By Maria Maria #518 CM 3276 11/99

My dear Family,

1. Since the Shakeup, I pray that each of you has taken time, and will continue to take time, to hear from the Lord about your life and what S2K means for you personally. It is meant to be a personal revolution in each one of our lives, that in turn will strengthen us as a whole and prepare us for the days ahead.

2. In September of 1999, the CROs and VSs in each area gathered for a meeting. These meetings were a time for the leadership structure of the Family to receive some further training and input in light of the Shakeup, via some counsel that Peter and I sent to them. It was a time of soul–searching for your dear shepherds. In ­order to follow through on their responsibilities after the Shakeup, they've been asked to make changes in their mode of operation and personal lives, and to recommit to the calling and responsibility that the Lord has given them of being standard–bearers—Musketeers, as the Lord called them. God bless them, they carry a very heavy load, not only in their professional life and their leadership responsibilities, but also because the Lord holds them accountable for much in their personal lives, sample and relation­ship with Him. "To whom much has been given, of the same shall much be required" (Luk.12:48).

3. In the months before publishing the Shake­up, the Lord began highlighting areas which needed improvement in some of their lives and sample. One leader He began to focus on was dear Dust, who has been a CRO for many years. Dust has been through a lot but has stuck and remained faithful. He has carried his responsibilities for many years without complaint and has been a tremendous blessing. Peter and I love him dearly as a friend and co-worker, and we're very thankful for him and the sacrifices he's made in order to serve the Lord and you, dear Family.

4. Recently, the Lord began to shine the spotlight on some areas of his personal life and sample and mode of operation that were hinder­ing him from being the shepherd he needed to be. These were problems that Peter and I had tried to help Dust with over the last year, but he had still not been able to make the needed changes. With the publishing of the Shakeup, things could no longer continue as they were. As a last resort, the Lord showed Peter and me that we would need to relieve Dust of his CRO responsibilities for the time being.

5. We prayed extensively about this change, and tried to bring it about with as much love and prayer as possible. We were sorry to have to ask dear Dust to step down from his post, but the Lord made it clear that it was necessary‚ and that if Dust humbled himself and yielded to the breaking the Lord was giving him, he would come through a wiser and more humble man, a better leader, more dependent on the Lord, and thus more useful than ever before.

6. Peter and I are very proud of Dust for his very good reaction to the Lord's correction, even though it was very difficult for him, as you can imagine. He went to the Lord with his questions and received further counsel, instruction, and correction. He agreed that the ­areas in his life that the Lord exposed did indeed need to change, and he was thankful and receptive to the counsel. He gracefully agreed to step down from his responsibilities‚ and has begun taking the steps the Lord has shown him to take in order to make the needed progress. He wrote a beautiful letter to the Family in the NACRO area, which I'm publishing for you in this GN. In this letter, Dust confesses the areas where he's been off the track and shares excerpts of the pro­ph­ecies given for him.

7. You can thank him, dear Family, for being willing to have these confessions and deep lessons of the heart published for all of you. We're mainly publishing them for your sake, so that you can learn from them. Dear Dust has taken the lessons to heart, agreed that he needs to change, and demonstrated by his actions that he wants to do so by God's grace. He willingly wrote up this apology and confession of his faults and shortcomings for those who he was responsible for shepherding and who he affected through his bad sample.

8. Dust is now moving forward, leaving the past behind, and is becoming a new man in spirit! Praise the Lord! So we're publishing this in great part for your sake. If it was only for his sake, we would leave it all in the past, and continue to pray for him as he becomes the man the Lord is making him. But for your sake, because the Lord is requiring similar steps of progress from each of you, we asked Dust if he would be willing to let us share this with the worldwide Family. He graciously agreed. It shows a true shepherd's heart that he is willing to expose his faults in order to show you the pitfalls that he had fallen into.

9. I want to caution you against pointing the finger at Dust or becoming critical of him or your other leadership. I don't want you to read this confession and then look back and feel justified about any times that you might have felt your shepherds were wrong. People make mistakes‚ and we're sorry about that. Please don't use this as a license to now become critical or self-righteous about mistakes that have been made. If you do, you'll be missing the entire point of this GN, and will not benefit from the very great help that it could be to you in your personal life.

10. This is a golden opportunity for you to learn and grow from the experience of someone who wants you to be able to learn from his mistakes so that you don't have to travel the same road. The choice is yours. You can read this maturely‚ seeking the Lord as to how He wants to speak to your heart through it; or you can completely miss the point by reading it critically, in which case you might have to eventually learn these lessons yourself through the hard road of experience.

11. Lord, please help each one to be desperate with You to see the areas in their own lives that they need to change and grow and humble themselves in. Help each one to take the time with You that is needed to see these things clearly and to have the conviction and determination to follow through and do something about them. Bless Dust for his willingness to let his lessons and heartfelt confession be published so that others can learn and grow from his mistakes. Continue to strengthen him and help him to continue to humble himself under Your loving hand, so that You can exalt him in due time. Thank You, Jesus, our wonderful Husband, for Your love for us, manifested even in Your rod of correction. We need it and want it and are thankful You don't spare it when we need it. Thank You‚ Lord. Please help us all.

Much love always, Mama

To the North American Family

From Dust

11/99

Dear Loved Ones‚

12. I love you so very much and I treasure each one of you. I feel very privileged to be in this Family together with you, my dear friends, co-workers, brothers and sisters. It's an honor to be mated together with you to our wonderful Husband and Lover, Jesus‚ and to be His Bride with you. It has been my privilege to serve this field as a CRO these past several years, and I'm so very thankful for my place in the Family and for the goodness of the Lord in calling me to be His disciple. It is my hope and deepest desire that together we all can go on for Jesus to a brighter day of loving and serving Him more closely than ever.

