KEYWORDS: life, lord, time, suicide, things, people

When Is It Your Time to Go?

Karen Zerby

Leave Your Life in God's Hands!

By MariaMaria #473 CM/FM 3228 12/98

Dear Ones,

1. In this GN, I'd like to share with you some mess­ages from the Lord on a subject we don't discuss much: that of taking matters into your own hands and ending your life, rather than leaving your life in God's hands and allowing Him to choose the day and hour of your return Home to Heaven.

2. Suicide is not a pleasant subject to talk about, and thankfully we haven't had to deal with it much. However, as the End approaches, the Devil is pulling out every dastardly device available to him, and he's doing a good job of living up to his name—"the accuser of the saints." That's why the Lord has led Peter and me to talk about this particular device of the ­Enemy, and the many lies that come along with dwelling on thoughts of suicide or toying with the idea of ending your life.

3. Suicide is a rare and uncommon occurrence in the Family. However, since some of you are prone to such negative thoughts, and since it's also becoming a hot topic in the world, the Lord has led us to address it. I'm sure that since you all read about dear Windy's recent graduation notice in Grapevine #56‚ you've had a number of questions going through your mind about that situation. Perhaps some of your thoughts are: "Why did she do it?" "Was she trying to kill herself?" "What could have pushed her to such a state?"

4. Those are disturbing questions, I know. The good news is that as you read on, all those questions will be answered for you, some by Windy herself. In addition, our wonderful Husband will shed beautiful light on those very difficult and heart-wrenching questions‚ as well as the accompanying emotions‚ which can be very hard to deal with.

5. There have been a handful of other Family members throughout our 30-year history who have taken their life in one form or other. We've received messages from some of these dear ones over the past several years‚ all of which confirm Windy's message, as well as the things that Dad has said over the years about suicide.

6. The Lord has a very clear message that He wants you to get while reading this GN, and I'll tell you what it is right from the start: You should leave your life in His hands. Life is a precious thing, given to us by God, and though He has given man the freedom of choice, He means for you to leave with Him the choice of when your physical body dies and you return to His arms.

7. I know that the last few years have been very trying for many of you, young and old alike. Young folks face the difficulties and intense emotional battles of growing up‚ and our FGAs face the spiritual and physical battles of growing older, poor health, menopause and its mood swings, etc. I know that the intense discourage­ment and personal battles have threatened to overwhelm you, some for months or years at a time, without hope of letting up. A few have written to me, honestly expressing the fact that they are tempted with the thought of ending their life.

8. I feel for you, dear ones. My heart goes out to you and I weep and pray for you. I pray that Jesus will take you in His arms and comfort you and pull you through the deep waters that you're passing through. But most of all, I pray that you will find the strength and grace to hold on‚ to believe that God does all things well. And in doing so, to trust Him with your life, and to rebuke and put aside any thoughts of taking your life or of ending it prematurely.

9. Suicide is a common problem in the world. Many people have to receive counseling, psychiatric help, or even be placed in mental institutions because they're suicidal. It's not hard to see why so many people in the world, many of whom are entirely lost and devoid of hope for a better world to come, would be discouraged and find themselves in such a state of despair that they would consider ending their life. And they do! It happens all the time.

Suicide surges in the world

According to a CDC survey of U.S. high school students:

24.1% of students had thought seriously about attempting suicide.

17.7% of students had made a specific plan to attempt suicide.

8.7% of students had attempted suicide.

2.8% of students had made a suicide attempt which resulted in an injury‚ poisoning, or overdose that required medical attention.

(From the Centers for Disease Control [CDC], as part of its Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System [YRBSS]. 1995. MMWR; 45 (No.SS-4), 1-86, 1996.]

Even devoutly religious young people battle thoughts of suicide. A recent survey of 2,500 Southern Baptist teenagers revealed almost one-fourth have thought about killing themselves. Of the youth surveyed, 64 percent read their Bibles weekly or daily.

"It's shocking to know that some of the same kids who think about killing themselves may pray either daily or weekly," said Clyde Hall, manager of the Sunday School Board's youth discipleship section. (Terri Lackey, Baptist Press, January 28, 1998.)

On his recent visit to the U.S., the pope also mentioned the problem of suicide. "There is something terribly wrong when so many people are overcome by hopelessness to the point of taking their own lives," the pope said at a youth rally in Kiel Center in St. Louis. (AP, January 26, 1999.)

Nor is suicide solely a U.S. problem. Young and old around the world are affected. Nearly one in five British girls has attempted to kill herself because of the pressures of modern life, according to research by the Samaritans. A survey of nearly 17,000 schoolchildren and students revealed that just under half had once felt there was no point in living. Some 17% of girls aged between 13 and 25 said they had made a suicide attempt: the corresponding figure for boys was 8%.

The results have shocked charity workers‚ who say they reveal a hitherto unseen depth of anguish among today's youth. Suicide is already Britain's second biggest killer of young people. In 1995‚ 19% of deaths in the 15 to 24-year-old group were suicides, with 738 young people killing themselves. (Jon Ungoed-Thomas and Joe Perry, The Sunday Times‚ April 5, 1998.)

10. But Jesus has given us, His children, the antidote to that depression. It's His Word‚ prayer‚ and believing His promises! If we keep our mind stayed on Him and put our life in His care and keeping‚ He can keep us from heading down the dark path that can eventually lead to suicide.

11. As you read on, you'll see exactly why it's so important to resist this device of the Enemy. From the various messages that we've received from ones who have departed in this fashion, and as Dad has always taught us, the Lord is not pleased with those who take their own lives. Though Jesus is ever-merciful and tender, He does have a clear message on the subject of suicide, and it's very important that each of you understand and take it to heart.

12. He wants to make you fully aware of the intentions and goals of the Evil One when he tempts you with those discouraging thoughts that make you feel like, "You're no good anyway, so why should you even bother to keep on going with life?" Or maybe he tries another tactic, that of making you feel like, "Heaven is so much better than this world, so why not just go now? Why hang around here, anyway, since things are only getting worse?"

13. All these questions will be covered in full later in this GN, but for now suffice it to say that of course Heaven is better than this Earth! That's why we're giving our lives on God's altar of service now, because we have a vision, a goal, something we're looking forward to—that City whose Builder and Maker is God! But each of us has been placed on this Earth for a specific purpose: to share the good news of God's love and salvation with others.

14. We're here as God's representatives, His workers, to do His service. We believe in giving God full sway in our lives, to do with us as He wants. And I'll tell you that it's not at all God's idea or plan for anybody to take their own life; that's just not the way He works. God has His Own timetable for each person on Earth‚ and when your time is up, He'll call you Home. But you'd better not think that you know better than God and decide when your job here is done, because only God knows that.

15. So despite whatever battles or extreme depression you may be going through‚ you'll just have to hang on to the knowledge that God is in control, and that He's the One in charge of your life. Taking your life into your own hands is simply not an option. As you read the testimonies of those who can tell you from their own personal experience, you'll see it's certainly worth it to hold on and to live your life to the full.

16. God has wonderful things in store for us. And though in a moment of depression or extreme negativity, suicide may appear to be an easy way out, this is simply not the case. It's anything but an easy way out‚ as you'll learn from some of those who sadly tried it, and have returned to share with you their mistakes and heartbreaks, in order to prevent you from doing the same.

