also make a mental note and list at least one or more of your own faults right beside it. Remind yourself and others often what a mess you've made along the same lines, or of your shortcomings along other lines that are much worse.
3) When you notice something that is not right or that needs correcting, the first thing you should do is shoot up a prayer. First ask Me to help you to not be self-righteous about the situation. Ask Me to help you to walk in love and humility.
4) You need to not only stop and shoot up a prayer and ask for My help‚ but you need to listen to Me, hear from Me on what to do, how you should mention it, or if it's even necessary to bring it up. When you fail to hear from Me first before you step out to make a comment, to give a correction, or to point out an error, you're almost certain to come across in a self-righteous way. If you're following My leading, I am able to put the correct words in your mouth and to direct your spirit so that you will not be acting in a self-righteous manner.
As you pray and get My leading, in some situations I will lead you to take action‚ but in others I will lead you to let it pass, or to wait, or will show you some other solution. You must ask Me to know the difference, and when and where and how I want you to proceed. The key is‚ don't make a move without hearing from Me first on how to handle the situation; get My direction and you can't go wrong. If you'll bring the matter to Me, if you'll diligently listen to My instruction, I will guide you in each instance.
5) If you're faithful to hear from Me beforehand, I will lead you and whisper in your ear how you might lovingly and humbly bring a matter to the attention of others in the correct spirit of love and humility. I will give you specifics of when and where it's necessary to bring things up and how I want you to go about it. If you step out and proceed in your own spirit and in your own manner, your chances of being self–righteous are greater, but if you follow My instructions you can't go wrong.
6) Pray for those who may need something pointed out to them, and commit the situation to Me. Ask Me to give you a humble heart, and ask Me to prepare the hearts of those to whom you must speak.
7) Remember that each situation is different. How you brought something up to someone yesterday may not be the right way to handle it today. Be open as you seek Me for how I want you to go about it today, right now. Ask Me for the key to every heart, for the key to every situation, for the key to each set of circumstances. People's moods and levels of receptivity change, among other things, so you must be sensitive to the need and change your approach accordingly. Sometimes a longer explanation is needed; other times a brief word will do; other times a prayer alone will do the trick; other times simply a look or a glance might be the solution; other times I will lead you to do nothing at all, but to commit the situation solely to My hands. As you depend on Me‚ I won't let you down.
8) There may be times when I will lead you to seek counsel from someone else, a shepherd or a mate or third party who is qualified to help. Other times the solution might not be in addressing an individual about a certain subject, but rather bringing out the general lesson in a Home council or united meeting, so as not to appear to be singling out individuals.
There are numerous ways to go about sorting out and correcting the many situations that arise in your day-to-day lives. The key is, once again, to check with Me each and every time, and I will tell you what is needed on the spot for each situation you find yourself in. But I ask you to be open to My leading in each case. Don't get settled down in a rut—leave yourself open to try a new approach as I lead you.
9) If you know you have a tendency toward self-righteousness‚ go slow. Avoid hallway hit-ups and speaking in haste.
10) Avoid pointing out the shortcomings of others in public places‚ making a spectacle before all. Sometimes writing a note is more effective than a face-to-face encounter, allowing you time to prayerfully choose your words. In most cases‚ if you tend to be a bit self-righteous, it's best not to mention something in public that you see you don't agree with or that is not in line with the Word. If there's a big group of people and someone does something that you don't feel is right, it's probably better to wait a few minutes and then discreetly take that person aside and sweetly share what you feel, or even write them a note later after you've prayed about it. If you confront someone in front of the Home or in front of their friends, they're more likely to disagree to save face.
11) If you feel you need to speak up about something to someone and you know you have the tendency to come across self–righteously, counsel with a shepherd or a mature brother or sister, or mate. Pray together with someone else, asking Me to help you present things in a humble, loving manner‚ and in the right spirit.
12) Perhaps in the beginning, if you are working to overcome self-righteousness, it would be better for the shepherds or someone else to present it to the person. Other times it might be okay for the one who noticed the problem to mention it to the person. If you don't know what's best in a specific situation, ask Me.
13) When I'm leading you to bring things up, each time you speak‚ first remind others of the blunders you've made along the same lines. Take that mental note you made earlier about your own sins or failings and put it into words for others to hear. Every time you must point out the mistakes and failings of another, remind them of your own shortcomings and the mess that you are yourself—if not in the same area, remind them of the mess you are in other areas.
