Karen Zerby
By MariaMaria #559 CM/FM 3328 12/00
Dear Family,
1. Here's the last GN in this series with yet more interesting and insightful prophecies on the topic of comparing. I pray that these Words from the Lord, as well as the personal testimony included in this GN, will be helpful to you.
Much love, Mama
2. (Jesus speaking:) I seek to take away the tinted glasses through which you've been looking at past situations and the people around you. These glasses make everything seem dark and full of despair; they make life seem like it's biased against you‚ and make you feel like you've gotten a raw deal. These glasses make you feel sorry for yourself, and resentful of others, because they seem to have been handed an unfair advantage. When you're wearing these glasses, you can't find it in your heart to forgive people for their blunders, their lack of communication, or for the way they may have offended you. These glasses block out the problems and burdens other people bear, and you only see that others have things or opportunities or relationships that you wish you had. Then you begin to question My plan in your life, or My love for you, because you think you'd be happy if you had all those things you covet in other people's lives.
3. The truth is, the only way you'll be happy is if you get those glasses permanently removed. Because even if you did have all those things—an ideal-looking relationship, multitudes of job and travel opportunities, a different personality that's more attractive, and so on—you would continue to be unhappy and desire more, because not having these things is not what's affecting your happiness. It's these glasses‚ which represent the Enemy's lies that have taken hold in your life and which you now believe as fact. They represent deep-seated comparing that began long ago, and which the Enemy built upon‚ brick by brick. You always wanted to be the best at whatever you did, and when you weren't, you chalked it up to disadvantages—whether in the traits you inherited from your parents, where you grew up, your star sign, restrictions when you were young, or a lack of money.
4. These glasses have prevented you from receiving all the contentment and happiness that I could give you. Then you look back on different phases of your life, and you see in retrospect that you had it quite good, and again you look through those glasses with regret, wishing you had a chance to do some things over.
5. I love you so much, and love it that you've given your life to Me‚ but now I want you to give Me these glasses you're so attached to as well. It's taken some time to get to this point, because you had to see how your life was affected by wearing them before I could convince you they weren't doing you any good.
6. You've fought negative thinking over the years and you've made progress, but the problem is that those glasses have never been far from you, and you're ever ready to put them back on and analyze your life through this so-called "realistic" tint. You're quick to judge whether you've been dealt a fair hand in any situation, and you often come out thinking that if you had only had better cards, you would have been perfectly happy. The fact is, I deal everyone a balance of blessings and challenges. If you only received blessings, there would never be any opportunity to grow‚ to experience sorrow or hardship and to learn to have compassion and a broken heart for others.
7. I want you to have joy in serving Me, and I want you to trust Me that everything I send your way is for your good—that even if something looks like a stone, it's bread, simply because it came from My hand. Then you won't look on the things of others and wish I'd given you blessings you see others receiving, because you'll realize that I have every good thing in My hand for you, and it's but a matter of timing in your life as to when you can receive those blessings.
8. You don't want to have all your Christmases in one, do you? So just trust Me that I have all kinds of wonderful and precious gifts in My hand, and I won't forget to give you any of them when I know they will do you the most good. I have babies, marriage, travel, exciting ministries, friendships, and all that you need. I have more training and gifts to bestow upon you. I have gifts of love and laughter‚ wonderful memories in the making, fellowship and precious experiences with others.
9. It's going to take time to get these glasses off you permanently‚ but I'm not going to give up. At first you'll blink at the bright sunshine of My way of looking at things, and because you're not used to it, it may seem too bright, too positive‚ and the Enemy will tell you it's too rosy and unrealistic to be so thankful for everything, to see My perfect will in everything‚ and to count all things as working together for good because you love Me.
10. I don't want to see you just resign yourself to circumstances in a helpless sort of way, figuring you just have to live with your lot in life. I want you to trust Me so much that you don't even have anything to resign yourself to, but instead you're perfectly happy with the timing and order of events in your life, and with what I'm giving you at the moment, and full of faith that I have everything planned to a T and I won't forget anything. (End of message from Jesus.)
11. (Dad speaking: ) You're human, and the Lord has created humans with some weaknesses to keep them desperate and close to Him, needing Him. The biggest weakness the Lord's given to man is pride; it's his besetting sin, and like I've often said, it's the root of all our problems.
12. The Lord loves all of His children and He wants to bless and reward each one for their faith, obedience, and love for Him. It takes a lot of the supernatural love of God to be unselfish, generous, and giving to others, so much so that you don't battle with comparing and jealousy and wondering why so-and-so has this or that blessing, why you didn't get to do what you wanted, go where you wanted, or be with the person you wanted to be with.
13. It's a natural tendency to think that way—human pride—but it's the road to destruction if you don't fight to stop it, because it leads further and further into the pit of more pride, selfishness, and comparing. You have to stop and recognize when you're getting hit with battles of comparing‚ feeling sensitive, resentful, left out, or jealous of what others are called upon to do but you're not. You have to recognize that this is an attack of the Enemy on your pride. The Enemy's really trying to whip it up and play on your emotions. He's the one who's causing you to compare and analyze and look at all the things that you feel you should have, that you think you deserve. He gets you to analyze it to the point that you're really battling and down in the pit.
14. That frame of mind leads you further and further down into discouragement, comparing, feeling totally left out, useless, unloved, and unappreciated. The Enemy paints the picture as black as he can. He really lays it on thick and can make you believe all his lies. You start to wonder, "Hey, what am I needed for here anyway? Everybody else is getting to do all the things I want to do. Nobody asks me about things or includes me. I'm just stuck in this same old ministry. Maybe I should move on and try something else, go someplace else where people will appreciate me more."
15. The Enemy's whole point in leading you into comparing and jealousy and whipping up your pride is so that you'll get your eyes off the Lord. He not only wants you to get your eyes off the Lord, but he wants to pull you away from the Lord, away from the Lord's calling for you—even cause you to resent the Lord. You might think it's okay to feel a little resentment toward people or about things that happen, but when you allow those feelings in, the Enemy plays on them, exaggerates them‚ and can get you to point those feelings toward the Lord. You start being critical of the way things happen—circumstances, events, people's blessings—and if you stay on the Enemy's wavelength, you'll go down, down, down.