17. Please take these messages to heart‚ whether or not you personally are tempted on occasion with such thoughts. Perhaps someone in your Home or area is, or in the future the Devil will try to attack you in this way. If you do have a problem along these lines, this GN contains the help that you desperately need! Take time to study it carefully, and then receive united prayer from your Home to overcome and defeat this very serious attack of the Enemy. Jesus can do it, and He is more than willing to help you.

18. First, I'd like to share with you a mess­age from Dad on this subject:

19. (Dad speaking:) God bless you all! I know this isn't a pleasant subject‚ but there's some good material that the Lord has given on this topic that will be of benefit to all of you, so that's why we're publishing it. But I'd like to make sure that you all realize that the reason we're putting out this GN for you is not because there's a big problem with suicide in the Family. In fact‚ there really isn't a problem at all! There's been a person here or there in the Family who has taken their life, but we in the Family are not the ones who have a problem with suicide—it's the System! They have a definite problem with suicide, and there's simply no comparison between the Family and the System on this point.

20. I want to make that perfectly clear, because the Enemy is bound to try to tell some of you that because we're putting out a GN on suicide, it means the Family is driving some of its members to the brink of suicide, whether it's because of the problems and difficulties you face or because of spiritual, mental and emotional abuse in our Homes. That's a pack of dirty lies! He may try to tell you that now it's becoming such a big problem that we're having to openly address it. Well, that's just a load of the Enemy's typical trash! Don't believe it!

21. As we approach the End, the Enemy is hitting at each of you harder; that's a fact. He's trying, and will try, to tempt some of you with giving up entirely and even throwing your life away. But that's because you're the "live ones!" Of course he's going to try to get you to turn into dead ducks—literally! Remember that story I used to tell you about ol' black Sam? The ­Enemy tries to bag the live ones! He doesn't give a second thought or care about the ones who are already dead; he just lets them lay. And that's where he wants you—just lying there like a dead duck.

22. So that's why we're putting this ma­terial out—so that you can be armed and prepared and geared up to fight the Enemy's attacks in whatever form they might come. This is not just about suicide, it's about the Devil's devices of depression‚ discouragement, and negativity.

23. So don't let that ol' boy trick you into thinking that we in the Family have a problem with suicide; that's just not true! It rarely happens, and though it's very sad when it does, like in dear Windy's case, at least we're putting it out in the open and letting everyone learn from it. We're clear about not being in favor of it or tolerant of suicide, like many in the System are, and I've taught this for years. We're doing some­thing about it by showing you the Lord's perspective on it and how it only ends up hurting you‚ others, and the Lord and His work.

24. The System, on the other hand, isn't fixing the tremendous problem with suicide they have in their society. Governments and individuals may try sometimes, but they can't really succeed without the Lord. Oh, they may help a few people, but if they don't give people the Lord, then they don't give them lasting hope, absolutes, or any kind of standard. They just leave folks to fend for themselves. And when you're living without hope, without the Lord, and with no vision or meaningful purpose, well, you're bound to have serious problems—and they do!

25. We‚ on the other hand‚ have the Lord, the Family, a wonderful way of life, and we don't have a problem with suicide—and we don't want to have any problem with it whatsoever, even if it's rare! That's why we're spelling all of this out and sharing the lessons, consequences, and results of such things with you all—to warn you to beware and to resist the Enemy on all fronts. We want to show you how to effectively use the power that you have against the Devil‚ so that you can victoriously ward off his attacks.

26. The Enemy fights us hard because we're accomplishing something, because we're standing up for our convictions, and we're hitting him where it hurts! We're confounding Satan's plan through our spread of the Gospel. We're tearing souls out of his clutches‚ and setting them apart for the coming Kingdom of Heaven! No wonder he's furious! Of course we're going to be subject to the Enemy's dis­courage­ment, battles, and depression at times. He's going to throw all that he's got at us. With the Lord's help we're going to show you how to overcome, so that that despair and depression doesn't get the better of you or make you feel like giving up.

27. So as you read this GN, keep that in mind. Suicide is not a new wave or phenomenon that's going around the Family. Don't let the Enemy worry you into thinking that others are going to commit suicide‚ or that even you might. Those are lies of the Enemy! As long as you stay close to the Lord and in tune with Him‚ you are protected and sheltered under the shadow of His wings! But you have to stay close! You have to stay obedient! You have to stay yielded! Amen? There are some wonderful messages in this GN‚ tremendous counsel about how to rise above the Enemy's discouragement. So please take it to heart! (End of message from Dad)

Your Present Life

Is Planned!

28. (Mama:) This first message explains how the Lord has a definite plan for your life, and how your time on Earth is meant to prepare you for Heaven. If you go to Heaven prematurely, then you miss out on what you were supposed to have learned; consequently, you have to learn these things in Heaven and make up for lost time There. This should give us more incentive to trust the Lord and happily await the unfolding of His plan for our lives.

29. (Jesus speaking:) This present life on Earth is for a reason. There are lessons to be learned to prepare you for Heaven, and it's ­wisest and best to live your life through to its end on Earth in order to be prepared and learn what you need to learn before your arrival in Heaven. I know the best time to end your life on Earth, when you have learned what I want you to learn and when you are prepared for the next stage of life. It's different for every person, and those who really want to please Me will leave that decision in My hands.

30. You who are tempted to end your life because of the problems and difficulties you face and go on to Heaven where it's more beauti­ful and where things are not as difficult must know that that is not always the case. Although Heaven does have many more beauties and ­glories, and you will be free from the pain and suffering as you know it now in your earthly life, if you do end your life prematurely, you still have to face the consequences of having done that once you get to Heaven. You will still have to learn the lessons which I want you to learn from your wrong decision. You will still have to face the sorrow, pain and suffering which you have caused your friends, relatives and loved ones.

31. I want you to know of your eternal reward of Heaven, but this reward can only be enjoyed to the fullest and received with faith when it is left completely up to Me and in My hands. It's not a decision which man should make in his own natural reasoning. If he yields to the temptation to take his own life, he will still need to learn the lessons where he left off in his earthly life—lessons of trust in Me. (End of message from Jesus.)

32. (Mama: ) That's a sobering message, isn't it? If you're tempted with the thought of escaping the difficulties of this life‚ remember that you'll still have to face your mistakes and learn the lessons that you skipped out on. So if you want to receive your full reward in Heaven and be able to enjoy it to the full, then you must leave your life completely in the Lord's hands.

How the Lord Looks at Suicide!

33. I know that some of you who have gone through long periods of difficulty, discourage­ment and hopelessness feel that things may never get better. You feel your problem or personal situation is just too big, too problematic, and that there's no solution—so why keep going? Such feelings might push you to consider passing on into the Heavenly realm, where all is beauty, joy, love and light, where your problems will be no more.

34. But suicide is not the solution. First of all, we know from the above message that you won't get off scot-free; you'll have to go back and learn the lessons you missed out on by cutting your life short. Secondly, you'll have to face Jesus and the deep grief and sadness that you've made Him feel through your wrong choice. Here's a message from our dear Husband and best Friend about how taking your own life makes Him feel, and how it hurts and grieves Him deeply.