14) Always strive to show yourself weak and to do the humble thing. Go out of your way to do the humble thing and to take the lower seat. When presenting a point of view, even one that's in accordance with the Word, it's always safest and best and more loving to take the humble seat. Even if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're right about what you're going to tell someone, you should still present it lovingly and humbly.
Don't accuse someone‚ thus forcing them to disagree with you. Say something like, "I don't know what you think about this, but I felt a little bad when I heard you say such-and-such about what we had for dinner. Maybe you didn't mean it, or maybe you're having a bad day, or it just slipped out from habit, but I just wanted to mention it. I make tons of mistakes too, so don't worry about it." Chances are, they'll then be convicted and will agree with you and apologize, rather than disagreeing or strengthening their stance.
15) If you feel that things aren't coming out right, apologize for your jumbled words and acknowledge that you might not be expressing yourself well. Stop and acknowledge Me in your conversation; this shows your need and dependence on Me.
16) It helps to remind the other person that you love them. Tell them how much you appreciate them and how thankful you are for them.
17) If your only communication with a party is when you must point out some lack, it will not be received as well as if you strive to maintain an open line of communication at other times too. Showing loving appreciation to others whenever you can will go a long way. Pay attention to those around you, not only when correction is needed, but also look for opportunities to show loving appreciation at regular intervals every day.
18) Whenever it's necessary to point out someone's lack, first point out some of their good points. Present the positive side first. Remind them of the positive side again after you're done lovingly pointing out the lacks. Always balance correction or pointing out a lack with loving appreciation.
19) Speak faith and positiveness to yourself and those around you. Show a happy, helpful, willing attitude in all you do, and this will help smooth things over when it's necessary to point things out. When having to correct a situation, ask what you can do to help, and follow through on taking action along with the person to help correct the situation.
20) Ask Me for new ideas, new approaches, new ways to present things in a loving‚ humble manner. Ask Me for the key to the heart of the person or persons who you feel need the correcting.
21) Something else you can do is to ask for prayer. Asking for prayer against self–righteousness isn't easy to do‚ because self-righteousness is a form of pride, and it's humbling to admit that you have a problem with it. But it's a step in the right direction‚ and the humility in doing so brings down My blessings and strength to help you fight for the victories you need in your life. (End of message from Jesus.)
To the Idealistic
Younger Generation
138. (Mama:) Aren't those good tips that the Lord gave? They're really good for all of us of both generations‚ no matter who we work or live with! That first section was directed more to you of the first generation, although I'm sure you of the second generation can benefit from that counsel as well. Now I'll move on and talk more to you dear second-generation members—although everyone will probably find helpful counsel in this next section. We're all men and women of like passions, and we all have lots to learn!
139. Back to you of the second generation: Those of you who are on board in the spirit are a tremendous strength to the Family. As Dad has said many times, you are our hope of the future. I can't emphasize enough how much we need you and what a vital role you play in the Family overall. We not only need you as people, because there are very few of us to get the job done, but we need your youth, your passion, your new ideas, your energy, talent and faith. So please don't let the following messages discourage you, because we're not trying to alter your character or take away from the youthful qualities the Lord has blessed you with. But we all have things to learn, and this is one area that the Lord is pointing out right now for both generations to work on.
140. You can have a tendency toward what I'll call "youthful self-righteousness," which is manifested differently from the type of self-righteousness that we were talking about earlier in this GN. It's a completely unrelated problem. It has to do with that wonderful youthful zeal and enthusiasm that we need and appreciate so much, which can sometimes run away with you. You might not see how your self-righteousness is manifested, so I asked the Lord to explain it in this next message, which I pray helps you to see it more clearly, and thus be open to the Lord's solutions.
141. (Jesus speaking: ) My young ones, you are gifted with energy, passion, vigor, a desire for change‚ and high ideals. You are that way because I made you that way. I love the way you are!
142. However, with that liveliness and fire can come impatience if things don't happen right away. You can be tempted to be critical if those around you don't measure up to your expectations. You can become rebellious when presented with valuable instruction from those who have more experience, just because you don't like the way they present it. You can be insistent on doing things a certain way, even when maybe it's not always the best way, because you lack experience and thus see things from a different angle, possibly a less mature or wise angle‚ but you're unwilling to accept that. You can look critically on your elders and parents, feeling that they've become old bottles who don't understand the way things really are.
