DO 1407Tropix, 14/2/83
1. I WAS PRAYING ABOUT MY CONDITION. Usually when I'm sick, the first thing I think of is, "Lord, what have I done? What am I guilty of? What am I suffering this from? What am I being punished for? What am I being chastised for? What do I have to repent & be forgiven for in order to be healed?"
2. I HAVEN'T EXACTLY GOT THE ANSWER YET BUT IT'S ON ITS WAY! I was discussing with you early this morning that you'd better go out & find a graveplot & select a funeral home, because if any bite was apt to be my last or even any swallow—because liquids were even beginning to go down slow—I thought this might be it! I just hoped I could get this Book of the Future done before my future ends‚ & I was pretty discouraged about it, as you recall.
3. WELL, WE KNOW I'M GOING TO GO SOMEDAY, sooner or later, but the Lord did promise years ago that He would not suffer me to be cut off before my time, whatever my time is. Of course, sometimes lately I've felt like it was almost come! But anyhow‚ I was praying about that & thinking, "Now Lord, what would be Your time for me? Surely You wouldn't want me cut off before my job was done or before some of these major projects are accomplished."
4. AND AS I THOUGHT THAT I WAS NEAR DEATH & DYING RECENTLY, gradually choking or gagging to death by some device of the Devil, I was asking the Lord, "Lord, why? You said You'd not allow me to be cut off before my time. What particular good purpose could my death now accomplish?" You've got to look at things in an analytical way sometimes. What's the alternative? What are the pro's & con's? What points are in favour of my death right now?—None!
5. "BEFORE I ACCOMPLISH THIS MAJOR BIBLE STUDY PRODUCTION & PUBLICATION WHICH HAS BEEN THE AIM OF ALMOST MY LIFETIME OF BIBLE STUDY, a proper order of events & their Scriptures in a handy little booklet for almost anyone to enjoy or use, study or memorise, all the Scriptures relating to these subjects, what could You possibly find advantageous in my death at this particular time? What have I done that's so serious that You want to cut me off now before I'm finished? If it's You, Lord‚ are You trying to punish me or judge me for past sins?"—And I know I've committed plenty of'm, made lots of mistakes, gross errors‚ misjudgements, & if anybody's made any mistakes, I certainly have! Although, thank God, I have done a few good things, as is manifest by the Family & millions of souls saved, thank the Lord!
6. THE DEVIL GETS ME DOWN ONCE IN AWHILE & TELLS ME THAT GOD IS ABOUT TO CLOBBER ME BECAUSE OF MY SINS! He is certainly the Accuser of the Saints! Like he did that time in Portugal when I was sick ("Discouragement" No.1376) & I asked the Lord how could He possibly use me, maybe I was a total failure, & then He gave me those Scriptures about the Tree of Life: "The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life & he that winneth souls is wise." (Pr.11:30) So He was showing me that I wasn't foolish & I was wise & I was righteous & I was a good tree, I was having good fruit, a Tree of Life with good fruit, & that the Devil was lying to me!
7. I SAID, "WELL, LORD, THEN WHAT IS HAPPENING? Why am I suffering like this, so that first of all I began having difficulty swallowing a few years ago?" This occurred even as far back as Tenerife‚ if you recall, I began having difficulty swallowing & had coughing spells. And later when I was examined by the specialist in Switzerland, they said I had this little protuberance on my epiglottis or whatever it is, called a diverticula, sort of like a little growth, but that it was benign, it was not malignant, it was not a cancer. And even as he said, it has not seemed to grow or get any worse over the years since then, & that was 1978.
8. SO HE GAVE ME ALL THOSE TESTS & ALL THOSE X-RAYS & you saw the movies of it, you stood right there & watched it. As I swallowed you could see the stuff go down & the way it acted, etc. And although things still catch a little bit in my throat—especially hard objects like peanuts & grainy things, they give me a little problem in my throat—my throat has not been the major problem lately. I've learned how to live with it.
9. IT CAUSES THINGS TO GET CAUGHT & water to apparently trickle down my trachea sometimes, my windpipe, instead of going down my esophagus, because of its not exact closure there in swallowing, so that sometimes I'll get things down my windpipe instead of down my gullet or food pipe like I should, & that gives me a little coughing spell‚ but usually not too serious & not too bad, TTL! I have learned to live with it & deal with it & sort of get used to it‚ maybe that's why I haven't necessarily had the faith for healing from it. But it in the past it made it sometimes a little difficult to swallow some things.
10. BUT MY MOST RECENT TROUBLE, OF COURSE, AS YOU KNOW, HAS BEEN THAT IT SEEMS THAT MY ESOPHAGUS IS BEGINNING TO CLOSE UP—the food pipe or gullet, as it's commonly called, the esophagus as it's technically called, the food pipe which goes from my mouth into my stomach. Somewhere just before it gets to my stomach it has been somehow or another seeming to close up & getting tighter & tighter, until it has become difficult for any large pieces of food or rough tough pieces of food like meat to pass this particular area of the lower end of my esophagus & through that particular stomach valve into my stomach. I've forgotten the name of that particular valve. It's the first one. It's not the duodenal valve which leads out of the stomach into the bowel, where most people have their trouble‚ that's not apparently where I'm having my trouble, but it is in the aperture & valve area that leads from the esophagus into the stomach.
11. SO AS YOU KNOW, I WAS QUITE DISCOURAGED ABOUT THIS THE OTHER NIGHT & I said, "You'd better get a funeral parlour & a gravesite picked out‚ this is as good a country as any to die in, & I guess I'm almost finished, one of these days is going to be my last swallow or my last bite, because sometimes even liquids are going down slowly!" I could swallow them well enough & easily enough‚ but as they approached my stomach they would slow down, & bites of harder substances sometimes would actually get stuck! As you know, I would have to sometimes throw up in order to get rid of the food that was actually blocking the passage entirely & would not go down or come up. I was in actual pain, almost agony, when sometimes those blockages occurred & the passage was blocked & the bite of food was stuck & I wouldn't be relieved until I had thrown up.
12. THIS DID NOT BEGIN UNTIL AFTER WE WENT TO FRANCE. I hadn't had any trouble along that line before. But I had my first occurrence of that, as I recall, when sitting there one night after about a 9-hour period of study & work without eating & very tired. I can think of all kinds of normal natural excuses for it, but as we later learned—at least, it seemed to be the interpretation of what was happening—the Devil was literally attacking me in this area!—By the Sphinx! (See "The Talisman‚" No.1369.)
13. IT OCCURRED RIGHT AFTER TIM LEFT US & PETER CAME, & DURING MY VERY FIRST INTERVIEW WITH PETER, the first time I ever had a chance to sit down & talk to him, after a long day's work when I was very tired & we needed to have this business conference of what to do now that Tim was gone. I think I was explaining why we had to move, etc., because of security. Remember‚ I was sitting in my chaise lounge & one of the girls had brought me this delicious plate of creamed tuna on toast, something that I really enjoy & usually can eat very easily, & while I was eating it, all of a sudden right in the middle of the meal for no apparent reason whatsoever it just wouldn't go down, & for a few moments it wouldn't come up either, & it was very painful—stuck!
14. AND AS YOU RECALL, I THREW UP THEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF PETER, which was very embarrassing in our first conference & first talk‚ first interview! Here was his Prophet sick & throwing up right in his face almost! Well, he was very patient & understanding & sympathetic, but it was extremely embarrassing & I certainly can't see any particular good that came from it except to keep me humble! So I think we agreed it was a sort of an attack of the Devil. We tried to think of natural causes—I was very tired & it had been a long time since I'd eaten last, my stomach was quite empty & all those things—but nothing seemed to really explain it.