35. But maybe you feel that you have taken your problems to the Lord for weeks, months, or even years—yet they persist. Then what? Perhaps you've become discouraged, feeling that the Lord must not love you or care enough to answer your questions‚ solve your problems‚ or lighten your load.

36. The Lord always tells us that He's able to handle any problem and get you through any difficulty if you just have enough faith and are able to take it to Him—but what exactly does that mean? What if He doesn't answer your prayer right away or in the way you expect, and what if He doesn't take you out of the difficult situation you're in? Like Dad said in "But If Not," we have to keep trusting. That's part of faith and committing things to the Lord.

37. (Jesus speaking: ) Oh, how it breaks My heart when one of My children takes their life! How it grieves Me and causes Me deep sadness, because I know if you would have only turned to Me and come to Me with your problem, no matter how great, I could have helped you. So it breaks My heart that My children don't have the faith to trust in Me and My power and love.

38. There's no one that is too bad for Me. There's no one that I would not help immediately. If you call to Me, I would never turn you down, but I would be immediately there at your side. I am a very present help in time of trouble and trial. Sometimes I remove the trouble and trial‚ and other times I give you the grace and strength to bear them‚ or the peace of mind to trust Me, or the comfort that comes from knowing that I will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able.

39. Don't you think that My power and strength and love are sufficient to help you? There's no problem, no sorrow, nothing that you and I together can't handle and work out. Sometimes My help and support are not visible or apparent to you, but I answer your prayers, even though it is not always in the way you think best. I answer according to My will, I help according to what I know you need most, and I never fail to care for My children and to help them in the way that I know is best.

40. Yes, life is a struggle‚ and not everything goes smoothly and easily. There are many ups and downs, and these ups and downs are My plan for you, to teach you to come to Me, for you belong to Me. So when you, as My loved one, don't come to Me with your deep problems, how that hurts My heart! I would never fail you. I never reject you. I never look down on you. It pleases Me when you come to Me for help.

41. The sorrow that your suicide would cause Me is the same sorrow that you would feel when you meet Me face to face. At that moment you would know that, yes, I could indeed have helped you; that there's nothing too hard for Me and there's no problem too great for Me to resolve.

42. Those times in your life that you felt were too difficult, that were so overpowering, so over­whelming that you felt you couldn't face them one more moment, and you felt compelled to take your own life—in that moment those problems will seem much smaller compared to the pain and sorrow in heart that you're going to feel when you see Me face to face.

43. Even I can't keep you from that pain; you'll have to go through that yourself. You'll have to endure the consequences of your choices. You'll come to the realization that, yes, you should have hung on and asked for My help. You didn't have to bear those burdens alone, for I was at your side and I was waiting to help you.

44. Even though you might not have under­stood why things were difficult at the time, and why it seemed to you I didn't make things easier when you cried out to Me and didn't whisk all the problems away‚ your part was to have faith, to trust in Me, to lean on Me, and to continue to trust in Me no matter what.

45. Yet I will receive you into My Heavenly Kingdom and into My arms, because I promised I would never reject you or turn you away. When you give your heart to Me and you ­humbly bow before Me and accept My atonement for your sins, I do receive you‚ and I will always re­ceive you. You will not be rejected from before My face, because you did not reject Me. My love for you will never die, and it will not fail. My love for you is eternal. You will just suffer a time of pain and sorrow because of your choices, as a consequence, a reaping of what you have sowed.

46. I tell you this because I wish to spare you from that sorrow and pain, as it will be the deepest that you have ever felt. In taking your own life, you choose to die for your own sins instead of accepting that I have already died for them. Though you do not deny your salvation, you deny the love and power of God to save, to heal, to mend, to give comfort and help. So again I tell you that the easiest way is to trust Me, no matter how hard your path in life may seem. The easiest way is to commit everything into My care‚ to trust Me and to not take your own life. Leave that decision in the hands of God‚ Who knows all things and does all things well. Pray and ask Me to help you with your problems and to give you solutions, and I promise you that I will not fail. (End of message from Jesus.)

What About the Unsaved?

47. (Mama:) In the above message, the Lord explains clearly the remorse and pain that someone who takes their life feels upon meeting Jesus face to face—the worst pain and sorrow that can ever be experienced, in fact. But what about those who are unsaved? Here's the Lord's answer:

48. (Jesus speaking: ) Have I not said in My Word that they that knew not their Master's will shall be beaten with few stripes? Even so it is with these who know Me not. I do not hold them as accountable, for they know Me not. They know not even unto whom to turn, for they have been deceived by false religions and false teachings. They have not had My voice spoken unto them. So these I hold not accountable, even as I hold them not accountable for not knowing Me, for it was not of their own doing. It was not of their own rejection. Therefore whether these ones come before their time or whether they come in their time, they will have an opportunity to receive Me in this next life.

49. For some, that opportunity comes sooner than others. It does not always come as soon as they die. For some, they have to suffer the consequences of their lives for a little while before they're given the opportunity to come to Me. And some of those who take their lives may have to suffer the consequences for a little longer than they other­wise would have, had they lived out their lives. But I don't judge them harshly. After they have paid for their sins for a little while, then I present them with My salvation. Those who accept it are freely given entrance into My Kingdom.

50. I also judge men according to their obedience to the voice of conscience which I have put within them. Those who know Me not are judged by how much they adhere to what they know to be right and wrong. But their standard is different than for those who are My saved children and who know more clearly what My will is, for they have more knowledge of Me and My Word and have Me in them, so I can speak to them more clearly.

51. So as I have said‚ those who know little‚ or who know only the voice of their conscience, are accorded few stripes, for they are not as accountable. Those who know more, who have more knowledge of Me and My ways but who have not yet received Me, are accorded more stripes. And those who have received Me and know what I expect of them and yet disobey, are accorded even more stripes.

52. Yet I am a merciful God‚ and I do not willingly afflict My dear children. So when I speak of stripes, it is not necessarily a physical punishment but more a withholding of privileges in many cases, much as you correct your own children. You do not administer a swat for every wrongdoing; that is reserved for the most blatant disobedience. More often than not you talk to the child and try to train them, or administer a time-out, or a withholding of some small privilege that the child would have enjoyed otherwise. I do likewise.

53. There are also many reasons why those who do not know Me take their lives, and I see and judge each heart and thought and intent. Some might take their life into their own hands as a result of selfishness or fear. Others may do so because they are in prison under a savage regime, suffering unbearable torment, and take this way of escape. I am a just and loving God and I have mercy upon those whom I will have mercy on. (End of message from Jesus)

A Warning

From Windy

54. (Mama:) We've received a few messages from Windy since her graduation‚ one of which I'll include here. She's also spoken to her parents and brothers and sisters, apologizing to them for hurting and disappointing them, and sharing her lessons. This message, however, is one for all of us, young people in particular, as Windy felt the need to share her mistakes and wrong attitudes with all of us, in the hopes that it will deter anyone else from following in her footsteps.