143. All of these are typical symptoms of self-righteousness in youth. You have a desire to right the wrongs, to change the world, to be all that you can be. But with that youthful zeal and enthusiasm, you must gain wisdom if you're to truly make a difference in the world. It's natural to think that you're right, that you know the right way to do something. But with experience you learn that often you're not right—that I'm the only One Who is always right, and that it's wise to listen to others, to balance your decisions with Godly counsel and My Word.
144. My precious ones‚ the nature of youth is self–righteous. But I can help you to have the zeal and fervor of life without the self-righteousness, if you're willing to admit that you don't know everything and that you need lots of help. Remember that it's the nature of a novice to be lifted up in pride, but a truly wise man will value humility and the counsel of others.
145. Beware of self–righteousness, for it will thwart your growth. Then the opportunities that I send your way which I intend to shape you and prepare you for the ministry I have for you will pass you by, and you'll be found wanting. Take each opportunity for growth—don't pretend to know it all! With time you'll learn more, and coupled with the fire of youth, which I have put within you, you'll be a very useful tool in My hand—well-rounded, tempered, and strengthened. (End of message from Jesus)
There's Room to Grow!
146. (Jesus speaking:) It's a wonderful sign of maturity when you put forth the effort to be united with the older generation. You don't have to worry or fear that you'll lose your individuality‚ your uniqueness, your radical desires, and your young personality when you step out to get along better with the older generation and become more united with them. It's not My plan or My will that you become "just like them." I made you differently, because I knew that your differences would become great strengths, if you could learn to work together in unity. I'm not trying to fit you into a mold to become just like the first generation, so there's no need for you to worry.
147. You do, however, need to be willing to change and grow—as it takes change and the willingness to grow and adapt on both sides if you're going to have that sweet unity and strength of spirit that I've ordained for you to have.
148. See it like this: The two generations are like two sides of a coin. Separately, you're worth very little. Maybe you have a bit of ornamental value, but when it comes down to buying something, you're worthless. But together, you're a very rare and precious coin of great worth, that can bring a goodly price. You're both completely different. The only thing that's the same is that you both belong to the same coin, and you do fit together. You're ordained to be as one. You're ordained through your differences to make up the beauty and value of the coin. One cannot do without the other, and separately you're worth very little.
149. So be willing to grow. Be willing to accept that part of the time it will be the older generation needing to change; part of the time the responsibility for change will lie with you; and the majority of the time it will be somewhere in between‚ with both sides needing to give and take a little.
150. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help prepare your heart to grow:
•Is my natural reaction to a suggestion from an older person to resist it and resent it, rather than stop and see what I can learn from their experience?
•Am I critical of those who naturally go slower‚ or put the brakes on when an idea is presented?
•Am I faithful to go to the Lord myself about the ideas that I have, and then present what He shows me for further consideration, prayer and counsel, which shows maturity?
•Am I demanding that things be done right now, or do I give the Lord time to work things out, and people's hearts time to adjust and get used to ideas?
•Am I willing to admit that not all my ideas are necessarily good ideas—that I might not be right‚ or that it might not be the best time to implement them?
•Do I try to push the rules as far as I can take them in every given situation? Do I see how much I can get away with? Or do I consider the effects of my actions and decisions, seek counsel when it's needed, and consistently stay within the guidelines that our Home has agreed upon?
•Do I do my best to uphold the responsibilities I carry as a Charter Member, or do I wait until someone makes me do them?
•Do I treat the older generation with the respect and consideration that I want them to treat me with? Or am I waiting for them to be nice to me before I'm respectful and considerate of them?
•Do I respect those who are doing their best to keep the standard? Or do I look down on them as being self-righteous or old bottles, and belittle them, either in my heart or through my words and actions?
151. If you honestly take time to assess your life according to those questions, I think you'll find that there's room for improvement. As I said‚ there's a lot of give and take needed on both sides. But don't get discouraged or feel that it will never happen. Start with yourself; pray and ask Me to help you to change in the areas that you need to change in, and then watch Me do the wonderful miracles that you can't do. Even if at first you just change in one or two areas, that's progress—and the progress that you make in this area will help you for the rest of your life‚ no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.
152. Learning to get along with people of all ages and relate well to them is a skill well worth cultivating. It's highly sought after even in worldly circles and considered a valuable talent. And in My work of winning the world and becoming the leaders of tomorrow, which I've ordained for you to be, it's a "job critical" skill. (End of message from Jesus)
Stay Open—One of the
Greatest Attributes!
