KEYWORDS: techi, absalom, solomon, boy, david, hair

Bad Absalom

David Berg

—What's Your Hang-Up?Techi, Chapter 51DO 175324/5/81

—A Grandpa Story to Techi!


1. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TELL YOU A STORY? I'm sorry but this story is about a little bad boy. Now you've heard lots of stories about good boys. But once in awhile we have to hear a story about a bad boy or bad people because that helps us appreciate being good! Right? King David had a lot of sons & most of them were very good boys‚ especially Solomon. Remember Solomon?—The wisest man in the World? He got to be king after his Daddy David died.

2. REMEMBER, HE WAS THE SON OF BATHSHEBA, that pretty woman that King David saw taking a bath in her garden, from the top of the king's palace. The king was out walking for a breath of fresh air on top of his palace, his great big castle‚ & he looked over the wall, & down into the garden of the little house next door & there was a beautiful woman taking a bath all naked! Her maid was taking jars of water & pouring them over her because way back then they didn't have running water, they just had water that they brought from the spring or from the well.

3. THEY'D BRING UP A BUCKET OF WATER FROM THE WELL & SHE'D STAND OUT THERE IN A SORT OF A POND, you know, & they'd pour the water over her so she could wash herself. So she was taking this kind of a shower, a bath, while King David was looking off his roof & he saw this beautiful woman. It'd be easy to remember her name because she was taking a bathBathsheba. Bathsheba, isn't that a good name for a pretty lady taking a bath naked? Bathsheba!

4. SO KING DAVID, HE LOOKED AT THIS PRETTY GIRL, WHEW! (Whistles!) Wow! What a woman! He saw that pretty girl down there taking a bath & he fell in love with her! And later on he married her & she became his queen & she had a little baby boy. (Techi: She's a good queen?) She was a good queen!

5. AND SHE HAD A GOOD LITTLE BABY BOY CALLED SOLOMON! (Techi: But bad queens are bad.) Bad queens are bad, but she was a good queen. And Solomon was a good boy because he became the king after David, his father‚ David, like me. (Techi: He was a good king!) Yes, he was a good king like David. And after his daddy David died he became the king of the kingdom of God! (Techi: That little boy like that?) Well, when he grew up. First he was like you, & then he grew up real big to be a big boy. (Techi: Like that.) And do you know what he did?

6. HE DIDN'T ASK GOD FOR RICHES, he didn't ask God for power, he didn't ask God for women, he didn't ask God for pleasure & all these things, he just asked God for wisdom! Wisdom to make him smart!—To make him bright & understand things. And you know, because he just asked God for wisdom to be smart, to have a good bright mind & brain, God made him so smart he got all of these things! (1Kgs.3:5-14)

7. HE GOT VERY RICH & HE GOT VERY POWERFUL, big & strong, & he became the king & he made a big kingdom & he had lots of beautiful women & wives like Daddy has here. And he got so smart he wrote a whole book! In fact, he wrote three Books in the Bible: Proverbs, Ecclesiastes & the Song of Solomon! He wrote three Books in the Bible, David's good son Solomon!

8. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? DAVID HAD ANOTHER SON BY A BAD WOMAN THAT WASN'T SO GOOD AS BATHSHEBA. And you know what? His name was Absalom. Can you say Absalom? (Techi: Absalom.) Absalom, that's right! Do you want to hear about the little boy that got his hair hung up in the tree?

9. ABSALOM WAS A NAUGHTY BOY! He was naughty because his Mama didn't teach him to respect his father. And he didn't say "Yes‚ Sir" to his Daddy like you do & David does & Davida does. He didn't say "Yes, Sir" to his Daddy or his Grandpa & he didn't obey & he was naughty & he wouldn't take his nap when he was supposed to & wouldn't eat his dinner like he should & he was always doing naughty things & he was very jealous!