15. WELL‚ AS YOU KNOW, THAT HAS HAPPENED OCCASIONALLY SINCE THEN. I could almost count on my two hands the few times it has happened‚ thank the Lord! In those days in France‚ one of the next times it happened was when we were at the airport with the boys & I choked on that french-fried potato, it wouldn't go down or come up either one! It's not a matter of actually choking‚ that's the thing that I've been studying & analysing & praying about lately, & the strange interpretation that the Lord gave me is something really peculiar! It may be hard for you to believe & I still don't quite understand it all, but it has something to do with the future, believe it or not! It's oddly enough like a prophecy! We're talking about prophecy, aren't we? Bible Prophecy & the future!
16. BUT AT THAT TIME IT DID NOT OCCUR UNTIL AFTER THE TALISMAN INCIDENT WITH TIM. I don't think I ever had it happen while Tim was still there, I don't recall it ever happening until that first time with Peter when I threw up the creamed tuna—which was very juicy & wasn't tough, no reason in the World why I should have gagged on it! And it's not a choking or a gagging in my upper throat, in the swallowing area at all, so I can hardly call it gagging or choking, but it's in this area just above the stomach where it gets stuck & stops & I have to throw up in order to get rid of it.
17. IT DID NOT OCCUR UNTIL WE HAD THAT REVELATION ABOUT THE TALISMAN & THE SPHINX‚ the spirit of the Sphinx, that devil goddess of Egypt who choked her victims to death! I wouldn't be a bit surprised it was the Sphinx herself that the Devil had sicced on me, one of the demon goddesses of Egypt! And the Lord revealed to us at that time that it had something to do with the sphincter muscles, named for her, only we only related it at that time to David & his bedwetting problem, that she had attacked his sphincter muscles & he was not able to hold his urine!
18. HE WAS WETTING THE BED ALMOST EVERY NIGHT AFTER VISITING WITH TIM'S CHILDREN AT ZOAGLI & getting that terrible association there from those pitiful children who were so ill-trained & untrained, in fact, all those older children, even older than he, all wetting the bed every night!—4 or 5 children, weren't there? And Rachel's terrible children & all their horrible influence on him! It was the only time he ever spent with any other children, & I think we always regret it to this very day! It was a traumatic experience for him when he was already well-trained & not wetting the bed at all, hadn't wet the bed for months & months! But when he came down there & began sleeping with them, he found that they were all wetting the bed every night‚ & he suddenly began to be afflicted with bedwetting every night just like them, & came back then with Sara.
19. HE'D BEEN DOWN THERE WITH SARA who thought it might be a good experience for him to take the trip & visit, but as you recall‚ I was very reluctant about letting him go. You folks thought, "Well, it would be good to have him go & meet these other children, & he likes to be with Sara, blah blah!" Well‚ it was one of the worst things that could have happened & we like to never got over it! In fact, in some ways, I am still suffering from it because of what followed him, & the Talisman becoming a carrier, because those demons have to have vehicles! The girls packed my radio in Switzerland & sent it to France & we had just opened the box there, & it fell out!
20. HE'D ALREADY HAD THIS PROBLEM IN ZOAGLI ABOUT THE SPHINCTER MUSCLES & THE BEDWETTING, because it was after this when I prayed & asked the Lord, "What's the matter with David?"—And the Lord gave me that revelation & I saw that picture of Maeve falling out of the radio box to the floor & him suddenly picking it up & treasuring it & wanting to have it in his room & on his bureau‚ because he seemed to idolise Maeve & she‚ older than he, wet the bed every night! She had a very evil influence on him! Well, that's all in the Talisman Story so I don't have to repeat it here, but for your benefit & explanation.
21. I'M TRYING TO GO BACK NOW & ANALYSE THE SEQUENCE & CHRONOLOGY OF THOSE EVENTS. It was not until that very time‚ just after Tim left us, that I began to be afflicted with this problem of the closure of this aperture leading into my stomach. I am not an anatomist or a doctor who knows enough about that area—although I've thought if I had time I'd like to study it—the stomach & the esophagus.
22. I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF THAT VALVE, but I know there's a valve there that permits things to go from the esophagus into the stomach & yet prevents things from coming out of the stomach back out into the esophagus, unless you regurgitate & you have to throw up or something. Otherwise stuff would be foaming out of your stomach all the time when it's in the hardworking process of digesting meat & proteins & things like that. The stomach contains very strong acids which can actually dissolve flesh, meat & that sort of thing, peptic acids, etc.‚ which, if they strike any unprotected areas that are not protected like the stomach lining, can actually cause serious trouble. That's why some people get abdominal ulcers of the stomach where this acid eats into the valve leading into the bowels & causes ulcers & cancers & whatnot‚ which is one of the most common types, duodenal ulcers.
23. BUT APPARENTLY MY OTHER VALVE HAS ACTED A LITTLE ERRATICALLY SINCE THEN & HAS CLOSED WHEN IT SHOULDN'T & SOMETIMES OPENED WHEN IT SHOULDN'T! I've had fluids leak up out of my stomach into the esophagus, even into my mouth, regurgitate when they shouldn't, for almost no reason! On the other hand‚ I've had food that should have gone down easily & into the stomach when swallowed, stop & been unable to get through! You say, "What's the matter, Dad? What's wrong with you? What have you done to deserve this?"
24. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING THIS MORNING EARLY: "WHAT KIND OF A JUDGEMENT IS THIS? Why this punishment? Why am I dying? Why am I going to be choked to death, starved to death‚ even unable to take liquids soon, even liquids are now beginning to go down slowly? How come, Lord?" And the thing the Lord led me to think about was the alternative‚ to consider the alternative, if this is not of the Lord. What good could it possibly do, in other words, at this particular time? Why should it be of the Lord? Why should I think it was of the Lord?
25. IT WAS ALMOST LIKE THE LORD WAS SPEAKING & SAYING, "WHY DO YOU BLAME ME? Why do you think I would put this affliction on you? Why accuse Me that I'm doing it to you, that I'm going to kill you because of your sins before your work is done?" (Maria: You weren't accusing the Lord of putting it on you, you were accusing the Lord of not healing you.) Well, in a way it's the same as saying the Lord did it, even if the Devil did bring it! ("A Loaf of Bread, " FC TK #28)
26. AND IT BEGAN TO COME TO ME THAT IT COULD BE AS WE HAVE SUSPECTED IN THE PAST, THAT IT WAS NOT OF THE LORD‚ IT WAS OF THE DEVIL‚ THE ATTACKS OF SATAN! You always rebuked the Devil every time it happened—like it's the attack of this sphincter Sphinx demon, the female goddess who choked her victims to death if they couldn't guess her riddles! And this has almost been like a riddle to me—why?
27. IT SEEMED LIKE THE LORD WAS SAYING—& JESUS HELP ME TO GET IT STRAIGHT—"WHY BLAME ME?" "Well, Lord, You're allowing it‚ why aren't You healing me? If I'm supposed to live & finish this job & especially this Book of the Future which is such an important task, I need to at least be able to live that long with enough deliverance to finish this book!" That's why I've been so anxious to get started on it & not want to be delayed by all these other little nagging things & business items & whatnot that keep being thrown at me!
28. IF YOU REALISE MY TIME IS SHORT, MAYBE YOU'LL REALISE HOW VALUABLE THAT TIME IS & THAT I NEED TO GET STARTED ON THE BOOK! Now is that clear to you folks? I don't want to be interrupted with anything except some major problem that you guys just cannot handle. This is an emergency! Don't give me anything to see unless it's an emergency that you cannot handle. I don't want to be interrupted by anything, any kind of old business while I'm working on this BOF! I've turned the Music Unit Reports over to Paul, I've turned the business reports over to Peter & I've turned the FN & most of the other publications over to Maria to clear the way for my prophetic ministry alone, with no further encumbrances or interruptions or distractions, to produce the GNs.