153. (Mama:) Next is another beautiful message from Jesus to you of the second generation. It's so sweet of the Lord to present the lessons so gently, sharing how He was tempted with self-righteousness. In this message the Lord explains some of the ways that your self-righteousness affects your communication and working relationship with the first generation.
154. The Lord has called you our hope of the future. He's prepared you all your lives for the jobs you'll do for Him. It's very understandable that when you see something that needs to be done or you're given responsibility, that you'd want to get it done quickly‚ you'd want to do it right, and you'd want to go all the way with it. That's not wrong; that's the way the Lord made you—idealistic, with goals and visions, and a desire to get things done.
155. But along with that zealousness must come wisdom, and in order to have wisdom, you have to be patient, willing to go slow and ask the Lord and seek counsel, and receive instruction and training. You have to admit and have the attitude that you don't know everything; in fact, that you have a whole lot to learn! The Lord understands that it's sometimes very difficult. He shares a little of His Own testimony from when He was on Earth, and the things that He went through along those lines.
156. The thing you have to realize is that when you allow your self-righteousness to take over the way you think or do things‚ it affects your relationship with those of the older generation—and your peers too, for that matter. If you're willing to go slow, to operate in counsel, and show yourself willing to learn from instruction and those around you, you'll likely find that you'll be trusted and given more and more responsibility as time goes on. However, if you push too hard, you'll likely find that it has the opposite effect—the FGAs will pull back, they won't trust you as much, and might even feel threatened or hurt. So while it's very understandable that you'd have a tendency toward self-righteousness, overcoming it is an important part of learning and growing and merging the generations—because self-righteousness is the great enemy of unity.
157. (Jesus speaking: ) My valiant armies who are young, I have given you many gifts and talents. I've given you a desire to live life to its fullest, a desire for excitement and fun, a driving passion to make the world a better place for all who live in it. You want to see equality, justice done, and righteousness cover the Earth. This is your zeal and what motivates you to do My will.
158. But with these attributes must also come temperance—knowing when to speak and when to accept what is being said, having patience when things or people are not perfect.
159. It's not possible to change the world today as much as we all would like to. I'd love to right every wrong and make everything perfect Myself, but it's just not possible to do instantly. It takes time to change things, and I know that process can be painful and frustrating. I know what it's like when you see a situation and you just want to go in there and rip it apart and redo it and make it better. I know the frustration at seeing something you want to change move so slowly that it looks like it's not even moving. I know. I too have been there.
160. I too had to learn to put up with the many imperfections of this life. I came from Heaven, where all is just and equal and perfect‚ to a world where injustice and imperfection rule. I came from a world where all is right and My Father's will is done and everyone loves each other, and there aren't the same pains and burdens that this life brings with it. I must admit that at times My spirit was so grieved that I wanted to give up or explode. I felt like wiping whole situations off the face of the Earth because people just wouldn't get the point. But I also loved those who were in the situation‚ I knew that they weren't perfect, and My Father gave Me compassion and understanding for them. It didn't change the fact that there were changes that they needed to make, but it helped Me to see that they were human and that I, in My youthful zeal, couldn't change things by pushing My way of thinking.
161. I had to stop and listen to My Father for advice. I had to stop and ask, "How much can I expect this to change? How can I look at this situation through Your eyes‚ Father? How can I help‚ instead of push people to the point of resentment and distrust?" I asked questions to find out how I could help the situation to change, rather than change it all on My Own.
162. Oh‚ it would have been great if I could have come down to Earth and simply whipped everything into shape, but it doesn't work that way. There will always be things that are lacking, that need work, that are imperfect.
163. You young ones have a great desire to see things become perfect—when in reality they never will be. That was something I too had to learn when I was young on Earth. I saw that nothing will ever be exactly perfect on this Earth. There will always be little flaws, things that annoy or bug you about the situation‚ so you just have to expect those things and accept them.
164. I know that's hard to take. It's like a pin or needle in your balloon—pop, burst! It can take the wind out of you. But remember that My Father‚ though perfect, has great compassion on people too. He sees that it's not possible for them to live up to the standard that He has for Himself, so He doesn't expect them to. If someone is genuinely trying to do the right thing and trying to follow, He has mercy on them and gives them every benefit of the doubt, trying for as long as is possible to be patient and to help them change.
