DO 1778 5/84—A Nightmare on Suffering!
1. I JUST HAD SUCH A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE! IT WAS ALL ABOUT THIS CROOKED TOWN & all these crooked people‚ a crooked mayor & crooked police chief & a crooked sheriff, all of them crooked! At least I was given a chance to fight them—it was almost like a game!—And like the arena & the gladiators, sort of a modern gladiator contest. It was like the wicked System. The Sheriff challenged me to this duel & I beat him, I beat him up & I was trying to get away‚ kind of like fighting & escaping from the System.
2. THERE WAS THIS OLD TOWN, LIKE A GHOST TOWN, VERY DARK & EERY, & THE INHABITANTS WERE TRYING TO PRETEND LIKE THEY WERE ALIVE. The last thing I remember before I woke up, I was screaming, "You're not dying, you're already dead!" They stole my car & they were stealing everybody's cars & the Sheriff was impounding them‚ you know, like one of those illegal small-town administrations you've seen in some movies‚ where the Sheriff is crooked & the Mayor is crooked & everybody is crooked & they're stealing cars & up to all kinds of illegal shenanigans!—And I hadn't drunk a drop!
3. THE DEVIL SURE FIGHTS ME THROUGH SOME OF THESE PEOPLE IN THESE DREAMS! My God! Why do I have to have such horrible dreams? At least I was fighting! I was really yelling, & that's the last thing I remember. It was like a dying ghost town, you know‚ & they were trying to still be something. It was like time had passed them by. The last thing I remember I was yelling, "You're not dying! You're already dead!"
4. (MARIA: HALLELUJAH, HONEY! YOU'RE A FIGHTER!) My God! Why do I have to have such fights in my sleep & in my dreams? Lord Jesus! It was like Hell!—An old, old town but they were still trying to be what they used to be & things had sort of passed them by & it seemed like this super highway had passed them by, so people didn't even stop there anymore. So they were deliberately trying to stop traffic & impound cars & stuff like that to make people stop! It was horrible! It was like the whole place was run by devils! Why do I have to have a dream like that?
5. BUT THERE WAS THIS COMPETITION IN WHICH I WAS GIVEN A CHANCE FOR A FAIR FIGHT AT LEAST‚ & BOY, I WAS REALLY BEATING UP ON THE SHERIFF! And I beat him up & won!—And then I was running through the streets & they were all kind of astonished because they were all in cahoots with the crooked city administration. But they were so amazed that I had sort of foiled their scheme to try to get people to still come to their stinking old town, & I was running & getting away & screaming, "You're not dying!—You're already dead!" It's so symbolic of the System! Well, at least this nightmare really has some meaning!
6. IT WAS LIKE THE SHERIFF WAS THE DEVIL & THE EXECUTIONER! Anyhow, I beat him up & that was satisfying! He was fighting me with this wire & this carpet, he was trying to throw this carpet over me, & I was just given a stick to fight with, & I was poking him in the face & rapping his knuckles until he couldn't even fight anymore!—Then I ran! (Maria: You said it was a chance for a fair fight?—That didn't sound very fair if he had a wire & a carpet & you only had a stick!) Well‚ I mean they thought they were going to win but they didn't!
7. I WAS SO MAD I YELLED, "YOU'RE NOT DYING!—YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!" It was like a dying town, & yet they were trying to revive all these illegal methods & trying to make people stop there by arresting them & impounding their cars & different things.—Like the whole town was under the tyranny & oppression of this crooked administration. There were a few of the citizens that helped me & tipped me off about what they were doing & where they were hiding the cars & things like that. I was trying to find my car.
8. THEY HAD CREATED SOME KIND OF DISTURBANCE OR OBSTRUCTION THAT STOPPED THE TRAFFIC ON THE FREEWAY, so I'd parked my car to go see what it was. But when I got back my car was gone! Then I found out the Sheriff had impounded it, so I was going to look for it. But there was this woman Mayor & she was sneering & leering that I wouldn't find it unless I did what they wanted me to do. They'd hidden them all, but one of the oppressed citizens told me where they were‚ so I was going to find them. But the Sheriff challenged me to this fight & so we were having this fight. So vivid! Oh boy!