16. The Enemy knows he's got a very powerful weapon at his disposal—your pride—and he uses it for all it's worth! I don't just mean your pride, but man's pride in general. I'm not picking on you; I'm trying to expose what the Enemy does with people when he leads them into comparing. Everybody compares because everybody has pride, but when you're yielding to your pride, then the Enemy can really get in with his lies and horrible temptations to look at the waves, to look down, to criticize, compare, resent and be jealous. It's a terrible cycle, and the only way to stop it is to be humble and call on the Lord for His forgiveness and help.
17. If you never had any problems, tests, or difficulties, if everything went the way you wanted it and you got everything you wanted—got to go where you wanted to go‚ be with the people you wanted to be with‚ do what you wanted, know everything that's going on, were called upon all the time‚ were needed at every turn—then you'd be really proud and self-righteous. You wouldn't even think you needed Jesus, and you wouldn't see so clearly how you can't make it without Him. And even if everything went your way, or at least a lot more than it does right now, you'd still be discontent and unhappy‚ because it's the nature of man to always want more.
18. These tests of pride along life's way are a wonderful thing to help keep you humble and in need of your Husband and Lover. They're not easy to go through, because it's never easy to fight battles of comparing. But if you look at it as an opportunity for the Lord to bless others, and to help keep you humble and soft, it's much easier to take. The worst thing you can do is try to figure it out, analyze it, and think about it until you're really in the dumps about the whole thing.
19. You can't figure out God's love and why He chooses to do certain things the way He does. You might feel like God should have known you wanted to do such and such, and wonder why He didn't include you, but you have to understand that Jesus loves all of His children, but He's not going to give you all the blessings all the time. He spreads them out. He gives to who He knows it's best to give to at that moment, and if you can be humble and happy about it for the sake of others, you'll grow in the spirit of humility.
20. The Lord has a plan and a purpose for each one of His children. He has a slot for you, a ministry, a work, an anointing and calling. You can't always be looking at your neighbor and wishing you were doing what they're doing‚ when the Lord wants you to remain faithful where He put you now. You have to accept what the Lord has chosen to do in your life and believe that you're important to Him. But you're not more important than any of His other brides‚ and you have to humbly allow Jesus to love other people, to bless them, to use them, and give them the things they need.
21. Once you yield to the spirit of humility you'll be much more content, and the Enemy can't use comparing against you. It's much wiser to take the low seat‚ the attitude of humility: "I didn't get to do such and such, but that's okay, because it's good for me to share and stay humble!" Instead of thinking, "Why didn't I get to do that!?"
22. The only way out of that cycle of negative feelings, unfruitful thoughts or comparing thoughts, is to be humble and thankful for the blessings the Lord gives you. Remember that He loves you and is not mistreating you or giving you a raw deal, but He's taking good care of you. Remember that you can't have everything the way you want it. The Lord has to do some things in your life to keep you humble and knowing how much you need Him. He can't make everything perfect for you, give you all the desires of your heart all the time, and give you all the blessings and things you want at every turn—you'd just become too self-righteous and proud. He knows the desire of your heart is to be close to Him most of all, depending on Him, needing Him‚ obeying Him and doing His will, so in His love for you He provides situations that help you to stay close to Him, humble, and lowly in your own eyes.
23. The next time something comes up and you're tempted to compare or feel left out, turn those thoughts into fruitful thoughts about how good this is for you, how it's helping you to be more humble and keeping you close to Jesus. The Lord will bless your attitude of thankfulness. When He sees that you desire to yield and be giving and let others have some things, or do things, or know more than you do, or be more in the limelight sometimes, even though you might be hurting inside and battling with comparing, He really blesses it. (End of message from Dad)
24. (Prayer: ) Jesus, You know that I've had battles over the years comparing with A. There have been times when I did better and times when I did worse, and now I'm being hit with it almost harder than ever. I love her very much and at times feel very close to her, but at other times the bad feelings I have toward her are just blown up to an incredible size to where they seem to cloud everything else. I feel that while in many ways we're so similar, in many ways she's just a little bit better than I am at almost everything—and it frustrates me! She has a lot of trust and responsibility, and gets to be involved in a large variety of projects and ministries. I feel that she's favored in many ways, and that it's because of her working efficiency, and just because she has a better personality, is prettier‚ and people like her more—and that I can't do anything about it!
25. I know her fairly well‚ and I know that all the bad things I think about her at times like this are not all true. But because she's so gifted and so likable, it's hard to shake some of these feelings, because they seem to have so much logical basis in fact. I know she has her problems and it probably all balances out—at least that's what You've always told me—but it's depressing sometimes that she gets to do so many things I wish I could do. I feel that no matter how hard I try or how well I do‚ I'll never be on her level—or rather what others think is her level—because sometimes I don't agree that she's that much better at certain things than me. I guess that's where some of the resentment comes in too. It's not just a feeling of‚ "Oh, she's so wonderful and I'll never be like that." Often it's more, "Hey, I could do that as well as she does. Why didn't they even consider letting me try?"
26. My shepherds have tried to encourage me, and You've tried to encourage me‚ but I find it hard to even accept any encouragement, because I feel like everyone's just trying to placate me, and that no matter what they say, I can't believe them, because "I know" they and probably You love and trust her more. I know that I'm needed here too, but somehow knowing that doesn't help me feel any better when she gets to go here and there and I don't. This isn't a one–time thing, but it's come up over and over in different forms over the years, from the relationship angle, the work angle, and many other angles in between. Why don't I compare with other people to this extreme? Why can't I just get over it?
