—By Father DavidDFO 121928 January 1979
—Dad's discussions with Maria & Sara when four–year-old David had problem with bedwetting.
1. WELL, I GUESS IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS WE'VE GOT TO GO THROUGH like we did the stammering & the rest, to have a little sympathy & empathy with the rest of the World & the problems they have—& some of them have it pretty severe. That apparently is quite a big, severe problem in some families, like Tim's‚ & I think that's terrible! We have to suffer a few afflictions that others might learn. (Maria: But I hope we can find a solution, not jut suffer & sympathise, but to find a solution‚ too, you know?) Yes, Honey. I certainly hope so, too.
2. BUT I DON'T THINK THE ANSWER IS GETTING HIM UP—OR OURSELVES UP—MORE THAN THE NORMAL NUMBER OF TIMES that you have always gotten him up during the night. I answered that two or three days ago & it's terrible the answer never got back to you & you've been losing all these nights' sleep. (Sara: Well‚ I guess we were sort of trying in our "own" strength.) (Maria: We didn't know you were pottying him more often.) (Sara: Well‚ last night was actually the first time that happened, that we pottied him so much.) It just shows that it still doesn't do the trick. (Sara: Yes‚ well, I sort of had to do that in my own strength to see if that would help, because I thought if he woke up dry he might be really encouraged, you know?)
3. OBVIOUSLY THE ENEMY IS AIMING TO MAKE HIM WET ANYHOW, no mater how many times you get him up! I don't think it is going make any difference. I think it's like it is almost deliberate! He wants to be like Maeva & those kids. Imagine him saying anything like that about Techi, that "Techi doesn't fight—she wets the bed!"—That's downright weird! (Sara: Last night again he said, "These are Techi's diapers." We bought those diapers for the girls' periods if they need them, but he knew those diapers were here before he even needed them‚ because he saw we had them stored.)
4. WELL, THINK OF THAT, IT REALLY DOES AFFECT HIM. HE'S RATHER JEALOUS ANYWAY, PARTICULARLY OF HIS MOTHER AT TIMES. I have an idea that he is jealous of the fact that Techi is with mother all the time in her tummy right now. Of course, that's probably what he is thinking about! And with all these books we've read, it's a very common thing for an older child to start doing things like that to get attention. He figures that is what the baby is going to be like, so he is going to try to be like a baby & he can get a lot of attention too!
5. HE OBVIOUSLY FIGURES, "WELL, SHE'S GETTING A LOT MORE ATTENTION THAN I AM because she is in Mommy's tummy all the time, & she is always moving around & she is always there. She is with Mother all the time, & I only get to see her once a day!" (Sara: He's sure seemed a little more clingy & expecting more of Mommy lately.) He's insistent now.
6. (SARA: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS MORNING I HEARD HIM STIRRING IN BED, SO I OPENED MY EYES & SAW HIM PLAYING. Then all of a sudden he got up out of bed like "Uh-oh"—I've never seen him do this—& he looked, & his bed was wet, a big spot, & he was real discouraged. He then saw himself in the mirror & just stood there, real sad. Then he started to come over to me—he didn't see that I was awake—& just sort of looked at his pajamas & looked at himself in the mirror.
7. (HE CAN'T STAND THAT WET FEELING, although he would never say so & acts like it doesn't bother him. I turned over & said, "Good morning, David" & tried to be real cheerful. He said‚ "I wet my bed"—real discouraged—& then I said "Oh, you did? Well, then just clean it up." You know‚ I saw that he was discouraged already. Then all of a sudden he was all chipper, like‚ "Oh‚ well," & he tried to be real chipper about it.)
8. WELL‚ YOU KNOW HOW HE USED TO DO ABOUT ACCIDENTS‚ of course, it's just his pride, but before he could talk, when he'd fall down, he'd pretend he did it on purpose. So I wouldn't be surprised if he's still got a hangover from that‚ that he hates to admit that it was an accident He'd almost rather admit that he did it on purpose. (Sara: Yes, everything he does is different than he has ever acted before—he sleeps so soundly! He's never done that before. He's pretty easy to wake, but he sleeps so soundly now that when I go & take him to potty, I have to sit him up & he'll just fall back down like a beanbag. I have to sit him up & shake his face a little bit & talk to him a little bit & make sure he is awake.) He may be doing that on purpose.
9. HE MAY BE DOING THAT JUST BECAUSE HE RESENTS BEING WAKED UP NOW because of the potty, therefore, he just doesn't cooperate. (Sara: the same thing after we discover that he is wet in the morning. Even after these few nights when we tried not to make a big thing about it, it will come time to dress himself & he'll just stand there-he wants to be undressed & wants to be dressed.) Just like a baby. (Sara: That's when it starts getting aggravating—even when we try not to be aggravated about the wet bed—we get aggravated because he won't cooperate, even when we were trying to help him! Stubborn‚ stubborn, He can be quite stubborn sometimes. Terribly stubborn!—Maybe it runs in the family! Tks, tsk! (To Maria:) I don't know who's more stubborn, you or me! (Maria: Oh, it's probably me!)