55. As you read in the Grapevine, dear Windy wasn't really intending to take her life, and she expounds on this point further in her message. However, it was what you could term an "acci­dental" suicide, and giving such place to the Enemy is extremely dangerous. As you can see, it cost Windy her life! And now‚ though she is in the Lord's wonderful and loving care, she is having to get back on track where she got off, and it's not a pleasant experience.

(From Grapevine 56)

Graduation Notice

Windy, the 18-year-old daughter of Rufus and Dulce (in the USA) went to be with the Lord on the 20th of November, shortly after her arrival in Ivory Coast‚ Africa. At a point of depression, anger and rash frustration, Windy took an overdose of malaria pills (which, unbeknownst to her, were of extra strength), which brought on a severe allergic reaction that caused her death.

Later, in a message Windy gave from beyond, she explained that although she had been talking about suicide and toying with it in her mind, she wasn't truly intending to end her life, although she admitted that she was trying to get attention through her actions‚ and make a statement by getting sick and causing a scene. Sadly‚ the drugs were stronger than she had anticipated‚ and after taking them she was unable to breathe.

Windy's parents and sisters and brothers have heard from her from beyond, and she's told them about how the Lord has received and forgiven her, but please pray for their continued comfort and encouragement.

56. The happy ending to this story is that sweet Windy is learning and growing‚ and this shows in her willingness to honestly share her heart and life with all of us. God bless her for being willing to explain to us how she got into such a serious state, and where it led her. She tells us what her problems were, how she got to Heaven before her time, and how she could've avoided it. She also explains how she's going to have to be in rehabilitation, and what that entails.

57. As you read this message, though there are many details for the sake of the lessons she's trying to get across, please try to apply it to your own life. Don't judge Windy or try to figure out exactly where she went wrong. She knows where she went wrong, and she has made amends. She's sharing all of this with you now for your benefit, not just for her sake and personal confession.

58. (Windy speaking:) Okay, I'm on line now. Thanks for listening. Please be patient with me, because I'm still pretty ­broken up about all this and it's not easy for me to talk about it. But I'm doing it, because I know that's what the Lord wants‚ and what other young people need to hear. The Lord's here beside me. He's prompting me and helping me gather and present my thoughts, because I'm really very untogether.

59. I feel like a total mess. Yes, I want to be positive and look on the bright side and thank God that I was saved and that the Lord forgave me‚ and that I'm Here in Heaven and in the best of hands. Yet it's true what Grandpa said, that there are tears in Heaven, and some of us do come Here ashamed of ourselves and some of the things we've done and some of the de­cisions we've made.

60. I've done a lot of crying. The Lord wipes the tears away, but my eyes are puffy and red. You can imagine how heavy my heart must be, can't you? Yes, the Lord forgives and gives freedom from guilt and condemnation, and that's wonderful; but it doesn't all happen in just a second.

61. I'm being rehabilitated, and part of that rehabilitation process is to live with some of the feelings of sadness and guilt. The Lord doesn't take them away completely once and for all right from the start. He wipes them away when you first get Here with a warm assurance of His love. I know that He loves me, and I'll never doubt that again. But I still get hit with sadness, overwhelmed with emotion, and start weeping in shame; and I'll have to experience that for a while. That's part of my punishment or retraining, you might say.

62. Even Heaven can't be enjoyed to the full when you have that in your heart. It's not so horribly heavy or terrible‚ and I know it's only for a short time, but it still hurts and it's a burden I have to bear.

63. The Lord is letting me feel the hurt and pain I've caused my parents, my brothers and my sisters. My mom and dad, and lots of other shepherds and teachers, and my older sisters gave me a whole lot. I had no excuses, ­really. I had a lot going for me. To the casual outside observer, I would have seemed, even just a few days before I died, to be a fairly happy, normal young person. I'm good-looking, charming, bright‚ energetic and lively, a quick learner … but I threw it all away.

64. I can't blame it on anybody else; I can't even blame it on the Devil. I knew that the voice in my head telling me to take those pills was not of God, but was from the other side, and I could hear the Lord inside me also saying not to do it. I was the one who made the wrong decision, who yielded to what I knew was the wrong side. It was a conscious decision, made in a moment of weakness—a rash‚ angry, frustrated moment when I lost control over my own spirit because I was listening to the negativity of the dark side.

65. It didn't happen in a split second, though. Those of you who know me well know that I've struggled for quite awhile. Sometimes I was happy. Sometimes I was yielded and in tune with the way things were flowing and the way the Lord's Spirit was moving‚ but much of the time I was not on the Lord's channel. Heck, I'm just a kid, you know, and I thought I had a little more leeway because of that. I thought the Lord didn't really expect that much of me.

66. On the one hand, I wanted to feel all grown up. But on the other hand, I thought that all this commitment stuff and saying yes to Jesus and the year of the bottom line, well, it was good and a good idea, but I really didn't think the Lord expected me to have that kind of dedication just yet. I planned to eventually, and I wanted to go in the right direction. That's why I came to Africa. I did want to do the right thing—I was just in no hurry to do it. I thought I had plenty of time.

67. Well, that's where I was wrong. I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, but I didn't realize that my life could end at any minute. I certainly never thought that I would have ended it myself. But now I see that if I'd been more yielded, if I'd been closer to the Lord and made the decisions of commitment and determination to follow Him all the way, my conviction to listen to the Lord and resist the Enemy would have been stronger‚ and I wouldn't have done it.

68. You might think—like I was tempted to at first—that it's unfair. "How could the Lord expect someone so young to be totally on board‚ to have all the right attitudes? How could He let her whole life end because of a little straying, a little weakness?" Well, for one, it wasn't really that little. For two, I was very accountable because of all I had received. I wasn't just a little 18-year-old girl who knew nothing but her home and school, parents and a few friends, and the little city or town where she grew up. I had been given a great wealth of spiritual wisdom, of under­standing, of truth. The very treasures of Heaven had been made available to me. But I didn't appreciate it. I didn't take advantage of it.

69. I was familiar with the Word, with our special link with the Lord and being able to hear His voice, with all of it, with everything about the Family. I wasn't planning to leave, nor did I think I had any real big or evil thoughts in my mind or heart. I simply wasn't serious about life, when I'd had every opportunity to be, and all the necessary training.

70. The Lord works with each of us differently. Just because a person has a hard time getting in the Word or hearing from the Lord, like I did; or isn't very wholehearted in their commitments, like I was; or develops worldly attitudes, like I did—it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to do something silly like I did and end up in the exact same boat. The Lord takes you where you're at. He judges by how accountable you are. He knows what you know, what you've been given and taught‚ and measures your decisions against that.

71. But if you aren't getting in the Word‚ aren't wholehearted, aren't staying free from the world's influence and ungodly attitudes, then you'll pay in one way or another. You'll be weakened, and once your spiritual resistance has been lowered, then you'll be more access­ible and influenced by the Enemy's lies and attacks. So I do want to warn you that you might be more accountable than you realize. Stop kidding yourself if you think, like I did, that there's really no rush to get your heart right; that you're young and you have time to fool around.