29. THE KOMIX I WILL DO, IF & WHEN I CAN GET TO THEM, but you folks could do them if you had to even after I'm gone! Although the Komix are MO Letters‚ they are my work & my material, the prophetic material, the work that I & I alone can do, in a way, of my own material, or should do if I can live long enough! That's the work that I should handle, like the Apostles‚ devote my time to the Word & to prayer, & leave all the tending of tables to you folks—which includes business, administration & even the FN, the news magazine, etc. Now is that clear? That's how important it is! (Ac.6:2–4)
30. IT'S A LIFE & DEATH MATTER!—DO YOU WANT ME TO FINISH IT OR NOT? Would you like to see this BOF finished, really my life's work? It's the result of a lifetime of study that I would hate to see lost to this generation who need it the most, because they face these events right now & they need to know exactly what's happening according to God's Word & exactly what to expect & exactly how to react to it & what to do!
31. AND AS I REALLY GOT DESPERATE WITH THE LORD THIS MORNING I ASKED, "LORD, WHY? WHY DON'T YOU HEAL ME? We prayed, the Family prayed, & instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse!" I've tried to correct other things in my life, I've tried to be more temperate, I've tried to remove possible causes & irritants & I've tried to eat less & live more on liquids & things that would not irritate the food passages & things which would not aggravate the possible trouble down there that could be caused by what I'm eating or drinking or whatever. I think I've tried to give the Lord a little co–operation, except for a few exceptions perhaps, but it sometimes seems I'm a little bit better for a little while, then I get worse.
32. SO I WAS ASKING THE LORD, "WELL, LORD, ALL RIGHT, AGREED, IF IT'S NOT A JUDGEMENT OF GOD, THEN IT'S AN ATTACK OF THE DEVIL!"—Although He usually uses the Devil to carry out His judgements, believe it or not‚ because he's the Executioner! The Devil is both the Prosecuting Attorney & the Executioner, the whole judgement process of God, the justice! That's where the Catholics get their doctrine, I guess, that the Devil runs Hell. The only thing is, he's eventually going to be one of the victims!
33. SO IT'S REALLY GOD, IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS, WHO'S CARRYING ON THE JUDGEMENTS, both the prosecuting & the execution & the judgement & Hell, whereas the Devil is sort of a choreboy who carries it out & does the dirty work. He faithfully accuses the Saints of all of their faults & even things they're not guilty of, to try to discourage them, & he brings afflictions on them, if the Lord allows it, to test them, like He did Job.
34. SO I SAID, "WELL ALL RIGHT, LORD‚ LET'S SAY IT'S THE DEVIL ATTACKING ME‚ IT'S THIS SPHINX GODDESS WHO HATES ME, maybe because I have discovered some of these mysteries & solved some of these riddles, & the Enemy's using it to try to destroy me, to stop me before I finish the job. Then Lord, why don't You heal me? Why don't you help me? Why don't you encourage me so I'll not be afflicted this way & have this problem & be worried about it & sometimes actually in pain & have to eat so carefully, etc.‚ causing the poor cooks so much trouble!
35. "IF YOU ARE ALLOWING THIS AFFLICTION OF THE ENEMY FOR SOME REASON—WHY? FOR WHAT REASON?" If it's a punishment & a judgement for past sins, I can't see at all what good it could possibly do, since I'm already repentant & sorry & have been sorry for years & asked the Lord to forgive me, so He certainly must have forgiven me & I don't see why it should continue to afflict me!
36. I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SEE WHY THE LORD COULD NOT OR WOULD NOT HEAL ME!—Unless the sins that I outlined the other night to you here in the bed in the early morning hours could have been "sins unto death" for which I could not expect to be forgiven or relieved. But on the other hand, I couldn't really see where any of those things could have been that serious that I should be killed for them!
37. I HAVE USUALLY CONSIDERED THAT THE SINS UNTO DEATH ARE SINS LIKE EITHER THE SIN AGAINST THE HOLY SPIRIT, rejecting Christ & the Lord & His Spirit, or backsliding & being such a bad example that you're an encumbrance & a hindrance & a stumblingblock to others, & God's got to kill you to stop your bad witness & your bad example! I have usually construed that as being a sin that really deserves death, that you've just gone too far & done too much wrong‚ too much damage, & to prevent you from doing any further damage—as He has done to some of our enemies—He has just killed them or afflicted them & stopped them!
38. OTHERWISE I CAN'T EXACTLY SEE ANY PARTICULAR JUSTIFICATION OR REASON OR RATIONALISATION WHY GOD SHOULD KILL ONE OF HIS OWN CHILDREN WHO IS SAVED, LOVES HIM & IS TRYING TO DO THEIR BEST!—Unless they're not loving Him enough & not doing their best & have become more of a hindrance than a help to God's work! So finally, since they are not repentant & not sorry & not changing, God just has to terminate their stay on Earth & get rid of them, they've failed‚ & they pass on.—Not because they've passed the test, but because they flunked the test, & God's had to more or less expel'm from school—not because they graduated but because they failed! He flunked'm out & they've gone on to the next World to perhaps help them learn their lessons there that they failed to learn here.
39. BUT I COULDN'T SEE WHERE THERE WAS ANYTHING I'D DONE THAT SERIOUS THAT WOULD CAUSE GOD TO WANT TO FLUNK ME OUT, that I have so seriously failed or so seriously hindered His work or so seriously been such a bad example that He needed to get rid of me! I'm just trying to face all the pros & cons & possibilities, do you understand me? (Maria: Yes.) What are you thinking? I can't seem to get you on my channel right now. (Maria: Oh, I'm very much on your channel, I'm just not saying anything.) You're not reacting. (Maria: I don't want to interrupt you.) Well, I depend an awful lot on what your reaction is, Honey, & I don't even know if I'm getting through to you unless you give me some kind of response. I like audience response! (Maria: The Family & I think the same thing, that it's completely ridiculous for you to even question, "What big sin did I do?" Because we know that you're the most saintly man in the whole World, you've done the most for the Lord, & so what little sins you might have are nothing!)
40. ANYHOW, I'VE HAD THIS BATTLE WITH CONDEMNATION‚ the Enemy accusing me & condemning me & telling me that I'm suffering for some very heinous sins of the past, that I brought this thing on myself by abusing my body & excesses, & I'm sure that some of that is true. There's a certain amount of foundation in truth in that, that I did damage my organs through excesses of the past, particularly in that binge that I went on over the RNR & the defection of so many leaders & so many people. It nearly broke my heart when Jeth & Deborah & Rachel & so many left us & went back on us! But I didn't have to do it. (Maria: You didn't have to do it‚ but you didn't just deliberately sin.)
41. WELL, IT WAS NOT RIGHT, SO THEREFORE IT WAS WRONG! I shouldn't have abused my body with that excess. But really I must say, as you know, I was hoping to die, I was just almost trying to end it all! I thought, "Either this is going to make me or break me, it's going to cure me or kill me, whatever!" And I was preparing to go, as you know, because I was very discouraged & very disappointed & really down under!—And I almost went! So I've often thought‚ "Well, I'm still suffering from the self-abuse of that period when I burned out my insides by trying to drink myself to death!" I've made this confession already before. (See "My Confession!", No.1406.)
42. ALRIGHT, SURPRISE SURPRISE!: THE ANSWER! Now I don't know whether you're going to be able to accept this or not, but it's a totally surprising unexpected interpretation! (Maria: Please tell me, I've been waiting two hours for it!) Wait a minute, I've got to get a drink of water before I have the courage to tell you! (Maria: I can't wait much longer!)