165. He doesn't get frantic and impatient with them. He doesn't cuss and swear and fume because they aren't living up to something He would expect of Himself. He just lovingly takes them where they are at and accepts them, weaknesses and all‚ and tries to help them do better. So something that will really help you not to look at the first generation critically is if you remember the following:
•You're not perfect. You've made mistakes and you have faults too, so why should you expect someone else to be perfect?
•Things will never be 100% perfect. So try to accept them for what they are, and make the most of them.
166. This is not to say that there may not be changes that need to be made, especially if the situation or circumstance isn't up to standard. Changes will need to be made if that is the case. But if the situation is in line with the Word and the Charter and it's not causing harm or damage, then don't expect the people involved to be perfect. Understand that everyone is human, and they're trying their best to do what I've called them to do, but they can't always hit the mark. As much as they'd like to, they have human frailties that keep them from being perfect—otherwise they wouldn't be able to love others as much or understand when others fail and make mistakes.
167. So thank Me for the parts of your life or your Home that are good and are working well—and the rest‚ well, commit them to Me and trust that I'll work things out and I'll see to it that the progress is made in My time. And be there to do whatever I ask you to do to help. Sometimes I might ask you to lay off, chill, and cool it; whereas other times I may ask you to get in there and get your hands dirty and really work at changing things.
168. Just be open. That's one of the greatest attributes you can have. Be open to whatever I might have to say or ask you to do. And remember, I'm in control. I see the situation that bothers you too, and I won't just leave things the way they are if they need some changing. I'll get in there and help the ones involved to see the changes that need to be made. But it's not going to do them or you any good if you rush in and try to do things on your own. That will really screw things up. You have to remember that I'm in control, and I'll work things out according to My plan if everyone involved will listen to Me and yield to what I've got planned for them.
169. Don't let your young hearts run away with you. I know it's easy to do so, and it's downright hard not to. You want to get in there and make it right—and quickly too. But remember that I'm in control. Trust Me and ask Me about it. Don't try to change things on your own, because I guarantee you'll just make a bigger mess, like the story of the employee who tried to fix the expensive machine but wound up ruining it. Call the Boss and let Me help you work things out. Okay? You'll find that things go so much better if you do. (End of message from Jesus)
170. (Mama:) Thank You, sweet Husband, for Your wonderful words that tell it like it is. Thank You that You love us so much that all our faults and failings don't even matter to You. You just point them out because You want us to be happier, to be more united, and thus do a better job for You. And whenever You give us a loving correction, You always give us the solutions and the keys to victory along with it. We're so thankful that You give us what we need, that You tell us the areas that we need to do better in, because we really want to grow and change and become more like You, more filled with Your love.
171. Help that to be our prayer every day, that we'll grow in love more and more, and become more like You. We don't have to worry about beating out the darkness, or fighting our self–righteousness in our own strength—we just have to become more filled with Your love, and follow the steps that You point out to us which will carry us up the mountain to victory. Thank You, sweet loving Jesus. We love You so much! We want to become more like You every day.
Letter Links
For more from our Letters and pubs on self–righteousness, please see:
* "Love Is the Most Important Thing‚" ML #1793, Vol.15.
* "Self-righteousness," ML #2140, Vol.16.
* Self–righteousness and Spiritual Maturity," Maria #62, DB 3.
* "Pride, Self–righteousness and Humility," Word Basics, pg.179-87.
* "Righteousness/Self-righteousness," GT 2, pg.1482-1490.
quotes in boxes:
The precious things of My Spirit are worth fighting for, worth sacrificing for, worth hanging on for, and unity between the generations is one of those things. The beautiful unity of My Spirit will come as you do so, I promise.
Young people love honesty; they love shooting straight. So sharing your heart, and even your frustrations, battles, and weaknesses will not only endear you to them and show that you're weak and not sufficient in yourself, but it will also keep any self-righteousness in check which you may be tempted with.
One thing that would really help most self-righteous people is to learn to be more affectionate. Touching, tenderness and affection break down the barriers and foster humility and love, and humility and love are what defeat self-righteousness.
Those who have a tendency toward self-righteousness must make an extra–special, all-out effort to always give Me the praise and the glory and the credit for everything, as well as to stop and acknowledge Me before making a move.
If you know you have a tendency toward self-righteousness, go slow. Avoid hallway hit-ups and speaking in haste.
Think of unity as your force field. Without it, you're vulnerable to an attack. (ML #3289:64)
(End of file.)