9. THE STICK WAS KIND OF A LONG POLE & he had a carpet which he held up for a shield & a wire to try to trap me, but I was poking him in the face with the end of the stick & rapping his knuckles with it until he was just beat up, & then I ran! And that's when I was yelling, "You're not dying! You're already dead!"—And I woke up!
10. (MARIA: WOW! WHAT AN AMAZING PICTURE OF THE SYSTEM!) It's terrible to have a horrible dream like that right in the middle of the night when I was sleeping so good!—Then I woke up & it was like both my arms & my chest were going to sleep! It was just like the Devil was trying to kill me in my sleep, & I really had to pray!—And it's almost like Techi sensed it too, & she was rolling & tossing & squirming & getting up & flopping down in her bed. But when I sort of got the victory & the dream ended, you know, & things were sort of over, she quieted down.
11. WHEN I FIRST WOKE UP, TECHI WAS REALLY ROLLING & TOSSING & WRITHING LIKE SHE WAS WRESTLING WITH THE DEVIL!—But I prayed & she quieted down. She was flinging her arms & her legs around & hitting our bed so hard I was afraid she was going to wake you up. That's why I leaned over & pushed her bed away. (Maria: In that Letter, "Terror By Night", what helped you was when I prayed for you. You're supposed to wake me up.) Honey, I don't think I could ever wake you up unless I was really dying! (Maria: Well, Honey‚ you're supposed to. See, I wake up anyway, so you might as well wake me up immediately when you need me.)
12. (MARIA: IT'S REALLY A GOOD PICTURE OF THE SYSTEM & WHAT YOU DO ALL THE TIME‚ JUST THE WAY THEY TRY TO GET US RIGHT NOW & YOU FIGHT THEM BACK!) It was just like all their citizens were in bondage & terrified!—It was like a reign of terror! But they were thankful I was trying to expose it & fight it & they were trying to help me. What a helluva dream to have in the middle of the night, at 3 o'clock in the morning when I'm trying to sleep! Why would the Lord let me have such horrible dreams? Why do I have to fight the Devil in the middle of the night? It's really discouraging! Well, at least I won! (Maria: Amen! You're winning, that's for sure!)
13. WHAT A TERRIBLE TIME TO HAVE A NIGHTMARE! (Maria: I guess that's the only time the Devil gets a chance to attack you like that.) That's really the only time I'm really all alone it seems. Everybody is asleep & nobody knows what a battle I'm having. (Maria: Maybe the reason it doesn't happen more often is that there is Family all over the World & in some places they're awake right now & probably praying for you.) They sure better be, because I sure get discouraged & think, "Oh my God, how can the Lord love me, to let me have a battle like that in the middle of the night! How can He let the Devil attack me like that?" (Maria: Look how the Devil attacks you all the time & you have to fight him all the time, your whole life is a fight against the Enemy!)
14. IT SEEMS LIKE AT LEAST I COULD HAVE A LITTLE PEACE IN MY SLEEP! (Maria: It seems you do. You don't have nightmares too often.) Well, I've had quite a few, I don't always tell you about them. Not all of them are quite so vivid. (Maria: I think it's a good reminder for the Family to pray for you more.) One reason I drink a little wine in the middle of the night is to drown out those dreams!
15. JESUS, LORD JESUS! I'VE GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP, HONEY! My God, Lord Jesus‚ help me, please help me, Lord! I figure the Lord must not love me, or He wouldn't let me have those horrible nightmares in the middle of the night when I need my rest! Well‚ if the Lord is not going to fight for me, who is going to fight for me? (Maria: You won the battle‚ Honey!) Yes, at least I won, but I lost the sleep! I lost the peace! Don't I do enough all day long without having to go through the torments of Hell all night? My God! Jesus, help me, Lord, in Jesus' name!