43. WELL, THE LORD AS GOOD AS SAID TO ME‚ "IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THE SINS OF THE PAST, it is not a punishment or a judgement for past sins, but it is to show you something‚ it is to illustrate something which has to do with the future, & to impress on you the seriousness of it, how important it is, what a serious time you are facing & going to go through, & get you desperate in prayer about it & in preparation for it!"
44. LIKE THE LORD WAS SAYING, "THIS THING HAPPENED NOT TO HIM BECAUSE OF HIS OWN SINS NOR THE SINS OF HIS PARENTS, BUT THAT GOD MIGHT BE GLORIFIED! (Jn.9:3)—In this case, that I might show you something & get you desperately concerned about it & serious about it so that you will do something about it, make preparations for it, because it's an extremely dangerous desperate situation which you must be prepared for! And therefore‚ as I in some cases of the past afflicted certain Prophets of My Own or caused them to be examples, illustrations of what Israel had done or what I was going to do to Israel, the Prophets themselves had to suffer in symbolism & example & be like an illustrated message of what was happening to Israel & what was going to happen to her if she didn't repent." (Isa.20:2-4; Jer.27:2–11; Eze.4:15-17)
45. I COULD GO DOWN THROUGH THE WHOLE HISTORICAL ACCOUNT OF THAT & GIVE YOU ALL THE DIFFERENT EXAMPLES OF IT, how that Isaiah had to walk naked for three years before Israel to illustrate to Israel how God looked upon her‚ that He was going to strip her bare & naked for her sins! How Ezekiel had to eat dung & lie in the mess which illustrated the fortifications of Israel & their destruction, to give an illustrated message to all who passed by that this is what was going to happen! How Hosea had to marry a whore in order to show how God's people had gone awhoring after other gods!
46. THIS HAD NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE & I never even thought about this before, this interpretation never even dawned on me before, until I got desperate & asked, "Lord, why? So it's an attack of the Enemy, so it's not my fault, so I didn't sin!—But then why?" Look at Job! Was it his fault? Had he sinned? Well, if anything, his sin was that he was too good, possibly a little bit self-righteous, self-vindicating. "How could You do this to me, Lord, when I'm so good to you?" And yet we know why it happened. Why? Because the Devil asked God if he could test & tempt Job to see if he couldn't break him & make him deny the Lord!
47. THE LORD ALLOWED IT NOT BECAUSE OF ANY SINS OF JOB‚ NOT BECAUSE HE HAD SO SERIOUSLY SINNED AGAINST GOD or committed some unpardonable unforgivable transgression for which God wiped out his family, wiped out his wealth & seemed to be killing him too, so that his own wife said, "Why don't you just curse God & die!" In other words, "You stupid filthy sore cancer–covered idiot, why do you continue to be loyal & faithful to a God who has done all this to you & destroyed all our children & robbed all our wealth, & now He's struck you down & killing you! Why don't you just curse Him & die?" What did Job say? "Though He slay me‚ yet will I trust Him!" (Job 13:15) PTL! God bless dear ol' Job!
48. I MUST SAY I'VE BEEN PRETTY MUCH TO THE POINT OF SAYING THAT A FEW TIMES LATELY! "I don't know why, Lord, You're letting all this happen to me, but even though You slay me, or let the Devil slay me, yet I'm still going to trust You! At least I'll die trusting, even if You don't let me finish my work for some reason, this particular job I'm so concerned about & so eager to finish for the sake of the poor people who are going to have to go through it all, so they'll have a handbook & a guide, like a Guidebook to the Future—a strange country they have not yet visited! You know how it helps to have those guidebooks, what to see & what not to see, what to look for & what not to look for?
49. SO IT WAS QUITE A REVELATION, I MUST SAY, BECAUSE I'D NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE, that He was using me as an example & an illustration like He had used the prophets of old in illustrating something that had happened to Israel or that Israel had done or that He had done to Israel or was doing to Israel or was going to do to His people; that this was happening in my body as an illustration of something that is either going on or is going to occur in the Body of our Family!
50. SO I BEGAN TO ASK THE LORD‚ "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LORD?" I don't know how to explain those things to you, they just come clearly. "Where is this happening? What is it illustrating?" Well, what is the body a symbol of? (Maria: The Church.) Exactly! What is my body a type of? My body is a type of the Church. The Lord compares the body to the church, of whom who is the head? (Maria: Christ.) Well‚ there's nothing wrong with my head, thank the Lord‚ my head is perfectly clear & I've had no problems with my head.
51. SOMETIMES I'VE HAD AN ATTACK ON MY EYESIGHT, but I haven't had that hardly at all any more, which might have been symbolic or significant that I wasn't seeing things exactly always as clearly as I should, or the Devil was attacking my vision. But thank the Lord it never interfered for long & he couldn't succeed & he has not destroyed my eyesight, as I thought at first maybe he was going to do, any more than he has completely destroyed my body yet as he has been trying to do.
52. ALL RIGHT, IF I'M SOME KIND OF AN ILLUSTRATION & MY AFFLICTION IS SOME KIND OF AN ILLUSTRATION OF SOMETHING that's happening or going to happen in the Body, what is it? That's the conundrum, that's the riddle, that's the problem. The Lord has shown me so many other things, why couldn't He show me this? So I asked the Lord to show me. I haven't understood it all yet, but maybe if I go ahead by faith like I do with the dreams & I tell you what He showed me, maybe He'll continue the revelation & show me the end. Maybe you'll begin to catch on‚ maybe you'll get it!
53. IT'S NOT MY HEAD, IT'S NOT MY EARS, MY HEARING IS PERFECT! It's not my eyes, I still see visions & dreams & pictures & I still get messages, prophecies. It's not my tongue, I've certainly been faithful in speaking the Word. It's not my mouth, I've opened my mouth & He surely has filled it. Maybe some people think He gave me a mouth that's too big & it holds too much! All these amazing things came to me! It's like a typology.
54. WHAT IS A PROPHET?—HE'S THE EYES & EARS & MOUTH OF GOD'S BODY, IN A WAY, RIGHT? God has shown us this before‚ remember? ("God's Eyes," No.544) I'm one of God's mouths. Anything wrong with my mouth? I've been receiving it, I've eaten the little book, I devoured it. Oh now, there's something! I just got a Scripture I hadn't thought of before, & that bears it out! (Ez.3:2,3; Re.10:9,10) I always like to get Scriptures. It hasn't been my taster, I love the Word! I love to get messages! Right? I love to taste the good Word of God! "Taste & see that the Lord is good!" (Ps.34:8) His Word is delicious & in my mouth sweet as honey.
55. IT HASN'T BEEN MY SWALLOWING, ALTHOUGH THERE HAS BEEN A LITTLE OBSTRUCTION ONCE IN AWHILE‚ a slight impediment, & that is all very symbolic & significant. Because what is swallowing a type of? What did I tell you that the word "believe" is in Greek?—Drinking in, or literally swallowing! In other words, you open your mouth by faith, & God does His part & fills it. Then what do you have to do? You have to swallow it! And what is that a sign of when you swallow something?—Faith! I believe it! He fills my mouth, He feeds me the food‚ I swallow it!
56. WHAT IS THIS THAT HE'S FILLING MY MOUTH WITH? That's another important thing. What do you usually put in your mouth?—Food & drink! For what?—For the body. What is God filling my mouth with?—Food & drink for the Body! Not just my body! Remember, this is a symbolism of the Body, of whom Christ is the Head! I'm just a picture now, mind you. God is telling me that I'm a picture. (Tongues.) TYL! Receive these kisses of the Words of thy Father! Receive them as kisses. These are the kisses of thy father! The idea is that the Words are kisses. TYJ! PYJ! Hallelujah! Show me more as I tell this by faith, Lord. I don't even know the end, the answer. TYJ!