10. (TECHI: BUT I'M GOOD!) Yes, you're good, but he was a bad boy & he was doing naughty things. He wasn't good like you. (Techi: And Bathsheba is good.) Bathsheba was good too.—A pretty naked woman in the garden taking a bath, & David fell in love with her & they had a little boy named Solomon, who was a good boy.

11. BUT THIS OTHER WOMAN, HIS OTHER WIFE‚ HAD A BAD BOY NAMED ABSALOM. And Absalom was older than Solomon. He was a big strong tough mean fellow, really mean! And he was jealous of Solomon because David his father was going to make Solomon the king. (Techi: And Solomon baby was good.) Baby Solomon was good! And Absalom didn't like little baby Solomon & he didn't want him to be king. So he didn't even want his father David to still be king!

12. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID? HE GOT A BUNCH OF BAD MEN TOGETHER WITH SWORDS & SPEARS & he raised up a whole army against his own father! Isn't that bad? Terrible? (Techi: Yes!) But he was a very handsome man, very beautiful, & he had big long blond hair, very long, almost down to his waist. (Techi: But your hair is just cut.) Well, he didn't cut his hair because he was so proud of his hair & he went prancing around everywhere showing his pretty hair to everybody & he was so proud of his hair!

13. HE WOULD GO OUT ON HORSEBACK RIDING THROUGH THE TOWN SHOWING HIS HAIR TO EVERYBODY so that all the women would love him & all the men would admire him, & finally he got up this big army against his Daddy & he drove his Daddy out of the house, out of the palace & off his throne & he drove him clear out of the city, out of the gate, & he drove him across the river into the desert with poor Bathsheba & poor little baby Solomon! But Solomon was about David's age then, he was about six or seven years of age. (Techi: And Bathsheba?) And Bathsheba.

14. AND THEY HAD TO WADE ACROSS THE RIVER, swim across the river with all their friends & their soldiers & King David's army. (Techi: And King David?) And King David. (Techi: And everybody?) King David & Bathsheba & Solomon & all their friends & soldiers—bad Absalom drove'm right out of Jerusalem, right out of the city! (Techi: The wicked people!) The wicked people, yes! Led by wicked Absalom! But wait till you hear what happened to Absalom!

15. DO YOU WANT TO FINISH THE STORY ABOUT ABSALOM?—The boy who caught his hair in the tree? (Techi: Yes!)—OK. He was a very bad boy for driving his father off the throne & out of the house & out of the city‚ out of the gate & across the river & way out into the woods in the wilderness. He drove his father‚ David, & Bathsheba, his stepmother‚ & his little half-brother Solomon & all their friends & soldiers way across the river into the wilderness. Oh my!

16. (TECHI: THAT'S BAD! THAT HE DROVE THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE & HE TAKE OUT OF THE THRONE!) Yes, he stole his father's throne, that big chair that kings sit in, you know? Like Daddy's chair? Remember how I set you in my chair with me the other night & I said, "I'm gonna set you down with me in my throne, like Jesus says that He sat down with His Father in His throne!—And like we're going to sit down with Jesus in His throne someday." Isn't that wonderful? Just like little children.

17. (TECHI: AND WE DON'T GO IN THE CITY & EVERYTHING & WICKED PEOPLE!) No, no, not the bad wicked people! (Techi: We don't go to Solomon's wicked people!) To Absalom's wicked people. Solomon's people were good. Don't get'm mixed up! Absalom was the bad boy. Can you say Absalom? (Techi: Absalom.) And the good boy was Solomon. (Techi: Yes.) Can you say Solomon? (Techi: Solomon. And Bathsheba was good too.) Good queen Bathsheba, that's right. She was a good queen. (Techi: And David was good too.) And David was a good king.

18. AND WHICH WAS THE BAD BOY? (Techi: Solomon.) No, no, Absalom. (Techi: Absalom.) And which was the good boy? (Techi: Solomon.) Solomon! (Techi: I get it too mixed up.) Yes. Well, I'll ask you again. Was Absalom good or bad? (Techi: Good.) No‚ he was the bad one. (Techi: Bad.) Ha! We get a little mixed up.