13. Recently I've been blessed to receive some prophecies and a letter from Mama and Peter in which they and the Lord had some very needed points of correction for me regarding my spiritual life and leadership sample. Although this "bread" of correction looks pretty much like a bitter "stone" right now‚ I can only pray and believe that it will eventually turn to blessing in my life. Due to the seriousness of my offenses and bad sample, it has become necess­ary for Mama and Peter to relieve me of my CRO responsibilities, so I am no longer a member of the NACRO teamwork. The Lord said:

14. (Jesus speaking:) I'm sorry‚ My dear one, that you're no longer the great general that you once were, leading the people to great victories. In days gone by, your greatness was in sacrifice and love and esteeming others ­better than yourself, but you have fallen under the sin of pride. And though you've been taught and counseled, and this sin has been exposed, you have not stirred yourself up to fight. Instead, you have resisted the truth, you have closed your eyes, and now you reap the results of such resistance and blindness, because My Spirit is no longer upon you as it once was‚ and you are not fit to lead the children of David at this time as a top officer. (End of message from Jesus.)

15. A little over a year ago I also received a letter of counsel and correction from Mama and Peter outlining some of the same weaknesses in my leadership and sample. But, sad to say, even though I was instructed in what the Lord was expecting of me and I had pledged to make the needed changes, I have failed to do so. There are a number of reasons for my failure to make sufficient progress in my spiritual life, all of which are my own fault. I'll try to share these with you as lessons that will hopefully serve to clarify any questions and confusion that may have arisen as a result of my bad sample as a CRO. These are such ugly sins and failures that it's very humiliating for me to share them with you. I feel very ashamed of myself. Plus the things that the Lord Himself had to say about me personally are very embarrassing and hard-hitting, although very true. But in order for you to understand and to set the record straight and clear up any questions regarding my sample, I feel I need to share these things with you.

16. But before sharing further excerpts of the prophecies that Mama and Peter included in their letter to me, as well as a prophecy I received from the Lord after reading their letter, I'd like to explain that the message from the Lord that Mama and Peter sent me was quite strong‚ and for good reason. You may wonder why the Lord gave such a hard-hitting message, since normally the Lord doesn't give personal prophecies of correction and instruction in such strong terms. To be honest, at first I wondered the same thing, but He clearly showed me that it was necessary for Him to address my sins and weaknesses in this strong manner for at least a couple of reasons. Although it hurts, I'm glad He did.

17. For one thing, the Lord explained that because I had been given gentler messages previously, but had not heeded them, it was now necessary to increase the strength of the presentation of what He had to say to me. Because of my pride and stubborn resistance to the Lord's more gentle corrections, which Mama and Peter had sent me a year ago, He now had to hit me pretty hard in order to get my attention. I was so blinded by my pride that I needed the "sledge hammer" treatment just to crumble my pride so that I could see. Anything less wouldn't have worked. Even though the prophecies were very strong and not at all easy to take‚ I can only say that I'm very thankful that the Lord saw fit to do this and stopped me in my tracks, rather than just letting me go without hearing it one more time.

18. I believe another reason the Lord gave such strong messages for me is because of my position as a top leader and the far-reaching effects of my sample. Because I'd been given the blessing of leadership, I also carried with it the responsibility for my sample and the effect that it had on others. In my case, it seems that the Lord had to use some extreme measures and an unusually strong delivery of His message because of my accountability. Again, I'm thankful that He did, but I pray that reading these prophecy excerpts will not cause anyone to fear or to feel that this is the new "standard" for getting prophecies for others.

19. Mama and Peter also sent me a very encouraging message from Dad, which is included at the end of this letter. The message from Dad gave me hope that I can make it.

Note from Mama About

Strong, Forceful Prophecies

20. (Mama:) Dear Family, I'm very thankful that Dust brought out this very important point of explanation regarding the forceful presentation of the Lord in the prophecy we sent him. There is a risk in sharing excerpts of this message from the Lord with you‚ as some of you might overreact and think that you should now start socking it to your flocks with strong messages of correction of this type. This is not the case! I want to emphasize that for us to send such a forceful prophecy is a very rare occurrence‚ and we only did so after asking the Lord if He definitely wanted to present the message to Dust in that way.

21. The Lord sometimes speaks about a person's problems in a very blunt and rather forceful way, so that that person's shepherds can understand the gravity of the situation. The Lord probably does this not only so the shepherds will pray desperately for the person who is struggling, but also so they'll see the need to help them. But often, when you ask the Lord for a message to be given to that person who is having problems, He'll speak very differently, giving the message much more gently, with lots and lots of encouragement. Peter and I have seen the Lord work this way many times.

22. This situation with Dust, however, was an exception. Please understand that. Your reading these prophecy excerpts is not a license for you to shepherd your flock or loved ones using messages from the Lord or Dad that are presented with similar forcefulness. If you feel led under rare and extreme circumstances to do so, I strongly advise that you get a clear confirmation from the Lord that it is His will, and poss­ibly counsel with your overseers as well.

23. The prophecies that Peter and I sent Dust a year ago were very different in their present­ation. They contained much the same message about his pride and his need to pull up his socks in his personal sample, but with gentler language and more benefit of the doubt. The Lord also included a lot of encouragement and much more commendation for past service.

24. But you must understand that Dust is very accountable, having had not only the blessing of reading the abundant printed Word in the GNs, but also having received a lot of personal input and training from Peter and me. So the Lord was very unhappy that his personal sample was not what it should be. Obviously, the Lord could not allow Dust to continue in his pride and disobedience after the Shakeup‚ and He needed to do whatever was necessary to not only get his attention, but also humble him and open his eyes to the seriousness of his condition.

25. There is no one, however, in your Homes who has been a CRO for many years and who has received so much training who is being demoted from their position, and therefore I clearly state that I don't expect that the Lord would give counsel to anyone in your flock in the same manner that He spoke to Dust. Please understand this‚ and be very prayerful, careful, and loving when using the gift of prophecy to help shepherd others.

26. Also, Peter and I have followed up this correction with further personal communication with Dust‚ assuring him of our continued unconditional love. Yes, we had to relieve him of his CRO responsibilities, but that doesn't in any way diminish the love we have for him. We still admire him for all that he's done for the Family all these many years, and in fact, we admire him even more now that we see that he's willing to take this correction and humbling and demotion! Dust is still our dear friend and we have a lot of faith that he'll come through this breaking with shining colors, and that he will be a great blessing as a missionary in Mexico! We're thankful to have him on our team, and we know you will be, too, when you read his very heartfelt, honest confession and request for prayer. Praise the Lord!