57. WHAT DOES HE PUT IN MY MOUTH? (Maria: Food & drink.) For whom? (Maria: The Body.) The Body. Isn't that exactly what He uses me for? I open my mouth. I obey by opening my mouth. He keeps His promise by filling it—with what?—Food & drink for the Body. But I have to do what to get it to the Body? I have to believe it! And the believing, what function is that in the body?—The swallowing! Now I know there's been that little protuberance there that has been a little bit of a problem sometimes, & do you know what that is? That's been sometimes a little bit of unbelief, hard to believe‚ a little scepticism!
58. I'M VERY ANALYTICAL & SCEPTICAL, AS YOU KNOW, & I'm not always the first & the easiest to accept everything that God sticks in my mouth! (Maria: But you always give it anyway.) Finally I do, but sometimes it's been a little slow, just like my swallowing. You know I've gotten things that I've held off even telling the Family for a long time sometimes because I could hardly believe it myself, like "They Can't Stop Our Rain!" (No.128) (Maria: But that was a long time ago.) Well, there have been other things which were just a little bit difficult to swallow, but I finally got it down. I swallowed it by faith.
59. SO I HAVE BEEN SEEING OK, HEARING OK, THINKING OK, RECEIVING IT IN MY MOUTH OK, IT'S NOT MY TONGUE, I'VE BEEN SPEAKING IT, I HAVE BEEN SWALLOWING IT. All of these are the voluntary tests, the things that I can do voluntarily‚ that I have to do & that I have control over. But once it's‚ as they say‚ "down the tubes," down the tube, once I have received it & all my communicative functions are properly operating & my obedience has operated in that I have opened my mouth because I want it filled, I want the Lord to speak & show me things, when He has showed me, even sometimes though some things were a little bit difficult to receive & understand, as Peter says about Paul, (2Pe.3:16), I have gone ahead & swallowed by faith anyhow. My little protuberance of scepticism, my diverticula, has not completely diverted the food from its destination.
60. YOU MAY THINK I'M CRAZY, BUT THIS IS THE INTERPRETATION THAT CAME TO ME! These are all voluntary actions over which I have control‚ & there's nothing wrong with these. There's nothing wrong with my hands or my arms. What do you do with your hands? Lord Jesus, give me the strength for this. What does He talk about mostly the hands doing? (Maria: The works.) Working & the works! Have I not done these? Have I not done the work? Even the administration, the job of the King, the organisation, & worked the works of Him that sent me while it's day? Have I not done the work on the publications with my own hands? I've laid out some publications & done the actual work with my own hands! So there's nothing wrong with my hands.
61. IF I'M A PICTURE OF WHAT'S HAPPENING OR GOING TO HAPPEN, WE HAVE TO ANALYSE, "WELL‚ WHAT IS WRONG, & WITH WHAT PART OF THE BODY IS THERE A PROBLEM?" Is it my feet? Have my feet not been shod with the Gospel of Peace & beautiful upon the mountains, him that bringeth glad tidings? (Is.52:7) I think the Devil's mad, I have to walk around a little bit to try to get the gas off. PTL! TYL! Rebuke the Enemy, in Jesus' name! I haven't had one of these attacks for awhile. I've had attacks of gas around my heart on a few occasions, almost always when I was about to do something very important or serious‚ like when we were getting ready to move from a hotel & making serious decisions or moves, etc.
62. WELL, IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY FEET? My feet & legs are still functioning strong, still carrying the Gospel of Peace! My hands are still doing the work of the Lord, my head & all of its faculties still sensing everything they need to sense. (Maria: Your heart's strong.) Yes, my heart has been strong, the powerhouse of the body, almost symbolic of the spirit. Sometimes the heart is symbolic of the heart & soul of your physical body as well as symbolic of the strength of your spiritual life‚ if your heart is right with God. There are so many verses about the heart.
63. MY CIRCULATION IS GOOD, MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS GOOD‚ PULSE IS STRONG, MY BOWELS ARE IN GOOD CONDITION, WITH GOOD ELIMINATION OF WASTES & foreign matters & things that need to be gotten rid of. I think I have proved that in my work & spiritual life as well with the RNR & a few other things! I have good elimination, the body has been steadily eliminating unnecessary contaminants & pollutions & wastes, right? Haven't we been busy with that lately, trying to get rid of waste? So it's not my head or my heart or my eyes, ears, nose. I'm even very sensitive of touch, feeling, I've felt good, I still enjoy sex, the senses of the nerves & the skin & touch.
64. I'M ENJOYING TREMENDOUS HEALTH, terrific health, almost the best health I've ever had in my whole life—all but this one thing! The body's in good shape, top-notch shape‚ really, where I can get out & swim for an hour or I can get out & exercise & walk for an hour or hours, & still feel good. Tired, that's natural, good‚ healthy tiredness‚ weariness. And I sleep good, I'm sleeping better than ever, TTL!
65. AND ODDLY ENOUGH, MY DIGESTION SEEMS TO BE FINE. Once it gets in my stomach, no problem. The stomach is two things, it is the storehouse for the food, & it's also the place where it is processed. There is no problem with our storehouses & our processing, our Creations Units, our offices, our organisation, our publications houses, our printing presses—the stomach is operating beautifully once it gets there. Once it's in the pipeline, so to speak‚ or past this part of the pipe, there's no stoppage there.
66. THE STOREHOUSE IS WORKING FINE, DIGESTION EXCELLENT, NO PROBLEM WITH DIGESTION‚ no problem with assimilation in the bowels, it's getting to the Body, right? And it's getting into the blood, the circulation of the Body, it's keeping the Body alive, healthy, strong, nourished‚ active, busy, in good health! There's only one damn thing seriously wrong, & that's some kind of a blockage or stoppage or pile-up or bottleneck or traffic jam between the time I have received it & swallowed it, to the time it gets into my stomach. Now, what is that? (Maria: Something about the future! That's going to happen in the future?)
67. IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM TO BE HAPPENING NOW! I mean, everything has just been flowing beautifully, perfectly, smoothly! Everything's been going straight through from my mouth & swallower‚ spiritually speaking, through all the bodily processes until it actually gets out to every cell, every individual in the whole Body! It doesn't seem to be happening now, there doesn't seem to be any particular blockage or stoppage that I can see. I can't think of anybody who's any bottleneck who's causing us any trouble of whom this is symbolic.
68. ISN'T THIS A STRANGE KIND OF AN ANSWER TO GET? I mean, it's the most unexpected, strange & odd answer I could possibly have gotten!—That this is not because of my sins nor the sins of my fathers, but that God might be glorified in some way! It's not just to make & keep me humble—although it's sure helped that!—Because to have to throw up right in front of the Family has been quite embarrassing upon occasion. Here's their poor Prophet who seemed to be perfect in every other way, but he can't even get his food down!
69. ONCE IT IS PAST MY SWALLOWER, FROM THERE ON, THE BODY & MOST OF ITS MUSCLES, ETC.‚ ARE NO LONGER VOLUNTARY MUSCLES OR SUBJECT TO VOLUNTARY CONTROL! The involuntary or automatic muscles take over & you have little or no control of the food. I remember seeing this on a video once or on television, that once you swallowed it, as they put it in the TV show, it is past the point of no return, unless there's something seriously wrong & you regurgitate or you vomit & throw up & gag, & the body has developed a safety system whereby you can make it come back up again in case it doesn't go down. But you don't even do that!
70. VOMITING IS NOT VOLUNTARY! You can help to bring it on by sticking your finger down your throat to bring on this natural involuntary reaction over which you normally have no control, & as you ought to know, as in many times that you've had to vomit, it wasn't because you wanted to, necessarily, or it wasn't because you had control over that, but you just had to, whether you wanted to or not!