19. "AB" SOUNDS KIND OF LIKE "BAD," DOESN'T IT? Absalom, Absalom. He was Absalom, bad Absalom. We'll say it that way, bad-Absalom. Can you say bad-Absalom? (Techi: Bad Absalom.) And Good Solomon? (Techi: Good Solomon.) Good Solomon & good King David & good Queen Bathsheba & good Solomon & bad-Absalom. Their names sound a little bit alike.

20. BUT BAD ABSALOM, HE DID ALL THOSE WICKED NAUGHTY BAD THINGS to his father & his stepmother & his little stepbrother Solomon, drove'm out of the city, off the throne & into the wilderness! They had to swim across the river! (Techi: And they stole every every people.) He stole all of his people, that's right! He stole the city & he stole the people & he stole the whole country! (Techi: And they stole the city!) Yes!

21. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR HOW ABSALOM GOT HUNG IN THE TREE BY HIS HAIR? OK‚ we're almost done with the story & then you can rest & go to sleep, OK? (Techi: OK.) Is Daddy's story too long? (Techi: Yes.) Daddy's story's too long. I know. OK. I'll make it very short.

22. SO AFTER BAD ABSALOM DID ALL THOSE NAUGHTY THINGS to his father & his mother & his little brother, you know what? He was riding proudly along with his soldiers, he was going to go to make a battle, a war against his father, & he was going to try to kill his father David & his mother & little brother‚ but do you know what God let happen? Would you like to know what happened? (Techi: Yes!)

23. HE WAS RIDING UNDER A TREE ON A DONKEY going to war to kill his father. (Techi: Solomon was a good boy.) Solomon was the good boy. He was way off in the wilderness, thank God, with his mother & father where bad Absalom couldn't get him. So bad Absalom, he wasn't satisfied... (Techi: Absalom was bad & he got caught.) That's right, you wait & see.

24. SO HE WASN'T SATISFIED TO HAVE THE THRONE & THE PALACE... (Techi: Absalom gets caught!) How did you know? (Techi: By the tractor.) The tree. By the tree. Let me tell you. He wasn't even satisfied having the throne & the palace & the city & the gates & the walls & the whole country & all the people! (Techi: Absalom got caught by the tree there.) Yes!

25. AND SO HE WAS GOING TO GO & MAKE WAR WITH HIS FATHER & try to kill his own Daddy & Mommy & little brother, isn't that horrible? (Techi: Yes.) Bad wicked bad Absalom! (Techi: He's going to get a spanking!) Yes, he got worse than that! You know what happened? He was riding on his little donkey under the tree & all of a sudden‚ watch what happened!

26. HIS HAIR GOT CAUGHT RIGHT UP IN THE TREE LIKE THAT! His hair right up in the tree! (Techi: He got a spanking!) And it was worse than a spanking because he caught his hair right up in the tree like that! (Techi: Spanking like that!) Yes, God was giving him a spankin'! He got his hair caught up in the tree like this, like I get my hair caught in the curtain like this?

27. AND THE LITTLE DONKEY DIDN'T KNOW IT & he kept going right on, trit-trot trit-trot trit–trot trit-trot & walked right out from underneath him & left Absalom hangin' there from the tree like this by his hair! Absalom was just hanging there by his hair! Just hangin' there by his hair!—That hair he was so proud of & so vain about & that hair he was always showing off to everybody!

28. THAT HAIR THAT HE WAS ALWAYS SO PROUD OF & showing everybody & so vain about, he got it caught up in the tree when he rode under the tree & the little donkey rode right on out from underneath him. (Techi: He go clip-clop like that.) Clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop. (Techi: And he went far away!) And he went & he left Absalom hanging right there in the tree by his hair! (Techi: And he get his feet hanging.)