27. (Jesus speaking:) My love, you must believe My Words. Even if they seem dubious to you, even if they don't ring true in your heart or seem right to your senses, you must fight to accept them and have faith in them. It's dangerous to doubt My Words, for as you decide to reject one thing and not accept it, it makes it easier to then decide to reject and cast aside more of My Words. Then you not only miss out on the important counsel, encouragement, instruction‚ or insight I give‚ but you also build up a wall of resistance to Me and My Spirit and to the love and truth I could give you, and the closeness we can share.
28. You've built up a wall of resentment toward this dear mate of yours, little by little, over the years. At times you've seen it for what it was, and you've fought against it and have overcome in different areas and torn down portions of the wall. Yet it's a deep-rooted thing; it goes back a long way‚ and you haven't ever fully let go of it or overturned its foundation.
29. I know this isn't easy for you to hear, but the only way for you to be happy and to be free of this is to remove it and let it go. Ask for prayer from your shepherds; share this battle, these resentments, with them, and pray desperately and ask Me for help to fight against it. It's like any other negative, critical or comparing thought or mindset—you just can't give place to it.
30. You feel confused and frustrated‚ even angry at yourself because of the things you think. You feel like, "I thought I was over this! I ought to be by now! Why can't I be happy for her and just accept that what You give her is the right thing? Why can't I simply believe the things You and my shepherds say? Why can't I be proud that one of my peers has such a ministry, rather than resenting the fact that she seems to be moving into bigger responsibilities quicker than some of the rest of us?"
31. You've learned over the years in living and working with her just how normal and human she is, and have come to see that she doesn't exactly have an edge on everyone, as you first thought. She is very good at some things‚ but you are very good at many of the same things‚ or even better at others; and you've just generally learned that everyone has their special place, their unique personality, and no one has it "better" across the board, including her. Still, though, because she is clearly beautiful and gifted‚ and especially because she has been entrusted with more showy responsibilities than you and because she has had the privilege of going places, it's hard to resist slipping back into that mindset of, "It's so unfair—why does she have to have everything?"
32. In your heart you know she doesn't have everything, and much of what she has, or has had, you know you wouldn't want anyway. But because there is so much you do want or would like, it makes it difficult to fight this comparing and be happy with what you have. It's a great test, one of the greatest and most ongoing, long-term ones I've allowed you to go through.
33. I haven't put this in your life just to cause you sorrow, though; I've allowed it to help you grow. Just think, if you never had such a "worthy opponent" that you really felt justified in comparing with‚ could you ever really feel as great a sense of accomplishment in overcoming such great comparing battles? If you only compared with people who had one or two little things you wished you had, such as their job, their looks, or their personality, it would be easier in a sense to get the victory, just by "talking yourself out of it" and realizing how good you have it and how insignificant these one or two little traits are in the overall spectrum of things. But when you can look at someone like her, who it seems excels in every area you do and more, and you can actually accept that and be okay about it, and still be thankful for the way I made you, you'll be a content person!
34. You are basically a content person now that you've really won major victories. Don't let the Enemy lie to you now and tell you that it was a fake, because here you are, faced with it and going under about it all over again. You haven't lost, and you aren't going under. You were attacked, yes, and you were hit hard‚ and you did wobble and weaken. It's not over yet, though, and it's not too late to sock the Enemy back and rebuke and resist him and make him get the hell out of there. You don't want to feel this way‚ do you? Even if you're "justified" and "right," you don't want these awful feelings of resentment and comparison crowding out the joy in your life, do you?
35. Don't let go of the beautiful gift of happiness, contentment, and acceptance that I've given you. It's a beautiful treasure—one to value and cherish at any cost. It's a much more precious treasure than a position, a ministry, a title, an opportunity, a gift, a talent, good looks, or a great personality.
36. Trust Me, My love. This is yet another test of yieldedness. Yield your mind‚ your carnal reasoning, your logic, your sense of fairness and justice. Let it go. Just realize that you may not be right; and even if you are‚ I have a higher purpose in allowing even the things that seem to be wrong or unjust. In the end, all does work together for good, and each one is rewarded according to what I know they're deserving of.
37. This time and season is so small in the great overall scheme of life. You will not be judged many years from now for the way you are now—not by Me and not by others. You will not be held back or hindered in your growth, in your ministry, or in your responsibilities because of anyone else. You stand before Me, the One Who sees you in all clarity and with all depth of understanding, and you can trust that I will not pass you over or leave you behind. I see you and know all about you‚ and I will give you all that I know you can handle and are worthy of, in My time.
38. The only thing that would hold you back is not someone else‚ either peer or shepherd, but your own holding back in spirit—your own lack of moving forward, reaching out, progressing, fighting, and yielding. You hold yourself back in spirit when you compare, because while you're so focused on what another has or what you lack, you fall further behind. By spending time thinking about others and observing and analyzing them, you waste time that you could use toward advancing spiritually and even in your ministry.
39. As you think in your heart, so are you. If you think of yourself as deficient, lower‚ less skilled, less needed and valuable, you become so by reflection of your own attitude and lack of motivation. Whereas when you see yourself as being just what is needed—because I made you so—and perfect for your tasks—because I made you so—then that's what you become, and you fill a role that no other could ever fill as well; for it was designed for you, and you were destined to fill it.
40. Don't doubt Me or My love, wisdom or judgment. Have faith in Me, and have faith in your shepherds as well. Have faith in My love and in My plan for you.
41. I want you to lean on Me, and not on your own gifts or abilities. I want you to realize that you don't have it all‚ and can't have it all. I've made you to naturally feel a bit insecure, even in the things that you do well in. I don't want you to take your gifts for granted or to think that you're so great because of the ways I use you.
42. I do plan to use you more greatly than I am now, but I have to entrust you with more responsibilities and privileges little by little, in keeping with your lessons, humility, and spiritual progress. I can't give you too much too soon, because you would lose the balance and harmony with your spiritual life—and I know that you see the importance of that. You understand the need for balance and fairness, so think about that when you feel you aren't given a fair shot. Realize that part of the fairness and balance is that you have to grow in certain ways, learn certain things, and accept certain things before certain other things‚ like privileges or responsibilities, can fall into place. That's your end of the bargain, your side of the scale.