10. WELL, NUMBER ONE, I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING UP ANYMORE THAN THE NORMAL AMOUNT OF TIME. How often did you use to get up?—Just once a night, to potty him? (Sara: Sometimes not even that, but he would get up himself, usually about six in the morning to go potty & go back to bed.) Well, the early morning hours is a dangerous time. They will usually make it through the night, but it's in the early morning, about what used to be the time of their infant six o'clock feeding. (Sara: But he's been wet real early in the night, almost two hours after going to sleep. Maybe we should try two, one at two & one at six, or something like that. Of course, he sleeps till 11:30 a.m. now! It really doesn't disturb our sleep, two potty runs a night, because we're pretty used to that.)
11. WELL, ALL RIGHT, IF YOU WANT TO DO TWO, IT'S UP TO YOU, but I don't think either of you can afford to lose the sleep, & I think it disturbs his rest too, of course, getting up so many times in the night. I think it's just ridiculous, too hard on either one of you. I don't think you should do it any more, even if you have to put diapers on him every night. Well, let's just hope & pray he will pull out of it & get over it.
12. I THINK IT IS OBVIOUS, QUITE OBVIOUS, THAT IT'S A PSYCHOLOGICAL & SPIRITUAL EFFECT OF VISITING THE CHILDREN. (Sara: You know, the more I recall that visit, I can't help but see it was just oppressing him every second.) That was a sad day. (Sara: If I had known that little girl Delfina was there, I don't think I would have had the least desire that David should go, because that's the kind of person I would avoid when I am with David.) The very worst problems he's had, was from visiting other children. (Sara: But you can't isolate all our children, you can hardly isolate any of them. We perhaps can isolate David.) Well, I'm just saying that that's probably why we're suffering this thing, is to help others. "These things happened unto them for ensamples," for our sakes‚ so we can learn a lesson from the things that happened to them. (1Cor.10:11.)
13. WELL, ANYHOW, I WANTED TO TELL YOU THIS TWO OR THREE DAYS AGO BUT IT GUESS YOU DIDN'T GET THE WORD, so I wanted to make sure you got it today, even to call you down personally to see you. You are always so busy‚ we ever seem to have time to visit. I certainly don't want you wrecking your rest. You have looked tired lately, Honey, & worried, & I guess it is because of that. I'm sure that's been a burden on you, but it's just one of those things we are going to have to go through, almost like a childhood sickness‚ I guess‚ it certainly is a sickness!
14. IT JUST SHOWS WHAT A HORRIBLE‚ BAD INFLUENCE OTHER KIDS CAN BE! I guess because of our natural man & our inborn evil nature, evil seems to affect us much more quickly & easily than good. In other words, it seems to be much easier to sin than to try to be good! So the bad influence of other kids seems to be far predominant over any benefits of associating with other kids. Maria, you remember I was definitely very hesitant about him going on that trip. I really didn't want him to go. (Maria: You asked me to pray with you about it.) That's just the point. I questioned it! (Maria: Yes, I mean‚ I did too.)
15. I QUESTIONED IT‚ & NOW YOU'RE REAPING THE RESULTS! (Sara: Well, as soon as I learned that that little girl, Delfina, was there I thought, Oh no! & I started praying right from that moment! But it wasn't Delfina‚ it's Maeva! (Sara: Yes, she's the one that he was around a lot, you know, & impressed on him how much attention people get for peeing.) Was Delfina also? (Sara: Oh, yes, & she is the one that wanted to sleep with us & cried to sleep in our room & all, & I told Pat & Ed, 'She's got a cough, she's sick. We can't even be around the little girl!') (Maria: Did David know that she was wetting the bed too?) (Sara: Yes, because she wore diapers, too. That's another one of Tim's kids!) How old is she? (Sara: She's younger than David but older than Davida, about three.)
16. IT MUST BE SOME KIND OF A CURSE TO THAT FAMILY! I never heard of a family in my life that had so many kids that wet the bed so long! (Sara: But I think it horrified David to think that little girl wanted to sleep with us, & that she might pee on us! I mean, it horrified me!—Because I just didn't want to be around her, when he was there.) I wonder if it has anything to do with Deborah. I always did think Deborah was a little weird, & their youngest, Davida, is really weird! (Sara: She's the youngest, yet doesn't wet her bed like the other older kids in her family do. I wonder if she doesn't belong to them. Remember, about how she might belong to somebody else? Maybe she's not Tim's, like the others.) Ah ha!! (Maria: But they swore up & down she was.) Oh, I wouldn't believe it, I wouldn't believe it!
17. HONEY, I'D SOONER BELIEVE A REVELATION FROM THE LORD ANY DAY THAN ALL THEIR DENIALS, & SHE EVEN LOOKS LIKE EMANUELE. Don't you think that she looks more like Emanuele? She doesn't look the slightest bit like Tim. I'd say she might look a little like her mother, but she certainly doesn't look like Tim, not the least bit! I always thought she was a little bit weird & didn't look a bit like Tim. But she doesn't wet the bed, how about that! Well, I got that Davida belonged to Emanuele a long time ago. I mean, that dumbfounds me. Is it Tim or Emanuele that won't admit that Delfina is Timothy's? I mean, she is so obviously not Emanuele's, & she so obviously looks like Tim that it is almost ridiculous to deny it! Who is it that denies it? Who doesn't recognise it?
18. (SARA: WHEN I WENT TO Z. LAST TIME RACHEL SAID IN THE MIDDLE OF A HEATED TALK, "And Dad's the one who told Emanuele that Delfina wasn't his, but Tim's! What a way to ruin a marriage!"—Or something like that. Like Emanuele didn't know until you told him, ha! No, we're not the ones who informed him at all. It just was sort of understood, that's all.