29. AND HE HUNG THERE TILL HE DIED because he was such a bad naughty boy who didn't love & honour his father, & who didn't love & honour his mother & brother, so the Lord just let him get hung up in the tree! He had a real bad hang-up, huh? He was hung–up on his hair! You know‚ there are some people hung-up on their hair! (Techi: And God go spank, spank‚ spank!) Yes, God went spank, spank, spank by gettin' him caught with his hair in the tree!

30. SOME PEOPLE ARE HUNG UP ON THEIR HAIR, some people are hung up on their beauty, some people are hung up on clothes, & some people are all hung up on food, & some people get hung up on movies & dancing & a lot of things that are all right except if you get hung–up on'm.—If you like'm too much, more than Jesus.—If you like anything more than Jesus. (Techi: Jesus goes spank, spank, spank!)

31. JESUS WENT SPANK, SPANK, SPANK & ABSALOM GOT CAUGHT BY HIS HAIR RIGHT UP IN THE TREE, right up in the tree like that! Just hanging by his hair! Would you like to see a little bit what it feels like to be hanging by your hair? Ooohhh! It doesn't feel good, does it, when Daddy grabs your hair & picks up even your head by your hair! It hurts, doesn't it? (Techi: Yes.)

32. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF NOT JUST YOUR HEAD WAS HANGING BY YOUR HAIR LIKE THIS, but if your whole body & everything was hanging by your hair? It really hurt him, huh? And it hurt him so bad he hung there till he died! In fact, I could tell you some more of the story but we don't have time right now. (Techi: Jesus went spank‚ spank, spank like that!) Oh boy, that was a bad spankin', huh? (Techi: And Solomon get...) No not Solomon, Absalom! Bad Absalom. Absalom got hung by his hair. Absalom. (Techi: And Absalom go...) That's right, Absalom! Solomon was the good boy. (Techi: And Absalom got hung...) Hung by his hair like that.

33. AND WHEN YOU GO SEE DORA NOW YOU CAN TELL HER A NEW STORY THAT YOU LEARNED FROM DADDY! She never told you that one, did she? (Techi: I want to sleep in here a little while‚ OK?) OK, yes, you can sleep in here a little while. (Techi: In the big bed.) All right. God bless you! Let's pray now. XXX!

34. DEAR JESUS, NOW I LAY ME...can you say that little prayer? Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray You‚ Lord, my soul to keep. (Techi: Soul to keep.) If I should die... (Techi: If I should die.) Before I wake... (Techi: Before I wake.) I pray You, Lord... (Techi: I pray You Lord.) My soul to take.

35. BLESS MOMMY & DADDY & ALL OF US, IN JESUS' NAME! And help me take a good nap. (Techi: And help me to take a good nap.) And be a good girl here in Mommy & Daddy's trailer. (Techi: And be a good girl in Mommy & Daddy's trailer.) In Jesus' name. (Techi: In Jesus' name. Amen.) Amen. XXXXXXX! I love you!

36. JESUS BLESS & KEEP HER SAFELY TO HAVE A GOOD SLEEP! (Techi: Go in the big bed now.) OK. I'll go get in my bed, & you stay here in your little bed. (Techi: Mommy will get in here in a few minutes.) Mommy will be in here in a few minutes, yes. And Sue's taking care of us right now while Mommy's gone. OK? Sue takes care of you & me. You & Daddy too, see? (Techi: When Mommy's gone & everybody's not here.)

37. SEE, DADDY'S GOT LOTS OF GOOD WIVES TO TAKE CARE OF HIM! He's got Mommy, your Mommy, & he's got Sue to take care of him when Mommy's not here‚ & she takes very good care of Daddy & you & me. OK? (Techi: But not Mommy.) Oh, she takes better care of Mommy than almost anybody! (Techi: She was gone here.) Oh yes, Mommy's not here right now. But when Mommy gets back Sue takes good care of her & feeds her good & fixes her meals for her & tells her what to eat.