43. You work on evening out your side and trust Me to even out Mine, okay? Leave it in My hands and trust Me to keep your scales balanced—in work, love‚ life, and every way. I am the Keeper of your balances, and of the balances of all mankind. Your times and seasons are in My hands, and I am always there to help even you out after one of your dips. Remember, though, it's not that I'm letting go of My side of the scale—it's that you're putting too much weight on yours: the weights of being analytical and comparing and trying to reason everything out. You do this in a search for balance, but My love, that's not how the balance is found.
44. The balance is found by yielding, by accepting that you don't know all sides, and opening your eyes and heart and mind so that I can show you things as they truly are. Let Me show you things the way I see them, My love. Let Me speak to your heart and mind. Let Me wash away the cloudy, murky, distorted perception you've had of yourself and others, and help you to become truly free. (End of message from Jesus.)
45. (Mama: ) The Lord has done a wonderful miracle in this person's life and given her major victories over comparing in various shapes and forms. It took several years and a lot of prayer, perseverance, hearing from the Lord in prophecy‚ and fighting to believe and act on what the Lord said. But she has won the battle, and she now rarely compares with the person referred to in the above prayer, or with anyone, and doesn't carry around the resentment that she used to. That's not to say that she's never tempted to compare, as we all are, but she's gotten a miraculous victory and hardly ever gives in to it. Praise the Lord! It can happen!
46. (Jesus speaking: ) You ask if there is any area that I wish for you to yield in more fully. I will tell you‚ My love. It's the area of comparing yourself with others. This area of your life causes you much pain and difficulty. And because it pains you, it pains Me. It's very difficult for Me to watch you go through battles, feeling that you don't do enough, that you're unloved or unneeded, because you're comparing.
47. You must realize that My love for you is just as great as My love for any other‚ but the way I work in your life is different. The way I work in each person's life is different. If I worked in everyone's life the same, that would not be love, for each person has different needs. If you were able to accept this and trust Me more fully, you would be much happier. You'd suffer much less, you'd have more to give to others, you'd be more complete, and thus I would be able to use you more.
48. So in this coming year, that is what I ask of you—that you go on the attack against this besetting sin of comparing. It's rooted in pride, as all sin is. Comparing actually feeds your pride. You wonder how that is—because when you compare, you feel very worthless, unneeded, and unloved. But through getting you to compare, the Enemy is taking your eyes off of Me and My will and My plan, and getting them on yourself. You become unyielded to what I'm doing‚ you're unhappy, and all of this feeds your pride because you start to feel that you deserve better.
49. In reality, you know that all that you have is completely undeserved, and it's only by My mercy that you're here, blessed with the ministry I've given you, the friends and love and place of service and fulfillment. But when you fall into the pit of comparing‚ reality is unclear to you and you're surrounded by the lies of the Enemy. You can't see clearly, and during the times when you compare, you make no forward progress in the spirit; rather you fall back into your old habits and besetting sins.
50. Go on the attack against this area in your life where the Enemy gets in and causes you so much difficulty. Refuse to accept his lies! When you feel such a battle coming on‚ simply remind yourself that I do all things well, that I have a perfect plan for you, and that I love you. Remind yourself that it's a good chance for you to exercise humility by not falling into that trap. Remind yourself that allowing yourself to compare is taking steps backward in the spirit. And then refuse to do it!
51. I know you can do it, My love. You've had prayer against it, you've received My help in the spirit. Now it's up to you to fight it and not give it any place in your life. It will be difficult, I warn you, for you have a bad habit of allowing yourself to compare. You yield to this very easily, and it brings with it immediate sadness. So it won't be easy to catch yourself and pull out of it. But I know that you can do it‚ and I'll be there to help you when you call out to Me.
52. Yield fully in this area. Let that be your commitment to Me‚ that you believe that I do all things well, and that you will fight to be more thankful about the way I made you, the things I've given you, and the path I've chosen for your life. With this total yieldedness comes peace, fulfillment, and great happiness. I promise.
53. As you make steps forward in this area, come to Me with further questions that come up, and each time I will show you how to overcome, how to best fight this attack of the Enemy. Up until now you've not seen this as something so big that you should really fight it. You've looked on it more as an inevitability rather than a weak area which you needed to overcome. But fighting this one battle will help you make tremendous progress in learning to be more humble, in being more sensitive to My Spirit and less to yourself, in being a greater blessing to others‚ and on and on the list goes.
54. It's worth it‚ My love. I know you want the victory, and so I promise it to you! I will help you. Remember, your desire in asking Me and wanting to make progress will give you a special anointing to move forward in this area! I love you! (End of message from Jesus) (from "You Can Make It—Part 2," ML #3292:147-154, GN 891)
55. (Jesus speaking:) I wish you would accept the fact that I've made you a special vessel for a special purpose, and I don't require or even wish for you to be exactly like others you see around you. You are different, with a different personality‚ role and future. I wish you would take to heart what I told Peter when he was asking Me about John, saying, "Lord, what shall this man do?" I had been speaking heart-to-heart to Peter, telling him how he stood and what he was to do, but he still wondered how he stood in comparison to John and the others and what their role was to be. Part of it was curiosity, but a large part was also his desire to compare. Do you remember what I told Peter? "What is that to thee? Follow thou Me!"
56. I test and try the hearts. Although there may be much in your heart, I judge only by your love for Me, your desire to do My will, and your obedience to follow the path that I've chosen for you. Don't worry and fear about how far along you are, or look back and think that you haven't learned as much as others have. Because no matter how hard you try, you can never tell by outward appearances, and it will only confuse and condemn you. I teach and train each person in different ways, at different speeds‚ and for different ministries, so you just can't compare! If you want to compare, compare with the standard of My Word and let My Holy Spirit speak gently to your heart and show you what areas you can improve in. She is very loving and gentle—not like the voice of the Enemy‚ who will use those comparisons to make you feel bad and condemn you.
