By David Berg
MO-DO; ML#719; 9 June 1978
by the Family of Love, CP 748, 00100 Roma, Italia
1. THE QUESTION OF HOMOSEXUALITY. Our secretary writes: "We've had so many questions about this lately, these boys seem to be crying out for an answer!"--A Brazilian brother writes:
2. "I'D LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY, what it is that makes some men be perverted in that way? I know a lot of them & I was one of them before joining the Family, and some of them are sincerely, sincerely wrong. But some are not 'bad boys' they just can't take the victory over it.
3. "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THEM? IS THAT PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, MENTAL OR WHAT? I'm really concerned about them because I was in the same situation before, and I'd like to help them in some way, somehow. Please answer that question as soon as is possible.
4. "TO BE HONEST, SOMETIMES IN MY PERSONAL LIFE I HAVE TRIALS ABOUT LOVING SOMEBODY--when I love in the spirit I start loving in the flesh too, no matter if it's men or women, both are the same, flesh & spirit become one.
5. "SOMETIMES I HAVE THIS PROBLEM WITH A BROTHER in the Family. He was my shepherd before, and I really loved him and I still do, but we are not in the same home now. But before he felt that and we had a good communication in the spirit, our loving another, not making love in the flesh, but looking in the eyes and both loving each other, but not in a bad spirit.
6. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? No you don't. It's hard to understand, not even MO understands sometimes. I am in the Family for about three years, and during this time I have been fighting against myself all the time. I want to be free to serve the Lord without this problem bothering me, and the worst thing about this is that I'd really like to love him in some way.
7. "THE PROBLEM IS HOW CAN I LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT LOVE IN THE FLESH? I am married and I love my wife a lot. I fished her to the Family and she is very special to me. But I love him like I love her--I love his flesh and spirit, his eyes, like I love everything on her. Can you understand it? I don't! Sometimes it seems so natural, but it's not!
8. "THAT'S MY BIGGEST PROBLEM AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT, PLEASE HELP ME! I'm trying to be honest, and that's what I have in my heart, help me to be free. I act like a man and I am one, but I don't understand! I don't! Don't forget that I love you and need you and pray that Jesus helps you every day to be strong in the spirit and in the flesh.
9. "SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT TO LEAVE THE FAMILY, I AM DESPERATE, HELP ME!" Our secretary continues: "Is this going to be their thorn in the flesh for the rest of their lives? It seems so clear in "Women in Love" that it is a spiritual attack and oppression and they need a deliverance... But there is more to it also, like too many female hormones or something? Why can't they get delivered through prayer? Do they need an exorcism?--or what?"
10. (MARIA: WE'RE REALLY CONCERNED BECAUSE SO MANY MEN HAVE BEEN WRITING US ABOUT PROBLEMS THEY HAVE WITH HOMOSEXUALITY OR HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES. They've condemned by their leadership, they've been condemned by other Family members and they've been condemned by their own hearts and even backslidden or been asked to leave!
11. (MANY HAVEN'T GONE SO FAR AS TO HAVE ANAL INTERCOURSE, but some have had some form of physical relationship or at least feel strong attraction to other men. It's a big problem for them.) Many factors could have contributed to the development of these tendencies.
12. THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT SOME MEN MAY BE BORN EFFEMINATE, but I'm inclined to believe that the majority of men even in our own family who deviate from normal heterosexuality into homosexuality have developed these feelings after years of various experiences and disappointments and/or disillusionments with women, in one way or another:
13. (1) THE CHURCH'S VERY RESTRICTIVE ATTITUDE TOWARD SEX. (2) Inability to relate to women out of fear, unfamiliarity or feelings of inferiority, therefore feeling more comfortable with men. (3) Not having enough contact with women--some of our homes in the past have been all male. (4) And finally, past leadership's almost prohibition for years of any sexual relationships with the opposite sex.
14. THIS IS TO EXPLAIN IT, NOT TO EXCUSE IT, for I still believe that actual sex intercourse between men is anti-God, anti-nature. (Maria: Some of these people are really condemned, they really feel like they are outcasts and the Lord can't do anything foe them, and that they must be demon-possessed because they have homosexual tendencies, you know? So it's really a real problem.)
15. WELL, LIKE I SAID IN "I WAS SICK", I FEEL LIKE I CAN FORGIVE ANYBODY FOR ANYTHING NOW because he Lord has forgiven me for so much and I can have much more mercy on others.
16. I SOMETIMES WONDER WHY THE LORD DOESN'T DELIVER SOME PEOPLE, whether it's a physical, spiritual or mental affliction, and with some people a sexual affliction like homosexuality or bad habits, or whatever--even jealousy.
17. SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T SEEM TO REALLY GET THE VICTORY for some reason or another, or sometimes in prayer we don't seem to be able to get the victory for them. Whether it's just that they're permanently afflicted because of sin or sins or to keep them humble or to keep us humble, I don't know.