16. ISN'T THAT AMAZING‚ TECHI'S BEEN PERFECTLY QUIET & PEACEFUL NOW EVEN WHILE WE'VE BEEN TALKING OUT LOUD, when before she was just rolling & tossing & sitting up & plopping down like she was really having a battle! I had the feeling she was having a nightmare too & the Devil was attacking her.
17. IT'S AMAZING HOW YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH IT ALL! (Maria: I guess it's because you're supposed to wake me up.) But at least you finally did wake up. (Maria: But Honey, you're supposed to wake me up, & that's the part you have to do. You're supposed to wake me up, & then I can fight with you.)
18. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE WHAT'S THE USE OF TRYING NOT TO DRINK‚ WHEN I HAVE NIGHTMARES ANYHOW! (Maria: Honey, the Devil is trying to get you to drink, see, but you have to keep fighting.) It's enough to drive anybody to drink! (Maria: Honey, he tries to get you to. He does all kinds of things like that to get you to drink. Don't you understand? That's probably why he tries that.) Why does the Lord let him? (Maria: Honey, why do we have battles all our life? Why do we have battles all the time? I mean, that's what a major part of our life is all about.)
19. I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY! I'M GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT THAT WHEN I GET THERE! Sometimes it just seems like too much‚ it's too hard! Sometimes it's so hard I feel like quitting, especially in the middle of the night, that's the worst time of day! Three o'clock in the morning, that's the worst hour of the night! Everybody else is sound asleep & here I am wide awake fighting the Devil & the demons of Hell & the nightmare torments! It doesn't seem like it's fair! I thought it said‚ "He giveth His beloved sleep?"—I was so sound asleep having such a good sleep, & then I had this awful nightmare!
20. (MARIA: WELL, I WAKE UP WITH YOU A LOT. I don't usually wake up when you're dreaming because then you're still asleep, but I wake up a lot afterwards & am with you & I try to put you back to sleep & encourage you, & you said that helps.) Thank you, Honey, amen. Seems like it would be better if I could sleep through the night. I have to battle the terrors of Hell in the middle of the night! My God! What horrors!—Like experiencing Hell & what Hell is going to be like!
21. SOME OF THOSE PSALMS DAVID WROTE, IT SOUNDED LIKE HE HAD SOME OF THE SAME BATTLES‚ LIKE HIS SOUL WAS IN TORMENT! I think he said something about "the night visions." Praise God for the Verse, "He will not leave my soul in Hell nor suffer my body to see corruption." Is that what it says? (Ps.16:10) I don't remember my Scriptures much anymore. Well, I remembered them a long time anyway, when I needed them. Thank God, at least our kids have got new Scriptures to help them! (Maria: Amen! TYL!)
22. IF I DON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP I'M GOING TO DRINK TOO MUCH AGAIN! OH MY GOD! THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! I could write new words to that song, "It's Three O'clock In the Morning." The old song says, "It's 3 o'clock in the morning, I've danced the whole night through." I could say, "I've dreamed the whole night through!" Well, I guess it wasn't the whole night but it's bad enough, the worst part of the night is the part I remember. It's horrible, awful!
23. I THINK I KNOW WHAT HELL IS LIKE, IF THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT KIND OF TORMENTING FANTASIES! But why should I have to suffer Hell when I'm supposed to be saved? I thought I was supposed to be saved, & yet it almost makes me even doubt my Salvation & I wonder if the Lord has delivered my soul to Hell! (Maria: Oh Honey, of course you don't doubt your Salvation!)
24. WELL‚ IF THE LORD WANTS ME TO GO THROUGH HELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GO! I thought I was supposed to escape it. But you know what just came to me? It was Techi's banging on the bed that woke me up! She was rolling & tossing & flailing her arms & legs & getting up & plopping down & she kept banging on the bed & jarring the bed, you know‚ from her cot, & that's what woke me up‚ so I guess she was fighting with me!—And the Lord must have used her to wake me up from that horrible nightmare! And right after I woke up then she quieted down & settled down & she's hardly made a move since, like she did her job! She fought with me & woke me up, & then she went back to sleep just as peaceful as can be! (Maria: Then I woke up & took over. Right when you reached over to pray for her, I woke up.)