57. Remember that I am not the author of confusion, but of peace. I long to give you that peace in your heart that passes all your carnal understanding and gives you acceptance of the way I've made you and the way I've chosen for you. I give that peace freely, but you must put aside the hang–ups of comparing and negativity and want it with all your heart, and then you can receive it.
58. At first it will be very hard to accept this peace‚ but if you work at it, it can change your life! Your mind can be trained, and like a muscle it can be strengthened and toned. You need to start training your mind to react positively to otherwise negative situations. That doesn't mean that you have to throw objectivity to the wind and become a blind optimist. But since you are at one extreme where much of your thinking and almost all of your self-talk have negative overtones, you need to begin the difficult but necessary task of taking back the control of your mind so that you can see things as I see them. I want you to bring every thought into captivity, and this is how you can begin to do that.
59. When you hear yourself thinking negatively about yourself or some situation‚ force yourself to bring up the positive side. Don't let the Enemy turn your thoughts into his monologue of negativity, but fight back with positive thoughts. "As a man thinketh in his heart‚ so is he." Even if you're just forcing yourself to think or react positively, don't feel bad. Because if you're faithful and persevere, in time it will become a good habit, and then you'll actually feel better about yourself and have a positive outlook on yourself and things around you.
60. Please do this for Me! It hurts Me so much to see you buffeted about like this. I would love to take this negativity and these bad feelings away and make it all better, but I can't do that because it's something that you have to begin to do. But if you put forth that effort, then I will do My part and help you, and together we will win the victory! (End of message from Jesus.)
61. (Mama: ) I'll turn the next section of this GN over to one of the young people in our Home who has experienced the change of mindset the Lord has talked about in many of these messages.
62. (Louise:) I think I was a born comparer. As my mom would testify, I've had an obsession with fairness ever since I can remember. "That's not fair" must have been my three most used words when growing up—as they are with a lot of kids. Thing is, I didn't exactly "grow out of it." It just sort of changed tactics. When I was little, I actually liked myself quite a lot and thought pretty highly of myself (hard to believe sometimes, but I do recall looking in the mirror and thinking how lovely I was!) but there was still always something to cry "foul" about—usually privileges, outings, material things that other kids got, or things my parents or other adults did or had that I didn't.
63. As I went into the pre-teen and early teen years, it morphed into obsessive comparing of my looks and body with that of other girls my age or a few years older than me. Then once I was fully into my teens, it was envy of girls who had more boyfriends or male attention. Comparing ministries also came in about then, as did intense analyzing of the amount of attention from shepherds and the trust and responsibility they placed in the hands of various individuals. Growing into the YA years and joining a behind-the-scenes office, it focused toward competitiveness in work, struggling hard to prove myself worthy of trust and able to carry as much of a load as others who were considered "tried and proven." I think my most recent "biggie" would have to be relationships, and feeling cheated at the thought that while nearly all my friends have now married and have kids—or have at least had plenty of serious boyfriends—I've never gotten anywhere near there and I'm getting "old."
64. At every turn and stage of life there was something to struggle for. I was always struggling, never content. I generally didn't like myself and wasn't happy with much, if anything‚ about myself. Even the things I would admit to liking about myself, I could see room for plenty of improvement in. Of course, there are some things I could improve in, but the fact is that there are some things, like physical features (for example, being a girl, ha!) that a person just can't do anything about!
65. When Mama's various Letters about negative thinking and how to overcome it came out, that was when I first started realizing what it was that kept me from ever being really happy. Even at the best of times‚ I could always find something "wrong with the picture‚" and it was usually, if not always, related to envy or comparing—along with negativity about myself. They're all so intertwined.
66. Anyway, if you happen to relate to any of this, I think you know what I mean when I say that comparing is more than a "weakness"; it's a mindset that takes over your thought processes and basically your entire life. It guides a lot of your decisions, it makes you miserable and often unpleasant, and as was the case with me, you have no idea what your problem is or why you can hardly stand to be around other people‚ because almost everyone somehow makes you feel more inadequate. I don't think I ever had it "pegged" until I got here. Of course, having a label hung on it didn't exactly help me much right off. If anything‚ I felt like, "Gee, great, just one more thing that's wrong with me—I'm a chronic comparer."
67. Ironically, another of my major weaknesses is being critical of others. I say "ironically" because I would think that, since I was always comparing myself to others and wishing I were more like them in this way or that way‚ I would admire everything good in others and be relieved, if anything, about their imperfections, right? Somehow, not so. The fact that I was always so closely scrutinizing and analyzing everything and everyone—not to mention my obsession with fairness/righteousness—made me also carefully observe and thus notice the flaws and weaknesses of others. So here I was constantly going around not only comparing myself against others, but comparing others against each other, and against anything there was to compare them to, and in the process, disliking many things about myself, as well as about other people. Draining? Totally.
68. A couple of years ago my new year's prayer and goal was to break free from the comparing mindset. The Lord gave me some clear instruction at that time about the keys to overcoming it. Basically it came down to accepting that He made me how He wanted me and that I shouldn't put my sense of "rightness" above His. (See ML #3177:96–106, GN 782.) I had united prayer around that time and it helped greatly. I had the Lord's promises and power on my side, and it was all uphill from there. But going uphill requires a fair amount of exertion! The Lord said He had delivered me, but it took some time to break out of old habits—in my case, nearly two years from the time I first went on the attack and had prayer, to the time I could truly sense a difference in my attitude toward life.
69. Some things that helped me along the way were:
70. m A lot of Word time and hearing from the Lord personally. It didn't help me so much to hear about how "horrible" it was to think negatively and compare. I had to do that at first to realize my problem‚ but once I did, I found it far more uplifting to read on subjects such as positiveness and faith. And, of course, the Lord has His Own special way of speaking to my heart and mind in ways that only He can, thus gradually transforming my negative mindset and helping me become almost an optimist.
71. m A lot of encouragement from those around me, who it seemed to me almost went on a united campaign to encourage me. I'm not talking flattery—I think most of us, and especially those who are negative about ourselves, can see through that—but real‚ sincere compliments and appreciation of the unique and likable traits the Lord has blessed me with.