38. (TECHI: LOOK AT MY PANTS!) Look at your pants! Where are your pants? (Techi: In there.) Oh, I think those are Mommy's pants. (Techi: Oh yes.) Yours are hanging right there, see'm? Right there. And your little tennies are there. Now you get your little hiney under the covers & get back in bed & go to sleep. OK? You be a good girl now & take a nap. I love you! XXXXX!

39. JESUS BLESS & KEEP HER & HELP HER TO HAVE A GOOD SLEEP, IN JESUS' NAME! Amen. (Techi: What is that under the pillow?) I don't know, Honey. What is it? It's just a bunch of cover, that's all. There you are. Now lie down. Lie down & go to sleep. (Sings: )

40. "GO TO SLEEP, MY HONEY. GO TO SLEEP‚ MY DEAR! SLEEP, HONEY DEAR! Go to sleep, my Honey! Go to sleep‚ my Dear! Sleep Honey Dear!

Sweetest little Techi

Anybody knows,

Don't know what to call her

But she's mighty like a rose!

Lookin' at her Daddy,

Eyes so shinin' new!

Makes you think that Heaven's comin'

Mighty close to you!



Sleepin' with her tousled head,

She's such a pearl!

She's gonna dream about angels too

And Jesus takes good care of you.

She's gonna have a little good sleep too,

That's my Techi girl!

Sweetest little girl,

Anybody knows,

Don't know what to call her

But she's mighty like a rose!

Lookin' at her Daddy,

Eyes so smilin' new,

Makes you think that Heaven's comin'

Mighty close to you!


Though you're only two‚ Honey girl!—

There's no way of knowing,

There's hardly any way of showing,

How much you mean to me, Honey girl!

When there are grey skies,

I don't mind the grey skies,

You make them blue, Honey girl!

When there are grey skies‚

I don't mind those grey skies,

You make them blue, Honey girl!

I love you, yes I do!

I love you, yes I do!





Sleepin' for her Daddy,

Eyes so nicely shut,

Makes you think that Heaven's comin'

Mighty close to you!

Climb upon the bed, Honey girl.

Though you're only two, Honey girl!

I've no way of showing,

You've no way of knowing,

What you mean to me, Honey girl!

When there are grey skies,

I don't mind the grey skies‚

You make them blue, Honey girl!

When there are grey skies,

I don't mind the grey skies,

You make them blue, Honey girl!"

Now I want to sing you a little song about Jesus! (Sings: )



There will no fears alarm me.

There He will give sweet rest!

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

Oh, how my soul is blest!

Safe in the arms of Jesus,

There He will give me sweet sweet rest!"

Amen? (Techi: Amen!) OK, Sweet Baby!

45. (TECHI: I WANT TO GO BACK TO DORA.) OK, all right, you go back & sleep with Dora now. Dora's waiting for you, she's lonesome. She wants you to come sleep with her, that's good. Bye-bye! Say bye-bye to Daddy. (Techi: Bye-bye.) I love you. XXX! Can you say "I love you"? (Techi: I love you.) Did you like the story? (Techi: Yes.) OK, Sweet Baby! Here you go. You can come sleep with us another time. OK! There we are! (That night at the dinner table Dad & Techi review the story:)

46. DID YOU HAVE A BIBLE STORY THIS AFTERNOON? (Techi: Yes we did!) And what was it about? (Techi: Solomon!) Solomon! And what was Solomon, the good boy? And who else? Ab... (Techi: ...salom. Bad boy!) He was a bad boy! What happened to him? (Techi: He got caught by a tree!) He got caught by a tree! How about that!