72. I'd carried around some of the same bad attitudes with me for a couple of years, and I really wasn't doing anything about them. Besides not appreciating or valuing the Word, I wasn't reading it much either—or at least not tuning in to what I was reading or applying it to myself and asking the Lord to help it sink in to my heart. I wasn't hearing from the Lord either. I thought that was above me and I didn't want to take on the responsibility of having a direct link with the Lord. I guess I sensed that if I did, I wouldn't be able to go on brushing off the convictions and checks of the Spirit that I'd been receiving.

73. I absorbed a lot of evil worldly influence from being in the States—from stuff I saw on TV and read in papers and magazines and books, from people I talked to, things I heard and saw while out, just the whole spirit of the place. Those who can, please get your children and families out of the Great Whore, because she's polluting them, feeding them garbage‚ totally trashing their hearts and brains! While you're there‚ you've gotta do everything you can to give them Word input!

74. You've got to see that you need the Word and the Lord's Spirit, because otherwise the spirit of America is going to destroy your very soul! It'll eat away at your spiritual strength and convictions one by one until you're just a lukewarm spiritual noodle with no spine, like the masses. It doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to let yourself become like that. You've gotta come out from among them in spirit, if not in body.

75. You know, when you're surrounded by so much worldly influence, things start getting to you. You start developing mindsets and attitudes that are totally contrary to the things you know are right. At first they grate on your conscience and you're horrified and totally grossed out. But after a while, they start to seem normal. My conscience got seared, and that's partly why I didn't have the conviction to not do such an idiotic thing.

76. I was playing with my life‚ treating it like a game. You know, you see that in the ­movies and TV shows all the time, and you get desensitized. People play with life. People take others' lives. People take their own lives. They take their babies' lives through abortion. There is very little regard shown for human life‚ and the sanctity of life—the sacredness of each human being—is degraded and downplayed.

77. It's a slow process, and I can't recall exactly when my mentality changed. If someone would have come up to me when I was 14 and told me, "Well, you know‚ life isn't that ­sacred; it doesn't matter so much. People kill each other and themselves all the time and it's not really such a big deal," I would have told them off! But after years and years of being surrounded by such attitudes and pervasive influences, my convictions waned until they were almost gone‚ and I didn't even have a clue what was happening. I didn't realize I'd lost my convictions.

78. There were other things, too, that I got some weird attitudes about. I was very interested in spirits and spiritual things, and when coming to Africa, I was curious about some of the weird rituals and religions I'd heard about. Thank the Lord, I never lived out my fantasies, but I realize now that I was developing a fascination for evil, and particularly for evil spirits, the occult and spiritism and things like that. It's not that I really liked it or wanted it, but my conscience had slowly drifted downhill.

79. Like many young folks in the Family, I had a natural inbuilt interest in spiritual things. I could have really gotten some highs in the spirit by being "all there" when it came to different revelations the Lord's given Mama and Peter, from prophecy, to spirit stories, to loving Jesus and all that. But I was pretty rebellious and strong willed. I was like that by nature, and being surrounded with bull-headed, self–confident Americans all the time did nothing to help overcome that weakness and everything to encourage it.

80. I just wanted to be my own person. I wanted to be someone outstanding‚ someone that people would remember. Well, I guess I got my wish in that way. I know the Family will always remember me now—but that's not the way I had intended to be remembered. I should have realized that the way to really "find yourself" is to "lose yourself" in the Lord. I didn't want to be so "spiritual." I didn't want to be so "yielded" that I couldn't have the guts to stick up for my own beliefs.

81. "My own beliefs"—that sounds pretty rotten. I mean, I believed in Jesus, of course, and in Dad and Mama and the Word, like we all do, but I also had started developing some ­theories on the side that I got pretty serious about, and they were becoming "my beliefs." I resented being told what to do and how to do it. I resented having oversight or counsel, or people prying into what I thought was none of their business. I just didn't think it was right.

82. I thought that rebelling against some of the Home rules and Family rules and being un­responsive to those who tried to shepherd me was being "strong." I thought that by doing that I was proving I had a solid character and wasn't just a little pea-brain. I was pretty screwed up. I knew, of course, that you can be a unique, outstanding, special and well-loved person just by being you, being natural, and being yielded to the Lord. But that just seemed too "good‚" too "easy."

83. I didn't think I was that good‚ and actually, I was pretty scared of letting go of the ­image I had tried to make for myself, because inside I didn't feel as tough as I acted. I was pretty scared in some ways, lacking in self-confidence, and feeling pretty inadequate. When I looked around at a lot of other people‚ including my sisters and other young people I'd been living with, I didn't feel I compared so well. Sometimes I acted like I thought I did, and I think some people felt I was a snob, a little stuck up‚ really into myself and with a high opinion of myself. Well‚ that's what I was trying to be like because I wanted to feel important, but really I was just a weak, helpless, silly little girl.

84. I took the pills to be tough. I wanted to make a statement. I wanted to show that I could be daring, I could get really angry. I think secretly I also wanted to break down and show people that I wasn't as together as they thought. I wanted them to know that inside I was depressed and discouraged. But I didn't want to do that the humble way—the way of being ­honest and communicating‚ sharing my heart, asking for prayer, telling people the things I battled and struggled with, telling them that I didn't like myself and what I was becoming. I didn't have the courage.

85. Dad said that suicide is cowardice, didn't he? I was really quite a coward. I gave up. I didn't mean to die, really. I just wanted to get sick and make a scene, and then have an opportunity to take down the wall that was surrounding me, that was blocking me from being me, from being free.

86. If I'd have listened to the Lord and done it His way, which He was telling me to do at the time‚ my story could have had a much happier ending. But the Devil told me I couldn't go that route. I couldn't just "let go" like that. "What kind of person was I, anyway? Was I some kind of wimp? Couldn't I take care of myself? Couldn't I stand on my own?" Well, as we all know now‚ I couldn't.

87. After I did it, when I started feeling sick and the air was going out of me, I realized what I'd done. My life flashed before me, even while I was still alive, and I knew that dying wasn't what I had wanted. But I also knew that it was my fault, nobody else's, and I didn't have the faith to ask the Lord to let me keep on living. I could have. I could have cried out to Him and held on to and fought for my life, and He would have healed me and done a physical miracle to deliver me. He's told me that, and I even had that feeling then. But I didn't do it. I was still proud. I was still trying to resist yielding to the Lord.

88. You think about yielding sometimes, and it seems like this sort of abstract principle‚ some­thing that's good to do‚ but that you can survive without. Well, being unyielded has different effects on different people, all of which are bad, but the bottom line is that unyielded­ness kills your spiritual growth and sensitivity. You get dull to the Lord and to the conviction of His Spirit, and the Enemy's thought patterns start to take over. I wasn't thinking like a Family person or even a Christian anymore. I was brainwashed by the world with so many screwy attitudes.

89. The sad part is that I had gotten on the road to victory. I had been on the way to recovery. I had gotten out of the States and gone to Africa. I was in a situation where not only could I have found healing for my heart and deliverance for my spirit, but I could have also made myself very useful to others. I could have helped bring light to those that sit in darkness. I could have ministered, with what little I had, to those who had even less. How I wish I'd stayed!