72. m I read a quote somewhere that said: "Don't envy anybody. Every person has something no other person has. Develop that one thing and make it outstanding." I asked the Lord to speak to me about what my special "something" was, and His message outlining my strong points and things others appreciated about me—things that seemed obvious to other people—was actually quite eye opening to me, in a very good way.
73. m Not least of all, a great boost toward victory was that besides my initial prayer, I asked for prayer a few other times, as I fell into a slump from time to time. I'll include here a prayer request that I shared with our Home a few months ago, which also includes some of the very helpful instruction the Lord gave me at that time.
74. (Prayer request:) I've had prayer before against comparing, as you know‚ as well as against being critical, analytical, and negative. The Lord's given me some big victories, which I'm super thankful for. My life now as compared to a year ago is vastly different. I'm generally much happier. But comparing is like my besetting sin‚ and more than that, a negative mindset that I've had ever since I can remember, like a compulsion; so it takes time to change such deep-rooted habits.
75. Recently I was quite discouraged, because for a period of about a month I was having a lot of regular big battles over what seemed to be relatively small incidents, or sometimes no incident at all. For a while I'd been doing much better‚ but now all of a sudden I was going through it all the time, and just generally feeling very yucky, very resentful‚ and like maybe the Lord didn't love me so much—and I wouldn't blame Him if He didn't.
76. I was frustrated about my lack of victory. In fact, I was wondering, "Have I gotten any victories? Is something wrong somewhere? Is there something I'm not doing that I should be? How can I fight more?" I was also feeling hopeless, like it's just "not possible" to win a victory over negativity and comparing.
77. Here's something the Lord told me that explains better than I can what my battles and problems are, and my prayer request:
78. (Jesus speaking: ) The best thing I can tell you for starters is‚ "What is that to thee? Follow thou Me!" The problem with comparing is that it clouds your mind and your eyes and your heart to where the way you see things is not as they truly are. Like I've told you so many times, I know the heart of each person, their innermost battles, needs, feelings and fears, and I give everyone what they need. It may not be what they want, and it may seem like others have it better or easier‚ but that's not the truth. It seems so true to you sometimes that it even seems obvious and clear-cut, but it's not reality.
79. My love for you is not any less than for any of My children. Just because they have a certain blessing in one area that you value very highly, or because it seems like they're more trusted, more gifted, or that people like them more‚ doesn't mean that you'd be happy in their place; nor does it mean that they're even happy in their place.
80. I know it sometimes seems that you're left to struggle alone, but part of it is that you don't always reach out for the help you need. There's no one who has someone so attuned to their every need, and so ever available to help, that they never have to work to get it, or never have to feel like they're alone in what they're going through. Everyone is alone at some point, in some way, because no two people go through the exact same thing in the exact same way. That feeling of being alone‚ though—even the feeling of not being understood—is part of My plan to make My children cry out to Me.
81. Don't say that you don't have the victory over these battles of jealousy and comparing and negativity‚ because I have promised you that this victory is yours. You just have to hold on to it and not let it go. What you're doing right now is the "literal translation" of what it means to "hold on to your victory." It's not just a pleasant little joy-ride experience where you feel so "in the victory" that you decide to keep feeling that way. No, it's when the Enemy comes in in full force, and you have to fight him off in order to keep your victory. The very fact that you're coming to Me and doing so quickly, that you've opened your heart to Me and are willing to receive My answers and counsel, is a sure sign of victory.
82. Going through ups and downs like this also humbles you, because you feel so icky and evil, so terrible for thinking and feeling the thoughts that you do. Therefore you know that although you're tempted with many critical thoughts, you can't in all sincerity point the finger at someone else and accuse them of being in the wrong; because although they may be in some areas, you know you are in many areas too—and who's to say what's worse? That's one area that you realize that you can't compare in. You can't say, "Well, my sins are not as bad as hers‚" because you know that's probably not true.
83. The thing is, though, I don't measure your sins against others' sins, just like I don't measure your talents against theirs. So there's no need to feel condemned or discouraged about the battles that you're thrown into, or conclude that because of them, I've distanced Myself from you or love you less. How many times must I say it? I love you as you are, and I love all of you. I don't love you for what you are, for who you are, for how well you do, for how much you do‚ for how much or how little you sin, or how much or how little you do the right thing. What I love most of all is your love for Me and your desire for Me—and even when that wanes, My love for you is still there in all its strength. I'll keep saying it over and over until you learn it—but please accept it, because once you get this lesson down, everything will be easier.
84. Ask for prayer to be more accepting of My love for you and not to take everything good that happens to someone else as a sign that I love them more than you. I want you to feel secure in My love, because then you'll be much better able to handle the battles that come up, and even the comparisons and the jealousy that you're hit with. If you're fully reassured of My love and believe that I truly do care and am working out the best for you, then you won't worry and fret so and become so shaken over things. It's not that you'll never struggle with comparing again, but your battles with it will be lessened to a greater degree than they have been lessened so far.
85. When it's your natural, inborn tendency to think and perceive things a certain way, it's never easy to get a quick victory. But in the case of overcoming long-term, lifelong habits, such as your comparing, just because the victory doesn't come overnight doesn't make it any less miraculous. In some ways it's more miraculous, because it's not like it was an all-of-a-sudden battle‚ an outside attack that seemed to come from nowhere or that took you by surprise. Rather it's showing My power to overcome even your natural characteristics and instincts‚ which with man is impossible, but not with Me. With Me, all things are possible—even your getting the complete victory over this obsession with comparing.
86. If you're really looking toward Me as much as you should be and if I'm your focus and priority, then what others have or don't have won't matter so much to you; in fact, you won't even notice it as much.
87. Being observant has its good points, but getting into analyzing and criticizing others doesn't. These tendencies are something to pray against. You can't possibly understand every side to every story or situation, so the key is to stop trying to do so. Whenever you find your mind ticking away‚ trying to analyze every part of a situation and figure out why someone did this or that, or where so-and-so is and what they're doing and why, you can be pretty sure that you're going to end up in a negative mind wilderness where you don't want to be.