Love, Mama (End of note from Mama.)

United Desperate Prayer

For Deliverance from Pride

27. (Dust continues:) As the following pro­ph­ecy explains, my main problem is pride and my failure to bring it under subjection. This prophecy was included in the letter from Mama and Peter when they were explaining the need for me to have united prayer.

28. (Jesus speaking:) Dust's pride can only be broken by desperate prayer and laying on of hands. He could have received this help earlier, had he sought help from his teamworkers, and at that time it would have been easier for him to break free from this demon of pride. But now, because he has refused to seek the desperate prayer and deliverance he needed, even when he was made aware of the need, the Devil has been allowed to gain a greater and stronger hold on his mind and spirit.

29. That is one of the laws of My spiritual realm‚ that when one of My children becomes aware of a problem in their lives or some change they need to make, if they take the necessary steps right away to rid themselves of the problem and get right with Me and others, it's easier. But the longer they wait and resist, the stronger hold the Enemy is allowed to have, and the more it takes to then break that hold.

30. It's similar to a disease or illness. If you catch it early on, as soon as it's diagnosed, you're more likely able to get on top of it and defeat it; it causes you less pain and you get well quicker. But sometimes when a disease is left untreated‚ then it's so far–reaching and widespread that it's impossible to cure; it's deadly.

31. Dust has had this disease of extreme pride for so long that it's nearly incurable, and could prove fatal without a miracle of My Spirit. But this miracle and deliverance can only be wrought by his prayer, desire‚ determination and desperation. You can't do it for him. He is fully accountable. You can't break the power of the Enemy in his life. Only he can do that. But you must pray desperately for his yieldedness and his desire to be cleansed and made new. (End of message from Jesus.)

32. At the CRO/VS meetings that were held in October of 1999, I shared these lessons and the prophecies with the CROs and VSs‚ and I had united desperate prayer for deliverance from the demon of pride that has had such a strong grip on my life. After this prayer of deliverance, I knew that I'd been released and delivered from my pride. I knew that I'd been saved and I had a feeling of relief and well-being. Our wonderful Lover gave some precious prophecies afterward which I have and will cherish.

33. While it's not easy to receive such correction, even when presented with as much love and mercy as Mama and Peter have shown me, nevertheless it's my sincere prayer that I can learn from this correction and breaking so that I can make the needed changes. I find myself having to fight off the attacks of the Enemy and the temptation to become utterly discouraged by seeing my sins and weaknesses so clearly yet lovingly pointed out to me by the Lord and my shepherds. I ask that you please pray for me.

Living in the U.S.

Takes Its Toll

34. Since coming to the States from South America several years ago, I've become rather complacent and lazy in spirit. Sad to say, I've lost the cutting edge of being on the attack in spirit. One of the prophecies explains this as follows:

35. (Jesus speaking:) Your time in the Great Whore has taken its toll on your spirit, for you've been under attack, as all My children are who abide in this pit. For there are great evils, powerful demons in the spirit world that rule and reign in this land that was once Christian but is no longer.

36. Though there are many of My children there, many of the rulers and leaders are anti–Christ and lead My children astray and cause them to sin against Me and their fellow man. Those who rule this land now despise Me and have rejected Me and make a mockery of My Word. Now this land has become the cage of every foul bird, and the spirits go to and fro polluting the people‚ and even My children to some extent. There are those who are more on guard, who resist the sirens of the System, who stand more vigilant in spirit and in prayer, those who are not lulled to sleep into a false sense of security by the pleasure and abundance around them. But there are others who have become blinded, corrupted, poisoned, and dirtied in their spirits.

37. This, My son, is part of what has brought about your weakening. The circumstances in which you live require the utmost of desperation, yieldedness, and obedience. Even under the best of conditions, with your heart being fully right with Me, you would still be under attack and would need to raise a standard against the Enemy. (End of message from Jesus.)

38. I confess that my lack of humility to confess my sin of pride and ask for prayer and help from my shepherds and my Home has caused confusion and trials, and has been a very bad sample to others.

39. Also, I know that being in the U.S. has affected me badly, probably more than I realize. For example, I was watching more sports and other programs on TV than I ever did before, and I've put on a lot of weight over the past few years which I've not made the effort to lose. These may seem like minor points, but in light of the Shakeup, it's apparent that being in America‚ along with the serious problem of my strong pride, has taken its toll on my spirit and it is now time for me to shape up.

40. I'm very thankful for the opportunity to go to Mexico as a missionary, as Mama and Peter suggested, and just being there recently has brought a breath of fresh air to my spirit. Dad told me in prophecy, "I suggest you get to Mexico as fast as possible. It's the Lord's mercy. The people in Mexico are truly His weak and needy and desperate sheep. Let the Lord teach you how to love and shepherd the weak sheep so He can make you a stronger leader for the days ahead."

41. I've come to realize that being in the States with all of its abundance and easy living has caused me to compromise my convictions in many areas, especially when it came to upholding the standard of the Word and the Charter for myself and ensuring that others did as well. I look forward to a new day of forsaking the things of America and being a simple mission­ary once again.

A Loss of Desperation

42. When I began working in top leadership as a CRO about 10 years ago, I was new to such responsibilities and I was fairly desperate to stay humble, obedient, and yielded, knowing full well that if anything good were to be done, it had to be Jesus. The following portions of prophecy pretty much tell the story:

43. (Jesus speaking:) You did well when you worked closely with other CROs in teamwork, when you were in more of a junior position‚ when you were small in your own eyes and desperate before Me and the people. When you knew that you were nothing, had nothing, and could do nothing of yourself, then you sought Me desperately. You clung to My Words and you opened your heart to the queen and the king, desperate for whatever help they could give you. You so much wanted to be a good sample to help carry the load and lead the way.