19. HE WAS THANKING US SO MUCH FOR GIVING THAT "JESUS BABY" TALK, & I just said, "Look! Davidito's not mine either!—So what?! That doesn't make me love him the least bit less! I love him just as much, that has nothing to do with it!" And he was really encouraged‚ very encouraged, because it was quite obvious she was having children by some other men! So I thought it was worth it all, I mean, it was needed to encourage him. You've gotta face your fears & face the facts before you can get the victory‚ & just to deny it or try to cover it up or pretend she wasn't his, that wasn't getting the victory!
20. I JUST TRIED TO GET HIM TO SEE IT IN THE RIGHT LIGHT‚ & we didn't actually mention names or anything. It was at the little teeny room dinner table when we had Emanuele there & Rachel was gone & it was Maria & I & Emanuele & Sue there. It was a quadruple, Honey. We had a foursome that night, in case you had forgotten! (Sara: Rachel acted like Emanuele had thrown it in her face & it had ruined her marriage that Emanuele found out that Delfina really is Tim's.)
21. I THINK HE SUSPECTED IT ALL THE TIME, & IT WAS OBVIOUSLY TROUBLING HIM. It was already troubling him, that's why he was so happy for me to give him the answer & tell him it wouldn't matter! It answer & tell him it wouldn't matter! It doesn't matter! they are all still his & he's the father & they are our children, etc., & he was quite cheered up & cheerful about that. TYL. (Maria: But for Rachel still claiming to be so madly in love with Tim‚ she sure doesn't care much about his child.) Well, if you ask me she doesn't care too much about any of her children if she's willing to throw them over for a perfect stranger! I'm telling you, she has gone insane! She has absolutely gone insane. I mean, it's not sane, so then it's insane.
22. (TO SARA: ) WELL, HONEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU LOOK WORRIED! (Sara: Well, I've just been really searching my heart about it.) Honey, it's got nothing to do with you, it's not your fault. (Sara: But the thing that helps me think it does is that I'm with him all the time.) The only thing you gals are guilty about is going ahead when I was questioning & was hesitant about his going. I didn't know why I felt that way, but I did, & I thought to myself, "Well, maybe it's because the trip would be too hard on him"—& it did occur to me, of course, that maybe those other kids would not be a good influence on him.
23. BUT MARIA HEARD A REPORT THAT‚ "OH, TIM'S KIDS ARE THE BEST KIDS OF ALL! They are the best influence. Everybody has bragged about what good kids they are, blah blah." I never knew until now that Tim's kids all still wet the bed every night up to their age—all of them! He never told us that! He never confessed that weakness of his kids at all—or that he wet the bed himself until he was six years—old, never!
24. IF I HAD KNOWN THAT‚ I WOULD NEVER HAVE LET DAVIDITO GO, because I know how some kids influence other kids, & I know that would have been a bad influence with all those kids wetting the bed every night! I blame it on Tim almost more than anybody for not telling us! Well, we just can't have you guys losing sleep over it, or even David losing sleep over it. We're just going to have to keep him in diapers until he gets the victory, that's all.
25. MAYBE AFTER TECHI IS BORN & HE GETS OVER HIS JEALOUSY—if he ever does—we certainly hope so—I think when he gets tired of the inconvenience of it then he'll stop. What do you do when you're jealous? I mean, when people are jealous, they are not just jealous, they usually do something about it! What do they usually do? They try to attract attention—that's the least harmful thing they do. And worse yet they try to hurt you. He's doing it almost like in retaliation.
26. HE KNOWS IT HURTS US ALL & BOTHERS US ALL & HE IS DOING IT DELIBERATELY & DEFIANTLY BECAUSE HE IS JEALOUS & he just wants to make us all suffer. I believe it! Sometimes he is sorry & he's in the right spirit, just like all of us, but when he gets in that bad spirit of jealousy, then he is defiant about it & he wants you to suffer. Hasn't that occurred to you? (Sara: Yes, I knew he was defiant.) Well, that's why.
27. HE IS JEALOUS & HE KNOWS IT HURTS YOU, & THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS IT TO DO!—Didn't that occur to you? He wants it to hurt! (Sara: Even in his little considerate ways, he tries to get the victory after we're dressed. He acts real happy & he is an angel all day—he's never been better during the day—but it's just at night & the first thing in the morning!)
28. THAT'S WHEN HE GOES INTO HIS SUBCONSCIOUS & WHEN HE IS THE MOST EASILY SPIRITUALLY INFLUENCED—late at night—that's the same way with me. So we're just going to have to pray & constantly keep reprimanding him for it & show him it displeases you & that we don't like it & that it's not good & it is wrong.
29. I WOULDN'T MAKE SUCH A BIG FUSS OVER IT, BECAUSE I THINK HE ENJOYS THAT & HE WANTS YOU TO MAKE A BIG FUSS OVER IT. The bigger fuss you make over it—whether you commend him for not wetting or you scold him for wetting—the bigger fuss you make, then he knows he is getting that much more attention‚ & he's scoring every time! I'd express my disapproval & that's that! He's ashamed now, I think, to admit it to us. He was bragging about it at the table that night. He wanted everybody to know it! I tell you, he's ahead of his age when it comes to emotion or psychic & spiritual & things like that. I just want to tell you, don't go losing any more sleep over it!