90. I can still minister to Africa, but now I can only work indirectly, through others. I can't speak to the people‚ hold them, touch them, hug them. I can't hear their words of thanks and gratitude. I can't answer their questions in person like I could while I was on Earth witnessing. I can still help‚ and I'm going to. The Lord's going to let me be on the Africa team as soon as I get through my rehabilitation, but I'd have been so much happier if I'd stayed on. That was what I wanted. Heaven is great, but I can be Here for eternity. Our lives on Earth are the ones that are short; they're the ones that you've really got to live to the full because they don't last long!

91. We're going to be in Heaven forever, so there's really no rush to get Here. And believe me, you don't want to get Here before your time. It's not like there's this big issue made. It's not like anyone is criticizing me or berating me or making me feel bad. That's not it at all. It's my own heart, my own emotions, my own feelings that cause me the pain.

92. I hurt because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I'm not even where I want to be. I want to be down there on Earth. I want to be walking about Africa. I want to be spending Christmases with my sisters and mom and dad and showing my loved ones how much I care about them. We'll all be in Heaven together forever‚ and I'll be able to walk on Africa's soil again in the Millennium‚ but still, time is ­precious and every bit counts, and I'm not at all happy with myself for the way I've used mine.

93. Sorry I've dwelt on the negative a bit here, but I had to. You know the positive stuff. You know the Lord forgives. You know the guilt and shame gets washed away. You know we see our loved ones again.

94. It's not like permanent sadness or anything, but we have to continue on where we left off on Earth, continuing learning the things we were destined to learn, and until we make it through that stage, it's not like bliss or anything. Of course, because we have Jesus we're happy—I'm happy, and I'm very thankful for the Lord's mercy. But I'm also very ashamed that I threw away the life He gave me‚ and until I begin to make up for that and find my calling here in Heaven‚ after learning what I need to learn, I'm not going to be completely happy.

95. It's not like that's what everyone goes through when they come Here, though. Most people are relieved of their burdens, because they endured to the end through them, and so they are given a wonderful release from the things which made them sad or kept them from being completely happy. But those of us who cut our lives short, who didn't endure and learn what we needed to on Earth, we have to do that Here‚ and so it takes a while before we enjoy perfect happiness.

96. But it's a wonderful relief to know that the Lord loves me as much as He always did. He's not angry with me. I hope my mom and dad aren't either, although I'll understand if they are and if it takes them a while to forgive me. I know they will eventually, and by the time I see them again everything will be resolved. But it'll be a while yet‚ and we'll be somewhat separ­ated during that time. I'll be able to come speak to them more, but for a while I'm really going to have to "keep to myself" a bit and spend the time I need to up Here with the Lord and my Heavenly teacher and friend. Her name's Rita. She killed herself too, many, many years ago, and she made a lot of other people's lives miserable in the process. Her parents and sister kind of went crazy afterwards, and her boyfriend killed himself too. Horrible, isn't it?

97. Rita was saved when she died, but hadn't had the opportunity on Earth to grow or pro­gress as much spiritually as I had had. She said she spent years (Earth time) getting herself together even once she got up Here. My process is going to be quicker, but it definitely is wonderful to have someone alongside me who I know can relate to what I'm going through and understand. Yet she's come through it all and has been around in Heaven for a while now. Her past is completely washed away from her heart and life, except for when she needs to bring it up to help others‚ like me. She hasn't been called upon for this kind of work in a while—it's still a little difficult for her—but she's doing it because she loves me. She's had a chance to spend a lot of time with the Lord soaking up the truth and spirit of Heaven, and she just glows now.

98. She's been telling me about lots of the different parts of Heaven that I'll get to go to when my time is up. I have a smaller boundary area right now. I can't go too far from home‚ and I don't spend a lot of my time touring or visiting or enjoying amusements, because I'm just not ready for it. I'm not ready because I didn't come Here when I was supposed to. Those who come at the right time—the time the Lord has chosen for them—are able to enjoy all the beauties and wonders of Heaven right away. I don't spend a lot of time with other people either, except for Rita. That must be why I'm talking your ear off now!

99. Oh, I hope that others can see my grave mistake and be warned of what can happen in one unguarded moment—one infinitesimal mo­ment of time. I hope that somehow others can wake up through this and realize what a big spiritual warfare we are fighting and that the stakes are high. The Devil's playing for keeps. But just remember‚ he can't win if you don't give in.

100. If there's anything I could say to you‚ it's this: Don't let the unguarded moment happen to you! Don't let yourself get in that state, where you think you can disregard the Lord and blow off His checks; where you give in to that one little thought of rebellion, that one little act of feeling sorry for yourself and thinking you can play with fire.

101. Watch out for that moment, that one little time you listen to the Enemy's lies and allow yourself the seeming luxury of getting just a little bit down, a little out of sorts, feeling sorry for yourself. Don't do it! Fight it with all you've got in you, 'cause the Devil is playing for keeps! He can't have you, but he's out to stop you, so watch out and don't let him. Watch out for the unguarded moment.

102. You'll never be perfect. You won't be able to stop all the temptations. But what you can do is this: You can stay so close to the Lord that there's not a moment that's unguarded. You can call out to Him to catch you before you fall like I did. Because believe me, He's right there near you and always ready to bail you out, if you'll humble yourself and yield to Him.

103. So if you feel a little down and out of sorts, feeling sorry for yourself, call out to Jesus right away and don't let it go on. That's how you guard against the unguarded moment. Call out to Jesus with all that's in you—by praising and praying and asking Him for help. Don't try to take things into your own hands like I did. Just call out to Jesus while there's still time.

104. I've gotta go. I've said about all I can say, and what you need to hear, and all I can say is that I hope it helps somebody. I know I probably sounded like a real preacher here, and people might think I was a lot more spiritual than I was. Well‚ I wasn't then, but I am now. It happens real quick once you get Here and see the reality of the spirit world. You realize then how true it all is—everything you've been taught from the Word.

105. The Lord is in control, He has a plan, and He has a life in mind for each person‚ a destiny to be fulfilled. If you miss that destiny, both you and others will suffer. So please don't miss yours. I'm going to have to be looking for a new one soon, since I missed mine. I'll find one, because the Lord has such compassion. But I had such a wonderful one that I could have lived out on Earth, and I miss it already.

106. I love you! Keep fighting! Keep going for God! Believe the Word and get whatever's not straightened out in your life straightened out, and live your life to the full—because it's not going to last forever, and once you get up Here, you'll realize how valuable each moment was. You'll be thankful for all the ones you used to the full, and remorseful for all the ones you didn't. You'll be especially remorseful if you never live out your destiny and fulfill your calling—because that's the greatest experience and most wonderful fulfillment that exists‚ in Heaven or on Earth or in the whole universe! (End of message from Windy)

107. (Mama:) That's a pretty heavy and clear message, isn't it? Young people, that's one of your own peers telling you from her hard experience that yielding, following the Lord closely and reading, absorbing and applying His Word is the way to go. Take it from someone who dabbled with the world, and chose the path of independence and pride rather than honest, simple humility.

108. God bless dear Windy, she certainly knows better now. Please heed her warning and take it to heart! And remember also‚ in the above message she's desperately trying to warn each of you not to head down the same path as her, even in small ways. Don't brush off the Lord's checks to get your heart right, even in a small area of your life, because small things lead to bigger things. Just because you're not toying with spiritism or the occult doesn't protect you from the Enemy's attacks.