44. You were in great fear of Me, because you didn't want to lead the flock astray. You didn't want to lift yourself up into the limelight, but you wanted to give Me the glory. You knew that your weakness was with pride, and so you fought hard to keep it in check through prayer and confession and actively giving Me the glory. But as is human nature‚ with time this conviction waned, and then a series of events took place, all of which had their part in weakening you further. (End of message from Jesus)

45. As I grew in leadership and especially since being on my own in the States with little direct oversight, I became less desperate and more self-confident and proud. The prophecy explains further:

46. (Jesus speaking:) You've become much too strong in yourself, Dust, to the point that you are now working in the arm of the flesh. You know you haven't had the sympathy and understanding that you should have had, and you've grown impatient and hard, and even cruel to some of those in your care. Of course, you haven't always been this way, and there have been times, many times, when you have manifested My love, especially times when you've been away from those you were closest to and familiar with. At times, while on your visitation‚ you walked more in the fear of Me, and so I was able to manifest My love more clearly through you. You were more desperate‚ and I honored that desperation.

47. When people look at a CRO, they expect an example of the king and queen. Many of the Family have the impression that the CROs are very directly overseen by the king and queen, that they are in constant communication with them, and that practically every move and every decision of the CROs are made in counsel with the king and queen and with their approval. Though this is not the truth—and in your case, Dust, could hardly be further from the truth, because of your lack of communication and openness with the king and queen—still, this is how the flock looks at you. And this is why your sample has been so detrimental and damaging to the faith of the flock—not only their faith in you, but also their faith in the Word and the king and queen. To them, you're an extension of the Word and the king and queen‚ and it's because of this that you now suffer the greater condemnation—the greater judgment and discipline.

48. You wonder how you could have poss­ibly gotten so far off track and gone so far astray. I tell you, My son, that it leads back to the sin of pride. Pride has always been your thorn in the flesh. You've been aware for years that that is your besetting sin that you must constantly fight against and raise a standard against‚ lest it come in and not only defile you, but many. But your pride, rather than being overcome and put in subjection, has taken a stronger hold on your life. (End of message from Jesus.)

49. I'm so very sorry for this sin of pride and these lacks in my sample and for the mistakes that I've made as a leader that have hurt and stumbled some of you. There are some of you in the NACRO area who I hardly know, and others who I've yet to meet. There may be some of you who I've only met briefly at a fellowship or on visitation. Having only met briefly, these sins and weaknesses may not have been so apparent to you. Or maybe they were and I just didn't realize it. It may be that my proud spirit intimidated you or caused you to feel uncomfortable. Since my main problem is the sin of pride and one of the symptoms of pride is spiritual blindness, it may very well be that I was blinded to how my personality and spirit was coming across. In any case‚ I can only hope that I didn't hurt or offend you, and where I have, I ask that you please forgive me. Those of you who have lived and worked closely with me I'm sure have noticed these things to one degree or another. Please know that I'm very sorry for these offenses and for hurting you and being a bad sample.

50. I've also been guilty of expecting and demanding service from people, using my position as a CRO to require a great deal of others instead of being a servant myself. I'm very ashamed to have to admit this, but I now realize that I have behaved in this way and I'm very sorry. And I especially apologize to you young leaders and bellwethers that I've worked closely with these past couple of years, because mine has been a bad example, one of how not to lead and shepherd. I'm so sorry!

51. I've also given public correction harshly at times, and in a more direct manner than was warranted. I'm afraid that these corrections were more in my own spirit and not the Lord's. If you've been one who has borne the brunt of such correction, then I apologize to you. Please forgive me. I only hope that you somehow made it through and kept going for Jesus in spite of how this may have discouraged you.

Failure to Embrace and Utilize

The New Weapons

52. Another very important aspect of my spiritual life and leadership in which I've been lacking is that of embracing the New Wine and putting into practice the new weapons. Instead of wielding the weapon of extensive use of prayer and prophecy in my leadership and life with the Lord, I've leaned to the old ways and my own abilities and training. The Lord told me this via the following prophecy excerpt:

53. (Jesus speaking: ) You may not see this; you may even disagree and feel that this isn't true. You may feel that you've fully accepted and believed and received the New Wine. You may feel that you appreciate the new weapons. You may feel that you've been a representative of the new day. But I say that you have not. In your mind, you may have accepted and yielded to the new way of the queen and king, but in your heart you've resisted‚ and that resistance has been manifested by the fact that you continue on as a leader of the old school. (End of message from Jesus)

54. I'm very sorry that I've not led the way in embracing and utilizing the new weapons. I ask that you please not confuse my bad sample with the truth of God's Word and what Mama and Peter have been trying to convey to the Family through many Letters over the past couple of years regarding the new weapons and new day leadership. I'm determined, by God's grace, to change in this area and to fully embrace the new weapons‚ which the Lord has given to keep me close to Him and strong in Him and not in myself.

55. By a miracle‚ after reading Mama and Peter's letter of correction and the prophecies that they sent me, I somehow managed to pray and ask the Lord to please speak to me about some of these things. I've been reluctant to share this prophecy with you, mainly because it's very humiliating for me and my sins and weaknesses are so ugly that I hate to confess them before all of you. It just kills my pride. But when I prayed about it, the Lord said:

56. (Jesus speaking:) Get it all out there! It's no more bloody than the sins of King David of old and many others who have gone before you. It will only cause others to learn and to fear Me. It can only crush your pride a little more and cause the lilies of humility to grow up out of the ashes of your pride. For where pride dies, hu­mility lives and grows. It doesn't hurt to kill your pride a little more and bury it just a bit deeper to where it can never surface again. (End of mess­age from Jesus.)

Dust's Prayer and

The Lord's Answer

57. Below is my prayer and the prophecy I received. Again, please bear in mind that the Lord gave such strong messages for good reason. In the case of the prophecy below which I received myself, I believe the Lord had to give it to me in such strong terms in order to convince me of the error of my ways and to help me receive this correction.

58. (Prayer: ) Lord, I hardly know what to say, or what to pray‚ or what to do. But with all of my heart I want to obey You, and to obey Mama and Peter, and to do everything that You've charged me to do. I acknowledge my sin of pride and all of the other sins, such as being selfish‚ demanding respect and loyalty from others while being so weak and compromising myself. I've demanded so much of others. I've been such a hypocrite in that I've indulged myself in things that I would not tolerate in others. And then there are these other sins that I wasn't aware of—bitterness, doubt, jealousy, and other sins that I haven't known were there. I hardly know what to say, Jesus. I don't have words to express anything. I would say I'm sorry, and I am sorry, so very sorry, but somehow that doesn't seem adequate.