30. JUST MAKE IT AS IT COMES & KEEP HIM IN DIAPERS & LET'S JUST KEEP PRAYING. There's some things, just like getting over a childhood disease, it just takes time that's all. It just takes time for it to soak in, so to speak, & he's getting to where he realises that crime doesn't pay! That's the best thing he could learn, that he is not going to get a lot of attention & be treated like a baby & be rewarded even with seeing how much it hurts you, which is what he wants it to do. So don't take it too hard, & yet don't approve of it either. Maybe when he finds out that it is not hurting as much as he would like it to hurt, & he's not getting as much attention as he would like to get out of it, maybe one of these days he'll wake up to "crime doesn't pay" & it is not worth the trouble, because he is very smart & very intelligent!
31. THE CATHOLIC CHURCH DOESN'T RECOGNISE CHILDREN REACHING THE AGE OF ACCOUNTABILITY UNTIL THEY ARE SEVEN. Well, as far as I'm concerned, he is already there! I mean, he knows the difference between right & wrong & he's got all kinds of motives for things & he thinks. Even if he doesn't reason it out himself, it occurs to him, & I'm sure if he doesn't do it, the Devil will help him think of it! Don't forget, the Enemy is really fighting that boy‚ & we're just going to have to be extra prayerful & careful & do your best‚ but don't lose too much sleep over it & don't worry yourself sick over it!
32. JUST TAKE IT! IT'S ONE THING A FIGHTER HAS TO DO, remember? You've got to kind of toughen yourself to some things & not let it hurt too much & not let it get you down & wear too much on you. Just take it! Don't worry about it now, just stick him in diapers & be done with it! "Okay‚ David, if that's what you want to do‚ wet the bed every night‚ all right. You want to be a baby? OK, be a baby! There you are! Here's your diaper," & that's it! I think maybe we have been making too much of it. That was good for a while to try to impress on him the seriousness of it‚ but I think he has gotten to where he likes that idea.
33. HE LIKES BEING A PROBLEM CHILD NOW! He's jealous of this little baby that gets to be with his mother all the time & in her tummy night & day & is moving around all the time & calling her attention to it & he wants to do something to get some attention. I mean‚ it's in the books, it's a common thing, nothing unusual about it. (Maria: And like you said, he has enough logic & usually is made to feel that he had to wet the bed some of the time in order not to wet the bed other times, & get the attention for it.) Exactly! He gets more attention by off again, on again, gone again, because this way you scold him more for doing it, & then you praise him more for not doing it! So that way he gets attention both ways—coming & going!
34. HE'S SMART! YOU ARE DEALING WITH SUPERNATURAL WISDOM! He gets things from both God & the Devil, don't forget it. We all do! I mean, that doesn't mean that we are demon-possessed! But the Devil is coming to us all the time, everyone of us, & putting thoughts in our heads & doing all kinds of things to try to get us sidetracked. Poor Samson, oh my Lord, what a hell of a mess he's in! (See "Son of Sam," No.764.) He's absolutely flipped his lid over these crazy things! And not sane‚ therefore he's insane! My god, how many of us are going to stay sane?
35. MAYBE IF HE FINDS OUT THAT HE LOSES SOME OF HIS PRIVILEGES, you just might try it, or at least try it once with him & see what the effect is. Give it a try & see what happens. If he wants to be treated like a baby & he wants to be a baby, start treating him like a baby! I mean shame him. One of the best ways in the World is to shame him somehow. He is bragging about it now & thinks that because all those older kids did it that it is all right for him & it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's a sign of being an older kid like them. But if you start saying, "All right David, you want to wet the bed & be like a baby? Okay. We'll put you up in a high chair at the table, too, like babies, & you want me to feed you now?—Put it in mouth by mouthful, huh?"
36. JUST START TREATING HIM LIKE A BABY! Say, "So you want to be treated like a baby? David wants to be treated like a baby. Now he wants to wet the bed & wear diapers, so he's got to sit in a high chair & we have to feed him now & all the rest." Take a little bottle & say, "Okay, you have to have diapers, do you want a bottle too, you know, like babies? You want to be a baby?"—Because I am absolutely convinced that's exactly what he is up to!
37. I WAS THINKING & PRAYING ABOUT IT & I THINK HE IS DOING IT DELIBERATELY, VENGEFULLY! I came to that conclusion either yesterday morning or this morning when I was praying about it, that he really is not ashamed of it, he is deliberately doing it to get attention & in revenge of your having a baby, that somebody else is closer to you than he is. It's his retaliation, he's retaliating, he's hitting back.—That's what he's doing! Sometimes, when he is in the right spirit, he is sorry & he is ashamed & he regrets it, but when that bad spirit comes over him & he begins bragging about this, he's glad it is causing a lot of trouble!
38. IT'S THE ENEMY, OF COURSE! I'M SURE THE ENEMY IS TRYING TO INFLUENCE HIM, THAT'S FOR SURE! But that thing we got off of that picture was weird! (Sara: It must be a confirmation.) There's something awful weird about that family, I'll tell you! I hope that doesn't mean Techi is going to be like that!
39. YOU KNOW ANOTHER THING, HE REALLY RESENTS THE FAMILY DISCOS. (Sara: Oh, I know. For sure.) And I'm quite sure the way he looked at me last night, it is just like he was giving me the message: "You can come down & play with them like this, but you don't take time out to play with me like this!" (Maria: Yes, exactly. I feel that way each time you go downstairs there.) I think it is almost better that he weren't there, really. I think it's better that he is not there. (Maria: Because he hears the music & he knows what's going on.) Well, he doesn't have to face it.