109. Remember‚ he starts out with little temptations—the temptation to pride, to not yield‚ to rebel‚ to argue, to criticize, to buck the moves of the Spirit, to resist authority, to cover up, to not be honest or admit your weaknesses, to take in worldly input, and so on. Live your life to the full in every area by being fully on board, and living as close to the Lord as you possibly can. If you do get tempted with some of these things, resist them right away. And if such thoughts continue, ask for help and prayer. It's not something to be ashamed of, but simply something to take to the Lord, His Word and others, and to overcome!

110. And if you knew Windy personally, or are concerned for her and the sadness and sorrow she's had to experience since leaving this life, you can rest assured that she is loved, forgiven, and on the road to complete happiness. Jesus has given some beautiful Words about her, and He has comforted and washed away her tears, and continues to do so. He said that He was there personally to catch Windy when she fell, and to bring her Home. Isn't that sweet of the Lord? Despite her mistake, He said He didn't even send one of His mighty angels to bring her Home; He wanted to do that Himself. And He's also promised her a place of service on the African field, helping to reach that vast continent once she has completed her rehabilitation and learned her needed lessons. Praise the Lord!

Could It Happen to Me

Or Someone I Know?

111. After hearing the news of Windy's Home­going‚ one of the young women in my Home asked the Lord for some personal counsel during her prayer time. She wondered how this could have happened to Windy; how she could have gotten to such a state. She asked the Lord whether or not she should be concerned that whatever feelings, battles‚ or attacks of the Enemy that pushed Windy to this point might cause her to do the same, or if her own brothers and sisters or friends would be similarly affected by them. Here is the Lord's wise counsel and answers to us all:

112. (Jesus speaking:) They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy. There is a war of the worlds being waged over the souls of each of My young ones. There is great clashing of swords, and shouts and screams. Both sides are in earnest and both sides mean to win, yet the battle is affected for better or for worse for each person according to the de­cisions they make.

113. This one [Windy] was a crystal that drifted away from the pillar. She turned toward the darkness instead of toward the light. She fought in her own strength and was pulled away, rather than simply turning toward Me and drinking in My Word, which would have kept her safe and warm and close to the life of the pillar.

114. In the Last Days, the Evil One's fury is being unleashed over all the Earth, for he knows that his time is short. He's directed his biggest guns at the people on Earth who pose the greatest threat to his evil plan for complete world domination. He targets My young ones, My tender ones, My easily swayed ones. He pinpoints and then attacks those who are not deep in the Word, not close to My voice, and not serious about using the new weapons. Like a wolf, he goes for the sick stray sheep who is a little removed from the flock.

115. The way to safeguard your loved ones is to pray for them. Pray for them with everything in you, for your prayers create a force field around each one. Specific prayers bind the Enemy's hands when he wars over someone's soul. And while the outcome of the battle is ultimately up to them, and they can still make the wrong choice if they so choose, yet you are enabling Me to provide a measure of protection for them. You are placing the strong, safe fence of the sheepfold around your loved ones through your prayers, so they can grow and be fed and nurtured in safety.

116. When you are on the heights of the cliff, climbing the mountain, you draw near to Me. Yet the abyss is there as well, and those who walk too close to the edge of the cliff, curious as to what is down there, run the risk of tumbling into the abyss. I wish for all My children to realize that the ante has been upped. There's a cold wind blowing, and while in times past I protected those who toyed with danger, walking the edge of the cliff and peering over to view the Devil's thoughts and temptations and compromises, yet now I call each one to put away childish strayings‚ to put on the whole armor of God, including the new weapons, and to fight with determination against the lying vanities of the Enemy.

117. I call each one to be as the wise chauffeur who drove as far from the edge of the cliff as he could, knowing that this was the safest way to proceed. So it is with each one. For the Enemy is working fast and furiously to get his vile thoughts into any crack of compromise, and to send his cold and attacking winds to blow those over the edge who were foolish enough to think they could explore the edge of the cliff without paying the price in an unguarded moment. Though the warning signs have been posted, they think it will not happen to them. The nature of youth is often to feel invulnerable to danger. And while the older are more cautious, they often feel their experience will protect them. Both must beware.

118. So keep those force fields strong through your prayers, for this is your greatest power—whether you're by your loved ones' side in the flesh, or separated by land and sea. The tide of the battle depends greatly upon you. Your prayers can make all the difference for one precious life. (End of message from Jesus.)

119. (Mama: ) You might wonder who the Lord was talking about when He referred to the "young and tender ones" in the above mess­age. Is He asking us to pray especially for our JETTs and teens, or all our young people? Windy explained that she, at age 18, was plenty accountable. So who should we be praying for, and is there a difference in how the Lord is able to translate our prayers, depending on who we're praying for? Here are the Lord's answers to these questions:

120. (Jesus speaking:) You should pray for all of your loved ones and children—whatever age they may be—for their strength and spiritual stamina. But it is especially important to pray for those who are too young to wield the new weapons fully themselves—those who are still learning, still practicing, and who are still dependent upon your prayers to uphold them. These are your young ones, your children, your JETTs and young teens. Many of these are coming into their time of decision, and it is a turbulent time. While they still possess the majesty of choice and ultimately make their own choices, your prayers have a great effect upon them‚ for they are still young and lack knowledge and wisdom in many areas. Thus I expect and count on your prayers to uphold them and to help lead and guide them.

121. As your young teenagers grow and become senior teens, I hold them more respon­sible, and this responsibility and account­­ability only increases with age. Though I judge each one individually according to their own heart and soul, still, it is good for you to know that all‚ no matter what age, will benefit tremendously from your prayers‚ but that you have a greater responsibility to pray for those who are younger.

122. Once a child has reached the age of 16, 17 and 18, with proper training they should be ac­count­able to wield My new weapons, and thus they hold My power to fight for their own spiritual life and walk with Me themselves. Still, your prayers avail much, and it is the wise parent, shepherd, and friend who prays fervently even for these.

123. So pray without ceasing! Do your part by praying desperately for all of your children and young people, that they will be firmly rooted and connected to Me—the Source—and that they will be the witnesses and flaming firebursts of the End that I have ordained them to be. (End of message from Jesus)

124. (Mama:) So please, dear ones, be fervent in prayer for your brothers and sisters in the Lord, especially those who are young and undergoing the turbulent years of adolescence and teenhood. As the Lord said above, your fervent prayers can make all the difference for one precious life. Won't you pray?

Jesus' Plea to You!

125. The next message is a beautiful and stirring one from Jesus, as He explains how much He values our holding on and enduring, even through the difficulties, and what great rewards we'll be given for doing so. I know this will encourage and strengthen you, dear ones.

126. (Jesus speaking:) My precious Family members, how I love and care for each of you. You are precious in My sight, and each of your lives are precious to Me. I can't replace any one of you, for you are unique and perfectly fitted for the job that I have called you to do.

127. I know that often you become entangled in the thoughts of this world, and you fall prey to the Devil's discouragement and negative think­ing. You see yourself as useless and as accom­plishing little, if anything; but this is not so. This is not how I see things. I appreciate your every labor of love‚ and I look upon you with delight and joy. Even if you're not able to do as much as you desire or would like, My heart rejoices in the fact that you trust Me and My plan, despite the times when you can't see in which direction it's heading. When you live the life that I've given you joyfully, I'm greatly pleased.