88. So learn to head those thought patterns off at the pass, before you walk down their path and end up in a miserable place. You hesitate to lose these habits, even though you dislike them and know they're making you unhappy, because they're an inherent part of your nature and you would feel insecure and somewhat lost without them. But I have something much better for you in return, and it's called real‚ true, complete peace and happiness.
89. You can be happy if you choose to be. You can also be miserable, but why would you choose that over the joy and peace I have available for you? In order to receive them, you have to let go of some of your own righteousness or sense of fairness or balance, or your own ideas of how things ought to be and what the ideal is. But I don't ask you to give those up for nothing. I offer you peace that passes understanding in return. I offer you joy that overcomes all sorrows in return. I offer you complete happiness, lightness of spirit, and assurance of My love. How can you turn that down?
90. Why would you want to hang on to your old ways when I have something so much better for you? Please receive and accept what I'm offering you, and hold onto it and value it as the precious gift that it is. (End of message from Jesus)
91. (Louise: ) Here are excerpts of another prophecy that one of our sweet shepherds received for me:
92. (Jesus speaking:) You've made great progress and great strides over these past two years. You've learned to come to Me to receive My words of counsel and advice and to receive My strength and comfort. I've gifted you with a sharp and brilliant mind, which is needed for the work that I've called you to do. But having a sharp mind has its drawbacks. You're quick to observe and see things, but it's also easy for you to analyze and become critical. You must learn to control your mind.
93. You must not allow yourself to analyze things in a critical or negative way, but you must strive to see things in a positive light. And you can do this‚ for I've given you a strong mind. But you must use this strength in a good way, for if you exercise and discipline yourself, you'll be able to keep yourself from falling into a negative or critical channel.
94. Discipline your mind‚ and when you see that you're starting to slip and fall into a negative or critical channel, catch yourself, and don't allow yourself to fall into it. Stop and praise Me and ask Me to help you, and I will. Ask Me to help you see things the way that I see them, and I will show how you should look at it, and it will become more and more of a habit for you to see things more positively.
95. I know this is a fight, but it's one that you can win. Don't be discouraged, but keep fighting. Remember, I allow people to be in certain situations so they can learn the lessons they need to learn. It's not easy, but it's the best situation for them. It's not easy for a soldier to go into battle, but unless he does, he can't truly learn how to fight. It's not easy for a mountain climber to climb high mountains; it takes great effort, but the more he climbs, the more practiced and experienced he becomes. He also becomes stronger, so that future mountains will not be so difficult for him to climb.
96. Don't feel that you haven't made progress, but be encouraged at all the progress you have made. Try not to be critical of yourself, for you must also see yourself in a more positive light. Look back and think how things were and be honest with yourself, and you'll agree that you've grown and made much progress and have learned many valuable lessons. Yes, there's progress yet to be made, but remember, the way that I'm working in your life is through steady and gradual progress. So have faith and patience, and be encouraged.
97. But it would also be good for you to come before the body and ask for prayer‚ for this will show your humility and dependence on Me, and will give you the boost that you need. Don't feel that you've failed or that I haven't been answering your prayers‚ for I have been working in your life and will continue to do so. (End of message from Jesus.)
98. (Louise:) So in summary, my prayer requests are:
mFor a boost to fight negativity and comparing.
mTo really accept and believe in the Lord's love; for faith to believe that He really wants the best for me.
mAgainst being analytical and critical; for the Lord to rewire my thought patterns along those lines, to help me think positively rather than negatively; to learn to discipline my mind and use it the way the Lord wants it to be used.
mFor a fighting spirit and against becoming weary in well doing or discouraged. (End of prayer request shared with Home.)
99. Thank the Lord, a few new personal revelations from Him and that extra prayer‚ plus a determination to be a "new me," really did the trick. Over the past few months I've gotten to the point where I can say I am truly content and don't envy anyone. And for anyone who knows me, that is nothing short of an outright miracle!
100. I don't have delusions about myself and how great I am. I know there are people who are better looking, more talented, stronger spiritually, and on and on the list goes. But that really doesn't get to me. I know that for everything that I see to envy in another person, there's something in their life that I wouldn't wish on myself for anything. One of the things that helped me more than anything was getting to know—and really know—some of the people who I thought I had one or more reasons to envy. I had heard it said many times that "things even out," but I didn't agree. Now, though, I believe it to be true, because of what I've experienced and what I've seen others experience.
101. It's not like I never have a battle of any kind, including a twinge of comparing or envy from time to time. Life is still a struggle in some ways‚ because it is and always will be full of battles and challenges. But it seems so much easier to overcome the obstacles in my path when I'm not despising myself and murmuring about the way I am at the same time. I know I'm a mess, a weak person, flawed, imperfect, not nearly all I am or would like to be. But I also know that I have the power—the Lord's power—to change in many areas—the areas that are really important.
102. I have it straight now as to what counts most and what means most to other people, and most importantly to the Lord. What matters most to me has also changed, thankfully. A large part of my comparing problem was in fact based on the immature mindset of looking too much at the outward appearance and only looking at others and myself in a "skin deep" sense‚ rather than being attuned to the reality beneath that.
103. My relationship with the Lord has become deeper and richer since I finally believe that He really does love me, that He doesn't have anything against me and isn't prejudiced against me or out to punish me for something I did wrong. As for abilities, it's amazing the ways you can improve and the things you can learn when you aren't hampered by the paralyzing "I–can't-itis" born of fear of failure that often accompanies comparing.
104. And, as for the things I can't change about myself, including my looks, I've come to realize through numerous conversations with girls and guys—as well as other forms of interaction‚ ahem—that "it takes all kinds" is more than a cliché. There really are as many ideas of what's perfect or beautiful as there are individuals on our planet, and while I may not fit into everybody's mold‚ there are plenty of people who like me—better yet, who love me. I too am able to love more completely, my relationships with others not being hampered by my envy of their attributes. I can appreciate the good and beautiful in them, thank the Lord for the wonderful ways He made them, and relish our differences, realizing that they're just that—differences—and one isn't necessarily better than the other.