59. Anyway, You know my heart. You know where I stand. I do want to receive this correction and to change, to be what You want me to be, and not the bad sample that I've been due to my own pride. I acknowledge it and confess that it's only my damn stinking pride that has gotten me into this big mess. It has now led me to the point where it's only right and necessary that I lose my job. You said that I'm no longer fit to be an officer, to lead in the army of David. I agree, Lord; that's true. I agree with You, and I agree with Mama and Peter that it's so very true. It's very sad and I hate to even have to look at it and admit it‚ but that's the way it is.

60. I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to pray or confess any of this to anyone—to the CROs, to the VSs, to anyone. I just don't know what to say. Please help me to do what is needful and what is good for others. Please restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me, and make me a missionary and a disciple for You‚ Jesus. Please, please help me!

61. Please help me to do those things that You and Mama and Peter have asked me to do. Help me to be open, to be honest, to acknowledge my sins, to apologize. Help me to do those things, to be clear. I know I'm going to need some help with this, Lord. I've been so blind, so proud.

62. Jesus‚ please speak to me now and tell me anything You want to say to me. I don't know if I can even hear from You right now, but I'd like to try. I open my heart to You, Lord; I open my channel. With what little strength there is within me, I cry out to You now desperately. Please speak to me. Mama and Peter suggested that I ask You about what I should do now. They also asked me to ask You in personal time of prayer and prophecy to speak to me concerning being in the States and the influence that it's had on me. They've also suggested that I ask You to speak to me about these sins that I wasn't even so aware of. I do acknowledge that I have them. You mentioned bitterness, jealousy, doubt, and of course pride. It all comes back to pride. You also mentioned the hardness of my heart‚ my lack of love—all these things. Please speak to me, Jesus.

63. (Jesus speaking: ) I'm sorry, My son, to have to do this. But know that you are My son and that I chasten every son whom I love. Though it is grievous and hard to be borne at the moment, nevertheless I say unto you that afterward it will indeed yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto you. You must receive this discipline as a wayward child, for you, My son, have wandered afar and have followed from afar off. And now it has become necessary that I break your leg, that I might take you up into My arms and carry you for a while, for you're no longer able to walk on your own. Nor are you able to be a sample to the flocks to go before them, to lead them and shepherd them, because you've been so weakened by your pride and the blindness of your heart.

64. I know it hurts! And believe it or not, it even hurts Me more than it hurts you. But this I must do as a loving Father. I must chasten you and discipline you, that you might learn not to go astray. For you have gone astray in the greatness of your folly, leaning to the arm of your own flesh, indulging yourself in your pride and selfishness, all the while being so hard on ­others.

65. What about all the love and kindness and tender mercies I've shown you? You yourself know that I've been very merciful and long­suffering with you‚ and yet you've been as the unjust steward and as a hireling with the sheep that I have given into your care. For this I am very wroth with you. For I must not only tend to you and your needs and show you love and compassion all the days of your life as I have done and will yet continue to do, but I must also look after My sheep‚ for I am the Good Shepherd. And though I look for shepherds, for ones to look after and care for My sheep, I would rather they have no shepherd than a bad shepherd to rule over them.

66. I know this is the last thing you wanted to be [a bad shepherd], but in the great error of your pride and in the blindness which your pride has brought over you‚ you've not seen the hardness of your ways, you've not seen how you've leaned to your own understanding and the strength of your own arm, which is not enough. For I am the strength of your life, and I am the love and the wisdom you need to be My shepherd—no others will do. You must be yielded, broken, and obedient.

67. You would do well to learn about obedience, for obedience is the path to true humility. For when you obey, you humble yourself and you agree with Me and My ways. You state by your obedience that My ways are right and that they are to be obeyed; that My judgments are true and they are to be lived; that My way is better than your way. But now you've gone astray in the error of your own ways, thinking you knew better—better than Me, better than your shepherds‚ better than your wife, better than all those around you. Yet you, My son, have been very, very wrong.

68. I love you very much and I would love to commend you for all that you've done, but now is not the time for commendation because of your sin of great pride. Rather‚ now is the time for breaking and humbling, for fasting and for prayer, for seeking Me for forgiveness, and especially for seeking the forgiveness of others who you have hurt and have offended by the hardness of your spirit and by the demands which you've placed upon them. You must seek forgiveness even from the lowliest of the flock, those who are the weakest, those who are barely making it, who you have hurt and offended.

69. Shall I not charge you and hold you accountable for these weak and lowly sheep who you have driven away, when I would that you would have gathered them and been as My love to them? I'm sorry, but I say unto you that I do charge you and hold you accountable. The only thing that will free you from this charge is that you beg for their forgiveness, that you ask in all humility that they forgive you for the way that you've treated them. For they must be made to understand that your ways have not been My ways‚ that you have not shepherded them as I would have shepherded them. As you well know, I am the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. But sad to say, you have not laid down your life for the sheep.

70. You've gotten yourself into such a state that you've been deceived and deluded into thinking that your hard ways and your demands were leading them in the way that they should go, when in fact you were driving them away. The decisions that these ones make in their lives are theirs to make, and I do not hold you account­able for those; that's between them and Me. But I do hold you accountable for how you've stumbled them and even caused some to fall. And again, I say unto you, you must seek their forgiveness.

71. Now you ask within your heart, "Where­in have I been bitter?" You pray to Me and you ask, "Show me the error of my ways and where I have been bitter." I'm glad that you would ask Me this, because you need to know. Here is the truth about your bitterness: You've been bitter every time things have not gone your way. ­Every time that your co-workers or even your shepherds have disagreed with you and your ways, you've become resentful. In your pride you've become resentful‚ because they've gotten in your way. And you've even resented the correction from your king and queen. You don't like to admit this‚ for it is such a horrible and ugly sin and you wish to Heaven that this sin was not yours, but indeed it is.

72. I say to you that you must acknowledge this transgression and confess it and call upon Me to deliver you. I will free you from it and I will deliver you from the bondage of this bitterness. But you must take heed to humble yourself, to understand that just because something doesn't go your way, it doesn't mean that it's wrong and that others are wrong and that you should recoil in bitterness and resentment. Rather you should pray against your pride and ask for the humility to receive these things and to understand them in the spirit of humility and in faith.