71. SO THESE ARE INVOLUNTARY MUSCLES! From the time I swallow it & it hits my esophagus & it starts going down the tube‚ it then is out of my control! And this stoppage is somewhere between my swallowing it by faith & it reaching the storehouse & the digestive process where it can be used, assimilated & distributed‚ etc.
72. SO WHAT IS THE ESOPHAGUS SYMBOLIC OF, OR THIS VALVE LEADING TO THE STOMACH WHERE THE PROBLEM SEEMS TO BE? (Maria: Sort of like the transportation to get it there.) Yes, that's exactly what came to me‚ it's something about the method of getting it to the storage, digestive & assimilation units! We're not having any problem with that now, but this transportation from the time I receive it & swallow it, which is under my control, from there on it's all automatic & they are involuntary processes, which though in a sense are part of the body, are out of control. (Maria: That we can't do anything about, in other words.) Yes. Tubes, or ways & means of transportation, like the Post!
73. SEE, THE HEAD & ALL THE SENSES UP HERE ARE GEARED TO BE ANTENNAS & RADAR & everything else to receive all these signals, & the mouth the food, & then voluntarily you swallow it. Voluntarily you open your mouth, voluntarily you receive the food, voluntarily you swallow it‚ but from then on it's out of your control. The controls are then taken over by the automatic systems of the body.
74. SO WHAT IS THE ESOPHAGUS?—IT IS A FOOD & DRINK TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM! From the mouth & throat where the food & drink are received & believed & swallowed—& which I think the Lord has been faithfully feeding & even my own hands, in a way, have been faithfully feeding—& up to this point we haven't had any problem with getting it from here to there. So what does this esophagus represent, or what part of the transference system, the transportation system?
75. WE'RE NOT HAVING ANY TROUBLE NOW, AS FAR AS I KNOW, IN ANY OF THESE LINKS OR STEPS IN THE SYSTEM by which we get the food & drink from the Lord to the Body & all parts of the Body. We've had really virtually no problems, it's just miraculous! It's like my head, eyes, ears, nose, mouth & throat & swallower, these are all a part of my apprehension or my receiving of messages & communications‚ which I then pass on to the body as food & drink via my throat, & I swallow it by faith, & from there on, my actual duties are done. My voluntary jobs & obedience are done. From there on it's something else. So as I say, what is this transportation system, this esophagus, this tube that leads from there on to the storage system?
76. NOW IT APPEARS TO ME THAT THE STORAGE SYSTEM CERTAINLY SEEMS TO BE LIKE OUR COMPUTERS & OUR SECRETARIES & OUR ROUGH DRAFTS. It's there in storage. Your food remains in your stomach for some time until it's gradually digested to the point where it can be pushed on into the bowels where it's assimilated. Various processes work on it to cause its complete assimilation or assimilation of most of it into the bloodstream to be distributed to all parts of the body & all cells & everywhere else in the body. There's been no problem in any other part.
77. WHAT IS THE COMMUNICATION LINK BETWEEN MY MOUTH & MY SWALLOWER & THE STORAGE SYSTEM? It doesn't seem to be anything that is happening now, we're not having any problem right now. So that is exactly what came to me, that it's a problem which the Lord is picturing to us & causing to be serious, & now we need to get critically concerned about it. The trouble is, I've been having this problem now since the beginning of 1979‚ in fact, before Techi was born, until the present. Could it all this time have been something that the Lord has been trying to show us a picture of, that either is happening or has happened or is going to happen? Is He letting this happen to me just all for that reason? That seems hard to swallow!
78. MAYBE I'M ALL WRONG, MAYBE I'M CRAZY, MAYBE THIS IS A MISINTERPRETATION!—THEN WHY DID IT COME TO ME? When you ask for a fish He'll not give you a serpent. When you ask for bread, He'll not give you a stone. (Mt.7:9,10) When I asked for the answer, this is what came to me! When I really got desperate in prayer, "Lord, am I dying? Are You going to cut me off before my time or allow the Enemy to cut me off before I finish the job, when I've got now one of the most important jobs I ever did!—The one thing that I & I alone can do is sort out these Scriptures! It's something like messages from God & interpretation‚ etc., that nobody else can do, I have to do it. Why, Lord?"
79. AND YET THIS STOPPAGE IN OUR WORK, IN THE BODILY PROCESSES IS NOT OCCURRING NOW, & that's what came to me just as clear as anything: "It is something which I'm warning you & I've been warning you for 3 or 4 years is going to happen!" So what is it? What is the esophagus a symbol of? Where is the place where it's apt to get stopped & clogged & have difficulty squeezing through? Even when I get it down to liquids‚ the pure milk of the Word, in what way is it going to be a problem getting it to the storage facilities? How could that be interfered with? Getting it from here to Creations? Getting it from here to the various LIMs, which are also storage & processing systems from which the assimilated food is distributed to the Body? See it's not the heart, circulatory system, nothing else.
80. BUT IF THE DEVIL COULD CHOKE IT OFF BEFORE IT EVEN GETS TO THESE MAJOR DIGESTIVE & ASSIMILATION PROCESSES‚ HE COULD VERY EFFECTIVELY CHOKE IT OFF ALMOST AT THE SOURCE! He can't choke it off in the processes over which I have voluntary control‚ because my will is on the side of God & I am drinking it in, taking it in‚ seeing it, hearing it, tasting it, opening my mouth. He is doing His part‚ He's filling it, & I am believing it, swallowing it! And he's not able to stop our digestive & assimilation & distributive circulatory systems, so what is he going to attack?—Somehow the transportation of this information, this food, from the time I receive it & believe it & swallow it to where I can get it to the Units which process it! Now how could he possibly block that?—Or try to block it?
81. WELL, THAT'S THE PROBLEM! That's what we have to pray about & think about & try to figure out‚ how could he possibly attack our communications system? It sounds like transportation & communication. If we were cut off from Creations without communication, transportation, without couriers or means to get this information from me to them, that would be like the blockage! The esophagus, after all, is in a sense a communication & transportation system from my throat. Everything else has worked fine & the swallowing & everything, but somehow just before it gets to the stomach, the storage & digestive organ, there is a stoppage, which is like between here & our Creations Units. If we had to be suddenly cut off from them without communication, it would be really difficult.
82. NOW, THANK THE LORD, AS YOU NOTICE, IT'S ONLY ONCE IN AWHILE THAT IT'S COMPLETELY STOPPED & HAS TO BE THROWN BACK, regurgitated, vomited‚ spit up, that it just simply will not go down! Now if this is all symbolic, let's take the symbolism further. What do I do then when it stops completely & it will not go down? When I can't get it through to my stomach, what do I do? I have to take it back into my mouth‚ I have to throw it up! Then what do I do with the food that's left, my dinner that's left that I still haven't gotten down? (Maria: You usually try again a little bit later.) It only stops for awhile.
83. "IT ONLY HURTS A LITTLE WHILE," AS THE OLD SONG GOES, & IF I WAIT AWHILE UNTIL THINGS CALM DOWN, I CAN USUALLY FINISH MY MEAL. I think there's hardly ever been a time, if I waited awhile‚ that I could not eat later, even after I threw up & couldn't get it down. Even though sometimes it's just barely squeezed through & it's been painful & hard to get from my throat into my stomach, it has gone through, despite the slowing down & the painful process as it passed this choker point or this valve point leading into the storage & digestive system, & it has eventually gone down. Actually, if you consider all the times I've eaten & fed my body & the times it hasn't gone down, the few times it hasn't gone down have been rare by comparison. But they have been there.
84. DO YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? (Maria: Not at all, it sounds very logical!) If this has not already happened in our organisation, our organisational system of our Family Body, the larger body, the church, our church, if it's not now happening, it must be in the future! It doesn't seem to be happening now, the fact is, everything is really flowing fast & smoothly! (Maria: It's been like that before sometimes.) Sometimes it's been a little slow before. (Maria: But now it's better than ever, ever before!)