105. (Jesus speaking: )
Sunflower, sunflower, in My heart today‚
Won't you please believe Me?—I love you
in every way.
You wonder why I made you to be the way you are,
But, My sunflower, can't you see‚ none are like you, near or far?
I chose you as My Own, you were fair among them all,
I planted you beside Me, meant you to stand strong and tall.
I could have picked another—a violet, rose
or daisy—
But see, I didn't do that, for 'tis you that I do fancy.
You give such joy to Me, your Lord and loving Carer.
I would not trade you for the world; would not give you up for another.
106. See, My child‚ how I love you? Can you see how I cherish you? Can you see that I created you just the way you are, because that's how I love you? You are as a brilliant bright sunflower that I've planted in the ground. You stand so strong and tall and give glory all around.
107. You may look at the rose and think that flower to be fairer still. Or perhaps you think your fragrance is lacking when compared with this beautiful bloom. Do you look at the violets and marvel at their deep colors and wonder where you went wrong, for you are only yellow? Do you see the tulips that seem so perfect and complete, and wonder why you are not as defined or petite? Perhaps you see the poppies and their soft, sweet petals, and wonder why yours are not more refined? Do you look upon the vines and think that they have a much more simple life—so free from pain or strife—yet they look so majestic and gain ground so quickly?
108. Do you eye the bougainvilleas, the carnations and daffodils and wonder why I've not made you as one of their kind? Well, My darling, I could have made you as any one of these. I could have given you a different color‚ a different shape or size. I could have given you a different smell, a different purpose in life. I could have given you all of this. But see, My child‚ I didn't. I wanted you the way you are—so beautiful and perfect.
109. Yes, you're My gorgeous sunflower that stands erect and tall; you can give shade to the underdog, give joy to one and all. Everyone who looks upon you can see your radiance. They see a special sparkle that was put within by Me. I'm like your Sun, and as long as you look directly into My face, you'll always shine; you'll always reflect that warmth and brightness to others.
110. I've also put little seeds within you that can be given to others around you—these are seeds of love, kindness, compassion, understanding, and joy. You can give these without measure and you don't have to fear that your resources will be depleted, for as long as you look upon My face, they'll be replenished.
111. Sometimes, My sunflower, you forget to look at Me—your Sun—and then you start to droop and get discouraged and full of doubt. I understand that sometimes it's easy to get your eyes on your problems and the things around you—the trials, the negative things—but the cure is so simple, so easy. All you have to do is turn your face once again toward Me—the Sun—and you'll regain your health and beauty once again.
112. Oh, and one more thing: you must always receive My precious Words‚ like water to your soil. Your roots are embedded deep within the ground‚ ready to soak up My Word as I pour it all around. Keep drawing in My Words. Keep taking the minerals and nutrients in. If you do this, you'll always be My strong, tall, brilliant, magnificent‚ love-giving, beautiful reflection—My sunflower. (End of message from Jesus)
113. (Mama:) Here's a written prayer, received from Heaven‚ that those of you who are battling comparing might want to use. Or you could ask the Lord for a prayer of your own!
114. (Prayer:) Thank You, Jesus, for this life that You've given me. Thank You for breathing Your breath of life into me and forming me into the person You wanted me to be. You designed me and You made everything just right, just the way You wanted it to be. I feel so ashamed sometimes because I question You in my heart and I ask, "Why have You made me thus?"
115. I believe Your Word and I believe that You made me just the way You wanted me, so please help me not to listen to the Enemy when he throws these darts of discouragement at me. He tells me that I would be happier if I looked like someone else, or if I had talents like someone else, or if I had the ministry someone else does. He tells me so many things and makes me compare and compare until I'm totally dissatisfied with everything You've given me.
116. Jesus, my dear Husband, You said in Your Word that we are bought with a price and we should glorify You in our bodies and in our spirits. Please help me to do just that. Help me to glorify You and thank You for the many blessings and gifts that You've given me. Take my eyes off of what I think I don't have and lift them up toward Your face so that I can see all of the blessings You have given me. If I do this, I know that I can have perfect faith and trust, knowing that You love me just the way I am; You love me no matter what.
117. Maybe You chose to make me more plain and simple in certain areas of my life so that You could give me more gifts in other areas. Help me to trust in Your goodness, for You are a wise Father, a loving Husband, a righteous Judge, and my Best Friend. Who am I to question Your ways or the manner in which You've designed and created me? I don't want to go on this downward spiral, because I know it will lead to total discouragement and an end to my usefulness for You.
118. I want You to be able to use me to the full. I want to be happy in my service for You, so I ask that You raise a standard against this attack of the Enemy in my life. I don't want this vice of comparing to have a grip on me and hamper and hinder my usefulness in Your Kingdom. Please help me to do my part too and rebuke the Enemy when he comes in with such thoughts and lies. Help me to throw Your Word in his face and stand with conviction on Your promises!
119. I've had enough of comparing‚ and I want to fight! I want to give the Enemy a run for his money and show him that he can't win, because I'm not going to give in. I'm not going to let him destroy my usefulness to You by looking over the fence and always wanting the grass that seems greener. I know that I can't do this on my own, but I can do it with Your help. I can resist these negative thoughts with You by my side because You have the greatest power in all of Heaven and Earth. We're an unbeatable team, and together we can set the Devil on the run.
120. I want to praise You. I want to give thanks to Your Name. I want to glorify You for all of the many blessings You've bestowed upon me, and I don't want to think for even a moment that I would be better off with what someone else has. You know what's best for me, and that's why You designed me the way You did and gave me the individual talents You did. Help me to trust in Your goodness and in Your love and fairness. Help me to trust in the facts of Your Word and not be swayed by my feelings. You love me and You made me just the way You wanted me. Help me not to doubt Your love by comparing with others.
(End of file.)