73. You also question, saying, "Wherein have I doubted?" You say‚ "I believe the Words of David and of the Lord and His prophets and of His king and His queen." And yet I say unto you, you have doubted. Your pride and your bitter­ness have caused you to doubt‚ because when things didn't go your way, you questioned them in your heart.

74. Examine now your heart and look into your soul. Have you not resisted even the coming of the End, thinking that it would be better if all things were to continue as they are so that you might carry on business as usual and what you consider to be your great and mighty accomplishments, but which are so very little in My eyes when compared to the mighty moving of My plan and the unfolding of the future as I have foretold by the mouth of My prophets? But because of your pride and the building of your own little ships, you have even doubted this and wished in your heart that it be not so.

75. Have you not also resisted and doubted the words of the prophecies that were sent earlier to correct you and straighten you out? With your mouth you said that you believed them, and I know that indeed you tried to believe them. Yet because of the barrier of your great pride, you resisted them and did not obey them. This led you to doubt and to make excuses for yourself. In excusing yourself, you had to doubt the words of these prophecies. You questioned their source and the angle from which they were given.

76. When the words of a prophecy are about others and about other events and places, other topics, they're easy to believe. But when they're about you and touch upon your weaknesses and offend your pride‚ then you have a choice. You have the choice to receive and obey, or to reject and disobey. In your case, My dear son, who I dearly love, you first disobeyed, and then came the rejection. Then your disobedience and rejection led you to question and doubt. Because you didn't obey, because you rejected and doubted, you were unable to make the progress that you needed to make. You were unable to overcome and change, even though you desired to. But desire is not enough. There must also be obedience and the doing of those things which I tell you to do. You cannot be a hearer of the Word only and desire to make the changes of which I have spoken, but then not obey and do those things. For then you become a hearer of the Word only and not a doer, and you become deceived.

77. Despise not this chastening. It seems to be a day of sorrow and of great sadness, of brokenness and brokenheartedness, yet I say unto you that it is a day of rejoicing. It is the day of the renewing of your soul. It is the beginning of a whole new life. For as I have said, you've been unhappy and confused, but this is now a day of clarity‚ and the clouds of confusion are being lifted. The scales that have been upon your eyes are now falling. The extreme pride that has blinded you is about to be ­broken, and you are to be delivered and set free—free to serve Me as a servant in whom there is no guile.

78. Let Me also speak to you of your jealousy. This also is borne out of your extreme pride. Again, you question and wonder, "Wherein have I been jealous?" I say unto you, and this you know in your heart to be true, that you have been jealous whenever there is an accomplishment or a fruitfulness of others that in your eyes rivals your own. You become jealous and you compare, and in your pride you esteem your accomplishments to be better than those of ­others, even as you esteem yourself to be better than others. There are many of My children who compare themselves negatively with others and are plagued by negative thinking and the belittling of themselves. But this is not so with you. For you are one who in your pride belittles ­others and the things which I cause them to do for Me. In your pride, you look upon your own things as better and more important.

79. Oh, how deceiving is this great sin of pride into which you have fallen, you who are so dearly loved and yet so proud of yourself. Oh that I would deliver you from this horrible, diabolical sin of pride. Then will you be free and you will no longer be blind, but you will see. You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. For the chains of pride have compassed you and have held you in bondage; they've blinded you and have caused you not to see. But these chains of pride will be broken. I am your Strong Deliverer, and as you call upon Me, I will deliver.

80. I will deliver you from the horrible bondage of pride and will set you up upon a Rock. That Rock will be Me, and there you will stand clothed with garments of humility, not looking at yourself and saying, "Look at me," but rather you will say‚ "Look at my Rock‚ look at my Deliverer, look at my Lover and my Husband, who in His kindness and mercy has delivered me from the pit of hell, from the bondage of my own pride." You will learn to glorify Me and to give Me all the credit, all the glory, and all the thanks and praise. (End of message from Jesus.)

The Beginning of

A Whole New Life!

81. Right now‚ to be honest, things look very dark, and it's difficult to believe that there's much hope for me. But by the grace of God‚ I hope to make it through this breaking and come forth as a genuine disciple and missionary for Jesus. The Lord said:

82. (Jesus speaking:) This can be the beginning of a whole new life. You stand at the threshold of the happiest and most fruitful time you've ever had since you joined the Family. But to receive the special blessings and anointing I have for you, you must die to self, leave the old behind and become a new man in Me. And though you hardly have the faith for it, for you've tried so many times to become all that you can be, you have but to say, "I believe, Lord; help Thou my unbelief," and I will send unto you ministering spirits and Heavenly helpers that will lead and guide you according to your ­obedience‚ desperation‚ and yieldedness. (End of message from Jesus.)

83. Please pray for me that I can learn these lessons and get the victories that I so desperately need. Here is the message from Dad that Mama and Peter sent me:

Fall Upon the Rock

—A Message from Dad!

84. (Dad speaking:) I love you, Dust. Thank God, the jig is up and you don't have to go on any longer living in misery and unhappiness. You should rejoice that the Lord has answered your subconscious prayer for help and deliverance from the pride, doubt, jealousy, anger, and confusion you've been under. Pride is a monster, Son‚ and it got a grip on you because you didn't fight it and stay desperate to be a humble servant. You just got spiritually lazy and self-confident, which opened the door wide to pride. Then you didn't humble yourself and ask for prayer and help from your teamwork and your king and queen. Then the worst thing happened; you let doubt into your heart through your pride.

85. You know very well that you couldn't have gone on much longer like you have been. It was beginning to weigh so heavily on your heart, you weren't really getting fed from the Word like you used to, and you were getting weaker by the day.

86. This chance to start over is the Lord's mercy on you, Son. It's very similar to what I described that I went through in the Letter "Break­down." That was the end of my world and my own ideas and ways. It was so humbling to have been so wrong, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do to tell my entire flock that I'd been completely wrong. But it set me free to fly so much higher in the spirit‚ as the Lord began to reveal so much truth to me. And you know the rest. The Family just continued to grow and explode throughout the world. Praise the Lord!