40. HONEY, IT'S JUST LIKE YOU & ME AND THE GIRLS IN BED. You hear the music & you know what's going on, but you don't like to be right there in bed with us, so he's probably like you in that respect. (Maria: Oh, loud music makes me nervous. I told Sara before I think we are a lot alike, it's the confusion & the people & the noise & other things.) He kept turning on the light last night. I kept turning it off & he kept turning it on. He said, "I like light! It's too much darkness in here!"
41. (SARA: WHEN OTHER PEOPLE TRY TO TAKE HIM UPSTAIRS, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO WANT TO GO. He'd rather sit there & "cry" all night. But last night when I told Dora that I would try to take him because he seemed to do better, he didn't cry at all. I said, "Maybe we should go upstairs & paint," & he agreed to it as long as I would go with him. As if to say, "If I can take you with me, then I'll go, but otherwise‚ I'm going to stay in here & suffer & watch you.") Yes, I'm not going to let Daddy have you. (Maria: I feel like he's doing the same thing. You hardly ever get to see him personally.) Oh, I've seen him quite often‚ haven't I? (Maria: No, not to be with him personally. I feel like he thinks that about both of us when we go down there, that here we are, we're ready to do these things with everybody else, but haven't time for him.)
42. WELL, HE IS JEALOUS OF YOU BUT HE KNOWS THAT IT'S A HOPELESS CASE. He can't have Mama all the time, but he's very jealous of you, Sara, & he's really determined to fight it out when it comes to you. (Maria: What if Sara started helping with the baby? He has enough problems now thinking about me having it.) He was quite proud of the other babies & wanted to be with them sometimes. Sometimes he was jealous & sometimes he enjoyed it. (Maria: Oh‚ at the beginning‚ he was real jealous.) (Sara: Yes, he resented Sally & he resented me & always went to bed with Alf.) (Maria: Yes, when they were small & little babies too.) That's amazing! (Sara: You know, when Sally in Tenerife, had Bimbi‚ David started doo–dooing in his pants again & he'd go to Dave to change his doo-doo pants like he wanted Dave's attention & Dave to change him.)
43. I MEAN, IT IS AMAZING, THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A CHILD! (See "Child Psychology," No.915.) I think the best attitude to take now is just not to make too much of a fuss over it because that's what he wants you to do. And don't act too hurt, because he wants to hurt you. And don't act too happy about when he is dry either, because he wants to get your attention, one way or the other. Kids are known for that! They want to get your attention‚ either by being good or being bad—& he is doing both! He is trying to get your attention by being good & he is trying to get it when he's bad—so one night he is good & one night he is bad. Like having an altar to each, at each end of your temple.
44. (SARA: WELL, THE THING THAT CAME TO ME IN PRAYER WAS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN ZO. I thought about the whole conversation & everything, trying to really search my heart about what happened. I think the thing that impressed me about bedwetting—more than the kids wearing diapers or the pee'd jammies in the bathtub the next day or anything—was how the adults were talking about it in front of all of those kids!) (Maria: Tim came back here & even talked about it at the dinner table!) (Sara: that's the main thing that impressed David. He saw the children wearing diapers to bed & he saw the pair of wet pajamas in the bathtub, but he heard wetting discussed on about three or four occasions.
45. WELL, THERE YOU ARE. IT WAS PRETTY SIMPLE & EASY FOR HIM TO LOGICALLY REASON OUT: "Here is something that even gets the adults going & talking & gets their attention. Here is something that is important enough to get adult attention that they think is important enough to discuss. From now on, I'm going to be the subject of discussion. I'll get these adults' attention somehow!"
46. I'M CONVINCED HE IS DOING IT DELIBERATELY—if not always consciously, subconsciously—& he is doing it to get attention & to hurt you, & out of jealousy. And the best thing you can do is just not make too big a thing out of it either way, but just pass it off & not let him get the satisfaction of seeing it hurt you or that it makes you gleeful when he doesn't do it—either one.
47. JUST SHOW HIM IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK! CRIME DOESN'T PAY! He is not going to get all the attention if you treat him like a baby. Only you might rub it in, try it one time, just treat him like a baby or deprive him a few privileges. "If you want to be a baby, then you can't do this." I'm convinced that that's why he is doing this. I've really prayed about it & I believe that's the situation.
48. THE LORD HAS ALL KINDS OF WAYS OF TEACHING US: Spanking‚ withdrawing privileges & just all kinds of things if we get out of line. But I think we need to teach him to think that it just isn't going to pay one way or the other, good or bad. Well, he probably figures this way: Well, he can control it at will & do what he pleases & he can do what he wants to & not do what he doesn't want to. And by that, just use a little psychology on him yourself. Say "Okay, you want to be a baby the rest of your life, all right. If you want to sleep in diapers the rest of your life, go ahead." But I just wouldn't make too much of a thin over it. I'd stop making so much over it & having prayer sessions & Scriptures & everything else. I think that's just exactly what he wants to do. He's done enough of that now, & he's got the point & in a sense, he has accomplished his purpose.