85. BUT WHAT IS THE LORD TRYING TO SHOW ME? Does this mean that He's trying to make my body a sample, an example, a picture, an illustration of what is going on or apt to go on or the most difficult thing that could happen to us‚ of which we must be cautious‚ careful? What have I had to do sometimes to recover? I've had to wait awhile‚ that's been one of the cures! (Maria: We don't have any control over it but to pray!)
86. WE JUST WAIT & PRAY UNTIL WE CAN GET IT THROUGH, until the Lord takes care of the situation & takes away the hindrance or the Hinderer, the Enemy who is standing in the way‚ the sphincter muscles or whatever the problem is that is trying to choke off the Word of God & keep it from reaching the Processing Units. We just have to wait & pray! (Maria: Yes, & there's nothing you could do to prevent it from happening either.) No, & sometimes it's happened extremely unexpectedly, when everything was just going fine, suddenly, blump, something hit bottom & wouldn't go!
87. WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST DIFFICULT THING THAT HAS SOMETIMES STOPPED & BEEN HARDEST TO GET THROUGH TO THE STOMACH? (Maria: Meat?) The strong meat! We have to grind it up pretty fine & oil it pretty well to get it through! So if this is prophetic, the days are coming when it's going to be difficult to get the strong meat through! (Maria: So we'd better do it quick!) We had better get the strong meat through fast!—And NOW!
88. WHEN I COULDN'T GET THE STRONG MEAT THROUGH, WHAT COULD I USUALLY DO? (Maria: You could usually eat the mashed potatoes, the soft things.) The soft foods, the bland foods, they call them in the hospital, a bland diet, a soft food diet‚ kind of a soft-pedal diet in this case, savvy? Do you get what I'm driving at? And what would almost always go through without any problem & I've never had any problem with at all? What kind of food has that been?
89. I'VE NEVER HAD TROUBLE WITH MY MORNING COFFEE-MILK-PEANUT-BUTTER-EGGNOG—NEVER! I look forward to it every morning, the sincere pure milk of the Word! Apparently we are not going to have any particular problem with that. God willing, we're still going to be able to preach the Gospel & still be able to even preach the Gospel with a little flavour & colour!—Coffee & peanut butter!
90. WHAT DO I PUT IN MY MILK? Coffee, a stimulant, symbolic maybe of the waker-uppers that I put in the milk, the stimulants, the rousements! Milk, of course, is very very nourishing, & I put a lot of milk in it. I put coffee in it for flavour & stimulation, & lately I've been putting what else in it? (Maria: Peanut butter! And eggs.) Oh, eggs‚ too. The blandest softest meat that you can possibly eat is raw eggs! You can suck & swallow eggs when you almost cannot get anything else down, & I've never had a problem with my morning coffee-eggnog-peanut–butter milk. Lately I've been adding peanut butter for flavour, nice rich nutty flavour, delicious! Mmmm! It makes me hungry just to think about it. It's given an added zest, I should say, a nutty flavour & aroma as well as a saltiness!
91. WE'LL STILL BE ABLE TO GET THE SINCERE MILK OF THE WORD THROUGH WITH STIMULANTS, SALTINESS & NUTTY FLAVOUR! Ha! If there's anything some people think I am, it's a bit nutty! My inimitable nutty flavour, as well as the most bland liquid type of meat, you might say, necessary meat. I could live on those if I had to, I could probably live on those for years if I had nothing else. Babies live on milk for months, just milk‚ no vegetables, no roughage, nothing else but mother's milk, think of that!
92. (MARIA: YOU DON'T HAVE TROUBLE WITH YOUR FRUIT JUICE EITHER.) I don't have any trouble with the fruit juices, that's vitamins & minerals & all kinds of things. The body could live on those for years! I've often sometimes wondered lately whether I was going to have to go on to a strictly liquid diet & maybe not even be able to eat any more, & for a few days on occasions I have gotten to the point where I just had to forego eating solid food because I was having a particularly difficult problem with my food transference system.
93. I CAN'T SAY IT WAS MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY DIGESTION OR MY ASSIMILATION OR MY ELIMINATION or my circulation or my transportation, my feet, or my hands, my work, or my perceptive system through the head, or my willingness to open my mouth & receive it & swallow it, believe it, all these have been functioning just fine! But we're going to have a little problem‚ & we have had some problems with that in the past‚ where our communication & transportation links apparently are our weakest links in the chain of these bodily processes of getting the food from the hand of God to every cell in the Body!
94. NOW THAT'S THE STRANGE INTERPRETATION, THE STRANGE PICTURE THAT CAME TO ME!—That somehow‚ somewhere in the transportation & communication system we are going to have a problem! It's not happening now, but it has happened a little bit in the past. We have had that problem, & that has been a problem.
95. THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME KINDS OF FOOD THAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH ANY MORE‚ or are going to be difficult to get through, the strong meat like the sex Letters, FF Letters & some of the things that they don't like, the so-called pornography illustrations & what they call obscene language. Thank God, most of that has already gone through the pipeline & they've already got it! (Maria: Because you've been faithful to ground them in that, most of the Family has already had that strong stuff.) Yes‚ most of them have had the strong meat already.
96. THE OTHER, THE PURE LIQUID SWEET MILK OF THE WORD HAS NO PROBLEM GETTING THROUGH, not even with the stimulants & the nutty flavour & the liquid protein, raw eggs. The most vital essential nourishment & bodybuilding materials can still be gotten through & I've never had any trouble with them.
97. AND I MAKE THAT ON MY OWN! Maybe that's symbolic too. I make that myself without any intermediary whatsoever. I make it myself, & if I had to, you & I could go back to one typewriter & a few carbon copies & put it in the mail! (Maria: But in that case it would be awful slow, too. It would make it, but it would be sometimes like you have trouble, it gets down, but it goes awful slow!) Sometimes it does get down, but it just goes real real slow & laboriously.—Right!
98. WELL‚ THAT IS A VERY STRANGE ANSWER THAT I GOT, that I'm not being afflicted for past sins, necessarily—although I can think of a lot of reasons why I could—& why the Lord is allowing us to be attacked in this way & is not completely delivering, but has not allowed the process to completely stop either. There have only been a few times when it was actually blocked, but the liquids, the easy liquids‚ sincere milk of the Word & stimulants & nutty flavour—that's really kind of funny, nutty flavour, stimulants—& the liquid protein of the eggs has been able to get through without any problem, & even with great sweetness to the taste & delicious!
99. I WONDER IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH THIS PROPHETIC BOOK? I would call that in some ways strong meat, but the System doesn't necessarily object to that sort of thing, Bible Prophecy. But two Prophets were handed a little book of Prophecy & they ate it & it was very sweet, like honey in their mouth‚ both Ezekiel & John, but once they swallowed it, it was bitter to their belly, very bitter to the storage digestive section!
100. IN EACH CASE WITH THE PROPHETS IN THAT SCRIPTURE IT WAS SWEET TO THE TASTE, LIKE BIBLE PROPHECY SO OFTEN IS TO PEOPLE‚ they love to eat it up, they just eat it up, they love Bible Prophecy‚ it's sweet to the taste like honey in their mouths, but then they have a problem digesting it, sorting it out, figuring it out‚ storing & assimilating it. And this has been the problem with the church for years regarding Bible Prophecy. (Maria: Yes, but not our kids, because they've already had it. But they haven't had it in this good organised form.) I wonder if they're all going to accept it this way?
101. YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING BETTER ALREADY! Ever since I agreed to go ahead & do "The Talisman"! And this is something that came to me a long time ago‚ that the Lord was not going to completely deliver me until I got that Talisman off my chest!