87. It was a miracle, Son. I couldn't have done it without the Lord's miraculous help. But because I cried out to Him, He did the miracle and delivered me from my preconceived way of thinking, and my pride. Surprise! Yes, my awful pride in thinking I was so right and so strong in the Lord and that I knew what was right and what to do. I couldn't have been more wrong! What a humbling I had to endure! But it was what I needed to break my pride and deliver me, so that I could go on to greater heights that I could never have reached in my pride and my own spirit.

88. And that's what the Lord is offering you now, Son—a chance to make a complete turnaround and start going the right way; a chance to forsake your pride and stubbornness, your doubts and jealousies, and return to your First Love and the joy of humility. This doesn't have to be the end for you, Dust! It can be the first day of a new and wonderful and fruitful life of service. The Lord is not throwing you on the scrapheap. He doesn't want to have to, either. He needs you, as Mama pointed out, and so does the Family. He wants to help you fly higher than you ever have!

89. I won't try to lead you to think it will be easy. It won't! You've worked yourself into a bad place, Son, and have developed strong pride and some bad habits and weaknesses that are going to take a great deal of desperation and fighting on your part to overcome. But I know you can do it if you'll simply receive these truths and humble yourself to admit you need prayer and help from the Lord and others.

90. It's true that you've gotten yourself into pretty bad shape, Dust, and been a bad sample to others through your pride and resistance to help from others‚ in both your working with them as well as your personal life. But it's not imposs­ible for the Lord to help you change. Love, prayer, and humility solve all problems. It will take a miracle, Son, but that's what the Lord majors in—miracles! Can you believe Him for one? Well, if you yield to this correction and truth about yourself‚ then you certainly can expect a miracle.

91. The Word promises us that if we yield and fall upon the Rock, we'll be broken. You need to be broken in your pride and stubbornness, which I know seems impossible to you since you can't even see it all clearly. But the Lord promises that if you fall on Him, you will be broken—broken of your pride and self-right­eous­ness, and delivered from the doubts and jealousies that have been plaguing you. So resist the Devil's temptations to analyze, accuse, or not believe the Words the Lord, Mama and myself are giving you. You know in your heart they're true. So simply yield and fall upon the Rock and let Jesus break and remake you into the vessel He wants and needs you to be.

92. Those that the Lord has been able to use most have been those who have faced their sins and weaknesses and been willing to go through great breaking and remolding. I had to do it, and many of your fellow Family members have had to do the same. That's why the Lord has more true Christian leaders in the Family than in any other Christian organization or church—because they've been willing to be broken, to acknowledge their weaknesses and sins‚ and fall on the Rock. But through it they've been born again and realized that humility truly is the soil in which all Christian graces grow.

93. Will you do that‚ Dust? Will you go on for the Lord and be the man He wants you to be? I know it's hard and you're tempted to feel in­capable and too old and tired to try to change, but that's also a lie of the Devil. You need to stir yourself up, as I did at age 49! I went on the attack and refused to lie down and let the Devil walk all over me. I fought for my crown and place as a Christian leader. You know why? Because I loved and had a broken heart for the sheep and knew they needed me. I did it for them, Dust. I don't know if I would have been willing to do it just for myself. But I knew in my heart that it was the answer to my prayers for God to make me the man He needed me to be to feed and lead His sheep. So I knew I couldn't fail them. I just couldn't!

94. And He didn't fail me; He made me that man. And He won't fail you either! Accept and go through this humbling and breaking for the sake of the sheep. I know you love them and see their desperate need. Let the Lord use this time away from leadership to make you a humble shepherd, as He did with Moses of old, and as He did with me. The Lord changed us both greatly through breaking our pride and our thinking we knew how to deliver the sheep‚ and He wants to do the same for you.

95. The Devil is going to try to greatly condemn you, Son. But remember Romans 8:1: "There is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus‚ who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Let the Lord break your proud‚ selfish heart, and replace it with a soft, tender one, so that your only desire will be to care for others.

96. I suggest you get to Mexico as fast as possible. It's the Lord's mercy. The people in Mexico are truly His weak and needy and desperate sheep. Let the Lord teach you how to love and shepherd the weak sheep so He can make you a stronger leader for the days ahead. It will take time, but it will be very fulfilling and will make a way for you to change the bad ­habits and rid yourself of the sins that have so easily beset you. You'll be eternally grateful if you don't let this opportunity for you to change get away from you.

97. The Lord, Mama, Peter and I, as well as your teamwork and your friends, all still love you greatly, Dust. Don't let the Devil rob you of this opportunity to grow and take your place among God's greats, no matter what the cost. Whether it takes you a year or two or whatever, it's such a short time in the overall scheme of things, and it will seem as a moment to you. You'll be so thankful, because you'll have returned to the joy, peace and happiness of former days. The darkness, confusion, anger and doubts will vanish‚ and the Lord will be able to take away much of the pride that so greatly hinders you now and causes you doubt, anger, and jealousy.

98. Don't be the Devil's next meal! You've fought too hard and long to give in to him now. I need your help to care for the sheep. I pray and implore you to accept this correction of your course, and accept the humbling and breaking, so you can help us in the dark days to come to lead His people to victory. Thanks for all you've done so far to do that, Dust. None of that is for­gotten or diminished by this correction and by the Lord asking you to take time away from leadership to learn needed lessons and break bad habits. What you've accomplished during your time in the Family has been great and is greatly appreciated, and you've fought hard to do it.

99. Please don't stop fighting now. Even though it will be a hard fight, I know you can make these changes. You never were one to run from a fight, Son, so don't let the Devil bully you and scare you out of this one. It will be worth it all in the end. When the World Series starts‚ I know you'll want to be out there on the field playing in whatever position the Lord has for you. So stay yielded and submitted and let Him make you the man He needs.

100. I love you and I'm praying for you, and will come to help you whenever you ask me. Mama and Peter will also be there for you and will be happy to hear from you at any time about whatever you want to share or talk about. They'll also be there to pray for you whenever you have a need. Please communicate with them and with the CROs, and get prayer whenever and as ­often as you need it. Humble yourself under the Lord's hand, and let Him give you a greater crown in His perfect time.