49. NOW YOU NEED TO SHOW HIM IT DOESN'T PAY! It's a lot of trouble, it's a nuisance, it's uncomfortable, it doesn't assist your loving any & it's miserable & it's not getting all the attention that he would like to have. You don't want to just ignore it, but try to strike a happy medium where it shows he's not going to get all that much—it's just not worth that much, that's all. What little he gets out of it is not worth it.
50. (PRAYS:) AMEN LORD, HELP SARA TO HAVE GREAT WISDOM & LOVE & PATIENCE IN THIS TASK, the power of Thy Spirit, the leading of Thy Word, Lord, & love but firmness with David & not to take it so hard, Lord Jesus. We feel like she has been worrying too much about it, taking it too hard. It's just one of those things, it'll pass, another little stage that he has to go through & like those few little childhood diseases he's had, Lord. It's just something we have to learn & he has to learn & we might have to put up with for a while till he learns his lesson‚ that it's just not worth the trouble for what he's getting out of it. And give Alf & Sara patience for this little extra annoyance of having to put him in diapers every night & so on, in Jesus' name. Amen.
51. LORD, REBUKE THE ENEMY & GIVE US THE VICTORY‚ LORD! There is no triumph without a trial, no victory without a battle, no testimony without a test, Lord. All these things we've been through where You always came out in the end victorious, You have always helped us with the battle. But if we hadn't had the battle, there wouldn't have been any testimony & there wouldn't have been any solution & we wouldn't have been able to give others advice & encouragement & counsel on some of these things & to teach us & David some lessons as well as the rest of the World. So please help Sara not to take it too hard or worry about it & not lose so much rest over it. Just to take it in stride, Lord‚ that it's just another stage, another thing we have to go through.
52. HE'S BEEN SO GOOD, LORD, & SUCH AN UNUSUAL CHILD & SO WELL-TRAINED & EVERYTHING, that this has been quite a trial‚ it's such a difference. But, help her to look on it like, "Well, he's been so good that we can certainly put up with this for a little while, since we haven't had to put up with it for several years." So help her not to take it too hard‚ not to worry about it so much, Lord, & to just put it in Thy Hands. There is nothing we can do about it, Lord. We can't do it. We've done all we can do. Just like the whooping cough‚ Lord. We've prayed & we have laid hands & we have talked & we have spanked & punished & shamed & everything, Lord‚ & none of it seems to do any good.
53. ONLY YOU CAN GIVE HIM THE VICTORY & ONLY HE CAN COME TO THAT POINT OF DECISION where he decides that it just doesn't pay, that it's not worth the trouble, he's not getting enough out of it to make it worth the trouble. So give us patience to bear with it & the wisdom to deal with it as she goes along, without making too much of a big deal over it or losing all that sleep, Lord. If he wants to revert to being a baby for a little while, then we'll just have to put up with a Baby Davidito for a while again while he is going through this stage of the new baby coming & all, which is a very common thing from all we have heard. So help us, Lord‚ in Jesus' name.
54. IT'S THE DEVIL, LORD, WHO WANTS TO MAKE IT A BIG DEAL WITH US & WORRY US SICK ABOUT IT & lose sleep over it & everything else. The Devil is rejoicing & jumping up & down that we're wasting so much of our time over it & it's accomplishing his purpose. We know the Enemy is happy when he can annoy us in these little things. He can't destroy us, he can't really hurt us, so he just annoys us like little bugs & flies & pests & wastes our time & takes up our energy & causes us to lose sleep & waste time worrying about these little things. Help us not to magnify it out of all proportions of what it really is. Let's not make a mountain out of a molehill, Lord. He's been such a good boy that every little thing like this we magnify & though it's only a molehill, it looks like a mountain compared to how good he's been!
55. HELP US NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT & NOT TO MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. It's a common thing that happens to lots of children when a new baby is coming & so help us to just take it as a childhood disease & just to have to put up with it until David comes to the point of decision. He's responsible, Lord. He's accountable & he knows it & in his little mind he's got to come to the point where he makes a decision that it doesn't pay. And we'll just have to put up with until then, Lord, & just not make too big a deal over it & give him all the attention he wants out of it—good or bad.
56. HELP POOR ALF & SARA TO GET MORE SLEEP & NOT WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT IT. They've done so well, Lord. They've felt probably sorry & partly guilty or searched their hearts thinking maybe it was somehow their fault, that somehow they failed. Help them to realise, Lord, that it is a common thing, it doesn't mean they have failed or anything.
57. IF THEY HAVE FAILED, WE'VE ALL FAILED, LORD. I should have insisted & minded the check of Thy Spirit & not allowed him to go when I didn't want him to go. I really didn't want him to go. I really was concerned about his going & I was so relieved when they got back again safely. But he didn't get back safely, because he picked up this thing, Lord, that is another lesson to us all, that we can't just take these things for granted, that things are not just "business as usual" & as a matter of course, but every little thing affects the children & their lives, their thoughts & minds & hearts & bodies & all the rest.
58. THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS TOO SMALL TO BE NOTICED & TO BE PAID ATTENTION TO & TO BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT & TO BEWARE OF when it comes to our children's training & their care‚ Lord. But Lord, help them not to get us down. Help them not to worry too much about it, to blame themselves, but just to realise that they have to go through this till Davidito learns his lesson & we learn ours & we try to avoid it in the future & pass these lessons on to the Family.
59. IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH THEM LORD, WE WOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO TEACH THEM. We have to suffer for their sake, to teach them some of these things, so help us. Help them now all to get a good night's sleep‚ all three of them‚ & from now on—diapers or no diapers—wet or no wet—not to make such a big deal out of it, in Jesus' name. Bless & strengthen them & keep them & help them. Help David to grow up & see it doesn't pay to try to be a baby again, just to get attention, in Jesus' name. Amen.
60. HONEY, I THINK YOU ARE WORRYING TOO MUCH OVER IT. I noticed you were looking worried & tired & it's enough to make you worried & tired if you worry too much about it. I think you are worrying too much‚ I think you're making too big of a thing about it. We've all made too big & thing over it, we were all so horrified. Well, thank God‚ we discovered part of the problem‚ at least the carrier, the thing that has reminded him of it, so PTL!
61. (MARIA: ONE MORE THING THAT WE NEED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT: I have heard a lot of the parents report that they read their Davidito Letters with their children. Well, I tried that with David & some of it was great, the little anecdotes about how funny he was, etc.‚ but much of it is adult only fare.) They are not written for children, let's face it! (Maria: We need to warn the parents.) They are not children's stories! Some of them may be all right. (Maria: Yes, I've seen a lot of reports like that. "We read these with our children & our children just love them!") I bet they do!
62. (MARIA: SO I THOUGHT I'D TRY IT & SEE IF DAVID REALLY LIKED THE STORY, so I got them out. He was very, very interested, but then we got to some parts &...) Honey, you need to skip over the bad things. (Maria: The parts about discipline & how he was dealt with. We even read that part where people said he looked like a girl, you know, & the night when I read it to him he said‚ "I'm not a little girl!"—He was so offended at that.)
63. WELL, I THINK WE HAVE ALL TAKEN IT TOO HARD. It was such a shock! He is so good that when he is a little bad, we make a mountain out of a molehill! We just absolutely exaggerate it ourselves far out of proportion to what it really is. What he is doing & what is happening right now is perfectly normal for multitudes of children!—It's in all the books that the older child very commonly reverts to babyhood & baby things & bedwetting & doo-doo & everything else to get attention because he is jealous of the new baby, so it is nothing unusual at all! Nothing to make such a big stir about!
64. WE ARE ALL SO DUMBFOUNDED & SO HORRIFIED & SO SHOCKED AFTER HE HAD BEEN SO GOOD & WELL-TRAINED & potty-trained & housebroken for two years now, to have him suddenly revert to this has just been absolutely catastrophic! We need to make up our minds to the fact that it is a very common thing, not worry & fear that he is going to become like Tim's children & be this way for the next two or three years. (Maria: I think he's making a thing now about the baby.) Well, that had a lot to do with it.
65. IT'S JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS ADDED UP TOGETHER! Maybe the baby alone wouldn't have done it, maybe the other kids wouldn't have done it & maybe Dito wouldn't have done it, but you get them all added up together & it was just too much, & it was just the Devil's trick to get him off on the wrong track all the way around. He might not have done it if he hadn't been encouraged by their bedwetting, he might not have even gotten the idea. So he got the idea from them there. But let's quit worrying about it. Just pray abut it, & we've prayed about it. Commit it to the Lord. From now on it's God's problem, okay?—Don't worry about it!
66. IT'S DITO'S PROBLEM & GOD'S PROBLEM & HE'S GOT TO MAKE THAT DECISION BETWEEN HIM & THE LORD. In the meantime, you just carry on & continue to let him know it's a nuisance & it's bad & an annoyance‚ but don't make a big deal out of it like he is hurting you too much. Try to get across the point to him that he is hurting himself more than anybody else & what little he is hurting you isn't worth it. Don't worry about it! Maybe you ought to stop trying to get across any points to him! Just forget it & put the diapers on & let him wet away!
67. (MARIA: TIMOTHY HAS SAID THAT ALL HIS CHILDREN HAVE BEEN WETTING SO LONG NOW THAT IT JUST COMES TO A POINT—"WHAT CAN YOU DO"?) They said they tried everything: They have spanked, they make them sleep in a wet bed or made them get up & wash their own stuff & everything. Nothing did any good. I think it's a real curse‚ as far as they are concerned. Well‚ we don't have to accept that that this is necessarily going to be the way with Dito & the same thing that is going to happen.
68. DON'T BE HORRIFIED & MAKE UP YOUR MIND NOW THAT IT'S GOING TO GO ON FOR ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO‚ BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAVE TO. I think the minute he makes up his mind that it is not worth it, it doesn't pay & he doesn't like it & it is not getting enough attention & enough prayer sessions & enough Scriptures & enough notoriety & everything else with all the adults in the house & at the table & everything else‚ that he is going to quit it.
69. I THINK IT IS A DECISION, I DON'T THINK IT IS A WEAKNESS IN HIS KIDNEYS! He's never had any weakness in his kidneys. I don't think it is physiological at all! It's obviously not physiological or he would have had it all the time, he'd never have quit wetting the bed, like Tim's until they were older. Tim & Deb came to the conclusion that they had weak kidneys & weak sphincters or something. I don't think that's true of Davidito at all!
70. IT'S EITHER A CONSCIOUS OR SUBCONSCIOUS DECISION HE HAS MADE‚ & HE HAS GOT TO SNAP OUT OF IT & MAKE ANOTHER DECISION. And the only way he is going to do it is just to find out that crime doesn't pay & decide he doesn't like it anymore & doesn't want to do it anymore. In the meantime, you are just going to have to put up with it. Don't make some big deal out of it & have to have a big prayer session & Scriptures & be a fighter & the Devil & all the rest of it. We've done all of that & that didn't work. I think, as I've often said, it's not so much the Devil as it is Davidito!