47. THERE'RE A LOT OF POLICEMEN IN THE WORLD, BUT ABSALOM GOT CAUGHT BY A TREE!—One of God's trees just standing there! (Techi: Yes he did, because he was a wicked boy!) A very wicked boy! (Techi: God gave him...) (Techi slaps hands together to illustrate a spanking! Spank‚ spank, spank!) That's right! That's sure right! (Techi: Then he died!) He did! He sure deserved it though, didn't he? (Techi: Because he was a bad boy! And Solomon was a good boy!) That's right!

48. I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE MANY STORIES ABOUT BAD BOYS, but poor Sue's hair got caught on the handle of the door, so I began telling her, "Did you hear about the bad boy who got his hair caught in the tree?" She hadn't heard that one, so I thought, "Well, here's one I can tell her!" (Techi: The wicked boy was Absalom!) Yes, the wicked boy was Absalom, that's for sure!

49. WHAT DID HE DO THAT WAS BAD? (Techi: He died!) I know he died, but why did he die? (Techi: Because he was a wicked boy!) And what made him so wicked? What did he do that was so bad? (Techi: He stole the king...) He stole the kingdom, that's right! She figured that out. He stole the kingdom. From whom? (Techi: From David.) From David! What was David? (Techi: The good father!) The good father, king, & he stole the kingdom from his father David.

50. AND WHO WAS THE QUEEN? (Techi: A good queen.) A good queen. And when David first saw her what was she doing? (Techi: She was washing up!) That's right! She was washing up! And did she have any clothes on? (Techi shakes her head no.) And where was King David? (Techi: In the palace.) Whereabouts in the palace? (Techi: Up on the roof!) That's right! (Techi: Not in the castle, but King David couldn't see her like that.) No.

51. AND HOW DID SHE GET HER WATER FOR HER BATH? Did she just turn on a faucet? (Techi: No, she just go whissh! Like that!) The maid just poured it on her, didn't she? Yes, just like that! (Techi: And pour it like that.) So David fell in love with her & they got married‚ right? And they had that cute little boy named... (Techi: Solomon!) Who was the good boy, right? (Techi: And the big boy's name Solomon was punishing her.) Absalom! Absalom! Absalom! They're kind of similar, those names: Ab-sa–lom, Sol-o-mon. See? Absalom is the bad boy. Solomon is the good boy.

52. AND WHAT DID DAVID & BATHSHEBA & SOLOMON HAVE TO DO when Solomon was only about as big as David here? (Techi: The little baby was Solomon.) Yes, & what happened when Absalom chased him off the throne & out of the house? (Techi: She would go...) (Techi: slaps hands together again like spanking!) Yes! And chased them out of the city, Absalom the bad boy chased his daddy! (Techi slaps hands again.) Yes, he got that finally. But what did he do first? What did they have to cross?

53. DAVID & BATHSHEBA & SOLOMON ALL HAD TO CROSS SOMETHING after they got out of the city to go out in the wilderness. (Techi: And there was a father there.) The father & the mother‚ Bathsheba, & they had to swim across what? (Techi: And there was a little baby too.) Yes, a river. They swam across the river to get away from bad Absalom. They had to go way out in the wilderness. 'Cause bad Absalom stole his throne, his daddy's chair, his daddy's house & his daddy's people & his daddy's... (Techi: But not yours!) Not mine, no. Not mine. They've tried it, but they haven't succeeded yet. TTL!

54. (TECHI: ABSALOM IS NOT HERE!) (Sara: No, Solomon & Absalom aren't here.) No, thank God Absalom's not here. Solomon's not here either‚ but we'll see him later probably—I hope! (Techi: But Absalom is not here, right now.) I didn't think it was wise to go into all the details, but I tried to hit the high spots. Solomon was a good boy for a long time. I don't want to disillusion her. (Techi: But Solomon was a bad boy after & he get: Slaps hands again!) Well, that's true too. How did you know that? Has she been told that? (Dora: No. Well‚ not here!) So that's the story of Bad Absalom! Wasn't he a bad boy?—Are YOU a good child?—Or will you get hung-up on something being bad? I hope not! GBAKY GOOD!