18. AS FAR AS HOMOSEXUALITY IS CONCERNED, THIS, OF COURSE, IS NOT NORMAL, it is not natural, it's against nature, normally. Heterosexuality is God's normal plan. But I realize some men are almost afflicted in this way in abnormal yearnings for each other.
19. BUT I THINK THE THING THAT THE LORD IS ESPECIALLY CONCERNED ABOUT in those scriptures where it says, "men with men working that which is unseemly and receiving in their own bodies the recompense" (Rom.1:27) is anal sex which is very harmful, dangerous destructive, perverted and damaging to the body, whether with men or women.
20. THIS IS DEFINITELY SINFUL AND ABHORRENT TO THE LORD. But those who have done it need not continue to be condemned, only repent and be forgiven, just like any other sin, Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more". (Jn.8:11)
21. NOW, MERELY MASTURBATING EACH OTHER and sucking each other off, this doesn't really seem any different than having women do it for you. I'm beginning to almost be forced by some things which have happened to modify or to re-define more clearly what is harmful and what may not be harmful.
22. BUT I'M JUST NOT CONVINCED DEFINITELY BY THE LORD YET THAT THIS IS PERMISSIBLE, although He did say regarding this, that "nothing that is done in love is wrong". It doesn't seem that it should be any worse than being sucked by a woman.
23. OF COURSE, THE ANAL FUCKING BETWEEN MEN WOULD NOT BE IN LOVE because it would be damaging to their bodies, but the affection which is not damaging to your body, the Lord said, "Whatever is done in love is right"! It seems to be something from the Lord which may clarify the point.
24. STILL I'M SOMEWHAT HESITANT ABOUT IT. I'd hate to approve of anything on which I haven't really had quite a bit of information, leading and scripture confirmation.--Except that this certainly does seem to cover a lot of things, and that is, whatsoever is done in love certainly seems to be right.
25. I GUESS IT MIGHT COME UNDER "ALL THINGS" AND THE "LAW OF LOVE". (See letters Nos. 302A & 302C.) It could be but I just don't like to take a definite stand on it until I know. I guess we'll just have to say, "according to your faith, be it done unto you", and according to your love, the situation or the necessity or the need.
26. BUT I WILL ADMIT THERE IS THAT POSSIBILITY THAT IT COULD BE. I'm now willing to admit there's a possibility that it could be within the limits of the love of God, that two men could love each other that much as long as they did not do anything to each other which was damaging or harmful, either physically, morally, mentally or spiritually.
27. BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T BELIEVE THEY SHOULD BECOME ACUTELY EFFEMINATE, like the transvestites. The scripture is definitely against being effeminate and transvesticism. (I Cor.6:9-13: "nor effeminate" and Deut.22:5: "A woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man wear that which pertaineth unto a woman.") But if they seem to be born effeminate or grew up that way, then what can they do to help it? (Maria: Yes, "Shall the clay say to the Potter, 'Why hast thou made me thus?'"--Rom.9:20)
28. BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T GO FOR THIS TRANSVESTICISM, dressing up like a woman and acting like a woman and all that sort of thing. I think that thing is very disgusting and an abomination to the Lord!
29. MAYBE IT'S JUST MY NATURAL FEELINGS or my own particular personal psychological reaction, or maybe it's the revulsion of the spirit against Sodomy, but it really disgusts me when I see those transvestites acting like women!
30. TRANSVESTITES ARE REALLY DISGUSTING and I think it's abhorrent to the Lord, and it's definitely spoken against in the Bible. But I presume and I'm even willing to admit now that even a physical, sexual attraction of men toward men in some extreme cases has been tolerated and forgiven by His grace and mercy in love.
31. SO THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT GOD COULD TOLERATE SOME MILD FORM OF IT. He could certainly forgive it, even if it's a sin, that's for sure! Certainly God could overlook it, especially if it were an extreme emergency and an extreme need and they were not being loved or cared for or satisfied by their selfish sisters, who thereby had almost forced them to resort to each other.
32. (MARIA: WELL, EVEN WITH SOME OF OUR VERY PRECIOUS MEN IN THE FAMILY who have some of the best fruit and have wives and they're cared for sexually by the opposite sex, it still seems to be their tendency. But because of their interest and concern for other men, they've FFed almost as many men into the Family as the women have!--Not through any physical action, but their spirit and concern and love for the men has helped to bring a lot of them into the Family.
33. (SOME HAVE VERY GOOD FRUITS AND ARE GOOD SUOL-WINNERS AND DISCIPLE-WINNERS. But they've been put a such a terrible condemnation, a lot of these men have even backslidden because they thought, "Well, I can't get rid of these feelings and I guess the Lord can't forgive nor deliver me, and it's anti-nature, anti-God, so why should I even try?" In some cases, it's almost as though that's the way God made them!)
34. WELL IT'S CERTAINLY THE WAY A LOT OF MEN SEEM TO BE, and it seems some are born that way. If it's a curse or a blessing, that remains to be seen. But, of course it's certainly not normal and i don't think it's God's ideal or His plan of the way things should normally be.