71. IT'S NOT EVIL SPIRITS THAT CAUSE AS MUCH TROUBLE AS OUR OWN SPIRIT, our own spirit is the one that is not under control, that we have to control, that we have to make a decision. The evil spirits are subject to us, & we have prayed enough to get rid of them all‚ & rebuked the Devil & got rid of the talisman & everything else. Now it is up to Davidito & the Lord & he has got to make the decision on his own. In the meantime, you have just got to put up with it & quit losing sleep over it & quit worrying about it, OK? (Sara: Yes!) Good! God bless you!
72. DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT WRITING US NOTES ABOUT DAVIDITO WETTING THE BED AGAIN, because that's going to bother you. Having to write that, it rubs it into you, & I think the Devil is behind the whole thing of course because he loves to waste your time. He loves to make a big thing out of it & a big deal out of it when it is not all that important. Any little annoyance that just costs you more trouble & costs you more time.
73. DON'T EVEN WRITE US ANY MORE NOTES ABOUT IT, DON'T EVEN TELL US ANY MORE ABOUT IT UNLESS YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF NEW NEWS OR BIG NEWS. From now on, wetting the bed at night is no news. But if he says something or does something unusual that bears on it, if there is some change or there is something new or something that has to do with it that you think we would be interested in, then take the time to write us a note, but don't worry about having to give his whole bedwetting report. We can take it from now on for granted that he is wetting the bed every night unless you tell us otherwise. That will be news if he stops. OK? I love you‚ Honey, don't worry about it. It's a very common thing.
74. (PRAYS FOR SARA:) LORD BLESS HER & STRENGTHEN HER & GIVE HER WISDOM & PATIENCE, LORD, with all of this, & help her just to rest in Thee, Lord, & not to worry anymore. We've prayed & put it in Your hands & that's it, in Jesus' name. Amen. You're too conscientious, Honey, you are very extremely conscientious. I think you are always that way. You're trying to blame yourself & have a guilt feeling about things & be over-conscientious about things when you are not even guilty & it's not your fault. So don't worry about it. Keep the record in your log, but you don't have to write us notes, because I'm sure it hurts you every time you have to write us a note or a report that he wet the bed again. Forget those, just write us a note if he doesn't.
75. WHEN HE FINDS OUT THAT HE BABY DOESN'T GET TO BE WITH MOMMY ANY MORE THAN HE DOES‚ MAYBE HE'LL GET OVER IT. Maybe you'll have to go through this for another two months both with the pregnancy & his wetting the bed & maybe when that's over with he will get over it. When he finds out that we are not going to give the baby any more attention than we do him, that the baby doesn't get to live with us or be with us any more either, well, then he'll probably stop. Amen. PYL! TYL! Done!
76. MARIA & I WERE JUST DISCUSSING HOW WHEN TECHI PUSHES A BIG LUMP OUT IN HER STOMACH—I don't know whether it's her knee or elbow or with her foot or fist or what—sometimes we try to deliberately push it back in to see what she will do, & she'll just push all the harder! Maybe we ought to take the same attitude with Davidito, that maybe sometimes we push too much. The more we push, the harder he pushes against it! When I stopped pushing & relaxed it, prayed for Techi, she just relaxed & withdrew her foot or whatever it was that was sticking way out. So, PTL.
77. SOMETIMES I THINK WE PUSH TOO MUCH & THAT MAKES THEM PUSH BACK. I remember‚ my mother used to say, "If you rave at a child, they will rave at you, & he'll hit back in time & you reap what you sow." So in view of this, we're making such a big deal of it. (Maria: I've noticed he hasn't said anything about Techi for a long time to me, you know.) PTL!
78. (MARIA: BUT ONE THING NOT TO DO: Someone wrote a little note to us & at the bottom they said, "How is Davidito? Tell him that we said he must be excited about having a new little baby sister. Tell him that we know he must be excited about having her pretty soon." And I thought that's the worst that to say to a little kid about a new child coming along!) Davidito's not the least excited about it! He's not making any big deal about it. He's not too keen on the idea I don't think. (Maria: Well‚ I'm sure he is probably jealous even that Davida talks about her so much. Davida talks about her & gets all excited about her!) He's jealous of that too!
79. (1982: WELL, PTL, IT DID THE TRICK—WITH THE LORD'S HELP‚ OF COURSE.—We quit making such a fuss about it & he found it didn't get so much attention, so he quit!—And he's seldom done it since, TTL!—And he finally accepted Techi as inevitable & resigned himself to having another sister, & today they're great friends & playmates & she's crazy about her big brother & nearly loves him to pieces!
80. (SO, DEAR PARENT, THE WORLD HASN'T COME TO AN END just because you can't always see an end to some of these problems! Worrying about tomorrow won't help. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. You've got enough to worry about today without worrying about tomorrow! Tomorrow will take care of the things of itself!—Jesus said so! (Mt.6:34.)
81. (JUST TRUST THE LORD & KEEP GOING. He'll never suffer you to be tempted above what you're able to bear! (1Cor.10:13.) Amen? All problems have an end & work together for good go us who love Him (Ro.8:28.)—Amen? GBAKY patient & loving & trusting Jesus! He never fails! GBY!)