25. AND I WAS ALL DOWN & DISCOURAGED! THANK THE LORD I WOKE UP OR TECHI WOKE ME UP FROM THAT AWFUL NIGHTMARE! And that ended it, thank the Lord!—Except the horrible aftermath lying here almost terrified! I mean it even makes me afraid to go back to sleep for fear I'll have another one! My God!—What a horror! Why would the Lord let me have to endure things like that? I figure I just must be so bad & wicked that I deserve to be tormented by the Devil! (Maria: Maybe it's for our sakes somehow that you have to go through it.)
26. IT REMINDS ME OF HOW THINGS ARE GOING TO BE—MAYBE I'M GETTING MY TRIBULATION NOW! It's amazing, she's been perfectly quiet ever since! But when I was waking up from that horrible horrible nightmare, she was rolling & tossing & flailing her arms & legs & banging on the bed & getting up & plopping down like she was having a wrestling match! But as soon as I finally had gotten awake, she settled down & went back to sleep, & she's hardly moved a muscle since then! I had the definite feeling she was having a battle too & that she was actually trying to wake me up!
27. THOSE THINGS IN THE SPIRIT ARE SO MYSTERIOUS, IT'S AMAZING! Remember how Davidito used to cry out in his sleep when I was having a battle?—He'd cry out in his sleep! It's just like the things of the spiritual realm are very real & communicative‚ like they know what's going on in the spirit. Lord Jesus, I can't go through any more tonight! Please help me to go to sleep!
28. MAYBE I'M GETTING TORMENTED FOR MY SINS! I GUESS I DESERVE IT! I ENJOY TOO MUCH PLEASURE! I THINK I HAVE IT TOO GOOD BY DAY, SO I HAVE TO SUFFER AT NIGHT! I live days of Heaven & nights of Hell!—Two worlds! I mean it! My days could hardly be more heavenly, but my nights are so hellish I seriously think about staying up all night, but then I'm too tired & I almost fear falling asleep!
29. JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! MY GOD! I DON'T KNOW HOW THE SOULS IN HELL COULD SUFFER ANY MORE THAN HAVING THESE HORRIBLE DREAMS! Jesus help me! My God! Help me‚ Jesus! I have to drink a couple of glasses of wine to get back to sleep! What good does it do me to try to swear off when I can't even go back to sleep?
30. AT LEAST I WAS FIGHTING & I WON! (Maria: Well, keep fighting, Honey!) I really beat the Sheriff up! I guess he must symbolise the Devil, the executioner, the officer of the law! (Maria: Yes, that's the way the Devil is, right? He's the officer of the law, but he is really crooked!) Yes!—He plays it dirty! He just uses the Word. But half of what he says is lies! But why should I have to have these fights in the middle of the night? It seems like I need my sleep! (Maria: You can sleep during the day‚ & you do sleep pretty well then. The Lord knows that at least you can make up for it in the daytime, thank the Lord! Why don't you turn over & let me pet your penie to sleep instead of just drinking any more? I think you'd go to sleep now.) OK, I'll try.
31. IN Jesus' name‚ HELP ME, LORD! Have mercy, have a little pity, Lord, on this poor lump of clay!—In Jesus' name, amen. Do I have to suffer this for them? Is there some reason I have to go through this torture & agony for our children, for the Family? I mean, what is there to benefit? What's the advantage? What's the pay–off? What do they get out of it?—When I'm suffering here alone at night & I have to fight the battle all alone! (Maria: Maybe you're doing it for them so they don't have to. Maybe you're fighting their battles.) My God! The Devil sure plays it dirty!—And he sure attacks when I'm down! Jesus! Praise You Lord! Thank You Jesus!
32. ARE THE BIRDS STILL HERE? I wonder if the cats have chased them away? If the birds weren't here I'd think God wasn't blessing us anymore. Birds are a blessing. No birds, no blessing! What's happened to our birds? (Maria: I think they're still around.) Are you sure? I wonder if the Devil chased them off. (Maria: I don't think so. I remember hearing them just the other morning when I woke up early.)