101. Fight on‚ Son! Only this time, fight with the Lord's strength, by letting Him shine through your weakness—a diamond of Dust. The Lord gave you that name to remind you that you can only shine by reflecting His light‚ so remember it every time you hear your name. I love you! (End of message from Dad.)

102. Thank you‚ Dad, for your loving encouragement to fight on. I love you! And, my precious Family, I ask that you please forgive me for my bad sample and continue to pray for me to be that man. I love each of you very dearly and admire you for your sweet dedication and love for the Lord and His Family.

Love always, Dust

More Encouragement

From Dad!

103. P.S. from Mama: The following is a beautiful message of encouragement the Lord gave recently for Dust, which I pray is an encouragement to you as well.

104. (Dad speaking:) This is not a defeat, Son. All that you've been through—even all that you feel you've lost, and all that you feel you've failed in—isn't a defeat, and it isn't meant to keep you down and discouraged. The Lord is only doing this in your life to make you an even better vessel, a better tool in His hand. You might not feel like you can possibly keep going now‚ that it's just too discouraging‚ too overwhelming to see all the ways you need to change; to correct all the wrong ways of thinking, to have to relearn so much and learn to come to Him for everything.

105. You feel totally discouraged when you think back on the things that you did wrong, the ways you feel you failed. It's heartbreaking, so much so that you feel like there's no hope for you, that you can't possibly make the grade. But none of that is true, because the Lord knows you can do it with His help. He knows it‚ and I know it, and even if you don't know it and you don't see it or feel it, you just have to keep going by faith.

106. The Lord has faith in you, and I have faith in you, and Mama and Peter have the faith in you that you're going to keep going‚ keep fighting, and keep trusting Him to remake you and reshape you into the vessel that He wants you to be for Him. So don't give up now. You've made a good start, and even though the road looks long, it's not as long as you think. In fact, it can be a lot shorter than you imagine if you just keep fighting. You might feel like you've got too far to go, that the end is so far out of sight, that the goal is way out of your reach; but it doesn't matter how you feel, just keep going and keep trusting that the Lord knows exactly how much you can take.

107. The Lord knows that it's been very difficult on your pride. It's been a real crusher to your pride, but that's a good thing because it will bring forth the good fruits of the spirit of humility. Don't let your pride well up and get the better of you—not now, not after all you've been through; not after taking the wonderful first steps of yielding and accepting and embracing the Lord's will for you. You've started out very well, you've really shown beautiful fruits of repentance and acceptance and yielded­ness and a willingness to be remade and reshaped into a more useful vessel.

108. Of course the Enemy is going to come along and really try and hit at your pride. He's going to try and bring up things in your mind—past experiences, situations, anything he can to try and make you justify things, to make you feel wrongly judged. But you've got to really fight the Enemy's tactics to get you off track and pull you down and discourage you. Your decision to yield and accept and go on for the Lord‚ to learn of His new ways—the ways of using the new weapons, the ways of being weak—is a key to your success. Don't lose sight of your decision to yield, to say yes to Jesus. Don't let the Enemy distort things and distract you from continuing forward.

109. The minute you made that decision and accepted the humbling in your heart, you already won a great victory; you already sealed your victory. The Lord saw the desire of your heart to become a new creature, He saw your desire to say yes‚ to yield completely to His will, and He blessed you for it; and He'll continue to bless you mightily with growth, with forward movement‚ with victory after victory, as long as you keep fighting and keep yielding, keep accepting, and keep committing yourself to Him. He will strengthen you and teach you each step of the way, and make you into what He wants you to be. But you have to continue to accept and yield and trust in Him.

110. Just take things one step at a time. Don't try to see the whole future at once or understand what the future will mean for you. Just live today the best you can. Be the best disciple, missionary, follower of the New Wine‚ Family member, witnesser, and channel for Jesus that you can.

111. The Lord is pleased with the steps you've taken. He's very proud of you for being willing to take your humbling and for accepting His hand in your life. He's not going to let you down. He's more than willing to come to your side and strengthen you and help you to keep going. He wants to see you keep going, to make it, and to come out as finer gold. So trust Him that He's not going to give you more than you're able to bear—not one speck, not one tiny bit more than you can take.

112. You've taken a lot up to this point—a lot of the Lord's instruction and correction—and that's a compliment, because the Lord is investing a lot in you and He has faith in you that it'll bear good fruit. So you really don't have anything to worry about. If Jesus has faith that you're going to make it, then all you have to do is keep going one step at a time and trust Him to give you the strength for it all. He'll strengthen you. He'll give you all that you need to take one more step, and then one more. He loves you! You're very precious to Him, one of His beloved brides, and He's going to be right there by your side encouraging you, strengthening you, and helping you along the way.

113. When things get too hard and you don't feel you can go on one more step, just turn to Jesus and call on Him for the help and anointing and strength you need. He has it for you—all that you need, more than you can even im­agine, and He's ready and waiting to hold you in His arms and comfort you and encourage you to keep going. Take your questions to Him and let Him speak to you and show you His ways. It'll be a great encouragement to you and help you to keep going.

114. What has begun as a difficult time in your life will turn out to be a very beautiful time, a time of drawing closer to Jesus than ever before; a time of real sweet lovemaking, communing with Him in your bed of love. Enjoy this time, cherish it; for even though it hurts sometimes, it's a great blessing in disguise from your Husband Who loves you so. He wants you to be closer to Him than ever before. So when you feel discouraged or hurt, let Him speak to you and draw you into His heart of love where He can give you the answers you need.

115. The discouragement and hurts can become a real strength to you if you let Jesus show you how He thinks about it and what He wants you to think. He can change what seems like a terrible situation into something beautiful. He can change discouragement or feelings of failure into trust and faith in Him.

116. He can give you faith and strength to go on when you feel like quitting‚ but you have to go to Him in order to get that strength. He has it for you and He won't fail to bless you with all you need. He's already blessing you, He's already helping you! Look‚ He sent me to talk to you! I love you very much, Son, and so do Mama and Peter. We're all praying for you and we know that Jesus is going to pull you through as you hang on. (End of message from Dad.)