128. So don't let the Enemy's lies enter your heart or mind. Don't let him steal away the joy that I can give you, the happiness of living. Yes, there will always be tests and trials, but I'll give you the grace and strength to endure them and to come through them. It is not My plan for you to escape them by taking your life into your own hands and determining your own course of action. This I cannot bless.

129. I am He Who gives life, and I am He Who takes life. If you leave these matters in My hands, then it will be well with you. But if you take these things into your own hands, then I can't protect and bless, for you are not abiding and operating within the shadow of My wings.

130. So don't fall prey to the Enemy's devices. He would have you think that your life is your own‚ to do with as you please, but this is not the case. Have I not bought your soul, body, and life with a price? Aren't you supposed to glorify Me in all things? The way to glorify Me is to let Me control your life as I will, not to fashion your own destiny.

131. I understand that it takes great grace to yield to My plan and to say yes to My choices, but this is well worth it. You have no idea how My heart rejoices when you choose to follow My leading, and when you choose to give Me full sway in your life. Then I can truly accomplish My plan and purpose. But as long as you hold on to one corner of your life, you leave a crack open for the Enemy's lies to seep in, and this weakens you. Do not give any place to the Devil‚ or to this sin of taking your own life.

132. To those who endure I will give great rewards! Those who are tempted‚ but who hold fast, knowing that all choices concerning their lives are Mine and not theirs, will find themselves under heaps of blessings! Those who come through the hot fires of testing and trials will be given priceless medals of honor! There is no word great enough to describe the immense love and joy that I will flood your soul with on the day of your Homecoming, if you leave your life, soul, and spirit in My hands until the end.

133. Hold fast the life which I have given you. Cast it not aside. Turn not away from it. Meddle not with the devices of the Enemy. Rather, hold tightly to your crown, your calling, your very life, that you may be able to live to the full the life that I have given you, that you may be able to claim the full rewards you've been storing up for yourself in Heaven. Don't let a foolish mistake cost you great rewards. I hold your rewards and blessings in My hands. In exchange, I ask for your life and love. Will you not give these to Me, as I have asked? (End of message from Jesus.)

134. (Mama: ) Amen! We gladly give our love and complete control of our lives to You, our sweet Lover and Husband.

135. If you've been battling any of these thoughts and lies of the Enemy‚ now is a good time to get prayer against them, and to make a conscious decision and commitment to place your life in the Lord's hands. Then, should the Devil tempt you, you can say to him with conviction‚ "My life is not my own, it's bought with a price. Hands off!"

136. You will still undoubtedly get hit with the Enemy's attacks, but the Lord can and will strengthen and encourage you as you do your part.

How to Discover Purpose

In Your Life!

137. Some of you have written Peter and me, expressing that you feel like you're not doing much with your life, or that you're not accomplishing anything outstanding. Some of you have said that at times you wonder what the purpose for your life is. Well, the purpose is to love Jesus, others, and most of all‚ to preach the Gospel and win the lost. That's a tremendous purpose!

138. But I understand that during times of discouragement you can feel useless and like you're not doing anyone any good. That's when the Devil tries to tell you, "What are you doing, anyway? The world would be better off without you! So why endure all the hardships when it's not even worth it?" When he comes in with such lies, like Dad said, that's the time to slam the door on him so hard that it cuts his nose off! Rebuke the Enemy! Fight back!

139. There is a solution and the Lord has it! You just need to get in touch with the Lord and ask Him what His plan and purpose for your life is. Even if you have to do this repeatedly, or as often as needed, do it! He's more than willing to tell you, and to give you all the needed encouragement, stamina, and grace to continue on.

140. One of our WS workers was at a very low point because she felt she wasn't accomplishing much and didn't feel good for much. So she asked the Lord to speak to her, and received the following beautiful answer. The Lord is more than eager and happy to tell each of us of the special plan that He has for our life, and how, if we put our hand in His, He will lead and guide us to our final destination of His will.

141. (Jesus speaking:) Sometimes life seems like a truck racing pell-mell down the highway‚ going somewhere with a zest‚ but not really knowing where or why. It's hard to see the worth in going along without a purpose, without a certain destination.

142. My child, there is a wonderful destination for you. You don't need to keep going ahead without knowing of the destination I have for you. It's understandable that as you go along and meet the hardships of life, they seem so futile. They seem futile because you don't see where your life is heading, what you are meant for.

143. But I'm eager to let you know of the beautiful, loving, and satisfying purpose I have for your life. If you would spend time with Me, hear My voice, and look into My eyes, you would be able to understand that these hardships and difficulties that take place in your life are not futile and meaningless. They are instead both building blocks in life and pointers along the highway.

144. In My life, if I had not seen the purpose in the things happening to Me and with Me‚ I too would have felt discouraged and would have lacked the will to carry on. There was a purpose for everything that the Father allowed to happen to Me. Early in My earthly life He showed this purpose to Me. There were times I lost sight of this goal, as it was clouded out by the circumstances surrounding Me. But as I took time to meditate with Him, He was faithful to remind Me of that purpose. That's what made all of those hardships and difficulties bearable.

145. You too have a divine purpose. You too can seek Me and know what that purpose is. Ask Me and I will show you. Don't worry about how I will show you, just believe. Take that step and just ask Me‚ and I will show you the purpose in your life. I will show you that each of these steps has been a steppingstone to build the wonderful purpose I have for you.

146. If you take time to ask Me, I will take the time to show you the beauty in your life. For there is great beauty, even though it has been difficult for you to see. I understand how it is difficult to see. I too experienced much sorrow in My time on Earth, and there were times when that sorrow clouded My vision so that all I could see was the sorrow and I couldn't see the joy that was within My reach. So I understand. I've experienced this difficult life that you and ­others of My children must experience. But don't despair. Right beyond that fog, right within your reach is a source of true happiness, and it is a happiness especially tailored for your needs.

147. Please take time with Me. Ask and watch. Ask Me about My purpose for you, and then watch over the next little while as I unfold this mystery before your eyes. What you hear and see about your purpose you must take and believe, and it will give you the comfort, strength, and vision you need to carry you through life's battles. Ask, and I promise to show you. I will bestow all of My loving power to help you see the truth of the wonderful purpose I have for your life. (End of message from Jesus.)

148. (Mama: ) So if you've found yourself at one of life's crossroads, or if you're discouraged and feeling useless‚ stop and take some time with the Lord. He's literally begging you to ask Him, so that He can reveal to you the beauty and purpose He has planned for your life‚ which even the testings‚ trials, and hardships are a part of. If you just get quiet and listen, He will speak beautiful words to you, comforting your heart and lifting your spirit.

149. Peter and I love each of you dearly. We're so thankful to have such wonderful co-workers with which to reach the world with Jesus' love. We admire your love for the Lord and your willingness to endure the difficulties of life bravely and courageously for His Name's sake. We know that He's preparing beautiful crowns of life to be placed on your heads on that wonderful day when He calls us all Home!

Love, Mama