33. THREE OR FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING SEEMS TO BE MY WORST TIME, when the whole World is sound asleep, including everybody here, & the Devil descends on me while everybody else is asleep! You've been awake with me a whole hour from 3 to 4! Thank you, Honey! I certainly appreciate it. You saved my soul from Hell, from the damned torments of demons!
34. OH JESUS! LORD JESUS! WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THE TORMENTS OF THE DAMNED? (Maria: Jesus suffered for us, maybe you have to suffer, too! Jesus suffered for the World, maybe you have to suffer for us in some way. Maybe it's for the whole Family, so they won't have to suffer so much.) Oh, I'm probably just suffering for my own sins. (Maria: I don't really believe that. I think you're suffering for us.) Because I have it too good. I have it like Heaven in the daytime, so I sleep like Hell at night! Lord Jesus! Have mercy, Lord, please have mercy!
35. OH, THE NIGHTS ARE HELL! BUT IF I CAN JUST GET THROUGH THE NIGHTS, THE DAYS ARE HEAVEN! That's the truth! Well, I guess somebody is praying for me, although it seems everybody is asleep. I try to live for the morning & when the sun chases the demons of Hell away! They don't seem to like the daylight & the beauty of the dawn! (Maria: I wonder if it'd be better if we had a brighter light on?) Well, maybe you're right about the light.
36. AMEN, LORD, HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME, JESUS! (PROPHECY:) "THESE ARE THE TORMENTS OF THE SOUL OF YOUR FATHER & THE HELL THAT DAVID MUST SUFFER!" I guess it's for me, or is it for them? Am I suffering atoning grace for the lost? Am I suffering for the lost? (Maria: Amen, I believe it, Honey!) Jesus saved the lost!—I can't save the lost! (Maria: You've saved a lot of lost!)
37. BUT DO THEY GET GRACE THROUGH MY SUFFERINGS‚ LIKE MARY & THE SAINTS? (MARIA: I BELIEVE IT!) Do I suffer for them? (Maria: Amen, that was my first impression!) I have to atone for their sins? I don't see how it's possible when Jesus already did it, that someone has to suffer for them, pray for them‚ deliver them. (Maria: That's right!) Go through Hell for them? Well‚ if I can deliver them, it's worth it! But it's really a helluva job! My God! It's so horrible! Hell is one helluva place, so if I can even deliver one soul it's worth it! It's worth it all!—Even though I complain about it.—I'm sorry.
38. OH JESUS, HELP ME TO SLEEP‚ IN Jesus' name! You've got to pray, Honey, that I can sleep & get out of this torment! (Maria: I have been praying, Honey‚ I am praying. And you've got to stop drinking & just be quiet & go to sleep.) I can't unless the Lord gives me sleep. (Maria: Well, you have to cooperate because you can't sleep while you're talking & drinking.) I had to tell you. (Maria: I know, you did, amen.) I had to tell you what a Hell it is—my suffering for others or just my own sins. (Maria: Of course you're not suffering for your own sins‚ Honey, you're suffering for others!)
39. MY GOD! WHAT A HELLUVA JOB! LORD FORGIVE ME FOR MURMURING! I'm sorry, because if I can even deliver one soul it's worth it all! But I thought Jesus did it all? Lord, give me a Scripture‚ there must be a Scripture about our vicarious suffering. There must be a Scripture somewhere, why I have to suffer for them. Why do I have to suffer for them? (Maria: I don't know. The only one I can think of is how Christ suffered for us, leaving us an ensample that we should follow His steps. (1Pet.2:21–25) "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth: Who, when He was reviled, reviled not again; when He suffered, He threatened not; but committed Himself to Him that judgeth righteously: Who His Own self bare our sins in His Own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by Whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd & Bishop of your souls.")