35. BUT THE LORD OFTEN GIVES ROOM FOR EXCEPTIONAL CASES and makes exceptions to His own rules, especially if it's in love, mercy and forgiveness. So I'll just admit the possibility that in some cases, where the need is great and the circumstances extreme and the pleasure extremely unbearable, it may be possible.
36. THE LORD COULD OVERLOOK IT OR TOLERATE IT, OR AT LEAST FORGIVE IT, where it might seem actually almost necessary. But I would say in some ways, in many cases, it's more the fault of the women because they are not satisfying their brothers or taking care of them as they should.
37. BUT OF COURSE IN SOME CASES, THERE IS A KIND OF MAN WHO HAS NO DESIRE FOR A WOMAN AT ALL, and he only desires men, and this I believe definitely is a perversion, a very peculiar quirk of their personality, and I don't think it at all normal nor natural, and I don't really see any excuse for it when there are women available and willing, that a man would rather have a man.
38. IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THAT'S RIGHT TO ME. I don't understand it. So i just can't really take a position on it, except that the Word in both the Old and New Testaments has taken a pretty strong position against it.
39. I THINK THEY'RE TREADING ON RATHER DANGEROUS AND UNCERTAIN GROUND, I know I am, even to discuss it. But I still know the Scripture is true and all the All Things Scriptures are true, and the Law of Love is true.
40. IF IT'S IN LOVE and is not damaging to anyone, not hurting anyone, not perverting anyone, not leading anyone else astray or getting into something you're not sure of, or not by faith (Rom.14), I presume there could be exceptions to the rule.
41. (MARIA: SOME MEN HAVE THAT ATTRACTION FOR OTHER MEN THAT EVEN HELPS THEM TO WIN THEM TO THE LORD AND TO GET THEM SAVED. But although they may not even do anything in the physical, they feel condemned because of their feelings of love toward men. But why should they be condemned?
42. (LOVE IS LOVE! If God gives you love, puts love in your heart, in the heart of a man for another man, how could that be evil, when love comes from God?--Look at David & Jonathan: David says, "I am distressed for thee , my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women"--II Sam.1:26.--What did he mean?)
43. WELL I GUESS THE LORD KNOWS, and He'd almost have to judge every case on its own merits, because the Scriptures in both the Old and New Testaments are definitely against it.
44. HOMOSEXUALITY WAS THE SIN OF SODOMY for which the ancient wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorra were totally destroyed (Gen.18 and 19:5-7.) The sodomites even wanted to do it with the angelic guests of Lot! It was the sin of black Ham against his drunken father Noah, for which and with which his race is cursed to this day (Gen.9:22-27).
45. IT WAS FORBIDDEN BY THE LAW (Deut.23:17), and sodomites were considered a curse (I Kgs.14:24), driven out (I Kgs. 15:12 &22:46) and their houses destroyed (2 Kgs.23:7)! Sodomy included all forms of sexual abominations, uncleanliness, idolatry, anal sex and bestiality (see your dictionary or encyclopedia).
46. ROMANS 1:27 MAKES IT QUITE CLEARLY A SIN.--And verse 26 clearly makes birth control a sin! Read it! Colossians 3:5 also speaks of "inordinate affection" and Romans 1:31 "without natural affection".
47. AND REVELATION 11 TELLS OF THE SLAUGHTER OF THE LAST TWO WITNESSES by the Antichrist in his wicked capital Jerusalem (or the evil City-System), "which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified"! Certainly this is a picture of the wicked world of today! So however you may define Sodomy, it sounds pretty clearly like the Lord doesn't like it! So I'd be mighty prayerful about it if I were you!
48. BUT WE ARE IN A NEW AGE and extremely enlightened. There are now things which in the past were considered bad that we now partake of and practice and consider perfectly legal and logical and permissible in God's love, and we're no longer under the old law in these things. Perhaps this is one of them. I don't know.
49. YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO LOOK TO THE LORD IN EACH CASE. If a man has these tendencies, perhaps he should pray harder for deliverance. On the other hand, if it happens to be definitely in the love of the Lord and hurts no one, perhaps God might make some exceptions in very needy cases of great love and affection, as long as they did nothing unhealthful, unclean or damaging.
50. I DON'T YET KNOW FOR SURE, and my life-long standard policy has been according to Romans 14:23: "He that doubteth is damned (judged or punished, not lost) if he eat..for whatsoever is not of faith is sin"! So I've always made it my motto: "When in doubt, don't!"
51. NEVERTHELESS WE SHOULD TAKE A KIND, LOVING SYMPATHETIC AND FORGIVING ATTITUDE toward people with such weaknesses, even as we should toward anyone else's frailties and handicaps and besetting abnormalities, and try to help them overcome them with lots of understanding, love and patience, and perhaps by fasting and prayer. (Mat.17:21.)