102. NOW THERE'S SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE TO SWALLOW & DIGEST, THAT'S PRETTY STRONG MEAT! Look at Tim, he wouldn't even take it! (Maria: He was already backslidden.) Yes, he was already turned back in his mind & his heart, in a way, but I believe that really almost was the straw that broke the camel's back, that really sort of turned him against us. He was like a poker face, he wouldn't reveal his true feelings, but I think that really hurt, I think he didn't like it, I don't think he received that very well. He just sort of poker-faced it, resigned himself to it. He wasn't happy about it, he didn't smile, he didn't do it cheerfully.
103. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW TO THIS DAY WHETHER HE REALLY DID IT‚ WHETHER HE ACTUALLY DESTROYED THE PICTURE & PUT IT IN THE GARBAGE CAN OR NOT! He may have saved it, for all we know! Remember I fussed at Daniel & said, "You were supposed to go clear to the garbage can with him & watch it be thrown in!" He said, "Well, I thought I'd just wait for him." So we don't know if it ever got in the garbage can, & I doubt it now that I see the way Tim went back. I wouldn't be surprised if he stuck it in his pocket & just figured‚ "Well, Dad will never know the difference." Because Maeve was his favourite child.
104. WELL, THE STRONG MEAT, EVEN IN A VERY FINE-GROUND FORM, IS GOING TO HAVE DIFFICULTY GETTING THROUGH SOMETIMES. Even concocted in various sauces & gravies & hidden in juices, it still has had a problem getting through. (Maria: Not to only Creations but to the whole Body, it could be both.) Yes, maybe that's what it means. (Maria: It could be like two interpretations, a smaller one & a larger one.) Let's hope it doesn't get caught between me & the Processing Units! Let's hope that somehow some mail doesn't get picked up & opened or investigated. That would really be dangerous, because that could lead to the discovery of the source!
105. BUT THE SINCERE MILK OF THE WORD WITH ITS EXCITING STIMULANTS & DELICIOUS NUTTY FLAVOUR & NICE EASILY-DIGESTED PROTEINS HAS NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEM GETTING THROUGH, IT'S STILL GOING THROUGH! You know‚ ever since I agreed to do "The Talisman" & I got it half done & agreed to tell you this, I've felt better! I got this this morning, but I've been hesitant to even tell you because I still didn't have the answer, hadn't had a chance to really think & pray the whole process through to get the clear picture, but as I was giving it to you, as you can hear, it's just been coming very clearly what the picture is!
106. THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT ON A SMALL SCALE SOMETIMES. It's sometimes been slow & difficult getting through‚ but it has eventually gotten through. Sometimes we had to wait awhile, just like I have literally with my food. (Maria: It's sort of like the Lord's warned us before that there would be a famine for the Word of God & that the communication lines will be choked off or squeezed so it will be hard to get a lot of things through.) See, that's both communication & transportation, so communication will be slowed down & transportation as well, & the Word may have difficulty getting through.
107. AND OF COURSE WHAT COULD AFFECT TRANSPORTATION & COMMUNICATION MORE THAN ALMOST ANYTHING ELSE? (MARIA: A WAR!) And who is at war with me? (Maria: The Enemy!) And where has he been warring with me mostly lately?—Right here in my communication & transportation system between my swallower & my stomach! So I wouldn't be surprised that the Enemy is trying to bring on the War as soon as possible to stop our communication & transportation system, & only God Himself is holding it off!
108. THEY PROBABLY WOULD HAVE PRESSED THE BUTTON BEFORE THIS IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE LORD KEEPING US ALIVE! It's just like the Devil would have killed me already if he could have, even with this thing in my gullet, if the Lord didn't keep things going & forcing them through & getting the nourishment through. (Maria: So we need to pray desperately that the War doesn't come any sooner than it absolutely has to.) Yes, we certainly do need to pray it won't come, especially before I get this book out!
109. BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THEIR GUIDE TO THE FUTURE & ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS‚ & I think the Devil hates it & he's been fighting it & distracting me & getting me sidetracked on every other kind of thing, all well-meaning & all very good, but not the highest & the best & the most important thing. Just like the famous statesman Gladstone & the newsboy! (No.1032:63-68)
110. SO YOU FOLKS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO TRY TO LEAVE ME FREE TO DO THIS! I don't know whether you realise it‚ but it's very difficult & it's going to be a hard job! It's going to take not only days, but weeks & perhaps even months, & we're only going to be able to get it out chapter by chapter, probably in GNs. Because I have to go through that whole Bible page by page & marked verse by marked verse to find all the verses that need to be there!
111. APOLLOS & HO CERTAINLY DID AN EXCELLENT JOB IN FINDING THE MAJOR PASSAGES—most of which they probably got from the "Eden Series" already or former lessons & Letters—but that is not by any means adequate or sufficient or complete. Because as I read through them, I thought of many other verses that would have been very apropos to fit in here or there which should have been there & left big gaps & holes in the continuity‚ like having a few beads here & a few beads there on the string & yet the string of pearls is not complete, it looks a little ratty & tattered. That's not their fault, they don't know the Word as well as I do & they don't have this marked Bible!
112. SO I & I ALONE, I THINK‚ CAN DO IT! If I could at least get through that Bible & number all those verses, then any secretary could almost sort them out! Although even then, after they're grouped‚ I have to sort them out in proper order within each category, in proper chronological order, flowing form, to flow well together. So I don't know anybody else who can do that job or complete it but me! (Maria: Maybe you could take just one day a week & do other things that absolutely have to be done, & the rest of the week just work on that.)
113. WELL, HONEY, I SUGGEST THAT YOU JUST DON'T GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO! I don't mind giving a few moments to something each day as long as it doesn't take up my whole day, but right now I have been delayed from this for one solid week, or almost two weeks since I first determined to do it‚ by this & that & a few more condos & a little bit more of this & a little bit more of that & a little this & that & "Well, we've got to get these things finished first!"
114. (MARIA: WELL, THESE OTHER THINGS WERE ALREADY ALMOST DONE, these books & projects that are very necessary, they're your Words & they're very important & things you haven't gotten out to the Family yet.) Amen, so I did'm! So I think I have done it now & I think it's time to be getting on the book! (Maria: Yes, Sir, I do too!) Even now there's something extremely important I've got to finish right here, my "State of the Kingdom" report. (Maria: And "The Talisman.") Which is very vital! As well as this Introduction, which was important, although I don't think it's all necessarily fitting or apropos for the book.
115. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THIS MIGHT BE VERY GOOD FOR, RIGHT NOW! Right now! To be put in this GN in which I have room for it! It may be that now is the time, in a sense, to publicise the book & the project that we're planning & getting into‚ so the Family will pray desperately that I will live long enough to finish it, because it's something they really need & will want & I think is vitally essential & necessary & almost indispensable that they need as their Guidebook to the Future! That might be a good title!
116. WELL, PTL! WHAT SHALL WE CALL THIS ONE? The only title I have right at the moment is "God Knows When!" He knows when this is going to happen & when it's happening & when I'm going to die & when I'm going to finish the job & all the rest! God knows when! PTL?
117. AMEN, LORD, BLESS & HELP & KEEP & PRESERVE ME & KEEP ME GOING, if possible, long enough to get this job done & fulfil this vision & this mission, to finish this Guidebook to the Future, in Jesus' name! I almost like that title better than the Book of the Future—Guidebook to the Future! Guidebook of the Future doesn't really express it exactly right because it's like something that's put off into the future. A guidebook is something that you read beforehand to know where you're going & which way to go: "Guidebook to the Future!" PTL! Hallelujah! TYJ! Amen! TYJ! Lord bless & have Thy way, in Jesus' name, amen! GBY all!