40. (TONGUES:) "THE LORD WANTS TO NOW GIVE COMFORT & PEACE TO YOUR FATHER & SEVEN KISSES TO THE SOUL OF DAVID AFTER HIS SUFFERING!" But I thought the Lord did all that? Why should I have to suffer? How can I save anybody? How can my sufferings avail any grace for the lost? Do I have a reserve of grace like Mary & the Saints, that I have to mete out to the lost? (Maria: It must be it's for us or maybe the lost.) Well, I'll tell you, if I could save them any suffering, I'm willing! If it'll just save them & help them, I'll be happy to suffer. The Lord can kill me if He wants to, if it'll save them.—In Jesus' name. I mean that! If I have to go to Hell & suffer so they can be saved such suffering, then it's worth it! That's worth it. (Maria: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.") (Jn.15:13)
41. (TONGUES: ) "SUCH ARE THE SUFFERINGS OF YOUR FATHER, THE TORMENTS OF THE DAMNED‚ OF DAVID, THAT HE MAY HAVE GRACE FOR THEM WHICH NEED GRACE & SALVATION TO THEM THAT NEED TO BE SAVED." Praise You Jesus! Thank You Jesus! In Jesus' name. Amen.
42. I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD SAVE ANYBODY! (MARIA: OF COURSE YOU DID, HONEY!—LOOK WHAT YOU DID WITH THE CHINESE SPIRITS!) (See No.1264) But I have, I guess, in prayers. But how could these torments that I suffer save anybody? (Maria: Well‚ look how you asked the Lord to take on my sickness that time & the Lord let you be sick for me. Remember? You got sick instead of me.)
43. JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! HELP ME, LORD. IF I'M SUFFERING FOR THEM, LORD, IT'S WORTH IT ALL! If I'm suffering the torments of the damned so they can be saved, Lord, it's worth it all!—In Jesus' name. Praise You Lord! Thank You Jesus! Hallelujah! Then it's worth it all! Thank You Jesus! Praise You Lord! Hallelujah! Thank You Lord! There's a Verse about it that keeps escaping me, something about suffering for their sins. I love you! Praise You Lord! Thank You Jesus! There's something there about it, I'll have to think about it.
44. (TONGUES:) "SUCH ARE THE WORDS & THE LEADINGS OF YOUR FATHER & THE KISSES WITH WHICH I COMFORT DAVID." In Jesus' name. Well, I don't seem to be very comfortable, but I guess I am. It's better than being in Hell or in those hellish nightmares! In Jesus' name. Good night‚ Sweetheart. We've got to go to sleep. I think I'm too tired to be terrorised again. I love you, Sweetheart. In Jesus' name. Thank You Lord! I love you, Sweetheart. Good night, Honey!
45. MY SOUL HAS SUFFERED THE PAINS OF HELL! (Ps.116:3,7,9) "The sorrows of death compassed me‚ & the pains of Hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble & sorrow...Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee...I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living." HAL! TYJ! Tx!
46. THOSE PSALMS OF DAVID SOUND LIKE HE REALLY WENT THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW?—But why? I don't understand, when the grace of God through Jesus is supposed to be enough. Why should we have to suffer? Why do the Saints have to suffer?
47. OH JESUS, PRECIOUS LORD, HELP ME, LORD, IN Jesus' name! PLEASE HAVE MERCY & GIVE ME SOME SLEEP! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Lord Jesus, have mercy! My God! When I have a night like this, it's Hell in the night & Hell tomorrow! My God! I don't know why He doesn't just take me! (Maria: Maybe you couldn't be of so much help over there as you are here.) I'm not much help here when I suffer like this! (Maria: Well, that's just what the Lord has been trying to show you, that you are a help & you're helping by your sufferings.)
48. I DON'T KNOW HOW MY SUFFERINGS COULD COUNT ANY WHEN THE LORD ALREADY PAID IT ALL! But there is a lot in the Bible about suffering. I don't know why‚ but...Some people have their Hell now, & I guess some people have it tomorrow. (Maria: "That I may know Him, & the power of His resurrection, & the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death." (Phil.3:10)) Do you have a "MOP" category on suffering? (Maria: On tests & trials & suffering, yes‚ amen! We have one on comfort, too.) I'll have to look it up.—Tx! GBY!—ILY! Thanks for suffering with me! ILY! GBAK us, in Jesus' name, amen!